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The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 14, 2010 03:55PM

I know it's Valentine's Day and we're supposed to be thinking about love and all, but I got distracted while looking out my window at these huge icicles hanging from the roof of my house. I reached out and knocked one down. When I held it in my hand I was surprised by how sharp the point was and wondered if you could use one of these things as a weapon.

I hope no one was watching because I held the icicle like a knife and started stabbing one of my bushes. It was hard to tell how much damage I did with the snow still covering everything but I bet when the snow melts I'm going to find a bush with a few missing parts.

So, I wondered if an icicle could be sharp enough to actually mortally wound a person. I decided not to test my theory, but if it were possible, then an icicle would make a great weapon. In those cop shows they're always looking for the murder weapon. This murder weapon would simply melt away.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day!

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: TheMeeper ()
Date: February 14, 2010 04:03PM

1903 NY Times article
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icicle.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Elle Diabla ()
Date: February 14, 2010 04:15PM

10/10 thread. lol.....

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Numbers ()
Date: February 14, 2010 04:17PM

Here is a candle to light you to bed.
Here comes an icicle to chop off your head!

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Date: February 14, 2010 04:23PM

It cut off the top of his fucking head???

Something tells me if they had CSI back then, it would turn out that the icicle wasn't what did it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 14, 2010 04:33PM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I hope no one was watching because I held the
> icicle like a knife and started stabbing one of my
> bushes.
Attachments:
Serious cat - dude... you have anger issues.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: graymoose1 ()
Date: February 14, 2010 06:45PM

The real St. Valentine's Day Massacre

---------------------------------------------------
W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo
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eeb70f50[1].jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 14, 2010 07:20PM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> You have anger issues.


I do not have anger issues.
Attachments:
NoAngerIssuesHere.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: ThePackLeader ()
Date: February 14, 2010 07:36PM

So now if I hear a noise outside at night, and I happen upon shredded shrubbery, I know who and what occurred. The serial icicle trimmer.



There will be retribution to pay though:



==================================================================================================
"And if any women or children get their legs torn off, or faces caved in, well, it's tough shit for them." -2LT. Bert Stiles, 505th, 339th (On Berlin Bombardier Mission, 1944).

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 14, 2010 08:10PM

WashingTone-Locian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It cut off the top of his fucking head???
>
> Something tells me if they had CSI back then, it
> would turn out that the icicle wasn't what did it.

Cut off the top of your head, huh? Don't worry...I have your prescription. Life was so much simpler in the 1900's. I get the vapors just thinking about it...I suffer currently from an imbalance of humours, don't you know.
Attachments:
HeroinBottle.jpg
heroin2.jpg
CocaineTootacheDrops.png

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 14, 2010 08:32PM

ThePackLeader Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So now if I hear a noise outside at night, and I
> happen upon shredded shrubbery, I know who and
> what occurred. The serial icicle trimmer.
>

But... look at the upside!

You won't have to trim your shrubs and as long as you stay out of my way, you're not in danger.

Too bad my neighbor didn't understand that concept.

If only he'd left me and my icicle alone.

--- I placed the knife there to throw off the cops.
Attachments:
MyNeighbor.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 14, 2010 08:52PM

Alias - The Bride of Chucky



\
Attachments:
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Bride_of_Chucky__4972a3a792f34.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 14, 2010 09:36PM

eesh,

What is your left hand doing?

Remember what happened the last time you touched me like that?

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 14, 2010 09:48PM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> Remember what happened the last time you touched
> me like that?


\
Attachments:
stock-photo-sliced-sausage-on-wood-trencher-closed-up-12273790.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Elle Diabla ()
Date: February 14, 2010 09:50PM

.
Attachments:
chew.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 14, 2010 10:19PM

You have a good memory, eesh.

Our wedding night didn't turn out too well, did it.....?
Attachments:
Bride.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 14, 2010 10:26PM

Whoa...it just hit me...your cat looks exactly like a feline version of Karl Malden. Same expression and everything.
Attachments:
karl_malden.jpg
Serious cat - dude... you have anger issues.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 14, 2010 10:33PM

Mr. Misery Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Whoa...it just hit me...your cat looks exactly
> like a feline version of Karl Malden. Same
> expression and everything.


It's actually from Gravis, he hasn't posted that pic in a while.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 14, 2010 10:35PM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You have a good memory, eesh.
>
> Our wedding night didn't turn out too well, did
> it.....?


So we're together now? You were with Mr. Misery and ThePackLeader.

Alias, the Harlot of Herndon. The Jezebel of Jermantown. The Whore of Wolf Trap.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: February 14, 2010 10:50PM

Alias, is this true!? Did our time together mean nothing to you?

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So we're together now? You were with Mr. Misery
> and ThePackLeader.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 14, 2010 10:57PM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So we're together now? You were with Mr. Misery
> and ThePackLeader.

Actually, you left out a few.

> Alias, the Harlot of Herndon. The Jezebel of
> Jermantown. The Whore of Wolf Trap.

Harlot..... why do I like that word?


Have I been reincarnated?

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 14, 2010 11:12PM

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Alias, is this true!? Did our time together mean
> nothing to you?
>

Harry, I was never with those other people.

eesh is spreading rumors!

I might have chatted with them about the weather or the new plastic caps on Deer Park water bottles, but nothing beyond that.

I have remained faithful to you.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 14, 2010 11:15PM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Harry Tuttle Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Alias, is this true!? Did our time together
> mean
> > nothing to you?
> >
>
> Harry, I was never with those other people.
>
> eesh is spreading rumors!
>
> I might have chatted with them about the weather
> or the new plastic caps on Deer Park water
> bottles, but nothing beyond that.
>
> I have remained faithful to you.


JEZEBEL
Attachments:
2003971715.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: February 14, 2010 11:15PM

I can't help but believe you... BTB, thanks for the special V-Day pictures...

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Harry, I was never with those other people.
>
> eesh is spreading rumors!
>
> I might have chatted with them about the weather
> or the new plastic caps on Deer Park water
> bottles, but nothing beyond that.
>
> I have remained faithful to you.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 14, 2010 11:17PM

Alias is a liberated woman. She can HAVE IT ALL! She has a business career, where she does business things, and she has a baby, and a club foot, and a crystal meth addiction, but it doesn't matter---because she's a powerful, independent woman, and she can HAVE IT ALL! It's the 20th Century, people--Alias doesn't have to SETTLE for a boring, meaningless life as a STUPID, SMELLY, UGLY HOUSE WIFE--she can HAVE IT ALL!!! She doesn't have to obey Newton's Laws of Motion, because Isaac Newton was a STUPID, SMELLY, CHAUVINIST PIG--she's a MODERN woman, and she can HAVE IT ALL!!!!! Alias can sleep with multiple men and not be shamed, because she's a MODERN woman, who has a business career where she does important business things...she can sleep with multiple men every night and NOT get crabs, because she's a MODERN woman, and she can HAVE IT ALL! Alias can do anything, because she's INVINCIBLE--she can have a baby at age 60 if she chooses, because it's the 20th Century, people, and women today can HAVE IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
--Alias


Attachments:
business_woman.jpg
WK-AP295C_BOOKS_DV_20090409210910.jpg
old-navy-old-lady.jpg
anna-wintour-62508-12.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 15, 2010 01:40AM

Mr. Misery Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> bullshit
> bullshit
> bullshit


Just because you're a miserable FAT PIECE OF SHIT whose ONLY DATE is a cheap prostitute with AIDS....there's no need to be angry with those of us who DON'T GIVE A SHIT about you and your LONELY pathetic life. And, just because YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A WOMAN, a real woman, doesn't mean you can't HOPE and who knows, someday, although, I doubt it, you might meet someone who is willing to put up with your UGLY SMELLY FAT ASS..

Go away.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 15, 2010 01:50AM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Mr. Misery Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > bullshit
> > bullshit
> > bullshit
>
>
> Just because you're a miserable FAT PIECE OF SHIT
> whose ONLY DATE is a cheap prostitute with
> AIDS....there's no need to be angry with those of
> us who DON'T GIVE A SHIT about you and your LONELY
> pathetic life. And, just because YOU'LL NEVER
> HAVE A WOMAN, a real woman, doesn't mean you
> can't HOPE and who knows, someday, although, I
> doubt it, you might meet someone who is willing to
> put up with your UGLY SMELLY FAT ASS..
>
> Go away.


Wow, I think he was joking around Alias. I've never seen you respond like this before.

I think you need a chill pill, may I suggest geodon?

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:05AM

Wow, eesh... I was just joking back.

Maybe you need a pill.

May I suggest Librium.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:05AM

Geez...it's called satire. The point is, the myth of the modern American Superwoman is a lot of bullshit that, in reality, does women no favors in the long term. You can't "have it all". No one can. The reality is, women are far less likely to bear children, especially healthy children, past a certain age, and the BS that shows like Ally McBeal churn out would have you believe that a woman is damn near worthless unless she's 'career-minded' and out to conquer the world, and acts like a little bitch all the time---that she can harness the power of the sun to pop out children, husband or no, at the time and place of her choosing. Life doesn't work that way, whether you have a vagina, a penis, or both.

not to get too serious on'ya...

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:06AM

Oh, my dear friend, Alias, why does such anger harbor within you? Shed your skin of scales and free yourself from the demons that feed upon your soul.

I extend my aura to you, Alias, wishing you good karma and peace.




\
Attachments:
Aura.jpg

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:07AM

Mr. Misery, don't mind Alias. She either had a bad Valentine's or has sand in her vagina. Maybe it's both.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:35AM

Mr. Misery Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Geez...it's called satire.


Clearly, you missed my tongue in cheek thing.

When I said, men today are such wimps they wouldn't know a dick from a light pole....

That was just me being..... me.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:50AM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> When I said, men today are such wimps they
> wouldn't know a dick from a light pole....
>




Well in my case, my dick is the same size as the light pole.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:51AM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Mr. Misery Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Geez...it's called satire.
>
>
> Clearly, you missed my tongue in cheek thing.
>
> When I said, men today are such wimps they
> wouldn't know a dick from a light pole....
>
> That was just me being..... me.

why is it that women always think the worst way to insult a man is to impugn his sexual prowess? I would be much more insulted if you told me I was no good at grilling.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 15, 2010 02:59AM

Let's start talking about fire hydrants.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Date: February 15, 2010 03:47AM

I'm thinking about painting my fire hydrant bright orange as a volunteer-community time and resources project.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: chinese ()
Date: February 15, 2010 03:55AM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Let's start talking about fire hydrants.

Alias,

Do you believe in metal dogs?

After what me and my wife just saw in our yard tonite, you might change your mind.

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Re: The Valentine's Day Massacre
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 15, 2010 04:08AM

Don't go outside! The Donkey Lady is waiting for you!
Attachments:
donkey-lady.jpg

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