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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 20, 2013 12:27PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think I'm going to go home. Feeling down after
> coming back to my desk, with the usual air
> freshners, Mr Poopy Pants stickers, and the like.
> It's frustrating. I'm not trying to ruin
> colleagues days. I don't wish they had this but
> understood more.

Gordon,

Based upon your write up, and while I have not personally met you, I think you would be well served to make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 20, 2013 12:31PM

Gordo, don't worry.

I’ve also experienced more direct unpleasantries from doctors who project an icy, or even a rude demeanor.

A poor bedside manner does affect a patient’s emotional disposition; it does heighten any anxiety, and it certainly ensures difficulty in forming a positive bond with a professional who’s in a field that’s supposed to alleviate illness.

Don't listen to Anon Doc.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: asstoolz ()
Date: November 20, 2013 02:16PM

::::::
Attachments:
2013-11-17-14-21-20-663997713.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 20, 2013 02:40PM

You could listen to beh Gordon, who immaturely talks about bowel conditions, being like a sputtering engine or some other tacky and juvenile commentary, or see a psychiatrist.

Anxiety is a component of IBS. Women suffer from IBS at a three to one ratio compared to men, but I beg to differ. The New England Journal of Medicine is going to publish an article next year, that indicates men are more likely to avoid the doctor for IBS. In my practice I'm seeing more male patients lately, and 60% or so have anxiety. A psychiatrist can make this diagnosis, and with some SSRI medications, patients have seen a decrease in IBS systems.

Which probiotic are you taking, if you are comfortable discussing this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 20, 2013 02:43PM

Oh boy, that is a wonderful bowel movement!

It must have been a pleasure to pass.

It also appears to be a total elimination. Its a perfect mold of the intestines.

Congratulations, you should be proud.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 20, 2013 03:24PM

A rabbit shits 500 pellets a day! God forbid if one of these creatures has IBS D, although C wouldn't be a cake walk either.

We need some slogans for IBS month. Here are some that might do,

Get your butt in gear, forget the smear
Take it easy, not too cheesy
The Groan Throne is not your friend, especially for ones rear end
Even with Abdominal Cramping, you still can go camping
Tread Gently with your rear end, because if it whithers, you will bend.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 21, 2013 07:27AM

This morning I feel proud, as a great load, has been lowered off of my lower intestines.

I think the two huge servings of rice did the trick, as what came out was a #4 on the Bristol Guide. Although rare each time this happens, I just feel as if a major accomplishment has been achieved. In the battle of the bowels, this is a clear victory!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 21, 2013 07:40AM

B.O., everyday is a new experience. Eventually we can find the best diet to keep our agony at a minimum.

But I know the feeling you experienced this morning. Nothing is better than a good bowel emptying elimination.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 21, 2013 09:20AM

Thank you as today's accomplishment feels good, and I plan on accomplishing something today, that does not involve the throne and or underwear.

If our pain can show others they are not alone, we have done our duty, and have earned that brown stripe for our efforts. Many are just like us, I'm a stall teeth gnashing toes tapping to keep from screaming out in agony, saving others from being worried that a crime is in progress. We are warriors, and even though our battle of the bowels is a thankless position, let's dust the brown off our rectums and stand up strong.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fuck!!!!! ()
Date: November 21, 2013 11:57AM

You are a nasty mfer!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 21, 2013 12:13PM

Fuck!!!!! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are a nasty mfer!

You either don't understand, or are in denial.

I suppose elimination is very routine for you? Well not for us!

Or, you're as anal retentive as the rest of us, but are living a lie.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 21, 2013 12:45PM

Walgreens 20 billion culture probiotics Dr does this amount seem like a lot or too little? No changes as my car is going in for yet another cleaning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 21, 2013 02:47PM

Television shows are notorious for ignoring IBS, or discussing any bowel related topics. Back in the 1970s and 1980s, All in the Family and the Cosby show broke down racial barriers. Several sitcoms have had homosexual main characters, this making such practices/relationships more accepted by the American population.

Other shows have focused on successful women, but God forbid one of the characters having colon rectal concerns. There is no character watching his diet, no visits to the GI specialist, or even a character who spends a lot of time on the groan throne. A shame that in 2013, no one is representing the 20%, who's bowels scream.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Butt hurt ()
Date: November 21, 2013 06:28PM

My girlfriend likes it in the butt. Is cum good for the colon? Maybe the ky helps the other stuff move on out.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 22, 2013 08:53AM

Dr I take 20 billion culture probiotics from Wal Mart. So far I'm having a rough day at home. How do you explain to your boss about your butt problems?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 22, 2013 09:03AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr I take 20 billion culture probiotics from Wal
> Mart. So far I'm having a rough day at home. How
> do you explain to your boss about your butt
> problems?

Gordorsky, I had my proctologist write a letter to my boss.

The boss didn't even finish the letter, the content disturbed him so.

Never bothered me again. Would not dare.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 23, 2013 12:36PM

Gordon,

If your doctor told you 20 billion cultures go with that, but many patients have reported more success with the widely available 40 billion. The probiotics with Bifantis show the most promise, but remember they are not a medication, cure, etc etc.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Fister ()
Date: November 24, 2013 11:15AM

Fist and you are gonna be cleared out fucker

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 25, 2013 06:49AM

I awake this morning disappointed. Let down my bowels yet again, my efforts this morning came no where close to number 4 on the Bristol Stool Chart. My rear end is a work in progress, but I hoped my change in diet would lead to less passing of anchors and anvils.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dfgjhj ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:17AM

sounds like its fisting time again

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:26AM

Ah, me too, Bloom.

I spent a good part of an hour on the bowl trying to expell a monumental colonic cinderblock.

I grunted and groaned, pushed and cajoled, prayed and cursed, and then finally , the huge mass began to move.

One last hard flex of the Schphinkter combined with gravity did the trick. I braced myself for the impending unnatural stretching of the anal opening, and with a grimace and a whimper the gargantuan object dropped into the bowl with a plop and a splash loud enough to awaken and frighten the entire household.

I suppose my cry of pain contributed to the fracas.

Inspection of the offending turd revealed a large, extremely dry turd not in accordance with the specifications of my rectum.

Damage was done this morning , hopefully it is reversible ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:29AM

dfgjhj Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sounds like its fisting time again

Sir, that comment may be amusing to you, but I guarantee the laughter would subside quickly if you shit an object the size of a Mini-Cooper.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: trrrww ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:32AM

post it on ratemypoo for fun and votes

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 25, 2013 10:37AM

Beh I'm sorry you didn't get that elusive, most desirable #4 that all of us aim for. I have to ask you, if you don't mind, is a lot of your diet breads? A loaf can lead to a larger one based upon which type of breadis consume
Our bowels have let us down today nonetheless. Our thrashinig in the stall is not our fault but rather our bowels deserve a scarlet letter of shame.

Toiling at the toilet leads to pain and unproductive times. These are not your fault, or that of who bite down on fan belts during defecation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 25, 2013 11:13AM

Bloomio, I had to eliminate bread from my diet.

I also stopped consuming dairy.

Really, all I eat is meat, vegetables, fruit and Metamucil.

After todays fiasco, I may have to submit to a Sphincterotomy, which would be the only anal procedure I haven't had yet.

Yes, I'll be batting 1.000 as far as having had every investigatory procedure and anal/rectal/colonic scope up my ass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 25, 2013 12:58PM

I'm so sorry to hear of your dietary considerations, but I admire your courage. You literally put your ass on the line for society, and have helped explain what happens at the proctologists orifice office take your pick. I guess your Thanksgiving is going to be a tad limited, but I still wish you the best of wishes.

I am thankful to have been invited to a neighbors Thanksgiving meal, and am making preparations about bowel related topics. Working on hand designed napkins, which will have the Bristol Stool Guide on one side, and on the reverse info about IBS.

It is our duty to talk about our bowels, and to bring up the foods, that leave us shaking like leaves.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 26, 2013 07:34AM

Beh I thank you spaseba as lately my boss has been difficult.

This makes me more stressed out. As you probably guessed, it makes my IBS worse. I'm more gassy also.

I hope once my boss gets the letter, he will leave me alone. Today I visit the doctor, am nervous but want help.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 26, 2013 07:54AM

It is not entirely clear how stress, anxiety, and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) are related -- or which one comes first -- but studies show they tend to co-exist.

"If you do diagnostic interviews, what you find is that about 60% of IBS patients will meet the criteria for one or more psychiatric disorders," says Edward Blanchard, PhD, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany.

The most common mental ailment suffered by people with IBS is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), says Blanchard. He suspects that more than 60% of IBS patients with a psychiatric illness have GAD. Another 20% have depression, and the rest have other disorders.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 26, 2013 11:24AM

A bit worried that the brown gravy, is going to lead to disaster at my neighbors Thanksgiving dinner. The fact that squash is on the menu, makes me contemplate bringing charcoal underwear and wearing lots of cologne.

Smelling like shit and or ruining a chair that belonged to Aunt Edna, is a guaranteed way to make you persona non grata as soon as your crap flies out. You can only blame the dog, cats or other pets for so long.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are hard on those with bowel issues. Please consider adding extra rolls of toilet paper for your guests, or if you are really generous, a change of drawers. People with bowel problems are quite often intelligent and engaging guests to have the yuletide log or breaking the wishbone with.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 26, 2013 12:23PM

With a little advance planning, it is possible to have IBD and be able to enjoy holiday gatherings. That said, be realistic about how many social events you can attend without it impacting your health.

If you are invited to a cocktail party, try eating before you go, so you will not be tempted to nibble on foods that might cause you problems.

Or, you can offer to bring an appetizer to share, so that there will be at least one thing you know you can eat.

Dinner parties may be a bit more challenging, but there should rarely be a need for you to decline an invitation and stay home.

Start by contacting the host ahead of time to explain that you have some dietary restrictions (no need to go into a lot of detail), and inquire about what he or she plans to serve. With any luck, there will be some things on the menu that you are able to eat.

Depending on what you learn, you may want to let your host know that you plan to bring some extra food to round out your plate; you can even offer to make enough for all of the guests.


This may feel awkward the first time, but remember that a good host will want to know that you are as comfortable as possible.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/26/2013 12:24PM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Raisin Bran ()
Date: November 26, 2013 12:25PM

If you really wanna dump, eat a hole box a Raisin Bran. Two hours you will drop a lotta shit

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 26, 2013 01:17PM

While Behs approach to this conundrum is reasonable, I don't like the fact you are hiding bowel maladies. From a liability stand point, its best to be up front, and you might just find someone else at the festive event that later will share your anguish. This also let's the host know, that the bathroom ratio to guest should be lowered.

When flies appear on a couch a few days later, if you didn't inform the host, you could be facing a judge in civil court. You didn't give the chance to provide people with time, to put down disposable towels, blankets, and the like.

I also find that Thanksgiving and Christmas parties are an opening. You must be an advocate for your predicament. If you had heart arrhythmia or lung cancer, you could speak about this. Yet far too many are shy about their bowels. It's a disservice to you and others whom groan on a toilet for hours, people will be in awe of your battle and perseverance.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 26, 2013 02:26PM

I'll never forget Thanksgiving 1985, Aunt Alice and Uncle Sylvesters house.

After dinner, we all gathered around the television to watch the game between the New York Jets and the Detroit Lions.

Suddenly, I was besieged by a bowel bulging that snapped the buttons on my jeans and browned my BVD's.

With all the nonchalance I could muster I waddled to the bathroom, which thankfully was unoccupied.

Even though the extremely hard, dry stool had bypassed the usually dependale Schphinkter muscle , like the iceberg that sunk the Titanic, it was only partially visable.

The tapered end of the stool had sullied my shorts, but the lions share was still moving with agonizing lack of momentum.

Now, the beer drinkers were pounding on the door, demanding potty time for their own relief, oblivious to the fact that I was attempting to extradite a turd the length and width of a rugby ball.

Spurred on by the frantic pleas of the impatient pissers, and my own embarrassment, I called upon my Schphinkter to perform above and beyond the call of normal human duty.

Fueled by adrenaline and the horror of impending discovery, I pushed with such force and gusto that I felt consciousness begin to slip away.

Then with one last final heave, the gargantuan log finally unjammed and cascaded into the water, much like a rockets reentry into the earths atmosphere and the ocean. What a splash!

Oh, and the pain! Pushing a large object through such a small orifice with leave you with more than a benign injury, I'll tell you that!

Well, I devised an ass napkin from toilet paper to stem the flow of shit caked blood , threw my god forsaken underpants out the window, and walked out of the bathroom, seemingly unaffected.

It took all my will to last out the evening, and I believed that I had gone through the ordeal undetected. I was wrong.

Turns out the criminally massive movement was so dry and large it damaged the plumbing; it did not take rocket science to trail back to the offending turd, and its creator.

Needless to say, Aunt Alice and Uncle Sylvesters holiday invitations abrubtly ceased. Eventually any and all invitations to any gathering..holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and funerals were conspicuous by their absence.


My name is BEH, and I suffer from IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: November 26, 2013 07:18PM

BEH,


I will never complain about any dump again. Ever.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 27, 2013 09:30AM

That is what I'm talking about, a perfect brown and white explanation of what we have to go through. I have to see my proctologist, or rather my rear end does but I'm inspired but what you have posted.

In the coming days, I will write about my colon rectal woes and will keep you informed about what medical contraption I have shoved up my ass later.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 27, 2013 02:02PM

Beh Onion, happy thanksgiving. Let's hope flare ups are minimal. That would be something to be thankful about.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 28, 2013 09:00AM

Today most people will be with their families enjoying this annual tradition, and most believe the only unhappy guest at the table is the turkey. Thats not always the case. If you have a person at the table squirming in their chair or sweating profusely, theres a good chance this person has bowel problems.

I hope families across the fruited plains will pray together for a cure for IBS. A lot of Americans tonight or sometime tomorrow will have a monster shit after dining, but this is a once a year event. For others this is daily or worse.

One food to avoid is squash if you have IBS. You'll be shitting buckets if you consume this, with messy results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: xwazsa ()
Date: November 28, 2013 09:09AM

so no explosive diarrhea at the table ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ()
Date: November 28, 2013 10:02AM

..
Attachments:
diah.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 28, 2013 12:15PM

These write ups continue to deteriorate.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Fister ()
Date: November 28, 2013 05:43PM

Fist after dinner you'll clear your colon out.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Phlegm777 ()
Date: November 28, 2013 07:33PM

Cranberry=ouch!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 29, 2013 06:45AM

I really hate Thanksgiving. Last night was a disaster. I couldn't avoid the chocolates and cheese filled potatoes. The wine should have been avoided. Thank goodness I have today off.

My neighbors are not going to invite me again. I clogged one of their toilets with a stinky mess. Even worse was one bathroom was occupied. I had no choice but to crap in their cats kitty litter box, and also their hamper.

I feel bad about wiping my ass with their now dirtier laundry. This was awful, and my underwear was thrown away, and I believe my Toyota Echo is going to need another steam cleaning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ydeess ()
Date: November 29, 2013 08:02AM

time to start wearing depends

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Farty Smartie ()
Date: November 29, 2013 09:19AM

This reeks of shit! He shit every where!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 29, 2013 10:53AM

Gordon didn't I suggest seeing a psychiatrist?

You cannot eat what you want, despite how much you want such foods. Look up the word restraint.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: SMH91 ()
Date: November 29, 2013 01:28PM

You've got the shitz lol

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: November 29, 2013 06:20PM

I have to admit that Thanksgiving dinner last night did sneak up on me. It was a relief, a tremendous joy in fact, to run into my house and just unload the contents that had been built up over dinner.

That must have been a record, and while I can't empathize directly as some here have suffered, that was a wake up call that jostled me a bit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 30, 2013 09:02AM

The sooner that those of us have below average O rings can announcesuch in public, without laughter or condemnation will be great. Free at last, free at last, our rrear ends won't dictate our days for us.

I was lucky that my family freely discussed their health problems at the table. Others sadly have to cower in fear or follow the house rules.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 30, 2013 12:56PM

Onion I'm glad you have that kind of support, as the car cleaning people yelled at me and charged extra. Now to avoid pumpkin pie, I think it hurts even though I love it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eesh..... ()
Date: December 01, 2013 08:11AM

bowels doin ok this morning

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 01, 2013 09:19AM

I've been reading the threads here, much more informative, honest then the IBS support groups.

Those are okay. Not knocking them but I like seeing what IBS is all about clearly, so others may understand what I go through on a at least weekly basis.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 986467 ()
Date: December 01, 2013 11:45AM

...
Attachments:
images-1.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Durtma Girt ()
Date: December 01, 2013 03:14PM

The underground, this is an all time low ever.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 02, 2013 07:44AM

For me, this holiday was wonderfully non eventful.

The bowels weren't perfect, but did not get out of control at the wrong time.

Maybe through trial and error , I'm learning?

Anyway, there is still Christmas and New Year to get through, and my Schphinkter is twitching in anticipation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 02, 2013 11:38AM

My Slavic brother I am happy for you. My thanksgiving was a disaster.I never want to go that car wash again. I'm embarrassed to see my neighbors after that. I don't know what to say to them

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 02, 2013 11:52AM

Toilet taboo - talking about bowel problems.

It is a difficult area to talk about.

People can just about accept bladder problems, but bowels seem to be a real no no.

Toilet talk is common when we have young children but we don't expect to have to think about it again in later life.

Many people feel awkward talking about bowel problems but all health professionals should understand so don't be shy in raising this.

Your GP or continence advisor are experienced in dealing with these problems and should be able to put you at your ease.

If only I had discussed this with someone sooner it would have saved years of uncertainty, worry, loss of dignity and freedom.

Many hospitals and local primary care services now have a continence advisor, or continence nursing service, that deals specifically with bladder and bowel problems.

In some areas you may be able to contact continence services directly, or else your GP can make a referral.

'Talking about bowel symptoms might not be as traumatic as you may imagine, and the solution may be straightforward'


There's no need to struggle – health professionals don't have a problem talking about bowel issues – it's the rest of the population that does!

I tend to just say "I can't poo"

Although health professionals might tend to use more medical language such as faeces or stool, using poo or number 2's is fine. Use the language you feel happiest with.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2013 11:53AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 02, 2013 03:41PM

I am impressed by Behs advice Gordon, and see that he's turning a page, towards maturity and being a productive advocate for IBS.

His advice is solid, nothing myself or other medical professionals is going to shock us. I urge you to see a doctor.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 03, 2013 07:46AM

I just got back from a visit with the GI yesterday. Gordo do see a Dr as while my ass is betraying me this morning, I believe that thumb up my rear end is worth it. I'm thankful no medical devices were thrown in the chocolate starfish this time.

My Dr is not afraid to use words like BEH said. In his office they use words like bowel movements, stools, feces, etc. I'm now going to avoid red meat, as this might be the item to avoid. I hope my butt stops quivering.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 03, 2013 07:55AM

Whenever you see a physician ask questions.

If you are not getting your questions answered to your satisfaction go elsewhere. You should always expect an assistant to be with the physician during an examination.

Often the physician will do an anoscopy or proctoscopy - scopes that allow them to see inside. Bottoms up (pun intended)!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2013 07:56AM by BEH.
Attachments:
Anoscopy.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 03, 2013 10:55AM

Goodness, for the love of God! Now I am afraid to see the other doctor. If he's going to insert these I just can't do this

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 03, 2013 11:30AM

www.ccalliance.org
Attachments:
colonoscopy-dummies.png

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 03, 2013 04:10PM

Gordon for a moment I thought these write ups were going in a positive direction, but once again the immaturity returns. See a psychiatrist, and then make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

The colonoscopy of today is far less invasive than years ago, and benzodiazepines can provide comfort.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: December 03, 2013 05:15PM

Reading this thread, I'm now scared shitless of going to get the backside checked when its time. Its still a few years off, but those pictures of various medical apparatus, oh they are going to have to knock me "on my ass" out before doing this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 499 ()
Date: December 04, 2013 05:33AM

My bowels love this stuff
Attachments:
image.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 04, 2013 06:32AM

That just makes my bowels shake, and gives me a desire, to literally cover my ass. Whilst surely delicious, that would create a brick, that would make a kidney stone easy to pass.

My ass just hurts, thinking of such entrees. Everything from south of the border is Montezumas revenge.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 04, 2013 09:21AM

What has helped keep my drawers cleaner is fish oil. While I can tell yellow in the front, brown in the back is the way to put my Fruit of the Looms on, I believe fish oil has helped my IBS. Plus cutting out greasy foods. These have made a 75% difference, but what I want is a cure for IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 04, 2013 11:41AM

My intestines are trouble makers, they are always making up shit.

I just finished a sandwich and soup. Lunch tasted good, but what happens to such items?

They travel! Did you know your large intestine is 6 feet, and that your small one is 24 feet?

That's right, a lot of length.

What helps is mucous. Also they are named for their width rather then their length.

Take care of your intestines, and your ass will literally thank you with desirable results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: NOVA Alexandria ()
Date: December 04, 2013 02:58PM

There used to be a math teacher at the Alexandria campus of NOVA, who used the word "bowels"' on a regular basis. For instance "if you went down to the bowels of this building. The professor was old, so guess it was common lingo from back in the day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 05, 2013 07:23AM

Your bowels and how you treat them, can determine a lot about your health. In a way they are the human version of your cars radiator and water pump.

Fried foods have obviously been established as unhealthy, with regards to cholesterol and blood pressure, but now some studies show higher colon rectal cancers showing up in those who consume such foods and the associated trans fats. They can create blockages in your rectum, or lead to explosive diarrhea if you have IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 05, 2013 09:10AM

This is crazy. I walk in my cubicle, and someone drew Mr Poopy Pants all over my day planner, and tied car air fresheners to my chair. A jar of peanut butter with "Gordorskys Poop" is on the desk. I'm going to complain to my boss.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 05, 2013 10:58AM

Gordo that sounds like harassment in the work place. I'm not sure if the ADA covers bowels. It should protect you, because one in five Americans has recurring bowel issues. I'd take a heaping crap on the boss desk.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 05, 2013 11:27AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordo that sounds like harassment in the work
> place. I'm not sure if the ADA covers bowels. It
> should protect you, because one in five Americans
> has recurring bowel issues. I'd take a heaping
> crap on the boss desk.


While your write up is obnoxious Onion, in the interest of accuracy, one in seven Americans have bowel medical concerns.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Never Again ()
Date: December 05, 2013 12:30PM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordon for a moment I thought these write ups were
> going in a positive direction, but once again the
> immaturity returns. See a psychiatrist, and then
> make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
>
> The colonoscopy of today is far less invasive than
> years ago, and benzodiazepines can provide
> comfort.

God, I hope so. But the prep is the worst part by far. Is it any less awful now?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 05, 2013 03:27PM

Go fuck yourself doc, do you enjoy jamming the medical apparatus in your anal cavity regularly? Is the back of your coat brown?

Your colon is an amazing marvel, and contributes greatly in the digestive process. That pizza slice you are jamming down your throat has to travel 30 feet plus, before saying goodbye to your body, splashing down ii n the ocean like the Gemini and Mercury astronauts did years ago.

I am happy today, to report a #4 #2, that passed through with minimal straining.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: December 06, 2013 05:49AM

Where on earth is that burrito from? I'll never complain about a huge Baja Fresh one again for sure!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 06, 2013 08:14AM

Have a problem with mucous? Turned off by it or think its gross? You need to apologize to this, as it provides an avenue of assistance to your bowels. This makes your visits to the toilet far more pleasurable.

This mucous is produced in your intestines. Get on a more personal level with this 31 feet of love. The more you know the better for your end results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 06, 2013 09:37AM

My boss heard my complaints as he called them. He just sat in his chair behind his desk. His eyes were glazed over but he said he would put a memo out about professional conduct. I hope this helps I'm so tired of the snickering.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 06, 2013 10:54AM

Good luck with that, I'm home at "the other office" :(

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 06, 2013 02:15PM

We had a phenomenal discussion at lunch about bowels today. One of my co workers also has IBS, and has accidentally dropped a few loads in her panties.

It's refreshing to know others content with this shit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 08, 2013 02:41PM

I'm trying to watch American football,and learn more about this game.

Every three to five minutes I have a bowel movement. There was almost a pile of crap on the loveseat, and I'm wondering if installing a tv in the bathroom might be a good idea. My poor asshole is exhausted.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 09, 2013 08:38AM

It appears this weather has delayed my UPS delivery. Even the shit brown trucks can't get through this Lilly white snow.

I'm excited about having Bristol Stool Charts in each of my three bathrooms. Now family, friends, and guests can pick a number.

I am thinking about a large chart, which will be framed in my living room.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: This shit still? ()
Date: December 09, 2013 10:44AM

How can your ass and or shit being interesting?
Attachments:
file-1.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 09, 2013 11:38AM

"Not this shit again." That is what 20% of people say, as one in five have bowel issues.

As your intestines and colon scream, its all about what shows up in the toilet. Your diet and efforts should give you a #4 hopefully, but with most that's not the case. Drink lots of water, and this can increase the effectiveness of the mucous propelling your bowel movement to the toilet of your choice.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 09, 2013 12:30PM

It can be very hard to cope with the embarrassment of bowel disease.

We dread having to rush for the toilet, having an accident, creating smells, and, as a result, being ridiculed.

Being on dietary treatment can also be difficult. The psychological effects of not being able to eat can be very significant, especially when surrounded by temptation and bombarded by food advertising.

It can also be socially isolating when we cannot eat the same foods as our friends, family, and peers.


Even for those not on an exclusive liquid diet, meals can become something to fear and avoid if food is associated with symptoms such as cramping pain, vomiting and diarrhoea.

People with IBD often feel distressed about being smaller, thinner and less developed than others.

Or, if we are taking high dose steroids for our treatment, we may be worried about putting on weight and becoming fatter, round-faced and spotty.

We may feel even more isolated and out-of-step with our peers if we are unable to join in sports and activities.

It can be hard to cope with the unpredictability of IBD, which might mean feeling great one day, and utterly drained and exhausted the next.

Also, appearances can be deceptive: a person with IBD may not look that unwell even on a day they are feeling awful, especially if they are on steroids.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 09, 2013 02:23PM

Thank you beh, eloquence personified. I feel happy reading this, as I don't suffer alone, constantly fretting about bathroom locations or dealing with abdominal pain.

Dehydration is for real. One time I couldn't stop shitting for three days, and had to be hospitalized. People asked me why I was there. I really wanted to tell the truth, but speaking of my bowel infirmary would lead to embarrassment. Get well cards would have been appreciated, but I don't think people would write here's to your bowels healing, or may your bowels be more cooperative. Fluids and steroids did help, and the first time I shit out a turd the size of a 1980s computer, I knew I was on the road to recovery.

Would you like one of the Bristol Stool Guides for your house?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 10, 2013 08:25AM

Thank goodness barely anyone is at work. My cubicle is a mess.I'm embarrassed and should not have had Taco Bells nachos Grande last night. Obviously the results speak and or smell for themselves.

I want to eat such foods and this makes me sad. Now off to find cleaning supplies.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 10, 2013 12:47PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank goodness barely anyone is at work. My
> cubicle is a mess.I'm embarrassed and should not
> have had Taco Bells nachos Grande last night.
> Obviously the results speak and or smell for
> themselves.
>
> I want to eat such foods and this makes me sad.
> Now off to find cleaning supplies.


Use strong anti bacterial formulas. Sorry man but bacteria that can piss off the whole office, could be residing in the piles of poo.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 10, 2013 12:59PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank goodness barely anyone is at work. My
> cubicle is a mess.I'm embarrassed and should not
> have had Taco Bells nachos Grande last night.
> Obviously the results speak and or smell for
> themselves.
>
> I want to eat such foods and this makes me sad.
> Now off to find cleaning supplies.


Gordo, I feel your pain, yet you are eligable for a slight reprimand.

Taco Bell is absoloutly the worst thing you could consume.

The digestive system genetically predisposed for such food as Bryndzove pirohy ,Bryndzove halusky,Kapustnica , and Kapor so zemiakovym salatom,
can't be expected to digest Nachos Grande.

What we need is a East European grocery around here... but until then, stay away from the over processed fast foods my man!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 10, 2013 03:27PM

Thank you digestive system, as today has been among the best.

No stomach cramps, leads me to appreciate the colon, upper and lower intestines that are in collaboration today.

There was a #4 earlier. I was overjoyed! No steaks of blood, crap, or discharge leaks. Hoping this continues.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 10, 2013 04:54PM

Congratulations on your fluffy floater Bloomy!

In the holiday spirit, May all your shit masses be light.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 11, 2013 07:32AM

Beh thank you. Your support means a lot. While we cannot earn accolades, a bonus or a nice looking certificate on the wall on our office or home walls marking this accomplishment, it is indeed one.

Just like Sir Edmund Hillarys reference of Mt Everest, "its there," that number 4 number 2 is a rare gem, a success story for those with bowel issues that make us smile.

I head out today to work with a new outlook, clean underwear, and a digestive system that has my back. It's a great feeling.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 11, 2013 11:47AM

Today is a yellow front, brown back kind of day.

My asshole is the Pearl Harbor of 2013.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 11, 2013 12:37PM

Mr Brown, you've come to the right place.

Not much we can do, but offer some tea and sympathy.

However, between myself, Blooming Onion and Gordorsky , we've all noticed improvement in our conditions since we've commenced commiseration.

Although it sounds like you've got the double whammy, bladder AND bowel incontinence, do not dispair. You've got friends here.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Wonderingz ()
Date: December 11, 2013 12:54PM

Does Mike Shanahan Redskins coach have IBS ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 12, 2013 08:41AM

After that I feel like writing an apology letter, to my intestines, colon, and rectum.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 12, 2013 09:11AM

Maybe not an apology letter , but possibly a notice to commence negotiation.

Apparently, our digestive systems have their own methods of procedure, and we have our preferences and desires.


We don't have to be doomed to a lifetime of applesauce and dry toast.

Achieving harmony with our asses is the main goal for 2014.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 12, 2013 03:12PM

Thanks. I hope a Dr can figure this shit out on both ends.

If someone said I would need depends in my 40s I would have laughed at them. Now the baggy pants hide them but still. Deserve better, docs no help just a finger and scopes.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 13, 2013 04:40AM

All night up because of my rear. This just cannot continue, last night I watched television, just about to fall asleep when it happened. I had to call out of work cleaning this up is gonna be a three day process.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 13, 2013 07:40AM

Damn, if only I could go without the feeling that I'm giving birth to a Sasquatch.

I swear, sometimes it seems I need gynological stirrups and a surgical team just to take a dump.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2013 07:40AM by BEH.

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