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Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 11, 2013 01:16PM

While many people in the world have bad eating habits, no one is worse than Americans, and Fairfax itself is a microcosm of the epidemic. Before you grab another French fry, or get that all meat greasy pizza, ask yourself "What Would Bowels Say?" WWBS is a term you should consider. It's rude to clog up your colon with artificial sweetners and trans fats. The colon has to produce more mucous, and your bowels are subjected to punishment beyond cruel and unusual.

Only you can stop treating your bowels in a barbaric manner. Do you like having to bite on fan belts while taking a shit? Imagine for a second a pain ten times worse. That is what your bowels are going through with that cheeseburger and milkshake. Get in touch with both your bowels and feelings, because it is scientifically proven such changes, can improve your mood, lower blood pressure, and decrease your chances for an embolism while squatting.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fatty Arbuckle ()
Date: November 11, 2013 02:02PM

My colon...my bowels...my rules. Fuck your sanctimonious post, OP.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 11, 2013 02:33PM

He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: When in Belgium ()
Date: November 11, 2013 02:46PM

Brussel sprouts.

/thread

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 11, 2013 03:47PM

Here's a topic for discussion at the dinner table tonight, and that is IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This condition affects many, somewhere around 8 percent of the general population.

There is a lot of research but not enough, and no cure yet for this rectal condition. Women more often have IBS, but there is a belief that men are underreported. This could be refusal to acknowledge such a medical problem, or going to a doctor to describe their intestinal discomfort. There is no cure but doctors can decrease the frequency of flare ups, or at the very least try SSRIs and other prescriptions to ward off this difficulty.

Talk about IBS. Get the facts that will give your bowels the best relief possible.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fatty Arbuckle ()
Date: November 11, 2013 04:19PM

My bowels my choice, shove it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Food Facists ()
Date: November 11, 2013 04:35PM

Next you food Facists will be demanding that trans-anal probes be performed before you can have a quarter pounder.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: unknownuser123 ()
Date: November 12, 2013 07:49AM

i had IBS until i converted to vegan. everything went back to normal. no meat ever again for me

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 12, 2013 08:46AM

Food Facists Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Next you food Facists will be demanding that
> trans-anal probes be performed before you can have
> a quarter pounder.


You are what you eat. If you don't want to regulate your intake, you are doing a grave injustice to your bowels. It might not hurt now, but one day as you are on the toilet saying a hail Mary, you'll realize a proper diet.

First Lady Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" campaign is a good start, but I think she should talk about bowel movements with this program. For instance the importance of keeping a log of your meals and their results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 12, 2013 08:52AM

Blooming Onion, you are putting the cart before the horse, or more precisely- the shit before the meal.

While it is important after the fact what happens to that food, why not begin on a positive note and concentrate on a healtyh meal instead of "working backwards" from the toilet?

Eat healthy and balanced meals for a few weeks, then perhaps reintroduce the questionable but delish junk and fatty food to your diet and see how goes it.


idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 12, 2013 09:46AM

When it comes to bowels , one mans medicine is anothers poison.

Please don't consider this thread a judgement regarding anyones personal eating habits. No one is trying to influence or criticize anyones diet.

This thread is for the fellowship of the boweltrodden. Those of us with swollen colons, wrecked rectums and agonized anuses, can relate, others can't.

You can't engage average folks to lament about chronic constipation or rebound diarrhea, society is not advanced enough.

Allow us our little support group; all we have besides our tourtured intestines is one another.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 12, 2013 09:56AM

Thank you BEH as your assessment of this is correct. We must stand united in pain or on the throne together, unity being our constant in this battle
It appears wingnut must be a young whipper snapper, as so many youth ignore button on their bowels, or tune out the first ladys message, although not perfect with regards to the bowels, but its a start.

I hope one day, as a society that parents, children, and perhaps neighbors at the dinner table, can freely have discussions about their bowels and healthy foods, without the stigma that obviously still permeates our society. Your bowels are no different then Uncle Ernie's pacemaker, or bringing up how Aunt Matildas kidneys require her to be on dialysis.

To even consider foods such as pizza, burgers and the like, think of your bowels before ingesting such garbage.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 12, 2013 09:57AM

How do you gentlemen react to falafel?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 12, 2013 10:02AM

Falafel is very bowel benign as far as I am concerned, thank you for axing.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 12, 2013 10:07AM

Falafel, when baked, is a very healthy source of protein and fiber.

It, however, makes me quite the musician.

But the notes I play after a falafel chowdown are loud and distinct bass tones. They have incredible sustain, but are curiously lacking the residual odor from Mexican dishes.

Falafel is a paradox.

Remember the brilliant and profound insight of George Carlin (RIP):

"Farts are SHIT... without the mess!"


idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 12, 2013 12:35PM

Wingnut you have shown bowel wisdom, as falafel is very good for your digestive system. As you have pointed out gas is going to be produced with this, but on the plus side there should be no abdominal cramping.

Also this food guarantees your number 2 will be a number 4, on the Bristol Stool Chart. Your bowels won't have to be thrown through the meat grinder, but rather can excrete a loaf with minimum pushing. A very good point and thank you for this valuable advice. If someone follows this, their bowels will thank them, and by default you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eat What I Want 2 ()
Date: November 12, 2013 01:47PM

Stfu blooming. You and your food police including Obama tired of your shit
Attachments:
images-1.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 12, 2013 02:02PM

Don't confuse Michelle Obamas socialist food restriction policy with our campaign against inherent colonic issues.

While Michelle butts in to every American refrigerator uninvited with elitist fevor, we are but a few citizens victimized by genetic intestinal woes and struggling with these issues while trying to live a normal life.

We are NOT the food police. We are the Red Cross for our own asses.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 12, 2013 02:56PM

It was incorrect to inject the first ladys program into this discussion. That was not my intent although I do believe she is correct about food choices and exercise. While it falls far from initiatives such as "Your Rectum and You, a Collaborative Effort" or "Talk about Bowel Tips for Families", she is in no shape or form the public face and or representative of people with bowel issues. This doesn't mean she should not bring it up, but as Washington is a polarized and shitty environment right now, perhaps a prolific athlete could step up to the plate, providing they are not on the throne.

That would not be a helpful PSA, but I think Bowel Awareness Month aka BAM would provide help to many holding that can of pepto, or dreading what steak and beer will produce once digested. You don't want to end up making creations like Richard Dreyfuss did, in Close Encounters of the Third or Turd Kind.

Again I apologize for a poor example, but millions of Americans bowels scream.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 12, 2013 03:40PM

If you are going public with what sounds to be IBS symptoms, I strongly suggest private internet groups, many of which can be found on social media sites.

While physicians and lay persons alike have a right to pursue relevant information, materials and the like, most are uncomfortable with digestive issues. This is not the most effective manner of dealing with IBS, and while your intentions might be decent, the immaturity and bringing up politicians is going to detract the chances of people seeking medical care.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: rwerr ()
Date: November 13, 2013 06:08AM

lets now talk about hemoroids

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 13, 2013 07:21AM

rwerr Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> lets now talk about hemoroids

That is a pertinent subject, because hemorrhoids are the result of a lot of our issues.

What causes hemorrhoids?
Too much pressure on the veins in the pelvic and rectal area causes hemorrhoids.

Normally, tissue inside the anus fills with blood to help control bowel movements. If you strain to move stool, the increased pressure causes the veins in this tissue to swell and stretch. This can cause hemorrhoids.

Diarrhea or constipation also may lead to straining and can increase pressure on veins in the anal canal.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 13, 2013 07:36AM

About Michelle Obobo: While I disagree on almost everything her husband does, it is actually IMO a noble effort to encourage people to VOLUNTARILY take responsibility for their own diets and exercise. Fat and lazy people are a detriment to society as a whole and weigh us all down with added medical costs.

Back to gas: Falafel, which I mentioned before is one of those rare foods that produce gas, but not of the noxious variety. I would add lentls and white beans to the list. My one theory about gas is that it does not necessarily reek itself, but it is the deposits of dookie matter on your colon wall that it blows past- similar to placing potpourri near a fan.

Anyhow, I digress. I would again emphasize a dire need to chew your food better. I've made a serious effort over the last 20 years to chew longer, and that coupled with a better diet has all but eliminated the Chemical Ali grade flatulence that once haunted me on occasion.

Next time you sit down for some Mexican, think of the peppers and spices and beans as an adversary that must be beaten into submission before it can visit Mr. Colon. Chew as you normally do, then keep chewing. Chew about 1.5x your normal cycle. Let your mouth remove the moisture and neutralize the spices before swallowing. On the plus side, you may find yourself enjoying food more and eating less!


idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: I'm going to eat,drink and die.. ()
Date: November 13, 2013 07:59AM

WingNut Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> About Michelle Obobo: While I disagree on almost
> everything her husband does, it is actually IMO a
> noble effort to encourage people to VOLUNTARILY
> take responsibility for their own diets and
> exercise. Fat and lazy people are a detriment to
> society as a whole and weigh us all down with
> added medical costs.
>
> Back to gas: Falafel, which I mentioned before is
> one of those rare foods that produce gas, but not
> of the noxious variety. I would add lentls and
> white beans to the list. My one theory about gas
> is that it does not necessarily reek itself, but
> it is the deposits of dookie matter on your colon
> wall that it blows past- similar to placing
> potpourri near a fan.
>
> Anyhow, I digress. I would again emphasize a dire
> need to chew your food better. I've made a serious
> effort over the last 20 years to chew longer, and
> that coupled with a better diet has all but
> eliminated the Chemical Ali grade flatulence that
> once haunted me on occasion.
>
> Next time you sit down for some Mexican, think of
> the peppers and spices and beans as an adversary
> that must be beaten into submission before it can
> visit Mr. Colon. Chew as you normally do, then
> keep chewing. Chew about 1.5x your normal cycle.
> Let your mouth remove the moisture and neutralize
> the spices before swallowing. On the plus side,
> you may find yourself enjoying food more and
> eating less!

If wingnut continues to preach about health.
He cleaned his asshole but did he clean his ass?
The hypocrisy,the hypocrisy.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 13, 2013 08:10AM

We're all entitled to our opinion, but WingNut is a thoughtful and valuable contributor to this thread.

Perhaps you're judging Mr. Nut by his political views, but allow me to assure you that bowel problems do not care if you're democrat or republican.

We're all just sufferers here, victims of our own digestive systems. We are from all walks of life, various social, racial and financial groups.

Nothing matters here, except for colonic camaraderie , which includes sharing stories of symptoms and possible solutions.

WingNut , or anyone with pertinent experience , knowledge or advice is welcome.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 13, 2013 08:19AM

I'm going to eat,drink and die.. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> WingNut Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > About Michelle Obobo: While I disagree on
> almost
> > everything her husband does, it is actually IMO
> a
> > noble effort to encourage people to VOLUNTARILY
> > take responsibility for their own diets and
> > exercise. Fat and lazy people are a detriment
> to
> > society as a whole and weigh us all down with
> > added medical costs.
> >
> > Back to gas: Falafel, which I mentioned before
> is
> > one of those rare foods that produce gas, but
> not
> > of the noxious variety. I would add lentls and
> > white beans to the list. My one theory about
> gas
> > is that it does not necessarily reek itself,
> but
> > it is the deposits of dookie matter on your
> colon
> > wall that it blows past- similar to placing
> > potpourri near a fan.
> >
> > Anyhow, I digress. I would again emphasize a
> dire
> > need to chew your food better. I've made a
> serious
> > effort over the last 20 years to chew longer,
> and
> > that coupled with a better diet has all but
> > eliminated the Chemical Ali grade flatulence
> that
> > once haunted me on occasion.
> >
> > Next time you sit down for some Mexican, think
> of
> > the peppers and spices and beans as an
> adversary
> > that must be beaten into submission before it
> can
> > visit Mr. Colon. Chew as you normally do, then
> > keep chewing. Chew about 1.5x your normal
> cycle.
> > Let your mouth remove the moisture and
> neutralize
> > the spices before swallowing. On the plus side,
> > you may find yourself enjoying food more and
> > eating less!
>
> If wingnut continues to preach about health.
> He cleaned his asshole but did he clean his ass?
> The hypocrisy,the hypocrisy.

Sir, I do not understand your criticism.

We are all here trying to make the world a more POSITIVE place.

Let's work together instead of fighting one and other!
Attachments:
Wonderbug Cast.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 13, 2013 08:36AM

It could not have been said better:

"We are all here trying to make the world a more POSITIVE place.

Let's work together instead of fighting one and other!"

May I also add, "one schphinkter at a time"

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: What' can I say? ()
Date: November 13, 2013 09:04AM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It could not have been said better:
>
> "We are all here trying to make the world a more
> POSITIVE place.
>
> Let's work together instead of fighting one and
> other!"
>
> May I also add, "one schphinkter at a time"

That hasn't already been assked and said.
I stand corrected and apologize.
I will keep my cornhole shut with this thread.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 13, 2013 09:20AM

Please continue to contribute.

You don't have to have a confused colon to participate.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2013 09:20AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 13, 2013 09:33AM

I cannot believe this simple minded ludicrous discussion.

The juvenile comments are detrimental to health in this particular area of study, and could easily dissuade someone from seeking medical attention.

Web MD diagnosis type of material here, albeit in the form of junior high school type of tomfoolery.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Zippy ()
Date: November 13, 2013 09:43AM

Anything from Tippy's Taco, ugh.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 13, 2013 10:31AM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I cannot believe this simple minded ludicrous
> discussion.
>
> The juvenile comments are detrimental to health in
> this particular area of study, and could easily
> dissuade someone from seeking medical attention.
>
> Web MD diagnosis type of material here, albeit in
> the form of junior high school type of tomfoolery.

I can see your point Doc, from the Anal Practicioners point of view.

But for a moment, try putting yourself in the shoes of the patients.

Bowel problems aren't just painful and annoying, but they're embarrassing too.

Many times people with no other recourse make jokes about their affliction.

Its what we do...if you're not one of us, you wouldn't understand.

As far as dissuading someone from seeking medical attention, I think you're mistaken.

Someone unsure how to approach this discussion may actually be encouraged by the levity. They may think, "here are some real down to earth people who feel what I feel".

I invite anyone with a anal affliction who is put off by colonic comedy to contact me directly via personal message or visit this website

www.dailystrength.org/support-groups/Gastrointestinal

Meet others online who are facing challenges related to a compromised Gastrointestinal System.
Get support by sharing advice, trading tips, and telling your story.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 13, 2013 12:45PM

Zippy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anything from Tippy's Taco, ugh.


You have a higher chance of bowel issues, by eating at any restaurant, not just Tippys. I strongly suggest following health inspection reports if dining out, but home along with knowing your triggers is vital too.

Restaurants can harbor e coli, and other nasty items,that can leave your ass screaming bloody murder. Take care of your bowels or pay the price. Pants full of shit or grinding teeth.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fs 8877 ()
Date: November 13, 2013 01:24PM

I have worked in restaurants for twenty plus years. 99%of them are cleaner then you're house.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Liberal Logic 29 ()
Date: November 13, 2013 03:17PM

The First Lady and her program, along with ACA, guarantee more people will get preventative visits, colonoscopy checks, etc. I thank goodness for the ACA, and love Michelle's Let's Move.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 13, 2013 06:25PM

Liberal Logic 29 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The First Lady and her program, along with ACA,
> guarantee more people will get preventative
> visits, colonoscopy checks, etc. I thank goodness
> for the ACA, and love Michelle's Let's Move.


For the love of all things holy, enough with the political drivel, and let's get back on task with the bottom line. There's plenty of assholes in Washington, but pay attention to the one you carry with you each and everyday.

Until I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome in my late thirties, I thought I was alone, although one in ten of us may have it. If you are aware of your rectum, or having it dictate your life, chances are you have IBS. Common signs are abdominal pain, straining, constipation, diarrhea, and bloody toilet paper or excessive wiping.

There is no cure. This makes it even more of a pain in the ass, the key is managing it, and hoping your briefs don't have brown racing stripes. One suggestion is boxer shorts with a shower after shitting.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 14, 2013 07:28AM

Now that you mention it, toilet paper falls short for providing true rectal cleanliness.

If you go a lot, like many here do, you want more effectiveness in every wipe.

Pre-moistened towlettes work, but to save money, wet paper towels clean every last smudge.

For those who don't suffer from IBS , diverticulitis or colitis, you wouldn't know how important rectal cleanliness is to achieve the maximum comfort level.

Yes, there is no cure , but there are dozens of ways to make your ass feel as good as it can.

Thats why we're here, to share rectum saving tactics.

Until science finds us some relief , all we have is one another.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 14, 2013 07:37AM

I'm glad we are still talking about this.

Last night I had cramping all night from Sbarros pizza, my asshole feels like Mt Vesuvius.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wqaoop ()
Date: November 14, 2013 07:55AM

make sure you de-hair your hole. veet works great and keeps things clean down there

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 14, 2013 08:01AM

What's veet?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: oirrse ()
Date: November 14, 2013 08:17AM

ever use google ?
Attachments:
y8S6k.gif

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 14, 2013 08:25AM

I know some people will ask "why would Gordorsky eat Sbarros pizza when he knows the result will be painful and uncomfortable?"


While it may seem like a negative self fullfilled prophecy, you have to understand the life and mind of a victim of IBS.

Imagine yourself following the bland diet recommended for IBS sufferers.

Everyone else is having Chinese, Thai and Indian, you're having applesauce and dry toast.

Then, when you're proud of yourself for being strong, you start smelling the fried onions and peppers, the curry... and the pizza.

You all know about the allure of forbidden fruit.

And even if you know what is going to happen , the cascading geysers of diarrhea , the huge stool too large and dry to pass (imagine forcing out a football), the resulting aftermath of itches and rashes, the awful gas pains , and the cramping , it still isn't enough to guarentee that even the most determined patient will be able to pass up the aroma of that deadly pizza.


Then you sit there on the bowl, your agony compounded by the guilt of your failure to look after the safety of your own bowels.

Back to the applesauce Gordorsky , and be strong next time you're at the mall, one of the worst places to be when you suffer from IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: poppers63e ()
Date: November 14, 2013 08:42AM

anal sex helps with IBS and hemoroids. loosens everything up

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Obama's Approval Rating with Military? 15%
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 14, 2013 08:49AM

Am I alone in not appreciating the tone the one supposed "medial professional" takes in this forum?

Some of us are from different backgrounds and education levels. It is a very personal and intimate subject to discuss bathroom habits and I think it is productive to have conversations, regardless of whether some find them offensive or sophomoric.

By rejecting anyones comments, you may lead someone to think they have no options and are alone.

We are together in this.

Remember- the truth is like the center of town- it doesn't matter how you get there, it matters that you arrive to your destination.

Lighten up Doc!


idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/14/2015 08:28PM by WingNut.


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 14, 2013 08:53AM

poppers63e Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> anal sex helps with IBS and hemoroids. loosens
> everything up


That is not accurate, it is the opposite.

A fruitful discussion this morning, I hope one day all will feel comfortable enough talking about IBS, gas, and feces.
Feces is what it boils down to ultimately. 75% of it is water of the brown variety, but it includes insoluble fiber. These are the items you see in your loo, after taking a number two
You can learn a lot from your deposits. A bad smell can be an indicatorvof
Indicator of disease.

It's awful having to sit in a stall, teeth mashed down on a fan or leather belt, from screaming out in agony. Likewise it can be scary having a green shit emerge, from Aunt Ednas cake.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: cszqaa ()
Date: November 14, 2013 09:05AM

when i take a dump there is so much blood it looks like someone was murdered in the stall

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blowhard Lib Food Police ()
Date: November 14, 2013 09:34AM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I know some people will ask "why would Gordorsky
> eat Sbarros pizza when he knows the result will be
> painful and uncomfortable?"
>
>
> While it may seem like a negative self fullfilled
> prophecy, you have to understand the life and mind
> of a victim of IBS.
>
> Imagine yourself following the bland diet
> recommended for IBS sufferers.
>
> Everyone else is having Chinese, Thai and Indian,
> you're having applesauce and dry toast.
>
> Then, when you're proud of yourself for being
> strong, you start smelling the fried onions and
> peppers, the curry... and the pizza.
>
> You all know about the allure of forbidden fruit.
>
>
> And even if you know what is going to happen , the
> cascading geysers of diarrhea , the huge stool too
> large and dry to pass (imagine forcing out a
> football), the resulting aftermath of itches and
> rashes, the awful gas pains , and the cramping ,
> it still isn't enough to guarentee that even the
> most determined patient will be able to pass up
> the aroma of that deadly pizza.
>
>
> Then you sit there on the bowl, your agony
> compounded by the guilt of your failure to look
> after the safety of your own bowels.
>
> Back to the applesauce Gordorsky , and be strong
> next time you're at the mall, one of the worst
> places to be when you suffer from IBS.

I will eat whatever the fuck I want. You food police need to stop this shit, wingnut obviously likes Michelle's Obama Bloomberg etc etc. Off for a candy bar and a burger

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 14, 2013 09:37AM

Blowhard Lib Food Police Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BEH Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I know some people will ask "why would
> Gordorsky
> > eat Sbarros pizza when he knows the result will
> be
> > painful and uncomfortable?"
> >
> >
> > While it may seem like a negative self
> fullfilled
> > prophecy, you have to understand the life and
> mind
> > of a victim of IBS.
> >
> > Imagine yourself following the bland diet
> > recommended for IBS sufferers.
> >
> > Everyone else is having Chinese, Thai and
> Indian,
> > you're having applesauce and dry toast.
> >
> > Then, when you're proud of yourself for being
> > strong, you start smelling the fried onions and
> > peppers, the curry... and the pizza.
> >
> > You all know about the allure of forbidden
> fruit.
> >
> >
> > And even if you know what is going to happen ,
> the
> > cascading geysers of diarrhea , the huge stool
> too
> > large and dry to pass (imagine forcing out a
> > football), the resulting aftermath of itches
> and
> > rashes, the awful gas pains , and the cramping
> ,
> > it still isn't enough to guarentee that even
> the
> > most determined patient will be able to pass up
> > the aroma of that deadly pizza.
> >
> >
> > Then you sit there on the bowl, your agony
> > compounded by the guilt of your failure to look
> > after the safety of your own bowels.
> >
> > Back to the applesauce Gordorsky , and be
> strong
> > next time you're at the mall, one of the worst
> > places to be when you suffer from IBS.
>
> I will eat whatever the fuck I want. You food
> police need to stop this shit, wingnut obviously
> likes Michelle's Obama Bloomberg etc etc. Off for
> a candy bar and a burger


Eat what you like, I don't care.

Don't cry too loud when your toes fall off or when no good looking woman wants to rub bellies with your slob ass.


idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 14, 2013 09:56AM

poppers63e Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> anal sex helps with IBS and hemoroids. loosens
> everything up

Oh my goodness son, if only things were that simple.

If you had any kind of anal issues, you'd know that insertion of anything in the brown hole is a no no.

While the mechanics of nature should make it abundantly clear that the rectum is off limits , the perverse and adventurous nature of man has caused many to choose to ignore the obvious pitfalls of anal sex.

You'd certainly want to avoid buggering anyone with IBS, thats for sure.

Unless of course your idea of a romantic evening is listening to the wails of an injured IBS victim, with the smell of sulfer and bile instead of roses, scented candles and red wine.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WingNut ()
Date: November 14, 2013 10:06AM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> poppers63e Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > anal sex helps with IBS and hemoroids. loosens
> > everything up
>
> Oh my goodness son, if only things were that
> simple.
>
> If you had any kind of anal issues, you'd know
> that insertion of anything in the brown hole is a
> no no.
>
> While the mechanics of nature should make it
> abundantly clear that the rectum is off limits ,
> the perverse and adventurous nature of man has
> caused many to choose to ignore the obvious
> pitfalls of anal sex.
>
> You'd certainly want to avoid buggering anyone
> with IBS, thats for sure.
>
> Unless of course your idea of a romantic evening
> is listening to the wails of an injured IBS
> victim, with the smell of sulfer and bile instead
> of roses, scented candles and red wine.


Good stuff BEH!

I read this to myself in a thoughtful and deep "books on tape" voice and the message is profound and resonating.


idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 14, 2013 11:50AM

Two drinks to avoid, beer and carbonated beverages. That Pepsi could turn into a Poopsi . That six pack you drink while watching the game, might go down smooth, but the next morning its time to pay the piper.

Your colon is an amazing part of your anatomy. Do bring this up, I would recommend Thanksgiving. If the man of the house would be so kind, he shall gently hit his wine goblet to get everyones attention, and talk about how the bowels will be affected by each dish. Squash is a motherfucker.

By having this talk, other guests will have an idea what to expect after the wishbone has been broken, and each participant enters the toilet zone.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fck u Food Police ()
Date: November 14, 2013 12:11PM

Fuck!!
Attachments:
images-3.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 14, 2013 12:23PM

That is exactly the type or bowel movement we all aspire to achieve.

It certainly is well formed, looks delightfully easy to pass, and screams "your bowels are empty"!

As for the food police comment, you're missing the point.

We're not advocating that anyone change their diets, we are merely sharing information with others who, like us, share in the heartbreak and torment of IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 14, 2013 01:18PM

What foods should I eat?

Beh I am frustrated, there are lists of what to avoid. It seems like almost any food.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 14, 2013 01:38PM

Hate to say this Gordorsky, but you really have to take your long suffering rectum to the doctor as soon as possible.

You see, while each of us share bowel woes , what makes us unique is what our schphinkters can and can not tolerate.

For example, to you, Pizza seems to be a poisonous as Hemlock, but I can eat an entire cheese and tomato pie with no worries. I love a vanilla ice cream cone, but the same treat would send you to the stalls while your colon sputters like a 59' Ford F100 Pickup Truck.

When you visit your carefully selected Ano-Recto practitioner you really have to come clean about your eating habits and favorite foods. All asses are different , and an experienced lower GI physician is hip to this.

Alas, there are no quick fixes; no miracle cures. With anal woes, trial and error are the best courses for treatment. You really need to find out what you can eat.

Yes, it won't be easy. A failed experiment could mean a ruined couch; one wrong move can result in the brutal ending of a budding relationship..there will be dinners destroyed, holidays hampered, movie dates cut short...shopping at the mall? Just try to get an empty stall in Macy's bathroom during the holidays.

Gordorsky, it'll be a long frustrating process, but the effort will be worth it.

Get to the doctor and start documenting which foods digest..and which come flying out of your ass like a swarm of bats at dusk.

Good luck, my brother in bowel.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 14, 2013 02:13PM

Beh and his advice, spot on spot off take your pick.

Like he said, see a doctor. Sadly its through trial and error, with your asshole saying yay or nay.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wrongg ()
Date: November 14, 2013 03:40PM

This is a really shitty thread.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: November 14, 2013 05:06PM

wrongg Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This is a really shitty thread.


It is but I am thanking my lucky stars, that I've yet to deal with any of this "shit" other than the occasional bout of diarrhea. Those experiences, or glimpses of what could be, are enough to make me tremble. These guys are going through a world of shit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wrongg ()
Date: November 14, 2013 05:21PM

If Gerry saw this thread, there would be a real shitstorm.

or Sven.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: November 14, 2013 06:28PM

wrongg Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If Gerry saw this thread, there would be a real
> shitstorm.
>
> or Sven.


Actually I'd be curious what those two think of this. Probably Gerry would extol the values of Obama Care, and Sven, well good luck guessing on that one.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 15, 2013 07:33AM

Thanks beh as this holiday season is painful. All shopping will be done on the internet, as the idea of the Macys stall makes me shake.

I am greatful for your support.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 15, 2013 08:16AM

I see Macys getting some attention, and I wish for their Thanksgiving parade, they could have a float dedicated to IBS awareness. It's not a far fetched idea, as other conditions have floats during the parade. With that in mind I hope none of the rockettes have IBS during their acrobatic show.

It is my wish, that a float with a man straining on the toilet, could make its way down Broadway. On the float could be a list of dos and donts, along with a giant scope as a reminder to take care of your anal cavity.

Macy's make the right decision, and make this float a reality.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fatty Mcbutterpantz ()
Date: November 15, 2013 10:50AM

With Michelle Obama on the float eat fruit veggies, part of communist America

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Superpooper7 ()
Date: November 15, 2013 11:43AM

I'm happy someone had the balls to bring this up.

I have been diagnosed for 2 yrs, and have seen improvements. Probiotics and taking care of anxiety have decreased episodes.

It is embarrassing. For instance the feces falling into my underwear. My dating options are limited. Taking a shower helps, but hrs later I wipe and there's a lot of poop.

Several times I've gone thru a roll.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Packistan ()
Date: November 15, 2013 12:56PM

Kabos and lentils, bad bad bad news

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 15, 2013 02:21PM

Super, racing stripes are not fun, especially if you toss your undies in the moments leading up to sexual intercourse. Your one eyed friend up front might work, while your one eyed enemy in the rear stabs you in the back.

Anxiety has a high rate of affliction among those diagnosed with IBS. The central nervous system controls your colon. Some forty feet of mucous lined tunnels are involved before shit rears its ugly head . Good news you aren't alone

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 7890457896357 ()
Date: November 15, 2013 03:08PM

Wat I think of this thread
Attachments:
images-1.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wrongg ()
Date: November 15, 2013 03:13PM

Thread getting shitier.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 15, 2013 03:14PM

I'd rate that a "B".


Looks like it passed easy, but is too dense to be rated an "A".

Too heavy, see how it sank?

A perfect bowel movement is fluffy, it floats, it's a lighter brown, and it should hardly stink at all.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Sasquatch ()
Date: November 16, 2013 07:28AM

Sasquatch can eat anything

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 16, 2013 10:35AM

I sit here mortified by a lot of the nonsensical, juvenile type of write ups here. The original intent might have been helpful, but as anyone can see clearly, no one is going to take IBS or other such conditions seriously.These write ups might further dissuade those contending with IBS. Pictures of stool, along with inappropriate lingo are only going to make patients stigmatized.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 16, 2013 01:48PM

Doctor, how are your bowels?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 16, 2013 02:39PM

My bowels or yours for that matter, are irrelevant to this discussion. Your write ups are the bane of immaturity, along with my professional opinion, bordering very close to schizoid in their nature. You have company obviously, as user name onions posts have been preposterous as well.

Am I saying don't talk about such issues? Absolutely not as it would behoove you and others, to join private Internet groups where young people congregate. Others might find support groups at libraries or community centers. You really need to think of unforeseen consequences, before typing up commentary best suited for intermediate school.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 17, 2013 06:27AM

Doc, our bowels are what this entire thread is about.

If you have nothing to share about your digestive system, then you aren't one of us.

You can only look at our affliction from a clinical point of view, and thats the problem.

Once you can commiserate, then you can make a valid comment.

Until then, you're just another one of the impotent lackeys of the medical profession, with your cold, calculated method of treatment that has kept us twitching in the wind and suffering miserably.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 17, 2013 08:14AM

I start out this morning, with a new diet plus probiotics. I went to the doctor, an unpleasant time. Yet this diet hope it holds the foods down.

He said hold off on coffee, chocolates, ice cream, cheese other dairy products, soft drinks, nuts, breads. For two weeks its this. Basically he seems to have said don't eat, steaks burgers also.

I'm upset. My bed was filled with shit one morning, so I had no choice.I'm so tired of driving with newspaper below me. The people I work with, no support. They just laugh, snicker, leave car air fresheners on my desk, and Mr Poopy Pants name tags on my desk.The manager of Arbyd

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 17, 2013 08:18AM

Sorry I pressed the wrong button. Maybe this no coffee is the problem. The manager of Arbys came over, to ask me about customers complaints of odors.
This diet is bland. I dream of when I was a young man in Slovakia, when food and other problems were northere . Just upset. The ass is an ass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: MISTER FISTER ()
Date: November 17, 2013 09:42AM

YOUR ANSWER IS FISTING CLEAR YOU RIGHT OUT

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 17, 2013 12:16PM

Gordon I am pleased you got some professional help. There is no cure for IBS, but through diet and stress reduction, the flare ups can be less prevalent. As for the probiotics, these are controversial to a degree, due to them not being FDA approved for conditions related to the health of ones bowels. Some have felt they've improved their digestion, and there should not be any harm, as they have been labeled as safe, which crosses a threshold for standards.

Fisting and other inanimate objects in the anal cavity, are the worst idea ever. This screams danger, and it can lead to rectal bleeding or anal prolapse. If you find such sexual activities to your liking consider that, along with the concept of incontinence.

Beh your write ups are creative and often well thought out. You are obviously a young man of capacityand capability, but have you gone through medical school, spent hundreds of hours a week as a resident, along with handling difficult patients with various ailments? I don't think so, and it would behoove you to act in mature fashion. Your write ups are not your meal ticket, even while your intentions were good at the onset. Yet now this has entered a territory of unbridled stupidity. As for being a cold lackey, from the day I went to school until now, my focus has been on patient care.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: MISTER FISTER ()
Date: November 17, 2013 02:25PM

YEAH
Attachments:
images.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: whatsex ()
Date: November 18, 2013 03:58AM

i like fisting

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 18, 2013 07:29AM

Fist if you must, but be advised it is impossible for some of us to even consider it.

It's bad enough IBS sufferers get our rectums jostled, probed, and invaded on a regular basis by insensitive Ano-Recto specialsts.

To submit to a fisting would be anal suicide.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 18, 2013 08:52AM

Fisting is taboo. This is certainly not something to be discussed at your family's Thanksgiving dinner. While bowel health is one topic that should be safe, please leave this home at grandma's house. This is going to make you ostracized from any family event, and you'll have pariah status.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 18, 2013 10:49AM

Thanks Dr its good getting a second opinion, without the co pay. Do you know of any foods I can have? I miss so many.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 18, 2013 11:08AM

Gordo, I am sorry. Know you have a brother in bowel here, who hopes you get those answers. This sounds temporary, as if the doctor is just trying to figure out what's going on, for your digestive systemto work.

I think it is sad, that there's no IBS awareness month. For instance pink is associated with breast cancer, yellow for missing soldiers, how about brown for us? The NFL players could wear brown socks and gloves for IBS month. What us whom suffer with this, is an athlete, past or present to go public. It would bring relief to hear an athlete or celebrity take a stand, and admit to abdominal pains, poop filled undies,or blood mixed in with their feces. If anyone famous reads this, and you have IBS, its curtain call time.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Political Mafioso ()
Date: November 18, 2013 12:57PM

Speaking of people of prominence, any Presidents have butt issues? It would be funny seeing potus drop an unexpected one at a speech.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Col Saunders ()
Date: November 18, 2013 01:04PM

Liberal Logic 29 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The First Lady and her program, along with ACA,
> guarantee more people will get preventative
> visits, colonoscopy checks, etc. I thank goodness
> for the ACA, and love Michelle's Let's Move.


She will do anything to get her face in the news. It will be a big let down when her fantasy ride is over. Im sure a triple whopper and a banana split will help her work through it

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 19, 2013 09:30AM

IBS has led me in an unexpected path, and that's to research this condition, along with providing relevant info. Here are some poop facts to digest,

An average person shits two pounds a day.

Shits that float aka floaters have lots of gas inside

75% of your shit is water

The rest is dead bacteria, mucus, salts.

Carry on and not looking forward to biting on fan belts whilst on the toilet.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 19, 2013 10:06AM

Famous People With Irritable Bowel Syndrome

1.Tyra Banks

While the model and talk-show host quizzed guest Janet Jackson with embarrassing questions on her show, Tyra, in 2006, Banks revealed a private fact of her own.

"I'm very gassy," she told Jackson and the audience, explaining that she has irritable bowel syndrome

2.Jenny McCarthy
The former Playboy Playmate and host of MTV's Singled Out wrote in her 1997 autobiography, Jen-X: Jenny McCarthy's Open Book, that she doesn't need to diet and exercise to stay thin—she's such a nervous wreck living in Hollywood that she has chronic diarrhea.

The outspoken actress and mom has also talked openly about her IBS symptoms (mainly gas and diarrhea) on The Howard Stern Show and in Arena magazine.

3.Kurt Cobain
"Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach," the Nirvana front man wrote in his 1994 suicide note. For years, Cobain had talked openly and written in his journal about a painful stomach ailment that doctors had been unable to diagnose.

The 2007 biography Kurt Cobain: Oh Well, Whatever, Nevermind claims that this pain was partially what drove the rocker to self-medicate with, and eventually become addicted to, heroin. In 2004, The Guardian wrote that Cobain's IBS-like symptoms were likely exacerbated by his poor diet, which consisted mainly of Kraft macaroni and cheese and Strawberry Quik, and contained few, if any, fruits or vegetables.

4.John F. Kennedy
When a presidential historian and medical consultant examined the late president's medical records in 2002, it was discovered that Kennedy suffered from many painful and potentially debilitating ailments that he hid from the public—including severe bouts of diarrhea, which doctors suspected might have been ulcerative colitis.

"Repeated examinations did not confirm that," reported The New York Times. "Their ultimate diagnosis was spastic colitis, which today would be described as irritable bowel syndrome." Kennedy took antidiarrheal drugs for relief, and was given supplemental testosterone to help him regain weight and strength.


5.Adolf Hitler
The late Fritz Redlich, MD, wrote Hitler: Diagnosis of a Destructive Prophet in 1998 after pouring through thousands of documents and medical records from the Nazi leader's personal physician.

He learned that Hitler was a hypochondriac with a history of vascular spasms, headaches, and abdominal spasms—among other health concerns—and concluded that the dictator probably suffered from irritable bowel syndrome made worse by the wide variety of medications he took on a regular basis.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/19/2013 10:08AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 19, 2013 11:24AM

That's an impressive list of people Beh, and with the exception of Hitler its good to know the rich, powerful and famous have spent their fair share of time on the porcelain goddess.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and I can think of no better occasion then the table, to talk about IBS and bowel health as well.

Yet some are not comfortable with this. Some don't want to offend the host of a meal, with all the spreadings lined up with those fancy napkins and silverware.

That turkey and gravy looks delicious to most, but for people with IBS, this leads to sweating under their best clothing, and images of the glaze that will henceforth make its appearance.

It is not rude to say no, just explain to the host, that either you'll be shitting like old faithful, or for a more conservative approach, say you have to watch what you eat for dietary reasons. This is usually enough to avoid further probing, and might just save their expensive seat covers.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 19, 2013 12:13PM

I wish we had omacka, which is Slovak gravy here. I'm scared of this meal. The amount and types of foods, its too much for my stomach. All Saints Day growing up used to be fun, but here its a puddling mess.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 19, 2013 01:14PM

Fecally fascinating!

In WW2, German tanks in Africa, considered it good luck, to run over camel shit. Rommel may not have been the desert fox, without this good luck charm. By all means I am going to bring this up at Thanksgiving dinner for the blue hairs in our family, as well for those who find historical information interesting.

Gordo is that gravy that much different? If so can I buy it here as gravy here just ravishes my intestines. By the time it gets to the exit hole, its a watery mess I contend with for days.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 19, 2013 01:14PM

If I eat what everyone else eats on Thanksgiving, it will be a "crapshoot".

Either I will have immediate explosive diarrhea, or two days later will be giving birth to a 10 pound bowel brick.

Both scenerios are agonizing.

I'll have to stick to applesauce, plain white bread and Metamucil to avoid pain and embarrassment , further alienating family and friends.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 19, 2013 01:37PM

Yes BEH,a case of sirra sirra, what will be will.

Here is an idea that might help, although it seems your "gift packages" await a couple days at least.

Yet if they don't, or anyone has brown sludge running down their legs at this special dinner, you are not "shit out of luck." Bring plastic molds for cooking brownies. Put your remnants in these, preferably with disposal gloves or tongs if possible.

Throw them in the freezer for thirty minutes to an hour. Confuse and distract others with magic tricks or play Trivial Pursuit. While they have let their guard down, take these frozen pieces of poop, and place them under the table.

While you have to feel sorry that the,dog might be punished sometimes you just have to do this to the family pooch.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 19, 2013 01:43PM

I think I'll just bow out for the holidays, and sit on the bowl.

I have a wonderful flat screen in the bathroom.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 20, 2013 08:03AM

It never ends. Last night I had a painful crap. This morning the area near my anus is bright red. While its hidden from view unless I use a mirror, are there creams to use?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 20, 2013 08:14AM

Proctitis is an inflammation of the lining of the rectum. The rectum is a muscular tube that's connected to the end of your colon. Stool passes through the rectum on its way out of the body.

Proctitis can cause rectal pain and the continuous sensation that you need to have a bowel movement. Proctitis symptoms can be short-lived, or they can become chronic.

Proctitis is common in people who have inflammatory bowel diseases. Sexually transmitted infections are another frequent cause. Proctitis also can be a side effect of radiation therapy for certain cancers.

Ask your doctor before using over-the-counter (OTC) diarrhea medicines. Don't take OTC anti-diarrhea drugs, such as loperamide (Imodium A-D), without your doctor's OK.
Avoid food just before bedtime.

Eating just before going to bed may stimulate your digestive system and cause you to have bowel movements and discomfort at night.

Take over-the-counter pain relievers. Acetaminophen (Tylenol, others), aspirin or ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, others) may relieve your discomfort. However, if you have colitis, pain relievers such as aspirin or ibuprofen could make your condition worse.
Talk to your doctor before taking them. Use a sitz bath with warm water.

A sitz bath fits over the toilet. You can get one at a medical supply store.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 20, 2013 08:37AM

I have taken it upon myself, to write to Richmond, and asked those assholes to sponsor Bowel Awareness Day. With one in five Americans contending with an anal bit of agony, it is my hope that they will make it a day of observance to those of us who occupy a stall at their work, groaning and screaming in agony, and yet don't let that or shitty undergarments to weigh them down.

One day we should wear brown, as a display of our solidarity, along with knowingly showing we aren't alone. We will never waver, no matter how shitty it gets.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 20, 2013 08:40AM

The NIDDK Bowel Control Awareness Campaign
If you, someone you know, or someone you treat has a bowel control problem, it can be hard to discuss. But talking about the problem is the first step toward management. So, let's talk about bowel control.

Bowel control problems, also called fecal incontinence, are

common
manageable
often treatable
not always a part of aging
On this website, you'll find information to help you start the conversation. Also included are steps people can take on their own that may help improve bowel control.

http://www.bowelcontrol.nih.gov/

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 20, 2013 12:03PM

I think I'm going to go home. Feeling down after coming back to my desk, with the usual air freshners, Mr Poopy Pants stickers, and the like. It's frustrating. I'm not trying to ruin colleagues days. I don't wish they had this but understood more.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 20, 2013 12:23PM

Because IBS is, for the most part, an "invisible illness," it can be hard for the non-suffferer to "get it".

A lack of understanding often leads to a tendency to minimize the distress of the other person.

Educating yourself about the biology behind the distress can give you insight and help you respond with more empathy.

One way to get started: Remember, in detail, the worst "stomach flu" you ever experienced.

A recall of those physical symptoms that you experienced can give you a glimpse of what it is like to walk in the shoes of someone who suffers from chronic GI distress.

The person best equipped to make decisions regarding how to handle IBS is the person who has IBS.

They knows their body best and have learned from experience what works and what makes things worse. Also, remember that IBS is unpredictable. What works today might not work tomorrow and what was fine last week might not be so fine this week.

The last thing someone needs when they are suffering from severe digestive symptoms is to feel like someone is blaming or judging them for something that they chose to do or chose to eat.

Therefore let them make decisions regarding what to eat, what foods to avoid, and how much to eat.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 20, 2013 12:27PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think I'm going to go home. Feeling down after
> coming back to my desk, with the usual air
> freshners, Mr Poopy Pants stickers, and the like.
> It's frustrating. I'm not trying to ruin
> colleagues days. I don't wish they had this but
> understood more.

Gordon,

Based upon your write up, and while I have not personally met you, I think you would be well served to make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 20, 2013 12:31PM

Gordo, don't worry.

I’ve also experienced more direct unpleasantries from doctors who project an icy, or even a rude demeanor.

A poor bedside manner does affect a patient’s emotional disposition; it does heighten any anxiety, and it certainly ensures difficulty in forming a positive bond with a professional who’s in a field that’s supposed to alleviate illness.

Don't listen to Anon Doc.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: asstoolz ()
Date: November 20, 2013 02:16PM

::::::
Attachments:
2013-11-17-14-21-20-663997713.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 20, 2013 02:40PM

You could listen to beh Gordon, who immaturely talks about bowel conditions, being like a sputtering engine or some other tacky and juvenile commentary, or see a psychiatrist.

Anxiety is a component of IBS. Women suffer from IBS at a three to one ratio compared to men, but I beg to differ. The New England Journal of Medicine is going to publish an article next year, that indicates men are more likely to avoid the doctor for IBS. In my practice I'm seeing more male patients lately, and 60% or so have anxiety. A psychiatrist can make this diagnosis, and with some SSRI medications, patients have seen a decrease in IBS systems.

Which probiotic are you taking, if you are comfortable discussing this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 20, 2013 02:43PM

Oh boy, that is a wonderful bowel movement!

It must have been a pleasure to pass.

It also appears to be a total elimination. Its a perfect mold of the intestines.

Congratulations, you should be proud.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 20, 2013 03:24PM

A rabbit shits 500 pellets a day! God forbid if one of these creatures has IBS D, although C wouldn't be a cake walk either.

We need some slogans for IBS month. Here are some that might do,

Get your butt in gear, forget the smear
Take it easy, not too cheesy
The Groan Throne is not your friend, especially for ones rear end
Even with Abdominal Cramping, you still can go camping
Tread Gently with your rear end, because if it whithers, you will bend.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 21, 2013 07:27AM

This morning I feel proud, as a great load, has been lowered off of my lower intestines.

I think the two huge servings of rice did the trick, as what came out was a #4 on the Bristol Guide. Although rare each time this happens, I just feel as if a major accomplishment has been achieved. In the battle of the bowels, this is a clear victory!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 21, 2013 07:40AM

B.O., everyday is a new experience. Eventually we can find the best diet to keep our agony at a minimum.

But I know the feeling you experienced this morning. Nothing is better than a good bowel emptying elimination.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 21, 2013 09:20AM

Thank you as today's accomplishment feels good, and I plan on accomplishing something today, that does not involve the throne and or underwear.

If our pain can show others they are not alone, we have done our duty, and have earned that brown stripe for our efforts. Many are just like us, I'm a stall teeth gnashing toes tapping to keep from screaming out in agony, saving others from being worried that a crime is in progress. We are warriors, and even though our battle of the bowels is a thankless position, let's dust the brown off our rectums and stand up strong.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fuck!!!!! ()
Date: November 21, 2013 11:57AM

You are a nasty mfer!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 21, 2013 12:13PM

Fuck!!!!! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are a nasty mfer!

You either don't understand, or are in denial.

I suppose elimination is very routine for you? Well not for us!

Or, you're as anal retentive as the rest of us, but are living a lie.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 21, 2013 12:45PM

Walgreens 20 billion culture probiotics Dr does this amount seem like a lot or too little? No changes as my car is going in for yet another cleaning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 21, 2013 02:47PM

Television shows are notorious for ignoring IBS, or discussing any bowel related topics. Back in the 1970s and 1980s, All in the Family and the Cosby show broke down racial barriers. Several sitcoms have had homosexual main characters, this making such practices/relationships more accepted by the American population.

Other shows have focused on successful women, but God forbid one of the characters having colon rectal concerns. There is no character watching his diet, no visits to the GI specialist, or even a character who spends a lot of time on the groan throne. A shame that in 2013, no one is representing the 20%, who's bowels scream.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Butt hurt ()
Date: November 21, 2013 06:28PM

My girlfriend likes it in the butt. Is cum good for the colon? Maybe the ky helps the other stuff move on out.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 22, 2013 08:53AM

Dr I take 20 billion culture probiotics from Wal Mart. So far I'm having a rough day at home. How do you explain to your boss about your butt problems?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 22, 2013 09:03AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr I take 20 billion culture probiotics from Wal
> Mart. So far I'm having a rough day at home. How
> do you explain to your boss about your butt
> problems?

Gordorsky, I had my proctologist write a letter to my boss.

The boss didn't even finish the letter, the content disturbed him so.

Never bothered me again. Would not dare.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 23, 2013 12:36PM

Gordon,

If your doctor told you 20 billion cultures go with that, but many patients have reported more success with the widely available 40 billion. The probiotics with Bifantis show the most promise, but remember they are not a medication, cure, etc etc.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Fister ()
Date: November 24, 2013 11:15AM

Fist and you are gonna be cleared out fucker

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 25, 2013 06:49AM

I awake this morning disappointed. Let down my bowels yet again, my efforts this morning came no where close to number 4 on the Bristol Stool Chart. My rear end is a work in progress, but I hoped my change in diet would lead to less passing of anchors and anvils.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dfgjhj ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:17AM

sounds like its fisting time again

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:26AM

Ah, me too, Bloom.

I spent a good part of an hour on the bowl trying to expell a monumental colonic cinderblock.

I grunted and groaned, pushed and cajoled, prayed and cursed, and then finally , the huge mass began to move.

One last hard flex of the Schphinkter combined with gravity did the trick. I braced myself for the impending unnatural stretching of the anal opening, and with a grimace and a whimper the gargantuan object dropped into the bowl with a plop and a splash loud enough to awaken and frighten the entire household.

I suppose my cry of pain contributed to the fracas.

Inspection of the offending turd revealed a large, extremely dry turd not in accordance with the specifications of my rectum.

Damage was done this morning , hopefully it is reversible ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:29AM

dfgjhj Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sounds like its fisting time again

Sir, that comment may be amusing to you, but I guarantee the laughter would subside quickly if you shit an object the size of a Mini-Cooper.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: trrrww ()
Date: November 25, 2013 07:32AM

post it on ratemypoo for fun and votes

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 25, 2013 10:37AM

Beh I'm sorry you didn't get that elusive, most desirable #4 that all of us aim for. I have to ask you, if you don't mind, is a lot of your diet breads? A loaf can lead to a larger one based upon which type of breadis consume
Our bowels have let us down today nonetheless. Our thrashinig in the stall is not our fault but rather our bowels deserve a scarlet letter of shame.

Toiling at the toilet leads to pain and unproductive times. These are not your fault, or that of who bite down on fan belts during defecation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 25, 2013 11:13AM

Bloomio, I had to eliminate bread from my diet.

I also stopped consuming dairy.

Really, all I eat is meat, vegetables, fruit and Metamucil.

After todays fiasco, I may have to submit to a Sphincterotomy, which would be the only anal procedure I haven't had yet.

Yes, I'll be batting 1.000 as far as having had every investigatory procedure and anal/rectal/colonic scope up my ass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 25, 2013 12:58PM

I'm so sorry to hear of your dietary considerations, but I admire your courage. You literally put your ass on the line for society, and have helped explain what happens at the proctologists orifice office take your pick. I guess your Thanksgiving is going to be a tad limited, but I still wish you the best of wishes.

I am thankful to have been invited to a neighbors Thanksgiving meal, and am making preparations about bowel related topics. Working on hand designed napkins, which will have the Bristol Stool Guide on one side, and on the reverse info about IBS.

It is our duty to talk about our bowels, and to bring up the foods, that leave us shaking like leaves.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 26, 2013 07:34AM

Beh I thank you spaseba as lately my boss has been difficult.

This makes me more stressed out. As you probably guessed, it makes my IBS worse. I'm more gassy also.

I hope once my boss gets the letter, he will leave me alone. Today I visit the doctor, am nervous but want help.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 26, 2013 07:54AM

It is not entirely clear how stress, anxiety, and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) are related -- or which one comes first -- but studies show they tend to co-exist.

"If you do diagnostic interviews, what you find is that about 60% of IBS patients will meet the criteria for one or more psychiatric disorders," says Edward Blanchard, PhD, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany.

The most common mental ailment suffered by people with IBS is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), says Blanchard. He suspects that more than 60% of IBS patients with a psychiatric illness have GAD. Another 20% have depression, and the rest have other disorders.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 26, 2013 11:24AM

A bit worried that the brown gravy, is going to lead to disaster at my neighbors Thanksgiving dinner. The fact that squash is on the menu, makes me contemplate bringing charcoal underwear and wearing lots of cologne.

Smelling like shit and or ruining a chair that belonged to Aunt Edna, is a guaranteed way to make you persona non grata as soon as your crap flies out. You can only blame the dog, cats or other pets for so long.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are hard on those with bowel issues. Please consider adding extra rolls of toilet paper for your guests, or if you are really generous, a change of drawers. People with bowel problems are quite often intelligent and engaging guests to have the yuletide log or breaking the wishbone with.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 26, 2013 12:23PM

With a little advance planning, it is possible to have IBD and be able to enjoy holiday gatherings. That said, be realistic about how many social events you can attend without it impacting your health.

If you are invited to a cocktail party, try eating before you go, so you will not be tempted to nibble on foods that might cause you problems.

Or, you can offer to bring an appetizer to share, so that there will be at least one thing you know you can eat.

Dinner parties may be a bit more challenging, but there should rarely be a need for you to decline an invitation and stay home.

Start by contacting the host ahead of time to explain that you have some dietary restrictions (no need to go into a lot of detail), and inquire about what he or she plans to serve. With any luck, there will be some things on the menu that you are able to eat.

Depending on what you learn, you may want to let your host know that you plan to bring some extra food to round out your plate; you can even offer to make enough for all of the guests.


This may feel awkward the first time, but remember that a good host will want to know that you are as comfortable as possible.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/26/2013 12:24PM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Raisin Bran ()
Date: November 26, 2013 12:25PM

If you really wanna dump, eat a hole box a Raisin Bran. Two hours you will drop a lotta shit

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 26, 2013 01:17PM

While Behs approach to this conundrum is reasonable, I don't like the fact you are hiding bowel maladies. From a liability stand point, its best to be up front, and you might just find someone else at the festive event that later will share your anguish. This also let's the host know, that the bathroom ratio to guest should be lowered.

When flies appear on a couch a few days later, if you didn't inform the host, you could be facing a judge in civil court. You didn't give the chance to provide people with time, to put down disposable towels, blankets, and the like.

I also find that Thanksgiving and Christmas parties are an opening. You must be an advocate for your predicament. If you had heart arrhythmia or lung cancer, you could speak about this. Yet far too many are shy about their bowels. It's a disservice to you and others whom groan on a toilet for hours, people will be in awe of your battle and perseverance.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: November 26, 2013 02:26PM

I'll never forget Thanksgiving 1985, Aunt Alice and Uncle Sylvesters house.

After dinner, we all gathered around the television to watch the game between the New York Jets and the Detroit Lions.

Suddenly, I was besieged by a bowel bulging that snapped the buttons on my jeans and browned my BVD's.

With all the nonchalance I could muster I waddled to the bathroom, which thankfully was unoccupied.

Even though the extremely hard, dry stool had bypassed the usually dependale Schphinkter muscle , like the iceberg that sunk the Titanic, it was only partially visable.

The tapered end of the stool had sullied my shorts, but the lions share was still moving with agonizing lack of momentum.

Now, the beer drinkers were pounding on the door, demanding potty time for their own relief, oblivious to the fact that I was attempting to extradite a turd the length and width of a rugby ball.

Spurred on by the frantic pleas of the impatient pissers, and my own embarrassment, I called upon my Schphinkter to perform above and beyond the call of normal human duty.

Fueled by adrenaline and the horror of impending discovery, I pushed with such force and gusto that I felt consciousness begin to slip away.

Then with one last final heave, the gargantuan log finally unjammed and cascaded into the water, much like a rockets reentry into the earths atmosphere and the ocean. What a splash!

Oh, and the pain! Pushing a large object through such a small orifice with leave you with more than a benign injury, I'll tell you that!

Well, I devised an ass napkin from toilet paper to stem the flow of shit caked blood , threw my god forsaken underpants out the window, and walked out of the bathroom, seemingly unaffected.

It took all my will to last out the evening, and I believed that I had gone through the ordeal undetected. I was wrong.

Turns out the criminally massive movement was so dry and large it damaged the plumbing; it did not take rocket science to trail back to the offending turd, and its creator.

Needless to say, Aunt Alice and Uncle Sylvesters holiday invitations abrubtly ceased. Eventually any and all invitations to any gathering..holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and funerals were conspicuous by their absence.


My name is BEH, and I suffer from IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: November 26, 2013 07:18PM

BEH,


I will never complain about any dump again. Ever.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 27, 2013 09:30AM

That is what I'm talking about, a perfect brown and white explanation of what we have to go through. I have to see my proctologist, or rather my rear end does but I'm inspired but what you have posted.

In the coming days, I will write about my colon rectal woes and will keep you informed about what medical contraption I have shoved up my ass later.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 27, 2013 02:02PM

Beh Onion, happy thanksgiving. Let's hope flare ups are minimal. That would be something to be thankful about.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 28, 2013 09:00AM

Today most people will be with their families enjoying this annual tradition, and most believe the only unhappy guest at the table is the turkey. Thats not always the case. If you have a person at the table squirming in their chair or sweating profusely, theres a good chance this person has bowel problems.

I hope families across the fruited plains will pray together for a cure for IBS. A lot of Americans tonight or sometime tomorrow will have a monster shit after dining, but this is a once a year event. For others this is daily or worse.

One food to avoid is squash if you have IBS. You'll be shitting buckets if you consume this, with messy results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: xwazsa ()
Date: November 28, 2013 09:09AM

so no explosive diarrhea at the table ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ()
Date: November 28, 2013 10:02AM

..
Attachments:
diah.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 28, 2013 12:15PM

These write ups continue to deteriorate.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Fister ()
Date: November 28, 2013 05:43PM

Fist after dinner you'll clear your colon out.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Phlegm777 ()
Date: November 28, 2013 07:33PM

Cranberry=ouch!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 29, 2013 06:45AM

I really hate Thanksgiving. Last night was a disaster. I couldn't avoid the chocolates and cheese filled potatoes. The wine should have been avoided. Thank goodness I have today off.

My neighbors are not going to invite me again. I clogged one of their toilets with a stinky mess. Even worse was one bathroom was occupied. I had no choice but to crap in their cats kitty litter box, and also their hamper.

I feel bad about wiping my ass with their now dirtier laundry. This was awful, and my underwear was thrown away, and I believe my Toyota Echo is going to need another steam cleaning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ydeess ()
Date: November 29, 2013 08:02AM

time to start wearing depends

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Farty Smartie ()
Date: November 29, 2013 09:19AM

This reeks of shit! He shit every where!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: November 29, 2013 10:53AM

Gordon didn't I suggest seeing a psychiatrist?

You cannot eat what you want, despite how much you want such foods. Look up the word restraint.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: SMH91 ()
Date: November 29, 2013 01:28PM

You've got the shitz lol

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: November 29, 2013 06:20PM

I have to admit that Thanksgiving dinner last night did sneak up on me. It was a relief, a tremendous joy in fact, to run into my house and just unload the contents that had been built up over dinner.

That must have been a record, and while I can't empathize directly as some here have suffered, that was a wake up call that jostled me a bit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: November 30, 2013 09:02AM

The sooner that those of us have below average O rings can announcesuch in public, without laughter or condemnation will be great. Free at last, free at last, our rrear ends won't dictate our days for us.

I was lucky that my family freely discussed their health problems at the table. Others sadly have to cower in fear or follow the house rules.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: November 30, 2013 12:56PM

Onion I'm glad you have that kind of support, as the car cleaning people yelled at me and charged extra. Now to avoid pumpkin pie, I think it hurts even though I love it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eesh..... ()
Date: December 01, 2013 08:11AM

bowels doin ok this morning

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 01, 2013 09:19AM

I've been reading the threads here, much more informative, honest then the IBS support groups.

Those are okay. Not knocking them but I like seeing what IBS is all about clearly, so others may understand what I go through on a at least weekly basis.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 986467 ()
Date: December 01, 2013 11:45AM

...
Attachments:
images-1.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Durtma Girt ()
Date: December 01, 2013 03:14PM

The underground, this is an all time low ever.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 02, 2013 07:44AM

For me, this holiday was wonderfully non eventful.

The bowels weren't perfect, but did not get out of control at the wrong time.

Maybe through trial and error , I'm learning?

Anyway, there is still Christmas and New Year to get through, and my Schphinkter is twitching in anticipation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 02, 2013 11:38AM

My Slavic brother I am happy for you. My thanksgiving was a disaster.I never want to go that car wash again. I'm embarrassed to see my neighbors after that. I don't know what to say to them

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 02, 2013 11:52AM

Toilet taboo - talking about bowel problems.

It is a difficult area to talk about.

People can just about accept bladder problems, but bowels seem to be a real no no.

Toilet talk is common when we have young children but we don't expect to have to think about it again in later life.

Many people feel awkward talking about bowel problems but all health professionals should understand so don't be shy in raising this.

Your GP or continence advisor are experienced in dealing with these problems and should be able to put you at your ease.

If only I had discussed this with someone sooner it would have saved years of uncertainty, worry, loss of dignity and freedom.

Many hospitals and local primary care services now have a continence advisor, or continence nursing service, that deals specifically with bladder and bowel problems.

In some areas you may be able to contact continence services directly, or else your GP can make a referral.

'Talking about bowel symptoms might not be as traumatic as you may imagine, and the solution may be straightforward'


There's no need to struggle – health professionals don't have a problem talking about bowel issues – it's the rest of the population that does!

I tend to just say "I can't poo"

Although health professionals might tend to use more medical language such as faeces or stool, using poo or number 2's is fine. Use the language you feel happiest with.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2013 11:53AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 02, 2013 03:41PM

I am impressed by Behs advice Gordon, and see that he's turning a page, towards maturity and being a productive advocate for IBS.

His advice is solid, nothing myself or other medical professionals is going to shock us. I urge you to see a doctor.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 03, 2013 07:46AM

I just got back from a visit with the GI yesterday. Gordo do see a Dr as while my ass is betraying me this morning, I believe that thumb up my rear end is worth it. I'm thankful no medical devices were thrown in the chocolate starfish this time.

My Dr is not afraid to use words like BEH said. In his office they use words like bowel movements, stools, feces, etc. I'm now going to avoid red meat, as this might be the item to avoid. I hope my butt stops quivering.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 03, 2013 07:55AM

Whenever you see a physician ask questions.

If you are not getting your questions answered to your satisfaction go elsewhere. You should always expect an assistant to be with the physician during an examination.

Often the physician will do an anoscopy or proctoscopy - scopes that allow them to see inside. Bottoms up (pun intended)!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2013 07:56AM by BEH.
Attachments:
Anoscopy.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 03, 2013 10:55AM

Goodness, for the love of God! Now I am afraid to see the other doctor. If he's going to insert these I just can't do this

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 03, 2013 11:30AM

www.ccalliance.org
Attachments:
colonoscopy-dummies.png

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 03, 2013 04:10PM

Gordon for a moment I thought these write ups were going in a positive direction, but once again the immaturity returns. See a psychiatrist, and then make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

The colonoscopy of today is far less invasive than years ago, and benzodiazepines can provide comfort.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: December 03, 2013 05:15PM

Reading this thread, I'm now scared shitless of going to get the backside checked when its time. Its still a few years off, but those pictures of various medical apparatus, oh they are going to have to knock me "on my ass" out before doing this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 499 ()
Date: December 04, 2013 05:33AM

My bowels love this stuff
Attachments:
image.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 04, 2013 06:32AM

That just makes my bowels shake, and gives me a desire, to literally cover my ass. Whilst surely delicious, that would create a brick, that would make a kidney stone easy to pass.

My ass just hurts, thinking of such entrees. Everything from south of the border is Montezumas revenge.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 04, 2013 09:21AM

What has helped keep my drawers cleaner is fish oil. While I can tell yellow in the front, brown in the back is the way to put my Fruit of the Looms on, I believe fish oil has helped my IBS. Plus cutting out greasy foods. These have made a 75% difference, but what I want is a cure for IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 04, 2013 11:41AM

My intestines are trouble makers, they are always making up shit.

I just finished a sandwich and soup. Lunch tasted good, but what happens to such items?

They travel! Did you know your large intestine is 6 feet, and that your small one is 24 feet?

That's right, a lot of length.

What helps is mucous. Also they are named for their width rather then their length.

Take care of your intestines, and your ass will literally thank you with desirable results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: NOVA Alexandria ()
Date: December 04, 2013 02:58PM

There used to be a math teacher at the Alexandria campus of NOVA, who used the word "bowels"' on a regular basis. For instance "if you went down to the bowels of this building. The professor was old, so guess it was common lingo from back in the day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 05, 2013 07:23AM

Your bowels and how you treat them, can determine a lot about your health. In a way they are the human version of your cars radiator and water pump.

Fried foods have obviously been established as unhealthy, with regards to cholesterol and blood pressure, but now some studies show higher colon rectal cancers showing up in those who consume such foods and the associated trans fats. They can create blockages in your rectum, or lead to explosive diarrhea if you have IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 05, 2013 09:10AM

This is crazy. I walk in my cubicle, and someone drew Mr Poopy Pants all over my day planner, and tied car air fresheners to my chair. A jar of peanut butter with "Gordorskys Poop" is on the desk. I'm going to complain to my boss.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 05, 2013 10:58AM

Gordo that sounds like harassment in the work place. I'm not sure if the ADA covers bowels. It should protect you, because one in five Americans has recurring bowel issues. I'd take a heaping crap on the boss desk.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 05, 2013 11:27AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordo that sounds like harassment in the work
> place. I'm not sure if the ADA covers bowels. It
> should protect you, because one in five Americans
> has recurring bowel issues. I'd take a heaping
> crap on the boss desk.


While your write up is obnoxious Onion, in the interest of accuracy, one in seven Americans have bowel medical concerns.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Never Again ()
Date: December 05, 2013 12:30PM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordon for a moment I thought these write ups were
> going in a positive direction, but once again the
> immaturity returns. See a psychiatrist, and then
> make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
>
> The colonoscopy of today is far less invasive than
> years ago, and benzodiazepines can provide
> comfort.

God, I hope so. But the prep is the worst part by far. Is it any less awful now?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 05, 2013 03:27PM

Go fuck yourself doc, do you enjoy jamming the medical apparatus in your anal cavity regularly? Is the back of your coat brown?

Your colon is an amazing marvel, and contributes greatly in the digestive process. That pizza slice you are jamming down your throat has to travel 30 feet plus, before saying goodbye to your body, splashing down ii n the ocean like the Gemini and Mercury astronauts did years ago.

I am happy today, to report a #4 #2, that passed through with minimal straining.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: December 06, 2013 05:49AM

Where on earth is that burrito from? I'll never complain about a huge Baja Fresh one again for sure!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 06, 2013 08:14AM

Have a problem with mucous? Turned off by it or think its gross? You need to apologize to this, as it provides an avenue of assistance to your bowels. This makes your visits to the toilet far more pleasurable.

This mucous is produced in your intestines. Get on a more personal level with this 31 feet of love. The more you know the better for your end results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 06, 2013 09:37AM

My boss heard my complaints as he called them. He just sat in his chair behind his desk. His eyes were glazed over but he said he would put a memo out about professional conduct. I hope this helps I'm so tired of the snickering.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 06, 2013 10:54AM

Good luck with that, I'm home at "the other office" :(

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 06, 2013 02:15PM

We had a phenomenal discussion at lunch about bowels today. One of my co workers also has IBS, and has accidentally dropped a few loads in her panties.

It's refreshing to know others content with this shit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 08, 2013 02:41PM

I'm trying to watch American football,and learn more about this game.

Every three to five minutes I have a bowel movement. There was almost a pile of crap on the loveseat, and I'm wondering if installing a tv in the bathroom might be a good idea. My poor asshole is exhausted.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 09, 2013 08:38AM

It appears this weather has delayed my UPS delivery. Even the shit brown trucks can't get through this Lilly white snow.

I'm excited about having Bristol Stool Charts in each of my three bathrooms. Now family, friends, and guests can pick a number.

I am thinking about a large chart, which will be framed in my living room.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: This shit still? ()
Date: December 09, 2013 10:44AM

How can your ass and or shit being interesting?
Attachments:
file-1.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 09, 2013 11:38AM

"Not this shit again." That is what 20% of people say, as one in five have bowel issues.

As your intestines and colon scream, its all about what shows up in the toilet. Your diet and efforts should give you a #4 hopefully, but with most that's not the case. Drink lots of water, and this can increase the effectiveness of the mucous propelling your bowel movement to the toilet of your choice.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 09, 2013 12:30PM

It can be very hard to cope with the embarrassment of bowel disease.

We dread having to rush for the toilet, having an accident, creating smells, and, as a result, being ridiculed.

Being on dietary treatment can also be difficult. The psychological effects of not being able to eat can be very significant, especially when surrounded by temptation and bombarded by food advertising.

It can also be socially isolating when we cannot eat the same foods as our friends, family, and peers.


Even for those not on an exclusive liquid diet, meals can become something to fear and avoid if food is associated with symptoms such as cramping pain, vomiting and diarrhoea.

People with IBD often feel distressed about being smaller, thinner and less developed than others.

Or, if we are taking high dose steroids for our treatment, we may be worried about putting on weight and becoming fatter, round-faced and spotty.

We may feel even more isolated and out-of-step with our peers if we are unable to join in sports and activities.

It can be hard to cope with the unpredictability of IBD, which might mean feeling great one day, and utterly drained and exhausted the next.

Also, appearances can be deceptive: a person with IBD may not look that unwell even on a day they are feeling awful, especially if they are on steroids.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 09, 2013 02:23PM

Thank you beh, eloquence personified. I feel happy reading this, as I don't suffer alone, constantly fretting about bathroom locations or dealing with abdominal pain.

Dehydration is for real. One time I couldn't stop shitting for three days, and had to be hospitalized. People asked me why I was there. I really wanted to tell the truth, but speaking of my bowel infirmary would lead to embarrassment. Get well cards would have been appreciated, but I don't think people would write here's to your bowels healing, or may your bowels be more cooperative. Fluids and steroids did help, and the first time I shit out a turd the size of a 1980s computer, I knew I was on the road to recovery.

Would you like one of the Bristol Stool Guides for your house?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 10, 2013 08:25AM

Thank goodness barely anyone is at work. My cubicle is a mess.I'm embarrassed and should not have had Taco Bells nachos Grande last night. Obviously the results speak and or smell for themselves.

I want to eat such foods and this makes me sad. Now off to find cleaning supplies.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 10, 2013 12:47PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank goodness barely anyone is at work. My
> cubicle is a mess.I'm embarrassed and should not
> have had Taco Bells nachos Grande last night.
> Obviously the results speak and or smell for
> themselves.
>
> I want to eat such foods and this makes me sad.
> Now off to find cleaning supplies.


Use strong anti bacterial formulas. Sorry man but bacteria that can piss off the whole office, could be residing in the piles of poo.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 10, 2013 12:59PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank goodness barely anyone is at work. My
> cubicle is a mess.I'm embarrassed and should not
> have had Taco Bells nachos Grande last night.
> Obviously the results speak and or smell for
> themselves.
>
> I want to eat such foods and this makes me sad.
> Now off to find cleaning supplies.


Gordo, I feel your pain, yet you are eligable for a slight reprimand.

Taco Bell is absoloutly the worst thing you could consume.

The digestive system genetically predisposed for such food as Bryndzove pirohy ,Bryndzove halusky,Kapustnica , and Kapor so zemiakovym salatom,
can't be expected to digest Nachos Grande.

What we need is a East European grocery around here... but until then, stay away from the over processed fast foods my man!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 10, 2013 03:27PM

Thank you digestive system, as today has been among the best.

No stomach cramps, leads me to appreciate the colon, upper and lower intestines that are in collaboration today.

There was a #4 earlier. I was overjoyed! No steaks of blood, crap, or discharge leaks. Hoping this continues.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 10, 2013 04:54PM

Congratulations on your fluffy floater Bloomy!

In the holiday spirit, May all your shit masses be light.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 11, 2013 07:32AM

Beh thank you. Your support means a lot. While we cannot earn accolades, a bonus or a nice looking certificate on the wall on our office or home walls marking this accomplishment, it is indeed one.

Just like Sir Edmund Hillarys reference of Mt Everest, "its there," that number 4 number 2 is a rare gem, a success story for those with bowel issues that make us smile.

I head out today to work with a new outlook, clean underwear, and a digestive system that has my back. It's a great feeling.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 11, 2013 11:47AM

Today is a yellow front, brown back kind of day.

My asshole is the Pearl Harbor of 2013.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 11, 2013 12:37PM

Mr Brown, you've come to the right place.

Not much we can do, but offer some tea and sympathy.

However, between myself, Blooming Onion and Gordorsky , we've all noticed improvement in our conditions since we've commenced commiseration.

Although it sounds like you've got the double whammy, bladder AND bowel incontinence, do not dispair. You've got friends here.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Wonderingz ()
Date: December 11, 2013 12:54PM

Does Mike Shanahan Redskins coach have IBS ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 12, 2013 08:41AM

After that I feel like writing an apology letter, to my intestines, colon, and rectum.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 12, 2013 09:11AM

Maybe not an apology letter , but possibly a notice to commence negotiation.

Apparently, our digestive systems have their own methods of procedure, and we have our preferences and desires.


We don't have to be doomed to a lifetime of applesauce and dry toast.

Achieving harmony with our asses is the main goal for 2014.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 12, 2013 03:12PM

Thanks. I hope a Dr can figure this shit out on both ends.

If someone said I would need depends in my 40s I would have laughed at them. Now the baggy pants hide them but still. Deserve better, docs no help just a finger and scopes.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 13, 2013 04:40AM

All night up because of my rear. This just cannot continue, last night I watched television, just about to fall asleep when it happened. I had to call out of work cleaning this up is gonna be a three day process.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 13, 2013 07:40AM

Damn, if only I could go without the feeling that I'm giving birth to a Sasquatch.

I swear, sometimes it seems I need gynological stirrups and a surgical team just to take a dump.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2013 07:40AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 13, 2013 10:57AM

I'm grateful for the bowel battalion here. It's so good to know that screaming like a coyote caught in a trap, with legs kicking the bathroom door, has been experienced by others. We will not gnash our teeth out in pain, without another human being enduring the painful process.

For us a commode is a reminder of agony. Of unloading waste in our intestines that seems to never end. The color brown can make us sweat by sight alone, and those greasy fast food joints taken for granted by most are not for us.

It would be good if a 1800 number could be set up, like how Butterball does during Thanksgiving. That would be a great resource before, during, and after crapping a Dodge Dart.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 13, 2013 12:32PM

I'm glad as well. The experience of this, how can I date women when I shit my Depends, and often piss in them? I don't want to date 80 year old women used to catheters and colostomy bags.

Today has been a bad one, but I have a new trick. In the front section above my genitals, I've found that a good place to store wet toilettes.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 13, 2013 12:52PM

I'm still scrubbing shit out of the carpets. Sorry but I'm tired. I don't think a maid service would respond to this. If they did it would be expensive embarrassing. There's no excuse. The bedsheets are a easy fix in the washing machine.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 13, 2013 01:32PM

I'm sorry Gordo, shit sucks.

I forgot who bravely shared an experience with their bowels, but now I've decided to put my shit on the line, as this could be therapeutic. Years ago I was at my aunt Edna's house, for a family holiday gathering. It should have been festive, but a rather large yuletide log quashed that in a matter of seconds.

I enjoyed the hams, pumpkin pie, and Potato Casserole. I liked seeing my usually grumpy Uncle Charlie smile and do an Irish jig. Everything was perfect, as if this Martha Stewart Show atmosphere could go on forever.

Unfortunately that didn't last, as I couldn't contain my gas. It stunk, and seemed to permeate the living room, like some kind of toxic cloud. People started to look each other as if to cast blame, as if I was the Judas and sold away family heirlooms for thirty shekels.

My stomach told me all I needed to know. Doubled over in pain I ran into the bathroom. To my horror, the monster I dropped caused the toilet to overflow. Guests and family members got shoes of water with some extra ingredients. Ever since that moment, I realized my bowels betrayed me.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 13, 2013 01:46PM

Thanks onion, I'm frustrated. I'm also worried about the office holiday party.

Since I'm already not liked, I don't want to go, and put applesauce and non buttered toast in ziploc bags. Its so unfair, no fudge, cheese, or candies.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 13, 2013 03:41PM

A suggestion for fellows who deal with bowel problems.

Today I found something helpful. Ajax, it works well. The brown carpet is no longer.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 14, 2013 07:42AM

Sodas and coffee are considered just a beverage by many. They are consumed without thought, and taken for granted by the general population.

While the intention of soda sales for commerce can be good, this can lead to unspoken horrors for those who have subpar bowels. One man's constitution might be as strong as the one penned years ago, while an IBS sufferer can be put into severe pain. There can be cramping, diarrhea, or constipation that's not good for your chocolate starfish or immune system.

Think before you drink.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Fister ()
Date: December 14, 2013 09:23AM

This is still here? Try fisting clear it up no need to post anymore

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 14, 2013 10:57AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thanks onion, I'm frustrated. I'm also worried
> about the office holiday party.
>
> Since I'm already not liked, I don't want to go,
> and put applesauce and non buttered toast in
> ziploc bags. Its so unfair, no fudge, cheese, or
> candies.


Gordon,

Have you had a enzyme linked immunosorbent assay or radioalleegosorbent test done yet?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: phorum/shit ()
Date: December 14, 2013 03:05PM

The underground just gets more damn stupid.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 14, 2013 04:35PM

It's not stupid if your rear end, has let you down and is creating pain for you. It's not that if your forehead veins bulge out, and your skin complexion changes,while you are doing what most consider just another daily duty.

You are an asshole for ignoring the woes of people's assholes.

If you had a #1 or #10 on the Bristol stool guide, you would be pretty upset, and find this support helpful. One day when your ass hurts, remember your indifference.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rockhound ()
Date: December 15, 2013 02:08AM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Damn, if only I could go without the feeling that
> I'm giving birth to a Sasquatch.
>
> I swear, sometimes it seems I need gynological
> stirrups and a surgical team just to take a dump.


Are you hydrated? Some crunches and situps can go a long way with intestinal health.

Chamomile tea can help relax your nerve cells a bit. Mustard seed, fennel, cumin and anise tea aid in digestion and relax the stomach muscles. Psyllium husk powder goes a long way too and can really clean out your system, also keeps you fuller longer.

Maybe your blood's pH is too acidic because of your diet. A little bit of baking soda in water once or twice a day helps bring your body back to the desired 7.3.

You could also be low on magnesium, most people are, especially if you drink or don't eat many greens. You can't poop well without magnesium.

I did a lemon water diet thing a few years ago for five days and didn't eat solid food that whole time. I was still pooping solids on day 5. Maybe you're full of shit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 15, 2013 08:36AM

Exceptional points Rockhound, I couldn't agree more with you, especially greens and water.

Bowels treated harshly are like a woman scorned,and can make ones life miserable in so many ways. Greens plus at least eight glasses of water a day, help the body break down food particles, and greatly improve the Chances of a #4.


You are what you eat and drink is solid advice, ignore that and its bowel screaming time.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 15, 2013 10:53AM

A surgical team,stirrups?

These write ups continue to deteriorate.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 16, 2013 08:17AM

Dr I haven't tried those tests yet. I will ask about it as my bowel issues have become worse this Christmas season.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 16, 2013 08:29AM

If only it was a matter of drinking more water.

My bowel problems are chronic and acute. There are no simple fixes.

Telling me to drink more water to cure constipation is like telling a lung cancer patient to take more vitamin C.

In the meantime , I expelled a Gran Torino sized stool this morning, and developed a hemmoroid that you could play skip rope with.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 16, 2013 12:34PM

Fudge, candy canes, and egg nog leads to projectile crap.

Damn you December.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 16, 2013 01:47PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Fudge, candy canes, and egg nog leads to
> projectile crap.
>
> Damn you December.


Duh, that's why you avoid those trigger foods and beverages.

Plus you don't have to wear piss and fecal soiled Depends, so you have nothing to bitch about.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 16, 2013 02:33PM

Mr. Brown, all here are welcome to lament over their bowels of cement; all allowed to complain over every urine and fecal stain.

For all of us that suffer from the heartbreak of IBM know that it is not only the physical aspect of the dreaded condition that aggrieves us, but also the mental.

What would you want more than something that is forbidden?

Especially during the festivities of the holidays. While most celebrate a white Christmas, we get tickled over a decent elimination. Others feel joy over a long awaited gift...a gift for us is an entire day without smelling like a sewer or having a Picasso in our boxers.

So when one of my incontinent lambs anguishes over the love of forbidden treats I take great offense to any denegrading remarks concerning that anguish.

With all due respect sir, please keep your insensitive comments to yourself.

Gordorsky has a cross to bear,a foul smelling , nauseatingly splattered cross at that. He'd gladly wear a crown of thorns just to have one solid bowel movement over the holidays.

We're here to support each other in our weak moments, and to congtratulate our colonic comrades when they show strength.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2013 02:34PM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 17, 2013 07:06AM

Yesterday was a waste, in more ways then one

When I left my house bathroom, I felt as I should have been given a cigar, with congrats on the birth of your baby. I almost expected to hear he or she is crowning, as this was a monster turd.

I'm hurting this morning, but think recovery is possible. It wasn't as painful as those jagged edge craps, that appear to be like rock formations. Rest, water, and getting back to regular status is today's goal.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 17, 2013 07:58AM

BEH is right, I'm sorry Gordorsky. Please don't take it personally.

Yesterday I sat or you could say shat in my undergarments. It stinks in more ways then one. There are no women who want a man in his late 40s in Depends.

In a way I'm grateful, not too much leakage. But how did people in the 1700s deal with such inevitable messes?

Again Gordorsky I'm sorry, that was my fault.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 17, 2013 08:07AM

Remember the movie "Love Story" Mr. Brown?

Ryan O' Neil says "love means not having to say you're sorry"

In the IBM community , all we have is one another.

This disease could try the patience of Jesus himself.

No harm, no foul, Mr. Brown.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 17, 2013 11:31AM

Very well put. Underwear you made a bad choice of words, but your frustration is understandable. I'm sure Gordo understands.

It's a shitty path we are on. We must fight society and doctors with large index fingers, to gain the rights we deserve.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 17, 2013 12:28PM

Just a word of advice... if your proctologists nickname is "Ringo" you might want to change doctors.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 17, 2013 01:14PM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Just a word of advice... if your proctologists
> nickname is "Ringo" you might want to change
> doctors.


Okay I'm shaking at the thought of that.

The scopes, gloved hands are getting old. It's 2013 and we still have to contend with such invasive procedures, and there's not a thank you note or roses.

There is a bill of course. Paying for fingers in my ass, it is time for advancements in the field.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 17, 2013 01:17PM

Thus the answer to the riddle..

"how does a human thumb become the size of a triple decker bus?"

When it is up your ass my friend, when it is up your ass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 17, 2013 02:13PM

That's accurate BEH.

It's 2013 and each time I visit the doctor, its like I give that cold subhuman psycho the chance to root away and pillage my asshole.

I understand its a medical issue, but that and his personality or lack thereof leave much to be desired.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 18, 2013 06:27AM

I finally feel better. It was touch and go there for several days. I hope my coworkers aren't rude when I come back to work today.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 18, 2013 06:58AM

Gordo, I'm glad to hear that. I hope your coworkers are more understanding.

Last night I started to sweat, as I felt an unexpected special delivery arrive. I had no choice but to,run to the bathroom with all of the speed I could muster.

It was an awful experience. I think I shit out a basketball with stalagmites on it. I almost cried, and while the bleeding has stopped, healing from this one is going to take some time.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 18, 2013 08:57AM

It's back to more of the same. My entire desk has Mr Poop Pants stickers and air fresheners. This is getting old. This just makes my abdomen cramp up, and there's no support from my co workers.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 18, 2013 09:04AM

Your entire digestion system is incredibly delicate. Even the smallest problem can cause it to react poorly, leading to many different types of bowel problems that can cause anything from minor discomfort to significant distress.

Bowel problems are a common problem with anxiety, as the stress from anxiety alters hormones, changes digestion speeds, and puts significant pressure on your intestines.

Thus, dealing with the anxiety caused by the reactions of your co-workers to your bowel problem exacerbates the bowel problems.

There is sympathy for all other disease, nothing but scorn and ridicule for sufferers of IBM.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 18, 2013 10:38AM

Gordo I concur with what BEH posted.

There's an American Heart Association, fundraisers for cancers, diabetes related drives, but for bowels? Shit.

I wish we could have a national group with chapters in every state. Or in every big city. Other disabilities and or conditions have a certain color, such as heart awareness month, breast cancer month. We should have a brown for IBS awareness. It's only fair after all.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Fister ()
Date: December 18, 2013 11:35AM

Just fist away. That will clear things up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 18, 2013 11:49AM

Mister Fister Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Just fist away. That will clear things up.


That would be a terrible idea. I've had one patient this week with anal prolapse, and to put fists or inanimate objects in your rectum is dangerous. I haven't seen any write ups here from people engaged in alternative lifestyles, or those whom have anal sex with women, but either way its playing with fire.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 18, 2013 11:49AM

Very innapropriate, Mister Fister.

Believe me, fisting is the last activity on the minds of the anally imparied.

We're here to seek acceptance, tolerance and understanding.

We have enough problems without having to deal with a balled hand looking to do our schphinkters harm.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Fister ()
Date: December 18, 2013 12:02PM

Fuck you both
Attachments:
images-3.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 18, 2013 01:38PM

That's gorgeous, a sterling clear example of a #4 #2. I would thank the gods of fecal matter, to drop off a load of such Rembrandt like qualities. Whoever passed that has helpful mucous, and a digestive system that should inspire everyone.

I'm thankful that BEH and a medical professional set the tone about anal activities. You aren't going to help this tissue infused area, by jamming objects up there. Exit only.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 18, 2013 01:43PM

Mister Fister, I'm not down with your anti IBM sufferer hostility, but that sure is a wonderful elimination you have a picture of!

Are you the lucky producer? If so, congratulations.


On the rare occasions that I produce a load like that, I usually celebrate with champagne and caviar.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: December 18, 2013 06:32PM

I sit here horrified. Yet at the same time I'm laughing. With you, not against anything you guys are going through.

BEH, some of your descriptions, freaking hilarious. Yet I have to admit being scared of the colonoscopy that's just a few years away.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 19, 2013 04:04AM

Toughy, we use humor to deal with our plight. Lord knows, we get no love or sympathy from society.

Even our doctors treat us with scornful disdain, carelessly roughing us up during exams.

Yes, the anticipation of the first colonoscope is enough to make even the most macho dude feel like an anxiety ridden, virginal bride on her wedding night.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: fisting for columbine ()
Date: December 19, 2013 04:14AM

Results from IBM and fisting combined
Attachments:
hemorrhoidal-prolapse.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 19, 2013 07:01AM

See?

This ain't no walk in the park, yo.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 19, 2013 07:13AM

That picture is disgusting, and even with my doctor rooting around and pillaging my asshole, the results haven't been that abysmal.

I sit here this morning with some thoughts. These are about the docs. How many people do they insert their fingers in on a daily basis? Do they have strong antibacterial soaps? Do their wives and kids, look at their father serving the salad,and wonder if they could get e coli? When making love, does the wife feel his fingers are dirty?

It's my hope the doctor here will answer these, because they are worthy of such. Also I'm curious about their medical school training, and if dealing with the assholes of assholes on a regular basis makes them so cold.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 19, 2013 08:51AM

Maybe I'm giving this too much thought, but GI/Proctologists have a lot in common with us.

For instance if they say what they do at a large holiday get together, people are probably going to great lengths to go the other way. You can't sugarcoat sticking your fingers up peoples assholes everyday. Plus they work long hours, and probably deal with insurance companies all day, which for intensive purposes assholes themselves. We suffer from stigma, and bowels that betray us, but they also face challenges too.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 19, 2013 09:41AM

That photo is awful.

Yet one thing that needs work besides a cure,is better adult undergarments. They are uncomfortable they lead to chafing, and don't always hold the entire finished product.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 19, 2013 11:55AM

Mr. Brown, you have a lovely thought there.


Some inventive soul should be able to come up with undergarments designed especially with the needs of the IBM sufferer in mind.

Depends and similar products are kind of generic.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 19, 2013 12:37PM

So far a good day, knock on wood. Plus no snickering or gag gifts as my fellow employees call them on my desk.

I had a kind doctor years ago, and he did say parties,social events were not to his liking. He would first answer doctor, then only when people asked more, brought up stomach digestion problems.I wish he did not retire.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 19, 2013 12:59PM

Gordo you are lucky. I call my GI the ice man. It's bad enough having his cold fingers and other medical apparatus jammed in my ass, but I think he'd do better as a mortician.

The man doesn't smile, barely acknowledges you, and just throws on the gloves.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 19, 2013 01:01PM

My GI wears a clothespin on his nose.

Talk about lack of bedside manner!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 19, 2013 02:55PM

What is up with them, one has to wonder is there a Stepford wife medical school these doctors go through?

The last visit, I was told to disrobe, wear that smock. The assistant at least had some personality, polite.

Now admittedly I'm a bit scared. The doctor doesn't notice my unhappy face or body language. He basically grunted hello, jammed that finger up my ass, along with requesting a sample.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 20, 2013 03:02AM

The disease is bad enough.

But then, we have to put up with attitude, bad manicures and varsity rings.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 20, 2013 08:10AM

You are right and that's why I wonder, does looking at behinds, make them the assholes they are? It's as if they are in some sort of egotistical competition on this.


On a positive note I did enjoy a #4 #2 this morning. I felt like breaking out the champagne.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 20, 2013 08:14AM

BO, nothing compares to a full, satisfying elimination first thing in the morning!

Congratulations!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: fishy ()
Date: December 20, 2013 08:24AM

this thread only gets bumped up when BEH logs in... interesting ;)

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 20, 2013 09:55AM

Fishy unless you can comprehend walking around in soiled underwear, or dealing with doctors who use medieval like practices on your chocolate starfish, you don't have a pot to piss in.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 20, 2013 11:17AM

I have filed a complaint at work. A woman from HR is helping me. Her aunt has IBS. When you can't go to work without harassment. That has to stop. My boss is no help. He put an email out but the Poopy pants and air fresheners continues. It's not helping.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 20, 2013 11:52AM

Gordo I wish you success.

Did you know that fiber and or probiotics can help with digestion, along with lowering stress on your central nervous system. Your colon controls your brain, not the other way around as most assume. Drink lots of water, this greatly enhances the formation of waste into solid chunks.

I'm still so far okay today, no stomach cramps or skid marks.I just checked my underwear in the restroom, and they are clean thank goodness. I hope this continues because I'm happy with my bowels. It seems like we are on the same page.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 20, 2013 12:08PM

You guys think that maybe "airing out" our condition may be helping?

Although I've got a way to go, I've had a marked improvement in the last few weeks, as well.

Bloomy mentions fiber; I've had some good results with psylium powder, even if I do have to quadruple the recommended dosage.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2013 12:09PM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 21, 2013 10:07AM

Beh likewise I feel better, especially on a personal level, because our doctors can't relate with us. Anon Doc is proof of their cold, icy demeanor. Plus they know about what we contend with, but don't go through the daily grind.

I wish only for one day, just one, for my doctor to deal with IBS. Even just a minor case with that brown glaze in the starfish area, that we all know has a far more pungent odor then an actual bowel movement.

Do I want the doctors to be constantly be looking for that stall which is invisible at the mall, that leads to thoughts of shitting in the famous Bloomingdale brown bag? Not at all, nor would I wish them screaming like a crime scene occurred in the bathroom, or in extreme cases their underwear.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 21, 2013 01:25PM

Raise the roof, cheer, clap, my second bowel movement in a row that was a #4.

Hoping for a hat trick!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 21, 2013 03:42PM

A fairly trouble free day but sick of the chafing. These Depends suck. While not a colostomy bag, they aren't much better.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 22, 2013 08:07AM

I hate this time of year. Others are smiling watching A Christmas Carol while I sit at home with boring foods. These people are lucky. No reason to complain at all. I think to years past when I could eat what I wanted to. Now even just a slight change to my diet can lead to awful results.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: December 22, 2013 08:14AM

Mr Brown Underwear Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A fairly trouble free day but sick of the chafing.
> These Depends suck. While not a colostomy bag,
> they aren't much better.


hi diaperman

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: December 22, 2013 08:22AM

.
Attachments:
images99.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 22, 2013 08:53AM

This proves my point. I've dealt with laughter and crude acts at work. Once again it appears to come up again. Sorry Underwear as this poster might be one of my rude coworkers. We have a ways to go for respect.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 22, 2013 12:39PM

Gordon,

Remember my comments about, this not being an appropriate online resource for write ups and support for IBS? You reap what you sow unfortunately.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 22, 2013 01:59PM

Fuck you violoo! If you had this shit, fuck you. I hope you shit forever with your ass cheeks burning

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 22, 2013 02:00PM

Forgot fuck you doctor. It's us who suffers while you make money

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 23, 2013 07:06AM

I might have to listen to James Taylor, and eat more granola bars.

Last night I dropped a honey baked ham with all the trimmings, and the screaming and claw marks on the commode, are gonna be on my conciousness for some time.

A spam is painful enough, and while I'm glad to be home today, I'd advise people to invest in companies that manufacture ice packs.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 23, 2013 07:28AM

BO, I had a similar type movement this weekend.

Sunday morning I awoke to the sensation of having a basketball in my lower intestine.

I can't imagine even the notorious discomfort of childbirth surpassing the pain and tissue damage that I endured on that bowl.

Indeed, I was tempted to call a Midwife to assist with this agonizing elimination.

The combination of coffee, stool softener and an enema, all judiciously administered , finally caused the logjam to give way.

I managed not to scream, but my pathetic whimpers permeated throughout the household.

No wonder. Upon inspection , it was hard to fathom how a stool the size of a Mini Cooper was able to pass through my comparatively diminutive anal opening.

This phenomenon must be similar to that of the snake, whose jaws dislodge in order to consume animals much larger that the snake itself.

I managed to get by this time with a minimum of bleeding, but I had to ask myself, how much more can my poor Schphinkter endure?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 23, 2013 08:39AM

Beh I'm sorry you had your weekend spoiled by the fire down below. It always seems to strike at the most inopportune times. I hope your intestines, colon, tissues, and ultimately your very own ass understands it wasn't personal.

I feel that way sometimes. Obviously I can't send my ass cards and a flowers, but I feel a lot of guilt. I think this exacerbates the condition, and I almost wish Barry White was still alive, so he could sing to my rear end with that golden voice, how I feel about the yelling, clawing, and overall abuse these parts have endured over the years.

I'm going to take a sitz bath, hoping to treat my bottom, with a modicum of respect this morning. Here's to both of us and our bowels, feeling better for Christmas.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 23, 2013 09:05AM

I go to HR today to talk about the air fresheners and rude commentary from my coworkers. This has to stop. I hope this works, wish me luck.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Fister ()
Date: December 23, 2013 11:49AM

Why u fucksticks not fist away clear u up

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 23, 2013 12:00PM

That piece of fried chicken smells and looks so good.

The same could be said for that pizza.

Yet stop! These foods have to travel thirty plus feet, are not broken down efficiently by stomach acids, and aren't helpful to the mucous in your intestines before reaching the bowel region.

Think before you eat because this could be the difference between bliss and agony.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 23, 2013 12:42PM

Truer words were never spoken.

Before you eat, consider the future.

Yes, I could not resist the endless parade of shrimp Saturday night, but paid for it by expelling a Volvo Sunday morning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 23, 2013 01:50PM

I don't know which is worse, the diarrhea I face, or your large craps.

HR was helpful, its nice to work with a representative who has an aunt with IBS. Any future Poopy Pants stickers or air fresheners on my desk, will result in discipline.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 24, 2013 08:01AM

Trying to hold my bowels together. So far so good. My desk is clear of air fresheners and Mr Poopy Pants junk.I hope to enjoy the company party without snickering and rude jokes.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 24, 2013 10:11AM

Gord, beware the Hors d'oeuvres.

Nothing will send your Schphinter into a tailspin more effectively.

While my suffering may be giving anal birth to a baby rhino the next morning, your penalty manifests itself with more immediacy.

My co-workers will never know that as a result of my dietary indiscretions my ass gave itself an Episiotomy just to pass a logjam.

At the same time, one wrong nibble and you'll spend the entire Christmas party in a feces splattered stall.


If there is no Srdiecka , Bozicni Skofjeloski Kruhki, or Aguonu Sausainiukai , leave the snacks alone...enjoy mingling without your intestines jingling.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 24, 2013 11:15AM

Good advice, very much so BEH as it seems Gordo is taking one for our team so to speak.

Merry Christmas, may yours be red and green rather then brown.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 3w6789 ()
Date: December 24, 2013 03:48PM

Ha ha ya shit yourself sharted

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WTF77777 ()
Date: December 26, 2013 04:57PM

Wtf?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: I think ()
Date: December 26, 2013 05:04PM

This is all one poster with a scat fetish.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 27, 2013 07:06AM

WTF77777 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wtf?


You and the other individual to even suggest a scat fetish, proves my point that doctors and the general public don't care about those with IBS. It's more than acceptable to discuss ones blood pressure or respiratory issues, but as soon as it involves your bowels let the scorn begin.

We are second class citizens. That's what we are, because even though we work our hearts out, once again its all about your ass not working properly. Until you have walked a mile o
In our brown shoes, you have nothing that's right nothing to complain about.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 27, 2013 07:28AM

Fetish my ass, pun not intended.

Saying we have a "scat fetish" is like saying a tuberculosis victim has a 'phlegm fetish'.

The word 'fetish' suggests some kind of strange desire , and I assure you, neither Blooming Onion, Gordorsky, or myself get a kick out of severe chronic uncontrollable diarrhea or painful tissue destroying constipation.

We're not only saddled with our affliction, we also have to deal with the resulting hate and ridicule from the insensitive public.

When it comes to the suffering of the afflicted, some people around here could use some sensitivity training.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2013 07:29AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 27, 2013 09:37AM

Well stated BEH.

I wish this person could JUST for ONE day experience IBS. When the shoe is on the other foot, its amazing how quickly people change their minds and open their hearts.

They are lucky they don't have to nearly cry, waiting for a stall at Nats Park. They don't have to be concerned about clogging up a toilet, or purchasing an expensive plunger instead of the standard one. They can eat pizza and wings, with no worries about dropping a Gemini space capsule in the water in the toilet. They don't bleed from behind, they get no abdominal cramping, or have to worry about their intestines not creating a #4 #2 that we rarely ever see.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 27, 2013 09:52AM

Isn't that the truth, Bloomer?

Indeed, on the rare occasions that I do drop a decent load, I'm so happy I feel like taking pictures, handing out cigars and throwing a party.

Not many people can relate of course, the release of a nice fluffy dump is an everyday occurance that is generally taken for granted.

I've loaded up on the psylium, hoping to enjoy the launching of some truly easy stools this weekend.

If not that, at least an elimination or two that won't involve a spashdown recovery team from NASA.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 27, 2013 10:52AM

That's correct, they are complacent about their stools, bowels, and digestive system in general.

I wish we could get a celebrity with IBS, who would step forward for us, along with a charity, organization, foundation to generate awareness, pressure NIH, and support us.

Instead its people judging us on our bowels, or that cold doctors finger.

How did your stomach and bowels hold up over the holidays? I found out that Christmas ham can't happen, and the cheese onions my sister made are on the no list now. She understands but they look and taste delicious.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 27, 2013 01:00PM

Christmas is the worst time. I hate it hate it hate it. I just wish it could go away.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 27, 2013 03:02PM

Oh, I hear that Mr. Brown.

The expectations are high, moral is low, and the bowel movements are painful.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 27, 2013 03:31PM

Under we share your pain. Like you as a fellow human, I'm tempted by the seductive scents of many Christmas foods. What has helped me is water, and sadly avoiding some holiday events. It sucks but I do other things, which will not lead to biting on a thick leather strap while taking a dump.

Do this, have a "me day." I redbox some movies on the couch closest to the throne, and eat safe foods, drink water, take fiber drinks, etc. This solitude decreases stress, although there can't be any scary movies, or my bowels might betray me even more.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: December 27, 2013 03:33PM

Did someone mention Thai food yet? Tiger Cry steak will leave your bowels exhausted.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 27, 2013 03:58PM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did someone mention Thai food yet? Tiger Cry steak
> will leave your bowels exhausted.

Aside from breads, dairy, and chocolates, that is the mother load. I think that would literally destroy what's left of my rear equipment, and it would look like those explosions from the movie Independence Day.

There are not nearly enough drawers, nor can I even think of how many tears that would lead to. The brown matter mixed in with shades of red and yellow spices, I shudder at the thought.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 28, 2013 11:31AM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did someone mention Thai food yet? Tiger Cry steak
> will leave your bowels exhausted.


Oh, gosh no, Mr. Eesh, those curries would wreak havoc with our compromised digestive systems.

However , some sticky rice with sliced mango won't hurt, and a nice cold Singha in a frosted glass is a treat for a king, anal retentive or not.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 29, 2013 09:13AM

I just wish one day, this could stop. Christmas at my brother Ladislavs house was far from good.I'm glad to be back in town. My bedsheets being crapped in is alright. Ladislavs wife went off and said Christmas is over. She acted like a angry bebushka when discovering the bed in her guest room. My nephew's made fun of me and my butt is still a leaky sink.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: December 29, 2013 12:00PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just wish one day, this could stop. Christmas at
> my brother Ladislavs house was far from good.I'm
> glad to be back in town. My bedsheets being
> crapped in is alright. Ladislavs wife went off and
> said Christmas is over. She acted like a angry
> bebushka when discovering the bed in her guest
> room. My nephew's made fun of me and my butt is
> still a leaky sink.


Gordon,

If you had the tests ran that I suggested, you would not be in this predicament.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dr. Buttcheeks ()
Date: December 29, 2013 12:07PM

Can't you just glue (or tape) your buttcheeks together until you can get to restroom?

I'll glue your buttcheeks!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 29, 2013 02:33PM

I'm so sorry for your misfortune Gordorsky, I hope you can recover mentally as well as physically.

Maybe now would be a good time to surprise your brother and sister in law with a new Sealy's Posturepedic bed, and some fresh sheets from Bed Bath and Beyond.

Such gestures can be useful. We do have unusual lives.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavige ()
Date: December 29, 2013 02:39PM

Buffalo Wing Factory, no joke, the flatliner wings fucked my insides up. Yeah I got my name on the wall for eating 5 of them, but after drinking an entire bottle of Maalox, my asshole basically exploded. I woke up the next day on the can with a burning asshole.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cockhound ()
Date: December 29, 2013 03:14PM

Fuck you and your shit, thread sucks!
Attachments:
images-3.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 29, 2013 03:16PM

Thanks for checking in, Miscavige.

For your adventure, you should be awarded the anal equivilent to the Purple Heart, known as the Brownish Purple Heart, awarded to all of us wounded in the line of doodee.

Myself, Gordorsky, Blooming Onion, and Mr. Brown Underpants have a wall of them.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 30, 2013 05:17AM

It appears all went okay except for Gordo. Perhaps new brown color sheets would be appropriate, per what BEH posted.

I'm sorry you have to deal with IBS with a capital D.

The Christmas holidays were good for me, as the squash loosened me up. Mostly #4 #2s although one was a borderline #3. This week I'm excited about my Bristol Stool Guide pictures being framed, and hope its not expensive as shit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rectal Prolapse ()
Date: December 30, 2013 05:19AM

Enjoy this rectal prolapse for the next 98 posts
Attachments:
16112011078[1].jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 30, 2013 06:18AM

There's nothing to enjoy about that. It looks like someone has worse then shit issues.

This is more proof that if you treat your asshole like a personal repository for garbage eaten or engage in unsavory activity in this region, there's gonna be hell to pay.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 30, 2013 07:53AM

Once your anus becomes prolapsed, as shown in the photo above, you're never the same again.

This is about more than just embarrassment and stains in your underpants.

This is a serious health issue.

Unless of course, you're one of those folks who likes a sun dried tomato growing out of your ass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 30, 2013 08:42AM

Thank you BEh and onion. I am sending new bedsheets to them. No they will not be brown although with my sister in laws reaction may be they should be. Her obscene language yelling at my brother and I was not helpful. I wish I could have blamed their large dog but that was impossible. In fact, it might be a good idea to call and apologize again. I didn't mean for this to happen.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 30, 2013 04:19PM

The day started off promising, but I believe it was the teriyaki chicken that was the culprit.

I'm too tired to type a lot, but I think I got a look at childbirth.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cat Scat Fever ()
Date: December 30, 2013 04:25PM

Point. Point and laugh.

You ladies are such shitheads!

Mwahahahaaha!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 31, 2013 05:22AM

I've been up all night. At least this time it was my bed, that's going to need cleaning. I think it was the hamburger that set off this. I'm still hurting this morning. Cramps and feels like taking a crap but nothing is there

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 06:21AM

Gordo, sorry about that.

We have different forms of IBS, but we are still brothers in bowel, or part of the bowel battalion.

Have you tried to reduce coffee, large meals, fatty foods, and extreme temperature different foods and beverages? These often go through someone with your predicament with haste, thus leading to the fast action diarrhea. I hope you feel better soon, a bit worried what my intestines are working on.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eeshagain ()
Date: December 31, 2013 06:28AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordo, sorry about that.
>
> We have different forms of IBS, but we are still
> brothers in bowel, or part of the bowel battalion.
>
>
so how is diaperboy today ?
Attachments:
images99.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:04AM

None of us wear those, but one day all of us will. You should think before your post, because one day your bowels will turn on you, and you'll be walking around in brown splatter or trying to pop out a television sized shit from your chocolate starfish.

Karma is for real. I don't appreciate your making fun of us, along with the other 30 million plus Americans who have bowel related issues. That's a lowball number, as some estimates put IBS at 20% of the population. Let's not be an asshole, but rather keep those of with this issue in your prayers. Be an advocate for a cure, research, awareness. Stand with us in fifty shades of brown.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: rwerr ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:17AM

do hemorrhoids count ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:27AM

Hemorrhoids are the badge of courage for the chronically constipated.

You say the word and giggle, just pray you don't eventually wind up as a victim.

I would not wish shitting a Volkswagon and suffering from the resulting garden hose sized Hemorrhoid on anyone.

But go ahead and keep on snickering like a hyena. Eventually, your ass will exact revenge for all of us.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:42AM

Hemorrhoids are a result of constipation, genetics, sitting long periods, straining, or in our case a common work place injury.

I'm not sure what foods cause them to be more prevalent. You can have internal or external versions.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: The Meat Factory ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:44AM

What if you just eat lettuce and cut all crap out of your diet?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: fhjjghghh ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:46AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hemorrhoids are a result of constipation,
> genetics, sitting long periods, straining, or in
> our case a common work place injury.
>
> I'm not sure what foods cause them to be more
> prevalent. You can have internal or external
> versions.


can i have both since they are so popular. ? as long as they are free

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: a fellow sufferer ()
Date: December 31, 2013 09:49AM

its nothing to joke about. I have had IBS for too many years to count. Just last week had a release in the nonfiction section of the libarary. i was so embarrased but when the police came they arrested me for public defication. During the booking while sitting naked in the processing area i had no warning and let out the most horrific amount of material that no one could imagine. The hazmat team was called. Still awaiting trial but my lawyer says that the district attorney if a fellow sufferer and one dropped a load in court and thinks he will decline to press any charges.

Lucky me

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cat Scat Fever ()
Date: December 31, 2013 09:55AM

I met a girl who shares my love of scat.

It was love at first shite.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cat Scat Fever ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:00AM

I went to a scat party last night.

Got absolutely shit faced.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:01AM

a fellow sufferer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> its nothing to joke about. I have had IBS for too
> many years to count. Just last week had a release
> in the nonfiction section of the libarary. i was
> so embarrased but when the police came they
> arrested me for public defication. During the
> booking while sitting naked in the processing area
> i had no warning and let out the most horrific
> amount of material that no one could imagine. The
> hazmat team was called. Still awaiting trial but
> my lawyer says that the district attorney if a
> fellow sufferer and one dropped a load in court
> and thinks he will decline to press any charges.
>
> Lucky me

The sufferer of any other disease would have been treated by medical personel or brought to a hospital.

Yet, the IBS sufferer is subjected to arrest and humiliation.

More than ever, we have to stand up and be counted. We have to petition the courts, and hold public officials to task.

We are suffering and we have rights. The abuse has to stop!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:40AM

The Meat Factory Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What if you just eat lettuce and cut all crap out
> of your diet?


Of only it was that easy. Narrowing down what causes bowel inflammation is no walk in the park.

Meats such as the red ones, in my opinion are more difficult to digest.

My recommendation is to cut out sodas, dairy, and go bland. It's not easy, but one must do this to minimize flare ups.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:52AM

It appears school must be out. How would you fucking kids like to sit in a shit filled pair of Depends? Go ahead! Go back to school like that! Maybe it will make you popular! The prom queen wants you

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 11:31AM

Mr U,

Your frustration is understandable, but to win over the general public on our behinds, we must present a unified front for our bowel brigade. Winning hearts and minds won't be easy, but our asses depend on it.

You catch more flies with honey then vinegar.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 31, 2013 01:11PM

Good sentiment Mr. Brown, but don't forget, we're not working with honey or vinegar, we're trying to win understanding and sympathy against the backdrop of something not any less disgusting as feces.

Our disease is associated with such extreme foulness that it creates contempt rather than concern.

You see the jeering comments about fisting and lettuce , and they are just about as hurtful as shitting a telephone pole, as awkward as your girlfriend seeing track marks on your boxers, and as embarrassing as becoming incontinent during your childs school play.

But one of your points is indisputable Mr. Brown, and yes, we MUST present a unified front.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: December 31, 2013 02:23PM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good sentiment Mr. Brown, but don't forget, we're
> not working with honey or vinegar, we're trying to
> win understanding and sympathy against the
> backdrop of something not any less disgusting as
> feces.
>
> Our disease is associated with such extreme
> foulness that it creates contempt rather than
> concern.
>
> You see the jeering comments about fisting and
> lettuce , and they are just about as hurtful as
> shitting a telephone pole, as awkward as your
> girlfriend seeing track marks on your boxers, and
> as embarrassing as becoming incontinent during
> your childs school play.
>
> But one of your points is indisputable Mr. Brown,
> and yes, we MUST present a unified front.


I'm laughing with you again, this might be both the most entertaining and humorous thread on the underground. As for the record, I support anyone with such a condition, it makes my maladies pale by comparison. "Fisting and lettuce", the grocery store visit that I have to make has just been ruined.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2013 02:24PM by Tough One.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: zzzzzzzzz ()
Date: January 01, 2014 08:32AM

get fisted

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 01, 2014 08:39AM

I learned a valuable lesson last night. Happy New Year to all, but 2014 starts with a lot of pain. This is worse than a hangover. It involves my ass.

If you have IBS, tread carefully with Sushi. I got backed up last night, much like how that Russian and Chinese icebreakers are stuck in ice.

I felt my colon on a one to one level. My intestines stretched a lot. The mucous helped but the pipes still hurt, as does the exit door. No sushi ever again.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 01, 2014 09:33AM

My New Year Resolutidown a bit. I'm

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 01, 2014 09:35AM

Sorry about that. My NY Resolution is to tone my temper down. It could help decrease accidents that's according to my physician.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dsesrrw ()
Date: January 01, 2014 11:49AM

we need to create a brown ribbon for IBS awareness, create ourselves high level jobs and each pocket a couple of million a year in salary

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 01, 2014 12:59PM

I'm for the brown ribbon for IBS awareness, and a IBS charitable foundation.

As for practices you mentioned, an IBS charity support group, would be a tight fisted group against embezzlement or high salaries. We are a bit anal after all.

I dream of a day that brown shirts are sold with "I have IBS" "Find a Cure for IBS" "Brown Brigade" 'I love someone with IBS" or "save the sphincter".

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: SuperNiggr ()
Date: January 01, 2014 08:35PM

Curry laska is something my bowels simply cannot digest. Something about the amalgam of fish derivatives, sugars, various forms of glutimate, etc. turn into a greasy digestive lubricant. Anyone else have this sort of issue?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ballsack ()
Date: January 02, 2014 06:38AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm for the brown ribbon for IBS awareness, and a
> IBS charitable foundation.
>
> As for practices you mentioned, an IBS charity
> support group, would be a tight fisted group
> against embezzlement or high salaries. We are a
> bit anal after all.
>
> I dream of a day that brown shirts are sold with
> "I have IBS" "Find a Cure for IBS" "Brown Brigade"
> 'I love someone with IBS" or "save the sphincter".


I am sure there is a government grant somewhere for this

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: fdgh ()
Date: January 02, 2014 08:38AM

.
Attachments:
images98.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 09:54AM

SuperNiggr Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Curry laska is something my bowels simply cannot
> digest. Something about the amalgam of fish
> derivatives, sugars, various forms of glutimate,
> etc. turn into a greasy digestive lubricant.
> Anyone else have this sort of issue?


My best guess is its the spices. These are not broken down by stomach acids, and along with a lack of ms production, leads to a shitty shit. That's what I'm guessing, as new foods often introduced to me, cause my bowels so much pain its almost unbearable.

Best oD luck I hope the doc shows up here to answer that, even though he's an asshole.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 02, 2014 10:15AM

The horror....the horror
Attachments:
constipated1.bmp
constipated.gif
constipation.jpg
colonoscopy-dummies.png

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 10:56AM

Good and timely advice Beh.

Do they make that guide in poster sized by any chance?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 02, 2014 10:59AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good and timely advice Beh.
>
> Do they make that guide in poster sized by any
> chance?

Yes B.O., I hate it on my wall, right next to the Farrah Fawcet poster.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 01:07PM

Beauty and the Bowel Beast, right next to each other. You have a lot of guts, because that iconic poster puts lead in my pencil still. She is missed, and while she didn't have bowel problems, just the thought of her in her hey day, reminds me of the innocent days before I was betrayed by my asshole.

Those were great days, and Fonzi's Brown coat would be greeted with a smile, now its a reminder to always be close to a toilet. A good bowel movement isn't guaranteed either.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 02, 2014 01:11PM

B.O. it is ironic, but Ms. Fawcet succumbed to anal cancer.

She was beautiful, but apparently her bowels weren't.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 01:29PM

That's horrible, as I had no idea that was the cause of her demise.

Her ass literally cost her her ass.

I know we complain about brown streaks, abdominal pains, but IBS does not increase the chances for anal cancer.

Now to squeeze off what remains of that raw fish.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 02, 2014 02:04PM

New Years Eve did not go as planned. Unfortunate for my guests, I drank champagne as the ball in New York did. I drank too much and ate ice cream, chocolates. The results were as usual. My bedsheets were thrown out my bathroom was a mess. It looks like monkeys spent a day in there.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 02, 2014 03:54PM

Why don't you fucking assholes write pms to each other? Last time I checked this is about Fairfax, not some personal health problems!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 02, 2014 03:57PM

Fuck you!!!!
Attachments:
2014-01-02-15-55-41--612878807.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 05:51AM

What a nut.

I hope Black Underwear doesn't have to work today.

Apparently Mother Nature knows best, as I am able to telework today.

This is good because I feel the formation of brown matter in my stomach.

It's only a matter of time, before this goes out the starfish, and brings about screaming that's like a wild animals.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 06:59AM

You are lucky, I have to drive my shit stained Yaris in this mess to work.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 07:19AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are lucky, I have to drive my shit stained
> Yaris in this mess to work.


Gordo have you ever thought of some sort of seat covers? This would save in cleaning costs, along with the odors. Maybe a tarp or plastic sheets would work. Just a thought.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 07:57AM

That scene where Ned Beatty is moaning in pain, after being sadistically raped, that is how my asshole feels. While I'm lucky enough not to be on a log, I do feel as if flowers would be appreciated.

It came on so fast. I was working on my laptop, when that primal urge struck.

I then gave birth to what appears to be a healthy, chunky brown baby without an epidural.

If someone has cigars and or a sewing set please let me know. This one requires my living room to become a recovery room.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 09:34AM

Blooming I've used clear plastic from Home Depo in the garden section, it leaks. Thus its off to the car wash with a big amount of cash.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 03, 2014 09:39AM

Gordorsky, maybe you should consider something like this?
Attachments:
BMtoilet.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 03, 2014 10:26AM

I feel for you all. I'm going for a check up next week.

Being in my fifties has led to changes, dietary ones especially.
I feel that my innards are being exposed to a New York subway train, each time I have a bowel movement.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 11:12AM

No way that fits in my Yaris. Thank you for the idea. It's a good idea.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 12:51PM

Misgave welcome aboard the poop express. Your train and pain are understood here. While I suffer I feel better knowing others bravely battle on.

United in our boweldom, seeking out the closest stall, together we stand. Crouching only as necessary.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 03, 2014 01:17PM

.
Attachments:
bowel.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 03, 2014 01:38PM

This shit is getting old go to a medical site fuckers

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 03, 2014 01:40PM

That thankfully is not the machine my butt has been inspected by. Perhaps the finger isn't as bad as I complain about

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 04:40PM

I found surplus canvas. While I cannot wipe with it, this and a bucket in the car have made the commute better. Off to Sbarros for their delicious lasagna, I hope its not so busy that I go in and get turned away without a reservation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 456ty ()
Date: January 03, 2014 05:42PM

you guys are psycho

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 04, 2014 07:25AM

Go to a medical site fuckers!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 04, 2014 10:13AM

Black- if you were shitting razor blades, you would be posting here about it. Do you have bowel problems, because you seem uptight.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: mjfder ()
Date: January 04, 2014 11:18AM

my hemmoroids hurt this morning

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 04, 2014 03:07PM

Witch hazel is your friend for roids.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: H G Roid ()
Date: January 05, 2014 08:14AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Witch hazel is your friend for roids.


Duh its the main ingredient in Preparation H.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 05, 2014 10:26AM

H G Roid Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Blooming Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Witch hazel is your friend for roids.
>
>
> Duh its the main ingredient in Preparation H.


We don't need any Monday morning quarterbacks here. What we need is support, even with the team of IBS sufferers the Browns out of the playoffs.


For the record I started today perfectly. I think bananas and apples help with #4 #2s.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: bvvccxzaa ()
Date: January 05, 2014 09:06PM

just dropped a log the size of a subway train. quite a bit of bleeding

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 07:16AM

bvvccxzaa Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> just dropped a log the size of a subway train.
> quite a bit of bleeding


There are many reasons for this, but if you have a hemorrhoid or IBS C you are not alone. Plenty of us share your pain.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 09:54AM

After this weekend, I am so severely stopped up, that the thought of the eventual elimination is me causing extreme anxiety.

Even with quadruple doses of Psylium, and the force feeding of copious amounts of turnip green and baked beans isn't helping.

Castor oil and milk of magnesia have no effect, I might as well pepare myself to expell a California Redwood.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 12:32PM

BEH what an awful way to spend a weekend. Here's to a brown flag of support flying in the wind, in honor of your perseverance in such odds. Odds. I wonder if Phil Collins Against thr Odds was related to our medical affliction.

Last night I had a basketball sized monster, that could have been autographed by the Harlem Globe Trotters.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 12:42PM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BEH what an awful way to spend a weekend. Here's
> to a brown flag of support flying in the wind, in
> honor of your perseverance in such odds. Odds. I
> wonder if Phil Collins Against thr Odds was
> related to our medical affliction.
>
> Last night I had a basketball sized monster, that
> could have been autographed by the Harlem Globe
> Trotters.
Attachments:
Brown_flag_waving_svg.png

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 12:54PM

That's it right there. Perhaps under old glory, Virginia,and Fairfax county, this flag should be flown. One in five of us have bowel problems. You can't get more common, and bring in such a feeling of unity with regards to much.

I was thinking this morning about the phrase "intestinal fortitude." Considering the intestines are 31 feet, that's quite an achievement, and could describe our courage in the face of blood streaks, bowel movements that look like rock formations, and the baseless accusations from non IBSers that our disease is in our heads.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:13PM

In our heads?

If only!

It's our rectums that get wrecked.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:50PM

Fuck you! It's in my head, huh? Come look in my adult underwear asshole. I'm fucking pissed off now you think its in my head wear depends asshole!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:50PM

Fuck you! It's in my head, huh? Come look in my adult underwear asshole. I'm fucking pissed off now andif you think its in my head wear depends asshole!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:50PM

Fuck you! It's in my head, huh? Come look in my adult underwear asshole. I'm fucking pissed off now you think its in my head wear depends asshole!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 02:55PM

What Mr.Brown said was so nice, he said it thrice

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 02:58PM

Brown, please calm down for your health.

Bowels are directly affected by stress. Please keep that in mind, as we stand or crouch down united.

We must use our knowledge along with what we go through each day, to inspire those who don't have IBS, to join us in our quest for a cure.

Our asses depend on this Brown.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 03:10PM

.
Attachments:
brown next.bmp
Brown_flag_waving_svg.png
brownalsotoo.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 03:36PM

Calm down are you fucking kidding? Maybe you should wear diapers filled with feces for a day asshole! Do you piss and shit yourself?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 07:02AM

Brownie please calm down, as the reason is two fold, your health and sharing the same lofty bowel battalion goals of a unified front. This is how we will have brown flags in front of government buildings and businesses alike, people wearing brown and feces looking pins, let freedom ring for all that struggle each day.

The civil rights movement and others took time to gain traction. In many ways we are gaining steam and acceptance. It's only a matter of time before IBS people and our allies have a international moment of glory. I have a feeling it will be like when the womens soccer team won and they took their shirts off in honor of so much and many.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 07, 2014 08:34AM

Even with this cold weather that reminds me of my native lands, my asshole seems to heat up. In many ways its like Wormwood or as Westerners know Chernobyl. I've taken the day off from work. I don't feel good about it. Who knows what the bosses think. I'm worried this morning. Drinking lots of water.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 09:00AM

The very thought of my next bowel movement terrifies me.

Its building up right now, sliding into posistion for a launch around Thursday.

How much more can a Schphinkter take?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 10:12AM

Solid question BEH, pun intended. Like you I've got a storm brewing, although its too early to say its going to be Category 1 to 5.

I do wonder now, and if the MD could return here,I would like to know the psi of my bowels.

Best of luck BEH, may you persevere without excavating equipment.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 10:33AM

Bloomy, thanks for the kind sentiments, but I anticipate the usual rectum ripping, anal aching, schphinkter stretching, baby bull sized bowel movement.

I was wondering, does anyone know how to remove fingernails imbedded in the caulking between bathroom tiles?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 10:33AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 10:43AM

It seems our experience on the throne is a similarly savage experience. One that must be handled with dignity, as our forehead veins pop out, and our screams easily confused for foxes copulating.

I wish you the best, as my Bristol Stool Guides were framed. The man at the store ringing up my order, looked at me with disdain, scorn. I thanked him and he just shrugged out of indifference.

On the way out I looked back. He was sanitizing his hands. This humiliation shows we have a ways to go.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavige ()
Date: January 07, 2014 02:46PM

How does Metamucil and other products affert you? What is this powder Beh speaks of called?

Whoever coined the phrase all downhill after forty was wise.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 02:59PM

Miscavige Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How does Metamucil and other products affert you?
> What is this powder Beh speaks of called?
>
> Whoever coined the phrase all downhill after forty
> was wise.

For the treatment of constipation, psyllium fibre works by absorbing water from the intestines to produce larger, softer stools. It usually works within 12 hours to 72 hours.

To increase fibre intake or treat constipation, the usual recommended dose for adults is one rounded teaspoon (or one rounded tablespoon for Smooth Texture, orange-flavoured) or one packet up to 3 times a day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: January 07, 2014 03:04PM

>
> For the treatment of constipation, psyllium fibre
> works by absorbing water from the intestines to
> produce larger, softer stools. It usually works
> within 12 hours to 72 hours.
>
> To increase fibre intake or treat constipation,
> the usual recommended dose for adults is one
> rounded teaspoon (or one rounded tablespoon for
> Smooth Texture, orange-flavoured) or one packet up
> to 3 times a day.


but wont that clog up a septic system ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 03:05PM

but wont that clog up a septic system ?


No, but a massive constipated turd just may.

Ask my Uncle Sylvester.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 03:21PM

I'm pleased to see this thread "tunneling" in this direction. Supplements and fiber can greatly enhance ones chance of a lovely#4 #2.

I take probiotics and believe they have eased the tension on my digestive system, so when the sludge gets to my bowels, there's less battle damage.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 08, 2014 08:47AM

Americans born here are vicious. Europeans are so much more civil. After clearing up the Mr Poopy Pants and air freshener issue, I thought that would be it. Yet no. Some idiot left a fake crap on my desk.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 10:50AM

Big fucking deal its all Americans fault. Go back to Europe if you don't like it here. Do you wear adult diapers asshole? Do you think people in Switzerland won't make fun of you? Give me a fucking break

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:17AM

Now Mr. Brown, we're trying to be understanding here.

We're all suffering.

I know you didn't mean it sir, you're probably having a bad elimination day yourself.

As for me, I'm awaiting the expulsion of the massive log jam in my lower intestines.

I haven't gone for 4 days now, probably the fecal cinderblock building up will further damage my rectal wall , which is already like a brown version of the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:34AM

So what?


I have streaks of blood almost every time on the crapper.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: anal cancer ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:36AM

Red Underwear Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So what?
>
>
> I have streaks of blood almost every time on the
> crapper.

you really might wanna get that checked out..could be colon cancer

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:47AM

Thankfully its not that. I have a condition called IBS with constipation. This leads to large shits, and some tearing. Plus an occasional hemorrhoid.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: anal cancer ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:49AM

that really sucks. i had a problem for awhile where my poohs would clump right at my canal and i would have to either dig it out or use enemas. eating carrots and apples helps to break it all down and let it all come out a lot more smoothly.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:55AM

Been there done that too. Those enemas are the worst.

You aren't kidding about apples. Raisin Brand too made things clear up. I still wish the constipation would stop.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:02PM

The most common digestive complaint in the U.S. population, can make life miserable. Not only does constipation make you feel bloated, headachy, and irritable, but relieving constipation -- especially long-term or chronic constipation -- is time consuming and expensive.

Each year in the U.S., chronic constipation leads to around 2.5 million doctor visits -- and medication costs of many hundreds of million dollars.


If you or a loved one has chronic constipation, much of the anxiety and distress may result from a lack of knowledge about this problem.

Not only are there magnified fears about what might be causing the problem, the discomfort of chronic constipation itself can be debilitating. Constipation may slow your performance at work and even cause you to miss recreational activities.

That's why it's important to know the facts about chronic constipation and talk to your doctor about your personal situation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:05PM

Tired of your daily bitch fest

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:07PM

Chronic Constipation Myth: If you don't have one bowel movement a day, it's abnormal.

The Truth: Less than 50% of people have one bowel movement a day.

Chronic Constipation Myth: Fewer than five or six bowel movements a week is considered to be chronic constipation.

The Truth: 95% of adults have bowel movements between three and 21 times per week. The entire range -- even just three bowel movements a week -- is normal.

Chronic Constipation Myth: Toxins accumulate in the intestine when bowel movements are infrequent.

The Truth: Contrary to popular belief, there is no evidence that "toxins" accumulate when bowel movements are infrequent or that constipation leads to disease such as cancer. However, if you are still constipated after trying fiber, laxatives, or milk of magnesia, it is time to consult a doctor for an evaluation.

Chronic ConstipationMyth: The number of bowel movements increases with age.

The Truth : Actually, the number of bowel movements decreases with age.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:24PM

Eat shit asshole!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:33PM

Chronic Constipation Myth: Chronic constipation does not affect that many people.

The Truth:Chronic constipation is a serious issue, affecting 15% to 20% of the U.S. population.

Chronic Constipation Myth : If you eat right, exercise, and drink plenty of fluids, you should never suffer from chronic constipation.

The Truth: Sometimes psychological issues trigger chronic constipation. For instance, childhood sexual or physical abuse -- or the loss of a parent through divorce, separation or death -- may contribute to adult chronic constipation. Constipation often coexists with depression. Chronic constipation can also be caused by an underlying medical condition such as low thyroid hormone levels.

Chronic Constipation: What Causes It?
After eating, food moves through your digestive tract. The intestines take water and nutrients from the food. Normally, the process continues until a stool is formed. Squeezing contractions in the intestine then pass the stool out of the body.

Because constipation is often linked with hard stools, one theory is that too much water is absorbed from the stool, leaving it dry and hard. Another theory is that abnormal hormonal responses to the ingested water may trigger chronic constipation. More research is necessary to better understand how constipation happens and to unravel the mysterious link between the gut, hormones, and the brain.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:34PM

Why do you think this is the OT forum?

Switch channels, go to the GF please.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:35PM

That was directed at black undies btw.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Question for BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:39PM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Chronic Constipation Myth: Chronic constipation
> does not affect that many people.
>
> The Truth:Chronic constipation is a serious issue,
> affecting 15% to 20% of the U.S. population.
>
> Chronic Constipation Myth : If you eat right,
> exercise, and drink plenty of fluids, you should
> never suffer from chronic constipation.
>
> The Truth: Sometimes psychological issues trigger
> chronic constipation. For instance, childhood
> sexual or physical abuse -- or the loss of a
> parent through divorce, separation or death -- may
> contribute to adult chronic constipation.
> Constipation often coexists with depression.
> Chronic constipation can also be caused by an
> underlying medical condition such as low thyroid
> hormone levels.
>
> Chronic Constipation: What Causes It?
> After eating, food moves through your digestive
> tract. The intestines take water and nutrients
> from the food. Normally, the process continues
> until a stool is formed. Squeezing contractions in
> the intestine then pass the stool out of the
> body.
>
> Because constipation is often linked with hard
> stools, one theory is that too much water is
> absorbed from the stool, leaving it dry and hard.
> Another theory is that abnormal hormonal responses
> to the ingested water may trigger chronic
> constipation. More research is necessary to better
> understand how constipation happens and to unravel
> the mysterious link between the gut, hormones, and
> the brain.


BEH aka mr. poopy pants aka cat scat fever is this nice big block of text your work, dawg?

http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/features/chronic-constipation-facts-vs-myths?page=2

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 02:37PM

Merely sharing information with my fellow IBS sufferers, I would not expect you to understand our grief.

Go ahead, mock and sneer, we're used to it.

If we were in wheelchairs, we'd have ramps built for us, if we had cancer, hushed whispers of ecouragement and sympathy. If we were blind, people would help us across the street, if crippled, helpful arms held out from all directions.

But to the anally infirm , any hopes of kindness are quickly drowned out by catcalls and taunts. Adolescent playground type mocking prevails. Even our own doctors are disgusted by our colonic curse.

This thread is dedicated to those who otherwise would have no support, no shoulder to lean on, no humane comfort of any kind.

You have invaded our solitude of comfort in the same way our physicians callously
invade our rectums; bad manicures, huge high school rings, flexiband watches.

But we prevail. We try every remedy known to man. We share information.

But most of all we share pain and humiliation. Don't forget, a problem shared is a problem halved.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 09, 2014 07:17AM

Well stated, and we must unite, and stand firmly in our brown shirts holding up signs of the Bristol Stool Guide and such.

I'm sorry if not in a fighting mood today, others hopefully will make up the slack until I recover.

Right now I'm in triage, an injured soldier, as the bowel movement I had tore my insides out. I'm home today, with some ice, pain killers, and television to distraction me from how much my rectal areas hurt.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 09, 2014 11:16AM

A bit better, although my exit hole, still seems to be producing "Butt Butter." It's a clear discharge that ends up on my briefs , so I'm guessing this is just leftover mucous.

I was able and still am holding down some toast and water. Water is a catch 22, because it can lead to bowel movements of immense size and fury.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavige ()
Date: January 09, 2014 12:29PM

I feel better not alone. What foods to avoid I just don't know

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 09, 2014 12:38PM

Miscavige Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel better not alone. What foods to avoid I
> just don't know


It's trial and error, except the errors are very messy in many cases.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: January 09, 2014 03:14PM

I see these write ups continue, along with a decline in both intelligence and maturity.

You need to schedule an appointment for blood tests and meet with a GI.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 09, 2014 03:18PM

Hey Doc, I just had an enema and found your Rolex.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr. Poopy Pants ()
Date: January 09, 2014 03:28PM

Perhaps this is what you'd really like to see...
Attachments:
gross5sa4d555s54.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 10, 2014 07:10AM

Not exactly a picture to start the day off, as I sit here with toast plain ,along with two glasses of water, apples.

I would love to have a bowel movement like that, semi soft compared to the bowling balls I've been dropping as of late.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dexter Morgan ()
Date: January 10, 2014 07:16AM

That's disgusting. But gives me an idea.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 10, 2014 07:37AM

That IS a wonderful bowel movement!

I am so envious.

In the meantime, laxatives and enemas be dammned, there is a massive build up occurring in my colon. It is hopelessly blocked.

How do you expell a stool the size of a cinderblock?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 10, 2014 08:59AM

Think positive BEH. I'm much happier this morning, and my intestines and rectum might put me back on their Christmas card list, with brown thank yous written down.

Have you tried green tea? I have a feeling this, eating slower and smaller meals, along with cutting out stress just might have helped. I got a delightful #4 #2 this morning. There was no extra wiping either, just a centerfold material crap for IBS people especially.

I feel bad I didn't take a photo before flushing, but I hope sewage employees are amazed by its shape and colors.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 10, 2014 09:13AM

I'm willing to try anything Bloomy.

Off to Costco for a case of green tea.

Whatever I can't consume, I'll add to the enema water.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 10, 2014 09:38AM

Good morning, so far okay today, although last night's diarrhea was a unexpected surprise. I took a lady from work out to dinner. It was okay, we had a good time,although I was sweating at the table. I was glad to drop her off at her house, no woman should be around that. My bathroom stinks.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 10, 2014 10:28AM

Do you guys with the larger poops, also find blood stains on your toilet paper after wiping?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 10, 2014 10:41AM

Thats a good question Red.

Actually it's not just the size that matters.

Often a huge movement, if it is soft enough (like Milwaulkee frozen custard for example) passes through with no distress.

But when stools are dry , even small ones cause discomfort.

When they are dry and large, the results can be catastrophic.

Imagine trying to expell a Honda Accord. Imagine if you can , the pain involved.

And yes sir, there will be blood.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 10, 2014 10:56AM

Thanks. It does hurt and most happens with large ones with misshapen ones or with what I call pebbles. These ones are a pain.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 10, 2014 11:31AM

Yes Red, I also have problems with the rabbit pellets, and also the small mini cigar shaped ones that come out red hot.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rockhound ()
Date: January 10, 2014 11:36AM

Sometimes, after a good workout, I take a crap so big and long it just hangs out over the water. I've had major size ones recently.. Like over a foot.

Of course I get up, check out my work and feel proud but damn this is getting ridiculous. Sometimes, it's hard to flush. I've even broken it up with a plunger before... Not fun.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 10, 2014 11:39AM

RoHo, that doesn't sound like a problem to me.

If a genie appeared with three wishes to grant, my first one would be a comfortable bowel movement like yours.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 10, 2014 12:03PM

Rockhound, BEH is correct. Obviously unless you invite me to your stall, that would be the best chance, discern if you have had a #4 #2. A picture could help, although my Bristol Stool Guide cards would be less of a resource.

I do think you had a solid elimination. Take a bow, for a job well done, and if not too much I'd be curious about your diet. Those long stinky sausages are the perfect bowel movement.

Red Underwear, yes the screwed up bms can create bleeding. It shouldn't last long though.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 10, 2014 12:34PM

Well I'm back from human resources. Some jerks left toilet paper rolls on my desk with a Lysol bottle. This does not help. I've had enough. Hoping they find out who did this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 10, 2014 01:20PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well I'm back from human resources. Some jerks
> left toilet paper rolls on my desk with a Lysol
> bottle. This does not help. I've had enough.
> Hoping they find out who did this.


Gordo who do you work for? Your coworkers are assholes. I'm going to put on my brown shirt in support of you. Do you have an idea who it is?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 10, 2014 01:26PM

You are still up to this bullshit?

You remind me of a bunch of old bitchy post menopause women at a book club. Bunch of crying, whiny bitches!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rockhound ()
Date: January 10, 2014 01:29PM

Black Undies Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are still up to this bullshit?
>
> You remind me of a bunch of old bitchy post
> menopause women at a book club. Bunch of crying,
> whiny bitches!


Well, you took the time to post. Hopefully, one day you will experience bowel issues and you will likely think back and remember this post, fucker.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 10, 2014 01:32PM

Even if I do, I wouldn't spend months pissing and moaning for months about it in public. Bunch of cry babies. Do you get the senior discount?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 10, 2014 02:20PM

Thank you Mr Black. You have proved exactly what IBS folks have been contending with for years. If it was our heart or lungs, you would be understanding, if not sympathetic to what each and everyone of us goes through daily. This isn't the occasional migraine and IBS affects all age groups.

One day your bowels will betray you. You'll probably think "oh its just something I ate, or I caught a stomach bug." That will soon be in doubt as your rear end will hurt, you'll be lying down on a table with a doctor who has meaty fingers. Then and only then will your complaints be valid. Rocking the brown.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 10, 2014 03:27PM

Onion I do not want to put my company name here. Yet spaseba for your support. I hope they find out who is doing this. I think the laughter in the bathroom was related to my health conditions

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 10, 2014 03:28PM

I hope Mr. Black shits out A Subaru.

What an insensitive douche.

Fuck him and his pristine schphinkter.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: January 10, 2014 04:39PM

Don't know if this technically is on-topic or not, since my bowels weren't in any sort of distress; however...

Had a baconator for lunch over the holidays, followed by KFC original recipe for dinner 4-5 hours afterward. Later that evening the stench emanating from the bowl and during evacuation was horrific. I intend to try to duplicate this offending odor at some point in the near future to see if that particular combination was indeed the cause.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 11, 2014 08:13AM

That's very on topic, and I'm impressed by your having the courage, the werewithal to try it again. When I was a young man, a book called "Black Like Me", helped to understand what our neighbors with dark skin complexion were dealing with. The author was a white man who used make up to be black.

You could write a book, or even pen a short story called "Brown Like Me." It would help those of us, the millions with bowels of inferior quality, feel better about ourselves. Thank you for sharing your experience, and for the record I don't think my bowels would handle said meal so well.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 11, 2014 10:17AM

Bunch of menopause women

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deuce Dropaload ()
Date: January 11, 2014 02:59PM

Looking up where shitting became taking a deuce. No logical explanation

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wrongg ()
Date: January 11, 2014 05:33PM

drop a duece. going number 2 hence duece.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: This Thread is.... ()
Date: January 12, 2014 12:14PM

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 13, 2014 07:05AM

I had to call out of work today. It's an odd experience, not calling out, but I now have the fecal reversal of sorts.

It's not pleasant to be on this side of the Bristol Stool Guide either. Diarrhea is by no means a walk in the park.

Dehydration is my biggest concern.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: willy the pooh ()
Date: January 13, 2014 07:10AM

i keep having these horrible smelly farts. the hot ones that linger. then my dog farted, now our farts are dancing in the humid air and its making my stomach turn. which is now making me have to go pooh.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 13, 2014 07:38AM

Well, after days of prodding, pleading, pushing and pampering, the bog that was created in my colon has finally passed itself.

But not without a blood sacrifice.

Again , my intestines asked my ass to perform above and beyond the call of duty.

The snakes jaws can disengage , so that the serpent can swallow an object bigger than itself, but my schphinkter has no such design.

Instead , my ass is called upon to stretch and contort itself to un human like proportions.

This is not done without considerable pain.

The turd itself was gargantuan. Dry as a cinderblock, and just as big.

Today, I'm having my psylium with prune juice. Milk of magnesia and cookies.


If my rectum has to expell another jumbo stool anytime soon, it just may never recover.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 13, 2014 08:36AM

Beh sorry for that, but it sounds like you have things handled, the best that you can. It sounds as if you have a FEMA like "go kit" of supplies for your bowels. That is wise, because its all about being prepared, even for Brown and red contingencies. I wish more Homeland Security FAQ and videos focused on our digestive concerns. For instance in a national emergency, what do you have ready for IBS sufferers. It's a confirmed medical issue.

Today its a lot of bland and water, along with focusing on the Bristol Stool Guide for motivation. I am not missing the large asteroid sized craps, like you just went through, but something solid would be solid indeed.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 13, 2014 11:55AM

Is that what causes the bleeding for you? Does a mirror prove its your spinkter or is it a roid? Last night I took one of the biggest shits ever. While wiping it was messy plus bloody. I took a hot shower but felt in the crevice area maybe inflamed tissues? I'm not sure though please help if you have had this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 13, 2014 11:55AM

Is that what causes the bleeding for you? Does a mirror prove its your spinkter or is it a roid? Last night I took one of the biggest shits ever. While wiping it was messy plus bloody. I took a hot shower but felt in the crevice area maybe inflamed tissues? I'm not sure though please help if you have had this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 13, 2014 11:55AM

Is that what causes the bleeding for you? Does a mirror prove its your spinkter or is it a roid? Last night I took one of the biggest shits ever. While wiping it was messy plus bloody. I took a hot shower but felt in the crevice area maybe inflamed tissues? I'm not sure though please help if you have had this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 13, 2014 11:55AM

Is that what causes the bleeding for you? Does a mirror prove its your spinkter or is it a roid? Last night I took one of the biggest shits ever. While wiping it was messy plus bloody. I took a hot shower but felt in the crevice area maybe inflamed tissues? I'm not sure though please help if you have had this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 13, 2014 12:13PM

Good news Red, you probably just sustained a benign rectal tissue injury.

They heal fast.

Of course, if you have a history of such occurances, you might have developed a hemmoroid or two, and yes, they can bleed a bit.

But again, with proper treatment (rest, sitz baths) they heal quickly too.

Hopefully your condition isn't chronic.

If it is, have your general practitioner refer you to a proctologist.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 13, 2014 12:45PM

I think that's sound advice red underwear.

There's not much more I can add, other then hemorrhoids can be internal or external. If the tissue doesn't recede, Tucks pads will help.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 13, 2014 01:21PM

If that's all you have to complain about, I will trade you these brown and yellow undergarments asshole. This is about bowels, not a couple of anal veins! Sit in your own shit and then you have a place here. Sick of whining. Big deal two three days your problem clears.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 13, 2014 01:36PM

Brown, we need all the allies we can get. Just because he has rectal tissue problems, doesn't give you, me or anyone else the right to chastise.

When I'm more hydrated I will put on a red and brown shirt, to show unity with all whom have subpar bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 13, 2014 02:34PM

Don't be so quick to judge Red, Mr. Brown.

For his sake I hope he is not afflicted with this curse, but bleeding is often the first sign of more calamities to come.

Red, please feel free to vist anytime and share your rectal experiences.

We're here if you need us, which I pray you don't.

Mr. Brown, I fully understand your frustration.

We're here especially for you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 13, 2014 03:29PM

As if plastic covers in my car are not bad enough. My coworkers put this over my seat, desk with brown paint. They are idiots, and human resources is investigating this as harassing behavior.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 14, 2014 07:11AM

Gordo, I wish you success. I'm trying to participate but day #2 of this non stop diarrhea isn't helping.

Drinking lots of water and eating a bland diet, wish me luck getting back to solid ground.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 14, 2014 08:57AM

One thing has me curios. Someone posted intestines are thirty feet long. I don't get how they can be this long. For I'm 5'9 and how can a crap of big size go thru 30 feet or so? I just cant figure out the length weight issue.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: gewec ()
Date: January 14, 2014 09:13AM

The average length of the small intestine in an adult human male is 6.9 m (22 feet 6 inches), and in an adult female 7.1 m (23 feet 4 inches). It can vary greatly, from as short as 4.6 m (15 feet) to as long as 9.8 m (32 feet).[3][4] It is approximately 2.5–3 cm in diameter.

The small intestine is divided into three structural parts:

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 14, 2014 09:40AM

Well right now, a refrigerator sized stool is sitting in my small intestine, gaining mass and losing water as we speak.

By the time it gets ready to drop, it'll be the size of a Mini Cooper, and as dry as the Sahahra.

How much can I ask of my schphinkter? At what point will the next one be one too many?

One more humungous, dry , hard to pass stool might be the coup de gras on my colon.

In lieu of flowers, send all donations meant for my tortured ass to "IBS Research Fund at Cedars-Sinai.. Cedars-Sinai Medical Center 8700 Beverly Blvd. Suite 2416 Los Angeles, CA 90048-0750".



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2014 09:42AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dexter Morgan ()
Date: January 14, 2014 09:46AM

Old chip salsa will getcha in your sleep!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 14, 2014 10:07AM

How can my shits be wider than the 2-3 cm of the intestines? Shouldnt they be flatter, smaller. I just don't get how something so big can pass such a small area. The anus I understand it stretches. Intestines must work hard to move a larger in width object.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 14, 2014 10:29AM

You eat, you shit, the end! Fuck you all.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 14, 2014 11:11AM

Screw you! Do you sit in shit filled depends? Do you worry about leaks chafing when you are in your 40s? Shut up and I mean shut up you don't care about anyone oh wait you care about you only

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 14, 2014 11:20AM

Black Undies is hardly Mr. Sensitivity.

I suppose he goes to cancer suport group web sites and mocks them too.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 14, 2014 11:29AM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Black Undies is hardly Mr. Sensitivity.
>
> I suppose he goes to cancer suport group web sites
> and mocks them too.


Up yours!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 14, 2014 12:00PM

Black Undies Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BEH Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Black Undies is hardly Mr. Sensitivity.
> >
> > I suppose he goes to cancer suport group web
> sites
> > and mocks them too.
>
>
> Up yours!


Actually Mr. U, I'd like you to take a good look at what is going on "up mine".

You'd see my scarred, distended, stretched out Schphinkter.

Take a look farther up, and you'd see the bricks works...with the product so massive in size, it has no where to go.

Hang around long enough, and you'll experience the seemingly impossible expulsion of a catastrophically sized stool..complete with moans, screams, whimpers, pus , blood and other rectal bi-products.

Sure, Mr. Undies..."up mine". You be the judge.

Remember, what can be seen, cannot be unseen , and what can be smelled, will forever remain lodged in your nostrils.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Date: January 14, 2014 12:02PM

Chipotle, yum yum

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 14, 2014 12:09PM

Oh, don't think I haven't tried Chipotle, Mr. P.

As well as all cruciferous vegetables, beans of every type, prunes , Indian Curries, Kabobs , spinach and copious amounts of garlic.

The only thing that helps in the least is psylium, but how much of that can a person gag down in a day?

Not enough to keep from feeling that I've given anal birth to a Hippo twice a week.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Date: January 14, 2014 12:29PM

I'm a Mrs.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 14, 2014 12:36PM

My apologies madam.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Date: January 14, 2014 12:37PM

All is forgiven, Sir[?]

1488068_778016175546451_1605061331_n.jpg



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2014 12:38PM by The Dark Passenger.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 14, 2014 12:47PM

I wanted to post thus earlier, but well you know of interruptions that are biological in nature. I guess my body is recalibrating after this diarrhea.

There ARE FAMOUS people with bowel problems.

These include Camille Grammer, Cam' Ron, Chyler Leigh, Tyra Banks, Jenny McCarthy, Cybille Shepard, Franklin Gutierrez, Kurt Cobain (gone of course), Lynda Carter, Adolf Hitler(are you shitting me?), and JFK. Obviously the problems with his head, were far worse then what his bowels contented with.

If he stayed out of Dallas, we could have had a President fighting for a cure. Damn you Oswald!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 14, 2014 01:31PM

I have a new supporter at work. She works in our human resources department. Her aunt has IBS. It was painful at first talking to her this morning. I actually cried something I don't do. She is helping with providing support and finding out who messed up my desk. I might ask her out to dinner she is a nice woman.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 14, 2014 03:36PM

Keep it up I will throw shit pictures all over this thread fuck you

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 14, 2014 06:21PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have a new supporter at work. She works in our
> human resources department. Her aunt has IBS. It
> was painful at first talking to her this morning.
> I actually cried something I don't do. She is
> helping with providing support and finding out who
> messed up my desk. I might ask her out to dinner
> she is a nice woman.

Maybe she'll be one of the great ones, Gordorsky.

You're allowed three great women in your life.

If you're out with her, and you open the car door for her, and then lose control of your bowels, and she has pre moitened toweletts and hand sanitizer handy...she's one of the great ones.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: tmi ()
Date: January 15, 2014 10:04AM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Black Undies Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > BEH Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Black Undies is hardly Mr. Sensitivity.
> > >
> > > I suppose he goes to cancer suport group web
> > sites
> > > and mocks them too.
> >
> >
> > Up yours!
>
>
> Actually Mr. U, I'd like you to take a good look
> at what is going on "up mine".
>
> You'd see my scarred, distended, stretched out
> Schphinkter.
>
> Take a look farther up, and you'd see the bricks
> works...with the product so massive in size, it
> has no where to go.
>
> Hang around long enough, and you'll experience the
> seemingly impossible expulsion of a
> catastrophically sized stool..complete with moans,
> screams, whimpers, pus , blood and other rectal
> bi-products.
>
> Sure, Mr. Undies..."up mine". You be the judge.
>
> Remember, what can be seen, cannot be unseen , and
> what can be smelled, will forever remain lodged in
> your nostrils.

holy crap thats just nasty and tmi!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 15, 2014 11:19AM

If you are the 7% who go through this its not TMI. Instead its reality. The figure of 7% is low. Many believe one in ten Americans have bowel problems.

Thirty plus million with sore asses, bloating, and worried about if a toilet with lots of TP is available.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: zdessd ()
Date: January 15, 2014 11:43AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If you are the 7% who go through this its not TMI.
> Instead its reality. The figure of 7% is low. Many
> believe one in ten Americans have bowel problems.
>
> Thirty plus million with sore asses, bloating, and
> worried about if a toilet with lots of TP is
> available.

anal sex is good for loosing things up

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 15, 2014 12:11PM

Anal sex is good for loosening things up, are you mad sir? Please consider getting some assistance, because nothing and I mean nothing except for a enema or a finger of a doctor go there.

That advice is far from sound. There is nothing good about any sexual activities that involve the rear end, because it could very well lead to structural damage.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 15, 2014 12:57PM

Spaseba BEH, I agree with you. I meet her later today, wish me luck as I'm going to see if she will go out for lunch.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 15, 2014 02:20PM

What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender? The proctologist has to look at only one asshole at a time!

I sit here after a close return to normalcy on the Bristol Stool Guide thinking about GI's. I'm almost sorry for them, because at a party everyone knows where their finger has been.

Do they just say they are physicians and leave it at that? Do oncologists laugh at them behind their backs? Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about this, but they do have a shitty job that pays well.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 15, 2014 02:20PM

What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender? The proctologist has to look at only one asshole at a time!

I sit here after a close return to normalcy on the Bristol Stool Guide thinking about GI's. I'm almost sorry for them, because at a party everyone knows where their finger has been.

Do they just say they are physicians and leave it at that? Do oncologists laugh at them behind their backs? Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about this, but they do have a shitty job that pays well.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 15, 2014 02:20PM

What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender? The proctologist has to look at only one asshole at a time!

I sit here after a close return to normalcy on the Bristol Stool Guide thinking about GI's. I'm almost sorry for them, because at a party everyone knows where their finger has been.

Do they just say they are physicians and leave it at that? Do oncologists laugh at them behind their backs? Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about this, but they do have a shitty job that pays well.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: January 16, 2014 05:00AM

does it take 3 times to get your point across or is everyone now ignoring you

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 16, 2014 12:03PM

Violoo this site is much like my bowels right now not working so well

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Definition of Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 16, 2014 12:11PM

Blooming Onion: Placing one's fist into another's rectum (also known as fisting) and then proceeding to fanning open the hand and fingers, creating a blooming onion-like appearance.

ex: I gave Kirk a blooming onion after he passed out.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 16, 2014 12:29PM

Definition of Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Blooming Onion: Placing one's fist into another's
> rectum (also known as fisting) and then proceeding
> to fanning open the hand and fingers, creating a
> blooming onion-like appearance.
>
> ex: I gave Kirk a blooming onion after he passed
> out.

That's the stupidest thing I've read in a long time. Blooming Onion, Beh and others here have provided me valuable information. They should be lauded for this rather then this nonsense

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 16, 2014 01:32PM

Thank you cage and the person somehow attaching my user name, no such animal and despite what you make up that's not my user name background.

What my interest is, along with fellow IBS sufferers, is to enlighten people here to a condition one in ten of us has. That's our bowels letting us down, and I'm hoping after dumping off yet another washing machine sized shit, to continue being regular and a regular part of this discussion.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 16, 2014 02:54PM

Up yours fuck you nasty assholes

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rockhound ()
Date: January 17, 2014 04:59AM

Have any of you guys ever tried a regimen of probiotics?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 17, 2014 04:40PM

Rock I have and I believe they help. I will detail more of this experience later, but I'm recovering from foods I mistakenly ate. Will try tomorrow to provide insight.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 18, 2014 05:54AM

Rockhound Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have any of you guys ever tried a regimen of
> probiotics?


In our condition, that is like suggesting extra vitamin C for a lung cancer patient.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 18, 2014 09:05AM

I like them as they have helped. I take Align brand.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 18, 2014 12:24PM

Rock I appreciate your patience as this week has been challenging. Laxatives and prescriptions were needed, as my system got backed up. This led to a lot of embarrassment the other night, as I spent a couple of hours at my sisters house. Unfortunately she only has one bathroom, and I clogged up her toilet. It got so bad that water flooded the floor, and I owe her money for the plumber and cleaning crew. Her carpets are being replaced Monday.

I do feel better physically, so let me answer your question. Do they help? Slightly although as Beh wrote, for people dealing with our severity, they are probably at best a placebo. Others do benefit from these "good" bacteria cultures, that promote digestive health. At a minimum, get one with 20 billion cultures.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 895380 ()
Date: January 18, 2014 05:59PM

Go to the pen. Have your shit pushed in!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ghtedsd ()
Date: January 19, 2014 08:00AM

895380 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Go to the pen. Have your shit pushed in!


just post a m4m ad on craigs crimes list

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 19, 2014 08:14AM

I'm sad but I don't know what to do. For once I thought she's the one. She knew of my crap problem.yet she said no to going out for dinner. Because we work for the same company it would be unprofessional. I think this is her way of saying no, an excuse and just that.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: gewec ()
Date: January 19, 2014 08:26AM

having explosive diarrhea on the first date would defiantly be a deal breaker

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: gewec ()
Date: January 19, 2014 08:26AM

having explosive diarrhea on the first date would defiantly be a deal breaker

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 19, 2014 01:20PM

Gordo I'm sorry to hear that. Some companies prevent supervisors from dating subordinates, so she might be telling you the truth. Is it possible she doesn't want to date a man, that has a certain aroma or as you have noted, ride around in a car with shit stained seats? I'm sorry regardless of her reasons.

Here's to you finding that special lady. The good news is women are more likely to have IBS or other bowel related problems. Maybe a wise entrepreneur could start a online dating site for those with less then stellar bowels. "Browndate.com" or something like that would be great, because explaining IBS or regular diarrhea isn't a surefire way to impress a woman.

Best of luck Gordo. I wish you the best, as my intestines are working on something horrendous once again.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 19, 2014 02:26PM

Well that happened prior to my expectations.

I'm clear from the toilet, having achieved lift off at 2 pm. There were some tears, grimacing, and even a scream or two.

If I had a mirror to look at my exit door, I'm sure it looked like the "its opening up!" Scene from the movie Independence Day. The results were similar, with a path of destruction to my innards and perhaps the pipes leading away from my groan throne.

Dear sanitation workers, I apologize for both that long and thick log. My hope is it will just float on through to the other side with no blockages.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 20, 2014 07:02AM

I would like to personally apologize to all of West Springfield.

That was not a wild animal you heard getting caught in a trap. Let's just say my intestines worked through a rather large load.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 20, 2014 10:07AM

Okay I found it. It was an internal hemmeroid that caused bleeding. Thks guys!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 20, 2014 10:47AM

Why don't you fucksticks get a room, or in the Internet World, start a Facebook group?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 20, 2014 04:14PM

Mr. Undies, we have a forum, right here.

It's clearly named "Foods your bowels don't want".

If all this distresses you so, simply do not click on the thread.

See how easy that is? Problem solved!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: January 21, 2014 04:47AM

Red Underwear Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Okay I found it. It was an internal hemmeroid that
> caused bleeding. Thks guys!


very common in about 90 percent of america. caused by the processed GMO foods disrupting our natural bowel functions

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 21, 2014 07:26AM

Exceptional point Vio. The foods that we eat whether GMO/ processed are not good for our bowels. Look at other nations, as the amount of bowel problems in the USA is a huge brown stain on the globe.

Part of it is our unhealthy gluttony type of habits. Yet a good portion of this is stress or diet related.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: January 21, 2014 08:17AM

i have been eating nothing but organic vegan and things are getting better

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Some Ol' Wive's Tail ()
Date: January 21, 2014 03:08PM

You guys are really agonizing over this stuff far too long. Personally, I've dumped trusting the over-priced elitist medical community's "doctor's orders" and gone herbal (www.curezone.com) and feel a lot better (less bloated/congested, easier bowel movements, etc.).

Sticking with the bland toast diet sounds like the worst advice to me. I mean look at third world countries (India, China, Mexico, etc.) where they live forever and pump out babies left and right, work grueling laborous jobs their whole lives, all the while living in shantys - but they eat VERY spicy foods.

Personally, I think you all have a zoo living up your ass and you need to eat the spices to kill it off. I personally recommend the www.humaworm.com stuff. (Going on the raw food vegan diet for 6 weeks helped lots, too. Don't stay vegan, though, people need B-12 vitamin from meat and dairy. Just eat lighter, juicer foods exclusively until you get "better".)

Best of luck...

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 21, 2014 04:14PM

Bad advice, silly in fact.

You're talking out of your ass, you have no idea what this is all about.

The bad advice concerning lettuce, fisting and now worms adorn this thread.

And you can't even spell 'Tale' as in 'wives tale'.

No credibility whatsoever.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Some Ol' Wive's 'Tale' ()
Date: January 21, 2014 04:37PM

After reading your reply I got slightly miffed. Fortunately, my second dose of HumaCleanse colon cleaner kicked in and I had a refreshing bowel movement. I feel wonderful now! Constipation makes you a pain-in-the ass to deal with (can't even deal with a play on words). I know and I forgive you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 22, 2014 04:43AM

Thank you for showing some human feeling.

You're right, I am difficult sometimes due to the feeling of a SUV parked in my colon.

Congratualations on your successful elimination. It must be nice.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: SHITHEAD ()
Date: January 22, 2014 04:48AM

BOWEL PROBLEMS? YOU GOTTA BE SHITTIN ME!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: January 22, 2014 07:25AM

SHITHEAD Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BOWEL PROBLEMS? YOU GOTTA BE SHITTIN ME!


i base what kind of a day i am going to have my the size and amount of my movement.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 22, 2014 08:06AM

This thread needs to return to the "enchilada", in this case that involves foods and bowels. Items such as negative attitudes are not appreciated. The past couple of days, I've spent hours on the Groan Throne.

My ass to put it, frankly hurts like hell. There's been straining, coaxing, and sweating profusely for this elimination.

I think I dropped the anchors from an aircraft carrier, and this one was very bloody. Now to go get my commendation for getting shit done.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 22, 2014 08:21AM

Any of you tried green tea? What about colon cleaners, do they produce instant results?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ghtedsd ()
Date: January 22, 2014 08:32AM

Miscavage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Any of you tried green tea? What about colon
> cleaners, do they produce instant results?


magnesium citrate works wonders

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: alsothisyeah ()
Date: January 22, 2014 08:53AM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 22, 2014 11:42AM

I sit at my desk brewing. It's only a matter of time.

Any sanitation workers on here? I'm interested in learning what happens to the RV sized shit once flushed.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Bowel Mcdonnell ()
Date: January 22, 2014 11:57AM

I have heard stress can make your bowels shitty, wonder about the Guv

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 22, 2014 01:11PM

I just feel awful. It gets tiring. One minute I'm on the dance floor, one minute I've got a leak coming down my pants legs. I know now nachos and cheese no matter how good, just cannot be eaten. But for it to happen so fast in such dramatic means is unthinkable. I'm not sure if the food dancing or beer set off this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 22, 2014 01:45PM

Gordo as tempting as beer and cheese is, those probably are not safe items to consume. Plus with dancing, who knows what did to your digestive system, and the final act.

Am I the only one with a nasty, fetid bathroom at work? I think a lot of my coworkers eat processed foods, because the aroma is not to my liking. It would be helpful to have a pen and paper attached to each stall, and have the guilty party write down what they eat, so to know for sure which is causing these nasty odors.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 22, 2014 06:51PM

My God, if I even look at a slice of Velveeta, my insides seize up like concrete.

I once consumed a few pieces of Laughing Cow, and it made me want an Arab to fly a commercial jet in my rectum, because it felt like the Twin Towers were up my ass.

To this day, every time I see that Laughing Cow logo, I feel the bovine is taunting me, amused at the prospect of turning my entire lower intestines into quick drying cement.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 23, 2014 07:59AM

I have three seat cushions on my desk chair this morning, and I frankly don't give a damn. My ass is tired, as it just went through an elimination process, that shook my internal plumbing to the core.

There was profuse sweating. I tried to get a damp cloth, hoping it was a false alarm. Sadly that was not the case, as soon as I sat down the screaming and digging my fingernails into the drywall began. My neighborhood must have heard this, and I hope there were no unexplained suspicious events due to my bowel maladies.

The log produced would have made Paul Bunyan proud. The midwife and her encouragement were greatly appreciated. The mantra of breathe, push, breathe, push" is in my head. I feel I should get an award for this stinky baby, and I had to borrow the fire departments fans for ventilating the area, as the stench was not just in the bathroom.

I am sore, hurting, but my spirit stands or well sits strong. Tonight its epsom bath time.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: fhjjghghh ()
Date: January 23, 2014 08:15AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just feel awful. It gets tiring. One minute I'm
> on the dance floor, one minute I've got a leak
> coming down my pants legs. I know now nachos and
> cheese no matter how good, just cannot be eaten.
> But for it to happen so fast in such dramatic
> means is unthinkable. I'm not sure if the food
> dancing or beer set off this.


beer is actually good for you

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 23, 2014 09:41AM

Beer is good for you? You are full of shit, there's no ifs, ands, or buts about such nonsense.

Beer and carbonated beverages are the worst drink for those with IBS.

Get your shit together, and please think before you type, because asses are on the line. The uninformed might suffer from either diarrhea or a turd the size of a Gemini capsule.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: oirrse ()
Date: January 23, 2014 09:50AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Beer is good for you? You are full of shit,
> there's no ifs, ands, or buts about such
> nonsense.
>
> Beer and carbonated beverages are the worst drink
> for those with IBS.
>
> Get your shit together, and please think before
> you type, because asses are on the line. The
> uninformed might suffer from either diarrhea or a
> turd the size of a Gemini capsule.


beer is excellent for digestion. kiss my levi's tag
Attachments:
2-042-05a.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 23, 2014 10:22AM

Pictures are proof you don't know your head from your ass, and you should be thanking your lucky stars for stellar bowels. Many of us aren't blessed in such a way ,having our lives dictated by going places only if they have ample toilets and proper food choices.

If you had IBS those jeans could be brown, so please realize how fortunate you are.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 23, 2014 10:28AM

I guess he's never heard of beer shits. Idiot!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 23, 2014 11:09AM

Fuck you motherfucker! You can eat my ass! Take my diaper off enjoy shit from a man in his fucking 40s! You want chafing and wearin Depends eat shit you asshole!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 23, 2014 11:30AM

Gentlemen please for the love of our bowels, and support for each other whether on the throne or away from it, please do not let an obvious student stuck at home interrupt our foundation.

We have to pick our battles, keep our stress levels as low as possible, and gain bowel buddies to stand by us through shit and thin.

Brown I'm sorry you appear to be having a challenging day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: hj66668 ()
Date: January 23, 2014 12:34PM

Why do some shits really smell bad?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 23, 2014 02:02PM

Some bowel movements do have more of an odor. A lot of this is due to how your stomach acids break down foods, along with what's in your diet. Fiber or a lack therof can be a part of the equation, but processed foods are the worst.

Also the "grub" you get from fast food places, can batter away at your bowels like a jackhammer. Try to drink lots of water for mucous production, and fruits/veggies. This should diminish such odors, and emails at work bringing this up will boost morale and output.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 24, 2014 08:05AM

After warming up my vehicle, I finally arrived at work. It appears no documents will be processed, but rather another day with Human Resources. My coworkers are not good people.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: jhgrt ()
Date: January 24, 2014 08:29AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> After warming up my vehicle, I finally arrived at
> work. It appears no documents will be processed,
> but rather another day with Human Resources. My
> coworkers are not good people.


maybe the explosive diarrhea you blew all over them has something to do with it

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 24, 2014 08:42AM

Gordo I am sorry you have to deal with such negativity at work. As if getting through this snow wasn't difficult enough, it seems you have more shit to contend with, which isn't healthy, plus obnoxious comments like those above who don't suffer in our shoes.

Virginia is a right to work state, so be careful with HR Gordo. Do you have anything documented by a doctor, because I'm suree Americans with Disabilities Act provides some degree of protection.

I wish you success and also #4 #2s. This mornini g I had a wonderful defecation, and feel especially charged up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 24, 2014 10:02AM

I just got out of meetings with Human Resources. They agree that whoever is putting dead flies on my desk, is guilty of harassment in the work place. I hope they are caught, because I'd like to focus on my work assignments.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 24, 2014 10:44AM

You guys are still moaning and pissy about this! Go take medicine and fuck off!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 24, 2014 12:10PM

Undies have a warm cup of shut the fuck up. 10% of us experience this shit. May your bowels go thru this

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Detox the Colon ()
Date: January 24, 2014 01:09PM

I'm not sure if IBS is real or not, but Colon Cleanse helps me.

It tastes nasty, but cleans me out. Two or three times a year, worth every cent.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Realist61 ()
Date: January 24, 2014 01:38PM

Baloney, colon cleaners aren't even proven to work. Check the FDA disclosure. All are shams.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 24, 2014 02:37PM

I'm not going to slam digestive products, but my personal opinion, is that they are placebos or in some cases, could be the snake oil sold from the era of "amazing potions." For those of us with IBS, they don't help. They don't hurt either I believe, so its up to a personal choice.

My two strategies are diet and decreased stress. Easily said but not an easy task. Giving up on a lot of foods has diminished my number of flare ups. Plus the leakage decrease says I'm on the right path. A cure would be great, and while its okay to hope for that, you've got to help your bowels with what is available.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rockhound ()
Date: January 24, 2014 06:54PM

STICK IT TO THE SPAMBOT

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 25, 2014 08:07AM

I'm not sure what a spambot is, but it might be what I dropped this morning. It was a relief, and I think five pounds are gone.

Just a heads up as I'm checking, verifying this information, but Dr Oz might have a show about IBS next week. Be sure to get your brown colored remotes ready.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: January 25, 2014 11:33AM

Dr Oz episodes are like watching a car salesman performing open heart surgery. The best advice is to immediately book an appointment with a GI.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 26, 2014 09:35AM

Sitting in the comforts of my house, without a finger up my ass with a bill to pay, kiss my ass doctor. You can use your sadistic machinery on some other poor sods ass instead.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Capt Obvioussss ()
Date: January 26, 2014 11:32AM

Shittiest thread.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 26, 2014 12:04PM

It couldn't be avoided. Tomorrow I'm staying away from work. Those Klondike bars are good and bad.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 26, 2014 07:09PM

Damn Gordorsky, I'm crazy about Klondike Bars too.

However, one of those will stop my bowels like a ship stuck in the frozen Artic Sea.

I wonder how thickened Milk of Magnesia would taste in place of the vanilla ice cream in a Klondike bar?

For me, that would be a win/win.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: mylittle experiance ()
Date: January 27, 2014 07:58AM

i always try to take a dump before heading out to work but this morning nothing was happening. Lo and behold was not on the way 20 min when the wave hit with the urgency of a freight train. Hit a 7-11 and of course some gresey mexican was in the mens room but alas the ladies was empty. any port in a storm...

the storm was far from comfortable and there was blood splatter everywhere. did the best i could to clean up but there was just so much. peeked out the door and luck would have it no one was nearby. slithered out and wandered to the door when i heard a shriek and a scream about murder. while attempting to back out of the parking lot 2 police cars came flying in with lights a flashing.

hope they don't have video's i do not want my picture on the news

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 27, 2014 10:54AM

Milk of magnesia klondikes is a great idea. There would be no to minimum suffering. What would take place for the chocolate part? I don't think my car needs yet another steam cleaning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Food Popo ()
Date: January 27, 2014 11:34AM

It's obvious you are just trying to change what we eat. Is Michelle Obama sponsoring this bullshit?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 27, 2014 11:44AM

Fuck you there is no food police except for us. Eat what you want asshole! You don't have an adult diaper full of feces!

What are you thinking Gordorsky? When you eat shit that's the result! Stop eating those foods!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Food Popo ()
Date: January 27, 2014 01:49PM

Just like banning certain guns for "our safety", next will be food.

Bloomberg already banned sodas by size, Obama is working on it. This is a ruse a lie.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 27, 2014 04:26PM

I'm out of the hospital, with a sore ass and a bill for this enroute.

Later tonight, after some rest, I will prove to you this is not about food fights.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 27, 2014 07:44PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Milk of magnesia klondikes is a great idea. There
> would be no to minimum suffering. What would take
> place for the chocolate part? I don't think my car
> needs yet another steam cleaning.

Chocolate X Lax surrounding creamy frozen milk of magnesia.

It really does sound good.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: January 27, 2014 08:13PM

Food Popo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's obvious you are just trying to change what we
> eat. Is Michelle Obama sponsoring this bullshit?


Start from the beginning, hang yourself upside down from the ceiling, and after that "choke yourself" with Gunnery Sgt Hartman from Full Metal Jacket.

At first I was calling bullshit on this, but if anyone has these types of symptoms, I support them. I have nothing to bitch about, and will try to lend a hand. Well, you know, at least show my support.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: lend a hand ()
Date: January 27, 2014 08:16PM

Tough One Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have nothing to bitch about, and will try
> to lend a hand.

beh keeps asking for handjobs, lend a hand man

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 28, 2014 03:21AM

Please, I've had enough of masculine , jewelry adorned, badly manicured doctors hands to last a lifetime.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 28, 2014 07:31AM

To all whom are complaining, digest this before judging what this thread is about.

I am recovering from fecal impaction. That's right my shit got stuck. It was and is painful, so please realize we are just here to assure each other. Eat what you want, and be grateful your bowels get excellent reliability ratings from Consumer Reports.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ghtedsd ()
Date: January 28, 2014 08:19AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> To all whom are complaining, digest this before
> judging what this thread is about.
>
> I am recovering from fecal impaction. That's right
> my shit got stuck. It was and is painful, so
> please realize we are just here to assure each
> other. Eat what you want, and be grateful your
> bowels get excellent reliability ratings from
> Consumer Reports.

i had that once. was not a nice experiance

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Food Popo ()
Date: January 28, 2014 08:29AM

Playing the sympathy card.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 28, 2014 08:31AM

This morning I went into work, and some mean coworkers put underwear on my computer. Ones cubicle is private space and I'm going to Human Resources again. If only my bowels leaking were the only problem. Now add this on top of it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 28, 2014 08:51AM

Is this Menstrual Women volume 3?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: gewec ()
Date: January 28, 2014 09:09AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This morning I went into work, and some mean
> coworkers put underwear on my computer. Ones
> cubicle is private space and I'm going to Human
> Resources again. If only my bowels leaking were
> the only problem. Now add this on top of it.


for as much as you complain they need to fire you

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 28, 2014 09:54AM

If you had dead flies on your desk you would complain. Like Mr Poopy Pants stickers, or underwear with brown paint on your work station? Air fresheners? I work hard on my plastic covered seat. In fact despite having bowel problems, I am among the most productive employees. Imagine if my bowels could be fixed.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 28, 2014 11:13AM

Gordo keep doing what you are, who are your coworkers to judge if you have shit stained seats, or are in the bathroom frequently. What matters is what you said, results.

These devils should be ashamed to breathe the same air, as they are lucky to have a brown warrior showing perseverance.

Keep fighting on Gordo, our asses are on the line with you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Food Popo ()
Date: January 28, 2014 11:52AM

It's easy stupids and simpletons, stop eating junk food!

Stop campaigns for healthy choices politically. Just shut up and do it. An apple a day is easy, duh.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: this is a sham ()
Date: January 28, 2014 11:55AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordo keep doing what you are, who are your
> coworkers to judge if you have shit stained seats,
> or are in the bathroom frequently. What matters
> is what you said, results.
>
> These devils should be ashamed to breathe the same
> air, as they are lucky to have a brown warrior
> showing perseverance.
>
> Keep fighting on Gordo, our asses are on the line
> with you.


who can take you fuckers seriously when you say "shit stained seats" and "brown warrior" and the numerous things you guys post. its over the top. and then you get mad when someone pokes fun! you're a buncha shitty arses!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: @sham agree ()
Date: January 28, 2014 12:11PM

All this is mentally unbalanced people. I'm tired of each day seeing this thread.
Attachments:
2014-01-28-12-08-52-1617563526.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: trashman ()
Date: January 28, 2014 12:18PM

blooming onion definitions on Urban dictionary:

Placing one's fist into another's rectum (also known as fisting) and then proceeding to fanning open the hand and fingers, creating a blooming onion-like appearance. (76 upvotes)

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Blooming%20Onion

why would someone who alleges they have ibs use such a name?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 28, 2014 12:25PM

I would like to thank you all for proving my point. Those of us with IBS are todays lepers, or at a minimum second class citizens.

Bowels aren't just important to those of us who fight abdominal pains and basketball sized shits on a regular basis. Bowels are the very essence of our being. The colon controls our brains, not the other way around.

You all need to stop showing your true colors, which are far from brown. As for my user name again, common sense prevails. Fisting is disgusting. Why punish ones rectum, especially one that's in fine working order. Blooming Onion is for that plant and others, that I personally grow to reduce my IBS flare ups. You need to grow up

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: cut the crap ()
Date: January 28, 2014 12:28PM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I would like to thank you all for proving my
> point. Those of us with IBS are todays lepers, or
> at a minimum second class citizens.
>
> Bowels aren't just important to those of us who
> fight abdominal pains and basketball sized shits
> on a regular basis. Bowels are the very essence of
> our being. The colon controls our brains, not the
> other way around.
>
> You all need to stop showing your true colors,
> which are far from brown. As for my user name
> again, common sense prevails. Fisting is
> disgusting. Why punish ones rectum, especially one
> that's in fine working order. Blooming Onion is
> for that plant and others, that I personally grow
> to reduce my IBS flare ups. You need to grow up


you have been exposed for the fraud that you are

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 28, 2014 12:32PM

That's your opinion but I've been an IBS advocate for fifteen years. What have you done that has been productive?

You can ignore the information I have provided, but you do so at considerable risk to your entire digestive system.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mister Poopy Pants ()
Date: January 28, 2014 12:49PM

Why not pm each other? Keep this junk to yourselves. Do you see cardiac patients on here?

The answer is : NO!!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: January 28, 2014 12:58PM

Dry roasted peanuts. They come out like shards of glass, and my hemorrhoid became even larger and oozed more.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Food Popo ()
Date: January 28, 2014 01:07PM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dry roasted peanuts. They come out like shards of
> glass, and my hemorrhoid became even larger and
> oozed more.


You all are gross.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: January 28, 2014 01:34PM

I was thinking about taking one of my blackhead extractors and using it to drain the hemorrhoid. It feels like a little grape dangling from my bunghole. At night it likes to ooze out this watery blood and it makes me itch.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 28, 2014 02:09PM

I have bowel issues and don't like how this thread has turned

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Daftpunker ()
Date: January 28, 2014 04:56PM

Dumbest thread of Underground all time, worse then Meade Brett Davenport garbage

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Doctor Reck Tom ()
Date: January 28, 2014 04:59PM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was thinking about taking one of my blackhead
> extractors and using it to drain the hemorrhoid.
> It feels like a little grape dangling from my
> bunghole. At night it likes to ooze out this
> watery blood and it makes me itch.


That is not a hemorrhoid. That is a bad case of gonorrhea. In future, you should choose your sexual partners more carefully. Trust me, I'm a Doctor.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 28, 2014 08:27PM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was thinking about taking one of my blackhead
> extractors and using it to drain the hemorrhoid.
> It feels like a little grape dangling from my
> bunghole. At night it likes to ooze out this
> watery blood and it makes me itch.

Eesh, if it oozes, its not a run of the mill hemorrhoid.

If you've got ooze, then something is festering. If something is festering , and there is puss, with bloody discharge , there is also tissue damage.

If there is tissue damage , especially in the warm , moist, fecal smeared rectal area ,the infection can spread into the bloodstream.

I'd like to recommend my specialist, but quite frankly he's rather insensitive and inefective.

In any event , seek a physician when anything other than feces cascades from your can.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: trrrww ()
Date: January 29, 2014 07:25AM

@sham agree Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> All this is mentally unbalanced people. I'm tired
> of each day seeing this thread.


i sort of enjoy this thread

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 29, 2014 08:19AM

Thanks as the only unbalance is our bowels, and a diet can be as well.

I would like to post more,but am still recovering. The brown flag is up in spirit though, united we groan and scream together united.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: gewec ()
Date: January 29, 2014 08:23AM

.
Attachments:
murder.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 29, 2014 10:02AM

A hemorrhoid doesn't require a doctor's visit. Come on and if its uncomfortable there's Prep H. You don't need to see a doc for that!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: not a hemioriod ()
Date: January 29, 2014 10:07AM

Mr Brown Underwear Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A hemorrhoid doesn't require a doctor's visit.
> Come on and if its uncomfortable there's Prep H.
> You don't need to see a doc for that!


that is not a hemorrhoid, that derp got da herp

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 29, 2014 10:29AM

What's a derp?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eli 2 lazy 2 sign in ()
Date: January 29, 2014 10:30AM

Miscavage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What's a derp?


It's what I call Eesh.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 29, 2014 10:42AM

Folks you are all over the place, let's keep our focus on our bowels, and foods along with stimuli that cause them to be against us. This thread is supposed to be about the 10% of us, that have temperamental bowels, uniting under the brown banner as a sign of unity.

There is no IBS Foundation "Pound the Brown", or any others willing to work on our behalf/backsides.

The closest we have to visible support is the brown uniforms and trucks of UPS.

Please continue to support each other, and let's make allies in the battle of the bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 29, 2014 12:04PM

Finally. Two coworkers got two days off without pay. Human Resources did a great job. I feel much better.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Johnny Rockets ()
Date: January 29, 2014 01:29PM

Blubber butt glaze stinks. I'm not sure what my condition is, but I get a glaze quite often in my underwear. Also if I take a dump in the morning, later on shit will still be able to be wiped. Most of the time it doesn't go on my underwear but sometimes it does. Is this IBS or something else, should I drink proto or something?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: gewey ()
Date: January 29, 2014 02:20PM

Johnny Rockets Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Blubber butt glaze stinks. I'm not sure what my
> condition is, but I get a glaze quite often in my
> underwear. Also if I take a dump in the morning,
> later on shit will still be able to be wiped. Most
> of the time it doesn't go on my underwear but
> sometimes it does. Is this IBS or something else,
> should I drink proto or something?


Sounds nasty. Shit fill boxers

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 29, 2014 04:41PM

Mr. Rockets, get some pre moistened towelettes, you'll never get clean with regular toilet paper.

Of course nothing beats a shower, which I usually do, because one tends to get a little tender and chafed trying to pass the kind of cinderblocks that torment my schphinkter.

In a pinch, i'll wet some paper towels and scrub down with those.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Johnny Rockets ()
Date: January 29, 2014 04:53PM

Thanks BEH.

The past year this started, I'm in my mid thirties.

Do you think the idea of two Immodium ADs at night, with a glass of metamucil each morning could help?

Not sure if you have heard of vsl3.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 29, 2014 05:02PM

I do pure psylium husk , a quadruple dose, and on the days I can force it down, I can ususally negotiate a dump that won't be painful as chilbirth.

Immodium and stuff like Milk of Magnesia are only temporary fixes, and you'll soon become immune.

I've not heard of vsl3, please inform the board.

I'd try anything that would prevent more clawmarks on the bathroom wall.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 30, 2014 07:45AM

I've been reading, and after my release from the hospital, I was looking for a glimmer of hope.

Gordo has provided this. What company do you work for? Usually HR treats those of us with IBS as the undesirables caste. For once just once the bowel brothers in brown win one for the team.

Way to go Gordo! I sit here in pain at home, and physically am not in the best shape. However you have cheered me up this morning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: IBS is a commitment ()
Date: January 30, 2014 08:00AM

Whoever named IBS is a bastard. It is not a name that can be taken seriously unless you are victim to the bowels confliction. Irritable bowel syndrome. It sounds funny. We are doomed to ridicule because of irresponsible name makers.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 30, 2014 10:11AM

The abdominal pains, gas, bloating, shits the size of Cadillacs from the 70s, the omnipotent desire to always be close to a toilet, the food restrictions, whomever named this was an asshole.

Feel comfort knowing you have others here with it, perhaps we should come up with a new name for it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Johnny Rockets ()
Date: January 30, 2014 11:37AM

Thanks for the help going to check CVS for those wipes.

VSL3 is a probiotic that adds good bacteria.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 30, 2014 11:54AM

Bunch of balless bitches

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 30, 2014 01:27PM

Rockets thanks for the information, although they probably wouldn't help my tired wretched rectum, that has been pushed far past its limits. I hope these help some with less severe cases.

One day all of us pushing together, we will find a cure.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 30, 2014 02:06PM

Probiotics didn't do a thing.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 30, 2014 04:42PM

Probiotics, lettuce and fisting, this is the advice we get?

Thats like attacking a battleship with spit balls.

We've got issues with extreme discomfort and humiliation and all we can get is wives tales type advice from the last century.

Why don't these people with their genius advice go to the cancer ward and tell the patients to drink more orange juice and eat some lettuce and greek yogurt?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Idea Goy ()
Date: January 30, 2014 06:03PM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Folks you are all over the place, let's keep our
> focus on our bowels, and foods along with stimuli
> that cause them to be against us. This thread is
> supposed to be about the 10% of us, that have
> temperamental bowels, uniting under the brown
> banner as a sign of unity.
>
> There is no IBS Foundation "Pound the Brown", or
> any others willing to work on our
> behalf/backsides.
>
> The closest we have to visible support is the
> brown uniforms and trucks of UPS.
>
> Please continue to support each other, and let's
> make allies in the battle of the bowels.


Foundations to be formed (extruded?) for IBS:

Dirt Road Runners DRR
Two in the Pink, One in the Stink
BrownTown (sung to the tune of Downtown)
Square Bricks
Race for the Door, then for the cure
Brown Cross Brown Shield
FEMA - Fecal Evacuation Management Agency
ObamaCare
Anus and Them
American Sphincter Society - ASS
Tearfully United for Rectal Discomfort
Pain In The Ass - PITA

Your nominations?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 30, 2014 06:18PM

Brown Cross Brown Shield!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 31, 2014 07:23AM

Exceptional names, I like "Square Bricks".

Unfortunately last night though, I had a shit that looked like that rock coming after Indiana Jones and Short Round in the Temple of Doom.

Drinking lots of water hope it produces more mucous.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 31, 2014 09:21AM

Gordo BEH others,

What's your opinion on contacting the Cleveland Browns, to see if they would be the official NFL team for those with IBS? Both versions, C and D, could benefit from such support.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 31, 2014 12:48PM

My choice is fuck off

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Johnny Rockets ()
Date: January 31, 2014 02:12PM

I'm convinced you could be cleared up with vsl3. It's at Walgreens at the pharmacy.

The OTC formula has 425 billion good bacterias, eight strains.

The prescription one has 900 billion.

Many have found these helpful. The good bacteria override the bad.

If you have had Z pack or other antibiotics, this is recommended to ward off diarrhea. A smart choice but they cost $1-2 a day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 31, 2014 04:39PM

Great info Rockets, and thank you for sharing this, because our asses, the very fabric of our being is on the line. We have been tested, tormented really, as our bowels have betrayed us in a Judas like fashion.

There was no kiss involved, but to have suffered, that much is correct.

Yet I like the unity and brown brigade here. There are some that mock us, but we must turn the other cheek.

Now checking out this product.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 31, 2014 08:15PM

Here is the website.


http://www.vsl3.com/discover/ibs-recipes.asp

Lots of good information, even friendly food recipies for IBS sufferers.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: zzzzzzzzz ()
Date: February 01, 2014 05:52AM

so how is diaper boy today ?
Attachments:
diaper.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: February 01, 2014 05:57AM

God damn... this is a sleeper thread...

It keeps popping up...

Is this, like, a valuable resource for people with IBS?

So... hey guys... When I eat a lot of peanuts, I get a very chalky poop the next day...

I also don't really care for pooping out foliage after I've eaten a salad...

Furthermore...

Whenever I drink a lot of red wine, I get a dark waxy wipe...

Anyone know what I'm talking about?

Signatures are for fags

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: rwerr ()
Date: February 01, 2014 06:29AM

just stay far away from any dairy for those that are lactose intolerant

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 01, 2014 07:20AM

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> God damn... this is a sleeper thread...
>
> It keeps popping up...
>
> Is this, like, a valuable resource for people with
> IBS?
>
> So... hey guys... When I eat a lot of peanuts, I
> get a very chalky poop the next day...
>
> I also don't really care for pooping out foliage
> after I've eaten a salad...
>
> Furthermore...
>
> Whenever I drink a lot of red wine, I get a dark
> waxy wipe...
>
> Anyone know what I'm talking about?

Mr. T, I know exactly what you're talking about.

May I congratulate you sir, on your wonderful digestive system?

Ah, to see the undigested roughage would be absoloutly heavenly.

You have nothing to worry about as far as your Schphincter is concerned.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 01, 2014 10:57AM

I'm perusing this site, and find it informative.

Thanks Rockets and BEH!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: February 01, 2014 11:16AM

I'm not surprised that these write ups have reached a new low, especially with slogans and obnoxious pictures about IBS. Based upon my many years in the field, it appears you all need immediate psychiatric services.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 01, 2014 06:12PM

Anon Doc, you have the personality traits of one that is not only anal retentive, but in deep denial.

May I suggest that YOU seek psychiatric AND ano-recto treatment?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/01/2014 06:12PM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: efghtr ()
Date: February 02, 2014 04:40AM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm not surprised that these write ups have
> reached a new low, especially with slogans and
> obnoxious pictures about IBS. Based upon my many
> years in the field, it appears you all need
> immediate psychiatric services.


your just pissed because you are not getting $180 a office visit for doing nothing but taking a blood pressure and spewing drugs that make the situation worse

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Oniom ()
Date: February 02, 2014 08:35AM

Yesterday my defecation was surprisingly easy after that Indiana Jones Temple of Doom rock.

Does anyone else here have some blood on their toilet paper?
It looked like drops and I was shocked no brow
I did accomplissomethih

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 02, 2014 08:37AM

Sorry about that bloating is a bitch. My accomplishment was writing to the Cleveland Browns for support in our battle of the bowels

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wayitis123 ()
Date: February 02, 2014 08:47AM

Blooming Oniom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Does anyone else here have some blood on their
> toilet paper?
> It looked like drops and I was shocked no brow
> I did accomplissomethih


its called hemorrhoids
Attachments:
preph.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 02, 2014 09:00AM

efghtr Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I'm not surprised that these write ups have
> > reached a new low, especially with slogans and
> > obnoxious pictures about IBS. Based upon my
> many
> > years in the field, it appears you all need
> > immediate psychiatric services.
>
>
> your just pissed because you are not getting $180
> a office visit for doing nothing but taking a
> blood pressure and spewing drugs that make the
> situation worse

Not to mention his insensitive bedside manner and bad manicure.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 02, 2014 09:03AM

Blooming Oniom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Does anyone else here have some blood on their
> toilet paper?





Yes, almost daily. My hemorrhoid is bleeding constantly.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eeshagain ()
Date: February 02, 2014 09:10AM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Blooming Oniom Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > Does anyone else here have some blood on their
> > toilet paper?
>
>
>
>
>
> Yes, almost daily. My hemorrhoid is bleeding
> constantly.



you are a hemorrhoid on the face of the earth

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: cszqaa ()
Date: February 03, 2014 02:33AM

uh oh.. something is rumbling down there

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Johnny Rockets ()
Date: February 03, 2014 05:00AM

I hope you try the VSL #3. It really is probiotics on steroids.

The cost of $1 a day, well its not cheap.

Yet it hasn't caused me stomach problems. I forgot which brand did but one left me feeling uncomfortable.

This one has made a huge difference.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: zzzzzzzzz ()
Date: February 03, 2014 05:03AM

.
Attachments:
chart.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eeshagain ()
Date: February 03, 2014 05:13AM

.
Attachments:
expsign.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 03, 2014 07:36AM

So great to see the Bristol Stool Guide here, although I have those framed in each of my bathrooms. This helps with my Log Books, where I enter in obviously the number, along with a one to ten on the pain meter.

Last night my bowels had a rough shaking battered type of experience. I have a feeling my asshole was stretched to the maximum, of this I have no doubt.

I hope today is better, just drank two servings of Metamusil. Hoping for the best, and I'm sure my neighbors do too.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ijust took a dump ()
Date: February 03, 2014 07:50AM

i just took a dump and it was blue but not on this chart. any ideas ?




Color – The standard stool color is brown or golden brown, but that can vary a lot depending what is happening for you:

Green – This often happens after eating blueberries, kale, spinach, spirulina or wheat grass or when you’ve been taking iron supplements. It may also indicate that you have extra bile in your BMs, as bile is green.

Red – If you eat beets, your BMs are most likely going to take on a red color. If your BMs are red and you haven’t been eating beets, you may have blood in your stool.

Yellow – People with gastro-esophageal reflux disease often have yellow-colored stools. This can also occur with insufficient bile, or when food is moving through your digestive system really quickly, such as with diarrhea.

Pale or Grey – If your BMs are grey or very pale, very little bile is being released into your intestines.

Black – Stools turn black when you take iron supplements or stomach remedies like Pepto-Bismol. Black may also indicate bleeding if you’re not taking anything that could be causing the color change.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: the harlot ()
Date: February 03, 2014 07:57AM

ijust took a dump Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> i just took a dump and it was blue but not on this
> chart. any ideas ?
>
>
>


I had the same problem, mine was turquoise

Hopefully we can get some good advice here

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: February 03, 2014 08:12AM

zzzzzzzzz Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> so how is diaper boy today ?


Fuck you! One day you'll have the same problem. See if its funny then asshole!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: zzzzzzzzz ()
Date: February 03, 2014 08:15AM

Mr Brown Underwear Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> zzzzzzzzz Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > so how is diaper boy today ?
>
>
> Fuck you! One day you'll have the same problem.
> See if its funny then asshole!


wow.. constipated today ?

Here it is in smelly vapors,
Someone stole the toilet paper.
How much longer shall I linger
Till I'm forced to use my finger?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 03, 2014 08:53AM

Zzzz, if you had Browns issues, you would not be so smug.

I don't wish for you or anyone to have bowel problems, although you should learn about them, and how they can be so important.

Join us by showing support.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: isupportibs ()
Date: February 03, 2014 09:00AM

.
Attachments:
ibs.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 03, 2014 10:04AM

Thank you, that's much better. While it should be brown in color, that's a nice gesture. Unity I'd say is imperative, because we have great days, while others are giving birth, with a surgical team and a man with cigars standing by at the ready.

Your ass is what expels all good, bad, or indifferent to what our bodies depend on.

Yet we must hold our heads up high, whether we are standing or crouched down. I hope one day the football team will join our cause, or a rich person with IBS will have a vehicle in NASCAR.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Kolaa ()
Date: February 03, 2014 10:39AM

Who the sponsors gonna be? Pepto and Metamucil ?

Stupid. But Metamucil does work. I used to have chronic constipation. 3 times a day equals a cure for IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: February 03, 2014 10:42AM

Good morning. It feels good to go to work with snickering and Poopy Pants stickers on my desk. Thank you Human Resources, I feel better and can focus on work.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Some Ol' Wive's Tale ()
Date: February 03, 2014 11:00AM

Aside from a strict diet, daily exercise should be emphasized, at least for those suffering from chronic constipation. For in-home exercise, I think using a rebounder/mini-trampoline is a really good way to stir up impacted fecal matter while being easy on the joints as well the floorboards.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Kolaa ()
Date: February 03, 2014 11:51AM

Better idea than what these nitwits are talking about.

Made up disease. Take Metamucil , can we start a fund?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Kolaa ()
Date: February 03, 2014 12:19PM

Take this for your made up disease, its a cure
Attachments:
images-3.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 03, 2014 12:54PM

At least some good news, congrats Gordo.


Like Patton said "I don't want to hear we are holding the position."

You are progressing forward. Be grateful and steady March!

IBS is a real medical diagnosis. 7% of us have IBS. Metamucil is useful but not going to stop our misery.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: February 03, 2014 02:19PM

Old ladies room here.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 03, 2014 03:32PM

Black,

Do I or anyone else here with IBS, fistulas, or related conditions give you shit? I bet I could go all the way to the beginning of this thread, and those of us with bowel issues, has not been negative to those with golden ones.

You should be thankful. You don't have to worry about racing stripes on your underwear that stinks, square basketballs being pushed out of your rear end, hemorrhoids, dingleberries, or anything pertinent to that 31 feet of intestines in your body. You are lucky, enjoy your exceptional bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Kolaa ()
Date: February 03, 2014 03:58PM

Blooming Onion and Black Undies should get a room

Metamusil would resolve the IBS completely, not sure about those red tomatos but it would probably

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 03, 2014 04:31PM

Kolaa Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Who the sponsors gonna be? Pepto and Metamucil ?
>
> Stupid. But Metamucil does work. I used to have
> chronic constipation. 3 times a day equals a cure
> for IBS.

If only it were that simple.

Your self righteous ignorance should annoy me Kolaa, but having acute chronic constipation has put myself and others in the line of fire of so many insensitive unknowledgeable ignoramuses, that your ridiculous comments slide like water off a ducks ass.


Don't you think that the first time I tried to shit an aircraft carrier sized stool , I frantically searched for relief?

I've tried every remedy, every doctor (many of which share your snide indignation) and all suggestions for the past 30 years.

The only people who understand are those afflicted as badly as I.

It doesn't matter if you're incontinent or constipated , it is all pain and humiliation.

But like Conan the Barbarian said, "whatever does not kill me , makes me stronger".

You too might understand this if you've ever passed out in pain and terror from trying to excrete a massive concrete slab through the eye of a needle sized Schphinkter.

So while I'm still digging my nails into the bathroom wall trying to eliminate a Toyota sized brick, you can giggle like a schoolgirl to your hearts content, your folly is the least of my concerns.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jeff V Wild ()
Date: February 03, 2014 04:45PM

Ok unique stuff here. I got a question for you. Why is it when I have a large dinner, it can be only a matter of minutes before I have to drop a deuce? The one on Thanksgiving scared me. I'm convinced it was two feet long.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 03, 2014 04:48PM

Jeff, for those with normal bowel function, eating often stimulates the bowels to start to move.

In with the good, out with the bad, if you will.

You're lucky. Nice, long, fluffy stools are easy to pass, and wiping is a cinch.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Roto Roooooooter ()
Date: February 03, 2014 05:41PM

Sounds like beh could use fisting to his advantage.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: February 03, 2014 07:15PM

Kolaa Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Take this for your made up disease, its a cure


I don't think Metamucil will cure IBS, but it in the past few months, has helped me take some awesome dumps. Very regular and what a relief they are.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 04, 2014 07:04AM

I feel as if President Obama, should enter my bathroom, and present me with the Presidential Medal of Honor. That may very well have been the largest crap of my life. I'm not sure what caused it, as the foods I've eaten have been healthy. The water amounts have been normal.

That looked like the peach from the famous Ronald Dahl series, and my rectum is going to be in the infirmary for rest and recovery. My ass just hurts. There is no getting around that. I hope there is no placenta like afterbirth because there has already been enough screaming.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: February 04, 2014 08:50AM

I guess ours is opposite. My bowel movements are diarrhea based. I don't know which is worse. Mine might be more embarrassing, yours more painful. Last night I had red diarrhea because of borscht.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Kolaa ()
Date: February 04, 2014 09:10AM

Not a real condition, munchausen by proxy type of bullshit.


If it was real, it would be a medical condition, there's no proof of this being diagnosed. A doctor can say "might be" but cannot verify it. Sorry you have constipation, that's a real and not fun time when it happens.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 04, 2014 09:50AM

It's as real as a heart attack. Obviously you have never been to a GI, but maybe you should make an appointment.

Even if he doesn't physically exam you, his war stories are sure enough to change your perspective.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jeff V Wild ()
Date: February 04, 2014 10:05AM

Kolooa you are a piece of shit.

Pay attention to the entire thread these people are hurting.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 04, 2014 11:46AM

Thanks Jeff, this shit is for real.

Would I go through painful exams, that could best be described as making me feel sodomized, if this condition was fake? Oh hell no. The cold doctors gloved fingers and ice cold demeanor don't help either.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Johnny Rockets ()
Date: February 04, 2014 12:46PM

The Vsl3 is great. If you want to reduce/eliminate flare ups, this is a good avenue.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: February 04, 2014 12:53PM

efghtr Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I'm not surprised that these write ups have
> > reached a new low, especially with slogans and
> > obnoxious pictures about IBS. Based upon my
> many
> > years in the field, it appears you all needn
> > immediate psychiatric services.
>
>
> your just pissed because you are not getting $180
> a office visit for doing nothing but taking a
> blood pressure and spewing drugs that make the
> situation wors

A preposterous claim, as I attended school for many years, to help those with gastrointestinal health problems.
Do you know how many hours I put in during my residency period, or how I still have to keep abreast of new procedures and technologies? Would you like to manage an office staff, handle countless patients, paperwork, insurance plans?

I did not think so. Perhaps you need to make an appointment, because your obtuse commentary has no merit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 04, 2014 01:51PM

Doc thanks for providing my point. Yes you might have quite an education, but how's your finger? You must be the life of the party at the snack table.

Can I get you a beer? No thanks doc, I will get it myself and avoid e coli

Unreal but I'm not surprised. All of you must go to the same school.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Zonk ()
Date: February 04, 2014 02:34PM

Some shits are great

Some shits are late

You strain your bum
That shit is dumb

Laying out a Christmas log
All because you eat like a hog

All around this great town
Watch out for the stinky brown

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: @chris core ()
Date: February 04, 2014 03:44PM

Does ad whore Chris Core do commercials for ass stuff?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 04, 2014 06:35PM

@chris core Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Does ad whore Chris Core do commercials for ass
> stuff?

Is explosive diarrhea a Core Value?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: mydesk ()
Date: February 05, 2014 04:52AM

.
Attachments:
desk.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 05, 2014 07:52AM

I wonder, does Obama Care have a provision for those of us with inferior bowels?

It would be great to have a crash team of specialists in my bathroom. Just to hear "we've got crowning" would be music to my ears, as I push to the best of my ability. Plus the support of nurses, "you can do this, breathe, you got this" would be so encouraging.

I think I will call the health care line.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: February 05, 2014 10:28AM

Does anyone know is Metamucil the best brand for IBS?

If so does it take a long time to work. Saw its $14 for can of powder.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: February 05, 2014 10:59AM

Miscavage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Does anyone know is Metamucil the best brand for
> IBS?
>
> If so does it take a long time to work. Saw its
> $14 for can of powder.


I wish I could answer that, sitting balls deep in my shit filled Depends.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 05, 2014 01:10PM

I called Tyra Banks representative, good news, she will be on GMA soon discussing her courageous battle against IBS.

A small victory but another one against our betraying bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: February 05, 2014 01:21PM

I've seen episodes of "The View" with more testosterone than here

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 05, 2014 04:22PM

Miscavage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Does anyone know is Metamucil the best brand for
> IBS?
>
> If so does it take a long time to work. Saw its
> $14 for can of powder.

Go to the Vitamin Shoppe and get the store brand Psyllium powder, it is about half the price of Metamucil, with none of the useless added ingredients.

Mix it with OJ, its not too bad.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: February 05, 2014 04:55PM

Does it provide instant relief or time and lots of doses? My problem is huge bowel movements, due to days of constipation. I'm embarrassed by this, but sometimes I wipe, and later on I have to again. It's frustrating.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 05, 2014 05:03PM

Maybe you'd need a tablespoon twice a day, morning and night.

The powder is faster acting , 6 to 12 hours, but the husks, while taking a day or more, really empty you out.

I do both in quadruple doses, but only 2% of all humans have the severe constipation I suffer from, so your milage may vary, depends on how bad your condition is.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Roto Roooooter ()
Date: February 05, 2014 08:56PM

Don't listen to BEH. Fisting is free, fast, and an efficient way of cleaning the pipes.

John Fister signs with the Nationals, and your rump is backed up- I don't think so.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordosky ()
Date: February 06, 2014 06:01AM

Finally! I woke up last night and did not have diarrhea. Instead my stomach must have told my brain there was a problem. It landed in the toilet where it should. Today is going to be great.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: cszqaa ()
Date: February 06, 2014 06:05AM

Gordosky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Finally! I woke up last night and did not have
> diarrhea. Instead my stomach must have told my
> brain there was a problem. It landed in the toilet
> where it should. Today is going to be great.


the day always goes so much better with a proper dump first thing in the morning

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 06, 2014 07:31AM

I'm disappointed today, as I opened a letter from the President.

The White House, with lights of course, has been changed to pink and purple for health conditions.

Yet for the "Turn it brown for IBS", a complete denial. The letter came in as expected, a form letter with "we appreciate your dedication for a health condition, but at the time this will not be happening for a number of reasons."

I'm disappointed but in regards to a cure, my bowels are strapped in for the duration.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: February 06, 2014 10:50AM

Thanks BEH, I hope this improves things along with minimal side effects.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 06, 2014 11:25AM

Well after that one, I must profusely apologize to those in the next stall.

I'm sure they didn't appreciate the screams, shoes tapping on the floor repeatedly, along with that stench.

Yet my work in there is done, bring out the hazmat team, to delouse the area. Anyone got some caution tape?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 07, 2014 07:34AM

You must take care of your bowels, think of them as your lower brain.

Speaking of intellect, your colon controls your brain, not the other way around.

Therefore the phrase you are what you eat is true!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Qvr1 ()
Date: February 07, 2014 08:30AM

Is it possible to have ibs c and d?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: John J Fister ()
Date: February 07, 2014 08:56AM

Qvr1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is it possible to have ibs c and d?


Need a fist to borrow? That's your only choice!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 07, 2014 01:59PM

I sunk your stinky brown battleship!

That one hurt, and from the streaks on the bowl, henceforth that dump shall be named Nimitz.

It landed like the Gemini capsules, although without a parachute, splashing in the water.

Shut the bathroom down, it needs serious ventilation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 08, 2014 07:11AM

I type relieved. Last night was like the scene from Star Wars "where millions of souls screamed."

That dropping of cargo was sweet relief. For those in a similar predicament, I introduce you to castor oil. It made this shit possible.

If your bowels are problematic, I'm happy to give this good marks.

High five after I wash my hands.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: February 08, 2014 10:38AM

I'm better. I got the allergy test for foods. Apparently food allergies can be triggered later on in life. Avoiding dairy products is going to be hard. Yet I hope for results. My doctor gave me some prescriptions, and suggested probiotics.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cairbear ()
Date: February 08, 2014 03:58PM

I wont complain about diabetes anymore

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 08, 2014 08:16PM

Lots of good news from the bowel front.

Sadly, my story isn't so good.

I just couldn't bear trying to extrude the mass forming in my lower intestine.

It was hard, heavy, massive, and just stuck there, an immovible object, collecting mass every hour.

Worse yet, the slow digestion was causing terrific amounts of sulferic gas.

The gas was trapped behind the huge logjam , building up.

Finally , with no place left to go, the gas began filtering through the fecal impactation site , and drifting out of my rectum.

The odor was horrific, as if I was putrifying from the inside.

I had to go for the big guns for this one, the sure cure thats not without its risks.

Citrate of magnesia.

For those who haven't had the "pleasure" , Citrate of magnesia is that stuff that tastes like 7 Up, but liquifies everything in your intestines.

Nothing cleans you out better.

But even that process is agonizing.


I sat there shitting, on and off , for four hours.

The spillage was sensational, but at times it seemed it would never end.

Then came the soft tissue burning and chafing, plus the expected dehydration effects , dizzyness and fatigue. I almost passed out sitting there.


Well, a six hour nap and a gallon of Gatorade later, I'm refreshed , and my bowels have a pristine, sparkling feeling. But only after a full day of a violent purging of my colon.

And now, spoiling my celebration of relief, is the anticipation of the next awful logjam to infect my Schphinkter.

And there lies the rub. What do you choose, the disease or the cure?

Both are draining , punishing experiences. Both will shorten my life span, my will to live.

Those who mock our affliction, damn you, I hope to see you in the proctologists office in hell.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 09, 2014 11:47AM

BEH we have never met, but I sit here in tears, moved by your tale of woe.

May your next bowel movement be better. Lately it seems other than Gordo that we have entered a rough stretch. I'm still have some soreness from the fecal impaction but hope you feel better soon.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr. M ()
Date: February 09, 2014 04:06PM

Ever heard of Metamucil?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 09, 2014 07:49PM

Mr. M Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ever heard of Metamucil?

Yes, in the same manner the residents of Hiroshima heard of sunblock.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 10, 2014 11:21AM

You would think after two hours of waiting to see the GI, you'd be treated with respect. Instead its the finger, icy demeanor, and a sore bottom.

I'm getting tired of this shit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: February 10, 2014 12:21PM

Metamucil? If I drank that powder, my car seats would need much more then a steam cleaning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 10, 2014 01:30PM

It's good to be home. I got some rest, and looked at my framed Bristol Stool Guides. They look good on the wall, but I had a dream because of today's experience with the GI.

In my dream he comes home, and he tells his wife "Don't believe my story that I've been at work, smell my finger then. If you think your day was shitty!"

It seems this dream, although still somewhat spiteful, has led to some empathy for my doctor today. A GI explaining his day at work, or what they do for a living, can't be easy.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: February 10, 2014 02:39PM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's good to be home. I got some rest, and looked
> at my framed Bristol Stool Guides. They look good
> on the wall, but I had a dream because of today's
> experience with the GI.
>
> In my dream he comes home, and he tells his wife
> "Don't believe my story that I've been at work,
> smell my finger then. If you think your day was
> shitty!"
>
> It seems this dream, although still somewhat
> spiteful, has led to some empathy for my doctor
> today. A GI explaining his day at work, or what
> they do for a living, can't be easy.


Stupid and delusional.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 10, 2014 04:32PM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's good to be home. I got some rest, and looked
> at my framed Bristol Stool Guides. They look good
> on the wall, but I had a dream because of today's
> experience with the GI.
>
> In my dream he comes home, and he tells his wife
> "Don't believe my story that I've been at work,
> smell my finger then. If you think your day was
> shitty!"
>
> It seems this dream, although still somewhat
> spiteful, has led to some empathy for my doctor
> today. A GI explaining his day at work, or what
> they do for a living, can't be easy.

Bloomy, I'd be a lot more sympathetic to my GI if he'd trim his nails and get rid of all those rings.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: vre33w ()
Date: February 11, 2014 04:40AM

>
> Bloomy, I'd be a lot more sympathetic to my GI if
> he'd trim his nails and get rid of all those
> rings.


ouch

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 11, 2014 09:18AM

Yes a manicure would help. Their idea of lube seems to be going in the cheapest possible direction.

Then there is that finger, which causes my starfish to go into passive resistance position.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: February 11, 2014 01:48PM

I see you are all being criticized, and I'm not surprised by obtuse blatherings, becoming fodder for those whom do not have IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: unknownuser123 ()
Date: February 12, 2014 05:02AM

.
Attachments:
ibs2.jpg
ibs3.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 12, 2014 08:20AM

Doctor, up yours!

My poor starfish has suffered, as last night I somehow popped out a square into a triangle.

There was screaming, grabbing on to the bars I've recently had installed, and being curled into a fetal position after this event.

I hope my bottom recovers for the inevitable next battle of the bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: February 12, 2014 09:23AM

Complain about that? Try walking in a adult diaper full of squash like shit all day asshole. You have nothing to complain about! Cry me a river want to trade

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: February 12, 2014 11:08AM

Last time checked this is not web md

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 12, 2014 11:54AM

Black Undies Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Last time checked this is not web md


It's the off topic section, so you are just going to change the brown channel if its not your shit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: February 12, 2014 01:55PM

It would behoove you, to accept that the general population, is not going to be sympathetic. While discussing health related issues is fine, there are more acceptable places for write ups of this nature on the web.

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fuck u
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: February 12, 2014 03:17PM

Fuck you
Attachments:
2014-02-12-15-15-10-90341271.jpeg

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: February 12, 2014 03:17PM

Shit
Attachments:
images-3.jpeg

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: B Undies ()
Date: February 12, 2014 03:18PM

Assholes
Attachments:
images-4.jpeg

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: B Undies ()
Date: February 12, 2014 03:19PM

Shit
Attachments:
images-5.jpeg

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: B Undies ()
Date: February 12, 2014 03:20PM

Take this
Attachments:
images-6.jpeg

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 12, 2014 04:22PM

Those are some wonderful stools in those pictures, Blackie, thanks for posting!

~sigh~ to be able to pass easy logs like that would be a dream come true.

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 13, 2014 04:57AM

Everyone is talking about the angelic white snow, but in my quarters its brown.

So glad to see some fine stools here though. I don't have my reading glasses on, but those appear to be exceptional eliminations. I hope you all are safe today, its time to once again hit the head.

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: February 13, 2014 09:07AM

Spaseba bebushka nature has been good. No work today and no worries about soiling my underwear at the desk.

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 13, 2014 10:37AM

Gordo I was worried about you.

I am glad you have the day off. My rear end has not been cooperating, I would love to see the snow.

Instead its Tucks pads with witch hazel, along with bloating.

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 13, 2014 02:24PM

My day has been pure agony. I think we should have a fujita scale for abdominal pains. This ones an F5, and would make Helen Hunt scream, this is far worse than the movie tornado.

Whatever is brewing, I don't think I'm wrong about this, is going to be a brown gelatin and mucous covered monster.

I'm not sure if anything's going to help this late in the game. Sweat production has increased, and my stomach is mush.

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: February 14, 2014 05:50AM

Bowels, what are they?

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 14, 2014 06:56AM

I'm surprised but thankful.

Yesterday it felt like my stomach was churning butter.

Today I woke up free at last! A #4 #2, yes!

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Trent Dilfer ()
Date: February 14, 2014 08:05AM

Priobiotics are a cure take Align

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: unknownuser123 ()
Date: February 14, 2014 09:02AM

beware of the chicken from china the fda just approved of. we are all dead...

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: February 14, 2014 09:04AM

Trent Dilfer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Priobiotics are a cure take Align


Stupid commentary such as this, is why I look forward to retirement.

Probiotics, at least numerous studies, show the potential to ward off unhealthy bacterias. Yet notice potential. Until more work is done by NIH and universities its far too early to make such assertions.

Do I recommend them? It's up to each patient, because while I don't see any harm because the FDA considers them safe, they are not a cure.

Write ups like this frustrate physicians and those who suffer from IBS. Such blanket statements are not helpful.

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Wet Poooh ()
Date: February 14, 2014 01:03PM

Can probiotics at least make pooh more solid?

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Re: fuck u
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 14, 2014 03:26PM

That snow has been shoveled. I'm exhausted and hope for no abdominal surprises.

It's amazing how the word shit can be used for snow and shoveling. My neighbors said they were tired as shit. My response was simple, imagine how my bowels feel. I'm tired of this shit was another term used, but snow is pretty, doesn't stink, and goes away.

I'm pooped. Here's to a day free of bowel issues.

It's good to see our normally shitty doctor on our side for once.

WP, probiotics for those of us with IBS, would do zilch.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: aging debbie does dallas fan ()
Date: February 14, 2014 04:27PM

While many people in the world have bad eating habits, no one is worse than Americans

------------------------------

that's just way untrue. the europeans and asians blaming the usa for being the worse at everthing

they come into our gov begging, then began pyramidding and taking over complete offices and (next agencies we're seeing that now)

they are THREE times worse. getting paid 3x as much, keeping 3x less in savings and liability, 3x less charitable or ready for the poor,

and pizza shops chinese food mexicana? and their eating out frequently ?

they are THREE times worse and choosing health foods

the second they get the chance they are BBQ'ing hotdogs and throwing away meet in addition

"americans are the worst". that comes from someone who has intent to infultrate a trusting poeple and do 3x worse

f'off

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 15, 2014 05:38AM

Ever hear "Moving Mountains" by Usher?

This morning I moved a mountain out of my rectum.

While it may have not been an Everest, it was certainly Kilimanjaro in size, and the splash in the bowl was not too much unlike the explosive collapse of
Krakatoa.

Exhausted from pain and fear, I made an ass napkin from Preperation H medicated towellettes, and am currently recovering in bed , awaiting the next immoveable object to form in my colon.

Please light a candle for my Schphinkter.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 15, 2014 07:34AM

I will light a candle for your lower posterior exterior, albeit with my ass facing away from any fire related materials.

Your tale of woe has a silver lining. I'm going to check with churches in regards to support. Many congregations have an annual "blessing of the animals,"so a "blessing of the bowels" should be quite normal by comparison.

Most members of said congregations are older, so they are keenly aware of our plight. As soon as I find such a place I will post it here, because our bowels need spiritual intervention.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: aq221 ()
Date: February 15, 2014 08:32AM

i just had a wonderful dump this morning. no strain everything just flowed perfect and feel very empty. no much for cleanup either

today will be yet another wonderful day

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 15, 2014 04:25PM

aq221 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> i just had a wonderful dump this morning. no
> strain everything just flowed perfect and feel
> very empty. no much for cleanup either
>
> today will be yet another wonderful day

AQ, so glad to hear, and while sympathetic to beh, I join you today in a delightful defecation. There wasn't the usual half roll of toilet paper needed, it truly was a #4 #2.

My hope is sanitation workers will admire my work of art, sponsored by a ton of fiber.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: SirGruntsAlot ()
Date: February 15, 2014 05:39PM

You Guys crack my ass up! Keep chopping logs,and may the force be within you to push the evil out of your lives,crap on Bro's

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: z1wwq ()
Date: February 16, 2014 06:48AM

yet another day of peace with the brown starfish. things are going my way lately

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 16, 2014 12:42PM

Just when I thought my colon had cleared out, a giant basketball sized rock of shit had other ideas.

My insides hurt. My backdoor is in pain. I wish doctors still made house visits, or at least a priest could console me.

That was a painful deuce, and my neighbors might have called for animal control, because my screaming didn't sound human.

It's time to plop down on the bed stomach down, with a bag of ice, and a gospel choir to keep me company.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: February 16, 2014 03:59PM

Apples, oranges, and bananas seem to be helping lately. Fiber is key

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: SuperNiggr ()
Date: February 16, 2014 05:52PM

I just had a veggie burger sample at Costco. My buttocks are not happy right now.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 17, 2014 03:35AM

The combination of Castor oil, Milk of magnesia, psylium, prune juice and Pork N Beans seems to have made a difference.

Certainly not a normal bowel movement, but at least I did not claw the walls or gnash my teeth.

Alas, often these glimmers of hope fade away as quickly as they came.

Anyway, how long could anyone live on such a diet?

It still took two flushes to put that huge log to sea.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: IBS-tards ()
Date: February 17, 2014 04:47AM

> and Pork N Beans

What kind of complete IBS-tard would eat pork and beans!!!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 17, 2014 05:09AM

IBS-tards Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> > and Pork N Beans
>
> What kind of complete IBS-tard would eat pork and
> beans!!!


Repeat what Pope Francis said, "who am I to judge?"

If you have A rated bowels I extend my well intended congrats, but for those of us who have to bite on fanbelts when shitting, you find what works.

Each of us is unique just like our bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 17, 2014 07:25AM

I'm frustrated. It's not my bowels this time, as the foods I ate were agreeable.

Rather its the canned responses I'm getting from the Cleveland Browns. My guess is they don't want to do it. They don't want to support those with IBS, nor do they want their brown flag used as a symbol.

They are a shitty team, so maybe its time to find another battle flag.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: February 17, 2014 08:29AM

A awful morning. I'm tired. Last night I drove by Freddys and could not resist the smell of burgers cooking. It was stupid. To have A burger and ice cream, I couldn't go to work today. My diarrhea has been not stopping. Don't know what to do to stop it but won't eat that again. It was my fault.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 17, 2014 01:09PM

Gordo I am sorry.

You are in pain for eating something everyone would.

There needs to be a cure. Your ass, my ass, and the asses of many need this to happen.

Good luck feel better soon

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: February 17, 2014 01:38PM

Bunch of old white men have A campfire and get together and talk about your shit

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 17, 2014 04:01PM

A campfire for IBS. Let's see no smores but bland foods. We are capable of that at home, where we find a mixture of relief and misery.

I don't like to crap anywhere except my toilet. Years ago many joked that Mario Cuomo never went far from NY, because he didn't want to sleep in a bed other than his own. I feel the same way about my groan throne.

It's an industrial strength commode, so obviously its not going to win environmental accolades. I need that strong gallon guzzling flush, because getting my loads through the hole requires effort.

I hope everyones afternoon is okay, my abdominal area is telling me tonight might not go as planned. Going to have something to bite on, along with warning my neighbors to avoid calling the authorities regardless of the screaming.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo - update ()
Date: February 17, 2014 04:44PM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That's very on topic, and I'm impressed by your
> having the courage, the werewithal to try it
> again.

Repeated my meals from over the holidays (baconator for lunch, with KFC original recipe for dinner) this past Saturday, but (butt?) to no avail. Two subsequent movements of my bowels were of a rather ordinary, albeit still fetid, aroma. My mind races with questions such as whether my beverage of choice for each meal was the culprit, or some other unknown environmental factor was the cause of the prior ungodly stench.

Perhaps these questions are best left unanswered.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 18, 2014 06:36AM

Dc just the idea of combining those foods makes my bowels scream.

I'm glad yours appear to be made of Teflon.

As for the aroma, combining those fast foods, the bacteria and mucous produced from artificial sources, that's why your bathroom has a biohazard sign on it.

I envy your bowels, you are blessed.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fart Simpson ()
Date: February 18, 2014 07:40AM

Cabbage, corned beef and hash, along with coffee=mega farts

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 18, 2014 09:38AM

Fart Simpson Wrote:
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> Cabbage, corned beef and hash, along with
> coffee=mega farts


The smell alone, but if I went with that combo, my crap would look like the contents from an Alpo dog food can.

That and perhaps a canned cranberry that is brown in color.

That and the sulfur underwear, would stink up everything.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: vre33w ()
Date: February 18, 2014 09:46AM

birds use the same brown starfish for taking a dmp and reproduction but yet its taboo for me to do anal

double standards

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: February 18, 2014 12:52PM

vre33w Wrote:
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> birds use the same brown starfish for taking a dmp
> and reproduction but yet its taboo for me to do
> anal
>
> double standards

I'm not sure IBS and anal sex have anything in common except for feces.

To each their own, but bowels are sensitive parts of our anatomy.

It's best not to jar that log.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: February 18, 2014 01:22PM

vre33w Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> birds use the same brown starfish for taking a dmp
> and reproduction but yet its taboo for me to do
> anal
>
> double standards


I was correct, only a matter of time before these write ups deteriorated to this level.

Anal sex, whether male or female is unhealthy and can lead to numerous diseases and potential prolapse.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: February 18, 2014 04:44PM