My 13 year old son went over to hang with a friend for a few hours. My wife and I were under the impression that an adult would at least be in the house. At some point, my son's friend's Mom had to leave to take their other child to a sports practice. In the 30 minutes the Mom was gone...my son, his friend he was visiting and 2 other boys who were there, emptied a bottle of Absolut.

When the Mom returned, she called us right away to explain what happened. I went to pick up Drinky McDrinkerton who was in no condition to discuss what had happened and brought him home.

My wife is hell-bent for this Mom's head and wants to press charges for child endangerment and "anything else she can hang on her". The family is a casual acquaintance of ours. We've had them over a few times, they've reciprocated. Our sons have known each other since they were about 10. We will permit our son a glass of wine or a half-glass of beer at special occasions and have talked with him about the legalities, the potential consequences and the dangers that can be associated with too much consumption.

My wife's background is squeaky clean. Her teenage years consisted of the honor-roll, never skipping class, full-ride scholarship, no drugs and of course, no drinking until she was 21.

While I was not a hell-raiser...I drank socially as a teenager, and got into my fair share of trouble none of it involving the law.

So, do I let the wife "run this op" and press charges or do I make the case for..."You know, hon...this kind of shit goes on. It's not legal and in this case no one was hurt. However, we're going to have to talk to your friend's parents again about our concerns before you can go over there again." and then proceed to have a sit-down with my son's friend's parents? Or is there another option I'm missing?

Figure out how to tell your wife she is being an idiot without ending up in divorce court.

It was YOUR KID'S CHOICE to get plastered. Bringing the cops in at this stage could create problems for your kid. They could charge him with under age consumption of alcohol which could affect when he gets his license, and possibly his ability to qualify for college student age or join the military. There are other ways that this could blow back on your kid your wife and you if your wife decides to push this.

I think your wife is right on target. Kid could have died drinking that much Vodka.

A 13 year old cannot be held accountable for his actions.

Your son probably feels like shit now. Don't allow him to hang out with those kids for a while. If he does, next time they might invite some girls over and he might get some feel - probably more than you get from your wife.

Hey quick question - do you have cleaning fluid or gasoline at your house? Your 13 year old could die from drinking that too. What are you going to do sue yourself if he huffs or drinks from that. Fuck you and your wife. Kids explore and yes your kid scored some vodka. Guess what that is how we learn. your wife is being a cunt and needs to be butt fucked by you soon. Tell her to shut her face and talk to your kid this is a teaching moment not a sue someone else for your kids exploration moment. Christ, your kid is drinking because his mom is a douche bag.

Christ people are pussies these days.

If people had "filed charges" over every dumbass thing we did as kids, lots of which involved intentionally deceiving parents in order to get away with it, geez...

Just fucking talk it out with the parents and don't let the kids hang out together. Like any normal, sensible people would.

So you serve your 13 year old alcohol thinking he is mature enough to understand conversation about overconsumption, then when he illustrates he is not mature enough to understand, you want to "press charges" against the mom? For what? Having vodka in her house?

Leavi g 13 year olds home alone? They may press charges against all the kids for underage drinking, but the mom didn't do anything wrong. It will be interesting to hear back what the police have to say when they find out you have been serving your 13 year old booze.

I think contributing to delinquincy of a minor is a very real possibility. Whne I was a kid my parents kept the booze locked up.

Reeling in Reston Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So, do I let the wife "run this op" and press
> charges or do I make the case for..."You know,
> hon...this kind of shit goes on. It's not legal
> and in this case no one was hurt. However, we're
> going to have to talk to your friend's parents
> again about our concerns before you can go over
> there again." and then proceed to have a sit-down
> with my son's friend's parents? Or is there
> another option I'm missing?

The latter.

It's hardly the end of the world that the Little Prince got snookered. Rather, he learned a valuable lesson about consequences & peer pressure.

No harm, no foul.

PS - Your wife sounds kinda uptight. Has she tried yoga?

@BillN. - I hadn't considered the other blowback angles...thank you.

@Ralph Pootawn - Ok, I'm not sure what the frequency of cock-stabbing my wife has to do with this but thanks for your "help" there, Ace...

@Stabitha - I'm not sure if that was meant for my house or my son's friend's house. For what it's worth, all alcohol at BOTH houses is indeed locked up. The boys took a crowbar to the liquor cabinet at the home in question.

@All those flaming me for what "I'm doing"...again, if the decision were mine, I'd be willing to let it all go. My wife is the ONLY ONE in favor of bringing charges.

First of all you wife would be the one to swear out a warrant against your son's friend's mother. Your wife would have to go down to the magistrate and swear out the warrant. The magistrate would have to agree with your wife in order to get the warrant issued. Since the mother in question locked up the alcohol and the kids broke into the liquor cabinet, it is doubtful a magistrate would issue a warrant for child endangerment. According to the Fairfax County Department of Family Services, children aged 13 to 15 years may be left unsupervised, but not overnight. http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/dfs/childrenyouth/supervision_eng.htm

Since the police were not called at the time of the incident, we can not charge any of the kids with underage consumption of alcohol and can not arrest anyone!

You need to stop giving your son any alcohol at any time. If the police are called to you home for any reason, or the police come across your son after he has consumed alcohol (regardless of the amount) and we find that you gave your son alcohol, you will be arrested and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

You and your wife should meet with the other parents to discuss this issue. It is clearly a case of peer pressure, but in this case who knows who did the pressuring, your son, your son's friend, or the other two boys who were there.

Good luck!

Reeling in Reston Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> @BillN. - I hadn't considered the other blowback
> angles...thank you.
>
> @Ralph Pootawn - Ok, I'm not sure what the
> frequency of cock-stabbing my wife has to do with
> this but thanks for your "help" there, Ace...
>
> @Stabitha - I'm not sure if that was meant for my
> house or my son's friend's house. For what it's
> worth, all alcohol at BOTH houses is indeed locked
> up. The boys took a crowbar to the liquor cabinet
> at the home in question.
>
> @All those flaming me for what "I'm
> doing"...again, if the decision were mine, I'd be
> willing to let it all go. My wife is the ONLY ONE
> in favor of bringing charges.


Anytime bro,glad to help.

Holy fuck...yet another internet tough guy trying to use big fancy words without hurting himself.

Pic unrelated...
Attachments:

yeah, dad - if you have been allowing this kid small amounts of alcohol up to this point, now's the time to cut him off til he's more responsible.

i assume that's part of the plan already though

put his video game system in your room now



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/12/2013 12:37AM by localboob.

Your wife is completely out of line - and I say this as a Mom whose child had a serious alcohol problem. Your wife needs to accept your son's responsibility for his actions - not deflect her anger onto parents who LOCKED UP the alcohol. So the parents left the pre-teens alone for 30 minutes. Instead, the parents could have gone into another part of the house and watched a movie while your kid was breaking into the liquor cabinet. No parent is going to watch their kids and their friends round the clock - nor should they be expected to.

Your wife would be teaching your son a terrible lesson if she proceeds down this path - that is, putting the blame on someone else for his actions. She really needs to talk to your son instead about why he did what he did. The great likelihood is that he did it because his friends did it. For better or worse, that is not unusual at that age. Nonetheless, your son needs to take responsibility for his actions. And he needs to understand that there are consequences for his behavior. Personally, I would make him apologize to his friends parents. I am astonished that your wife wants to sue the parents, especially since they appear to have acted responsibly when they found out what had happened.

This incident is probably much ado about nothing, but you really should keep a close eye on your son. I had absolutely no idea that my child had any kind of problem until I opened up the liquor cabinet one day and found that everything was gone. That was just the beginning. Trust me, you do not want to go down this path.

OP - I'm for getting all the parents together in one room to map out an appropriate punishment plan, and then laying the punishment plan out in a joint meeting with the all the parents and the kids in the same room.

Trying to use the legal system is a joke and a waste of valuable tax payer resources. The kids are to blame. Be parents and take appropriate parental action. The parents should come together as a team and teach the kids a lesson for what they did.

BTW: If your wife goes the legal route against the other mother, there is nothing to stop her from pressing criminal charges against your child for breaking into her liquor cabinet and stealing her liquor. Keep it simple.

Give each kid the same punishment - a solid month of house restriction during the summer without friends, TV, XBox, Internet, Cell, Computer, or Facebook would be about right. Plenty of chores around the house to do. No trips to the pool or sports - nothing. When you are 13 a month like that at home during the summer would seem like an eternity of cruel and unusual punishment.

"You need to stop giving your son any alcohol at any time. If the police are called to you home for any reason, or the police come across your son after he has consumed alcohol (regardless of the amount) and we find that you gave your son alcohol, you will be arrested and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

This is BS. It is legal in 31 states to give your own children alcohol in your house. It is illegal in all 50 states to give someone elses children alcohol.

Reeling in Reston Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> @Stabitha - I'm not sure if that was meant for my
> house or my son's friend's house. For what it's
> worth, all alcohol at BOTH houses is indeed locked
> up. The boys took a crowbar to the liquor cabinet
> at the home in question.

HOLY CRAP!!!

If my son broke into a liquor cabinet, I woud:

A) Make him pay to fix the damage & replace the liquor; AND,

B) Ground him for as long as I though I could manage (at least 3 months).

I agree with 'Been There, Done That'. Your wife's path would teach your son that he can blame others and hold them accountable for his actions. Plus, really, what more could the other mother have done beyond locking-up the liquor? There is nothing inherently wrong with leaving 13 year olds alone at home for half an hour (hell, twelve years olds babysit younger kids for hours...).

I was 13 the first time I got drunk.

A buddy's parents and syblings went out for dinner & left him home alone.

We indulged in an unlock liquor cabinet for several hours while listening to Heart's Dreamboat Annie on vinyl (Summer of '76).

We were not caught.

"Memories, like the corners of my mind".

Wayward Son Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was 13 the first time I got drunk.
>
> A buddy's parents and syblings went out for dinner
> & left him home alone.
>
> We indulged in an unlock liquor cabinet for
> several hours while listening to Heart's Dreamboat
> Annie on vinyl (Summer of '76).
>
> We were not caught.
>
> "Memories, like the corners of my mind".

Was that also your first homosexual encounter?

Ralph Pootawn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Was that also your first homosexual encounter?

With that choice of music I would say that's a distinct possibility.

Not knowing anything about your kid, I will just go on the generalization that kids are rebellious. Flat-out punishing him and forbidding him from drinking will only make it taboo, which will make it more fun, which will increase the chance of him doing something stupid.

Educating and setting boundaries are what I'd try, but I don't have kids, so what the fuck do I know? If my kid's gonna drink, I'd rather it be in my house and in moderation than in someone else's house going ape-shit on a bottle of whiskey because he has the chance.

I wouldn't sue either, because I feel that I am ultimately responsible for my kid. Trusting him to someone's care would be a monumental act of faith on my part. Just because someone else has kids doesn't mean they're a good parent.

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

My nephew was 17 when he almost OD'ed on Vodka at a concert. He ended up breaking into an apartment of someone he did not know and blacked out/passed out on their living room floor in a puddle of puke, only to be discovered by the occupants when they got home. Trip to hospital, trip to police station, call to mom and dad. He learned his lesson. He will not so much as take a sip of alcohol now.

Now weed is a different story hahaha.

Reeling in Reston Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My 13 year old son went over to hang with a friend
> for a few hours. My wife and I were under the
> impression that an adult would at least be in the
> house. At some point, my son's friend's Mom had to
> leave to take their other child to a sports
> practice. In the 30 minutes the Mom was gone...my
> son, his friend he was visiting and 2 other boys
> who were there, emptied a bottle of Absolut.
>
> When the Mom returned, she called us right away to
> explain what happened. I went to pick up Drinky
> McDrinkerton who was in no condition to discuss
> what had happened and brought him home.
>
> My wife is hell-bent for this Mom's head and wants
> to press charges for child endangerment and
> "anything else she can hang on her". The family is
> a casual acquaintance of ours. We've had them over
> a few times, they've reciprocated. Our sons have
> known each other since they were about 10. We will
> permit our son a glass of wine or a half-glass of
> beer at special occasions and have talked with him
> about the legalities, the potential consequences
> and the dangers that can be associated with too
> much consumption.
>
> My wife's background is squeaky clean. Her teenage
> years consisted of the honor-roll, never skipping
> class, full-ride scholarship, no drugs and of
> course, no drinking until she was 21.
>
> While I was not a hell-raiser...I drank socially
> as a teenager, and got into my fair share of
> trouble none of it involving the law.
>
> So, do I let the wife "run this op" and press
> charges or do I make the case for..."You know,
> hon...this kind of shit goes on. It's not legal
> and in this case no one was hurt. However, we're
> going to have to talk to your friend's parents
> again about our concerns before you can go over
> there again." and then proceed to have a sit-down
> with my son's friend's parents? Or is there
> another option I'm missing?


Liquor cabnites are meant to be locked.

With that being said there is nothing you or your wife can do.

In the mean time it is best to look forward then backwards.
Attachments:

Let's be blunt- your wife has absolutely no reference experience. 35 years ago, this wouldn't have been an issue. You'd speak to your son, speak to the other kid, and that would be that. No need to get the police involved. It's like bullying. 35 years ago, if you got bullied, you fought back. Kids were a lot tougher, and it wasn't uncommon for two kids to beat the hell out of each other.

The insistence on bringing the law into every situation represents the pussification of this country.

Ok, I manhandled the wife out of the bell-tower sniper-roost and relieved her of command of this op...

I went and spoke with my son's friend's father...just the two of us and it went like this:

"My son will be contacting you in the next 24 hours to inquire about all of the relevant information related to your broken liquor cabinet. He will make the necessary arrangements to see that the door is repaired to its original condition. Upon receiving the shipment of replacement parts, my son will print out a shipping report which will show when it arrived at our house. The box will be opened only by me and I will take control of the keys. This will insure copies of the keys will not be made. My son will then contact you to come over at a date and time of your convenience to repair the door. If he needs help, he will contact me. I am a licensed carpenter. Once the repairs to your cabinet have been completed, he will contact me for inspection of his work. Once I have inspected it and it meets with my satisfaction, then you will be given an opportunity for final inspection. At the final inspection, if everything meets with your satisfaction I will then turn over the keys and this matter is closed.

Clearly, my son has demonstrated that he cannot be left alone in your home without adult supervision. When he visits your home in the future, respectfully it is our expectation that a responsible adult 21 years or older be present and engaged. He doesn't need a babysitter. If for some reason, a responsible adult 21 or over is not here or leaves for any reason my son should be sent home. He can either ride his bike home or please call us (giving him our my home, our work, and our cell numbers) and we will make arrangements to get him home."

I also gave him cash (from my son) to replace the consumed liquor. Additionally, my son will be making a verbal apology to the parents of his friend for the property damage and the underage drinking.

In closing, I have taken away my son's TV, iPhone, Xbox, laptop, and changed the password on our network which only my wife now have until September 1st. He's also restoring a 1970 Ford Torino Cobra which is now also been put on hold. I have informed him that if he does anything prior to September 1st that my wife and I don't approve of he will not be getting those things back...ever.

Did I mention the replacement door and lock for the liquor cabinet was custom made in England? $675.00, plus shipping...from England. The boy's father showed me the original receipt...

The wife is not happy but her way was not the right way...I guess I'm not giving her that anal I love so dearly anytime soon...

Reeling in Reston- Well done. That's a good way to handle the situation. You made your son appreciate the consequences without having to resort to outside influence (i.e. the law). Also, you're making your son realize that there are no "get out of jail free" cards. You're making him take the full brunt of the blame, not deflecting it onto the other parents (as your wife wanted to do).

While you may have irritated your wife, you did the right thing. With how you handled it, it doesn't seem like it'll be an issue in the future.

Reeling in Reston Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My 13 year old son went over to hang with a friend
> for a few hours. My wife and I were under the
> impression that an adult would at least be in the
> house. At some point, my son's friend's Mom had to
> leave to take their other child to a sports
> practice. In the 30 minutes the Mom was gone...my
> son, his friend he was visiting and 2 other boys
> who were there, emptied a bottle of Absolut.

Thirty minutes isn't long, although, I was always annoyed when my kids were at a friend's house and the mother disappeared.

And, in this case, you had four boys together...... more boys, more trouble.

> When the Mom returned, she called us right away to
> explain what happened. I went to pick up Drinky
> McDrinkerton who was in no condition to discuss
> what had happened and brought him home.

Drinky McDrinkerton.... ha. I once referred to my son as Mister Potty Pothead. Actually, I still do.

> My wife is hell-bent for this Mom's head and wants
> to press charges for child endangerment and
> "anything else she can hang on her".

Don't do it.

Yes, she shouldn't have left four boys alone, and yes, it's understandable that your wife is angry, but they weren't toddlers.

> We will
> permit our son a glass of wine or a half-glass of
> beer at special occasions

I see nothing wrong with this.... except that it's illegal.

But, maybe the next time you're celebrating, tell Drinky..... sorry, buddy, but we wouldn't want to interfere with your twelve-step program.

> My wife's background is squeaky clean. Her teenage
> years consisted of the honor-roll, never skipping
> class, full-ride scholarship, no drugs and of
> course, no drinking until she was 21.

I had phony proof and was sneaking into bars as a teenager.... today, I'd be labeled a juvenile delinquent. (And, then, there was college)

> So, do I let the wife "run this op" and press
> charges

I wouldn't. (not that I don't understand your wife's anger)

I would, though, punish my son.

Your wife needs time to digest things.

I remember being so angry after an "incident", it's a miracle that a boy, whose name I don't even remember today, isn't permanently maimed.

P.S.
Welcome to the teen years. The fun has just begun. How many angels do you have?

oops, I see you already handled the situation.... should have read the entire thread.

Glad to see you took away the "toys".

My advice..... for what it's worth....

No TVs in the bedrooms, computer in the kitchen, no iPhone... my kids are in college and I still haven't given them iPhones. They can buy an iPhone when they're gainfully employed.

They received cell phones, with no text messaging ability, when they got their drivers licenses, which I delayed until they were 17. (I'm a bitch)

Text messaging was added when they left for college... a going away gift. haha!

But, I did take them to lots of museums, and to the theatre... even made my son suffer through the ballet and a few Broadway musicals ha!

Something to keep in mind, it's easy to give them more, but it's hard taking it away.

And, that's my stupid advice....

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Glad to see you took away the "toys".
>
> My advice..... for what it's worth....
>
> No TVs in the bedrooms, computer in the kitchen,
> no iPhone... my kids are in college and I still
> haven't given them iPhones. They can buy an iPhone
> when they're gainfully employed.
>
> They received cell phones, with no text messaging
> ability, when they got their drivers licenses,
> which I delayed until they were 17. (I'm a bitch)
>
> Text messaging was added when they left for
> college... a going away gift. haha!
>
> But, I did take them to lots of museums, and to
> the theatre... even made my son suffer through
> the ballet and a few Broadway musicals ha!
>
> Something to keep in mind, it's easy to give them
> more, but it's hard taking it away.
>
> And, that's my stupid advice....

those kids sound like a bunch of slack-jawed yokels

Epilogue: I sat my son down to discuss his choice of friends. That went like this...

"So, there were 3 other boys there. You haven't talked about them and what part they played in this. Your Mom and I prefer not to tell you who you can and can't spend your time with. But that isn't to say that we won't be paying attention. And I would like to point out something about those 3 other boys and this situation...maybe you've thought about it, maybe you haven't. Just to review, you're on the hook for this entire situation. You are the one paying for the door, lock and replacement bottle of liquor. You are the one fixing their cabinet. These guys that were there with you are letting you go down for this and not one of them has stepped forward to share the consequences. If it were me in this situation, I'd be asking myself if these are the kind of people I want to hang out with and call my friends...Maybe they didn't do anything. Maybe this was you breaking into that cabinet and drinking a full bottle of vodka in 30 minutes all by yourself but, I doubt it."

Making the kid pay and do the repairs is great. Also telling him that his friends suck but not telling him he cannot hang out with them is great. If only there would be more good parents like you. Oh and your wife is dumb.

The wife was in "momma bear" mode. Hopefully she's calmed down about it and isn't still holding onto the anger. Mine can stew for weeks. She may never get over it and will cold-shoulder your neighbor forever, but that's her problem. It bothers me that she wants to go after the creator of the opportunity, not the one that took the opportunity.

Many boys, including yours, has a big ol' case of the dumbass at that age. Some don't get out of it until their 30s. Getting out of it takes time and learning from mistakes.

You're great not to make him rat out his friends. You're great for making this about him, his actions, and his restitution. You're great for allowing no mitigating circumstances that detract from him being completely responsible for his actions.

Mama bear busting up the neighbors takes the blame away from your kid. He learns that it wasn't completely his fault. He learns that he is not entirely responsible for his behavior. He learns that he can suffer fewer consequences if he can shift the blame from his actions to others giving him opportunity. That's what sociopaths are made of.

That shithead that steals an unattended running car doesn't get it.

@ Reeling in Reston

I'm afraid the ad hoc "punishment" you've devised is entirely inadequate.

If the stolen goods are equivalent in value to one dinar or ten dirhams, as would seem to be the case, the appropriate penalty is that his right arm should be amputated.

This is prescribed not in order to inflict harm or make him suffer, but rather to prevent harm, destruction and anarchy in society.

Reeling in Reston- You are one of the few true parents the children of today have. You masterfully handled the situation, and it seems as though you'll influence your son positively.

clerical Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> those kids sound like a bunch of slack-jawed
> yokels

Why?

Because I didn't give them iPhones when they were 12?

Because I didn't install 52" flat screen HD TVs with 850 channels and surround sound, in their bedrooms, on their 10th birthdays?

Because I didn't buy them laptops until they went off to college?

What a silly boy you are.

Guess what, after my third child was born, I dumped cable TV completely. Just dumped it.

You probably can't imagine this, but when I lived in Manhattan, I didn't even own a TV. I don't know how I survived.

And, this is probably inconceivable to you, but I traipsed around Europe for a few months, all by myself, at 22, without a cell phone. My parents couldn't call me every 10 minutes or know my whereabouts via GPS tracking devices.

OMG, can you imagine that?? No, you probably can't, but believe me, that was freedom.

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> clerical Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > those kids sound like a bunch of slack-jawed
> > yokels
>
> Why?
>
> Because I didn't give them iPhones when they were
> 12?
>
> Because I didn't install 52" flat screen HD TVs
> with 850 channels and surround sound, in their
> bedrooms, on their 10th birthdays?
>
> Because I didn't buy them laptops until they went
> off to college?
>
> What a silly boy you are.
>
> Guess what, after my third child was born, I
> dumped cable TV completely. Just dumped it.
>
> You probably can't imagine this, but when I lived
> in Manhattan, I didn't even own a TV. I don't know
> how I survived.
>
> And, this is probably inconceivable to you, but I
> traipsed around Europe for a few months, all by
> myself, at 22, without a cell phone. My parents
> couldn't call me every 10 minutes or know my
> whereabouts via GPS tracking devices.
>
> OMG, can you imagine that?? No, you probably
> can't, but believe me, that was freedom.

As I've said before- a lot of parents have led to the pussification of this generation.

This generation: Someone hits you? Run and yell screaming to Mommy. She'll deal with it!

All other generations: Someone hits you? Hit him back!

Young Curmudgeon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> All other generations: Someone hits you? Hit him
> back!

And, hit him back harder!

I guess that's why I broke Joey Tabarelli's nose. (oops)

> Young Curmudgeon Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
>
>
> All other generations: Someone hits you? Hit
> him
> back!
>

Aren't you like 16?

Young Curmudgeon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Let's be blunt- your wife has absolutely no
> reference experience. 35 years ago, this wouldn't
> have been an issue. You'd speak to your son, speak
> to the other kid, and that would be that. No need
> to get the police involved. It's like bullying. 35
> years ago, if you got bullied, you fought back.
> Kids were a lot tougher, and it wasn't uncommon
> for two kids to beat the hell out of each other.
>
> The insistence on bringing the law into every
> situation represents the pussification of this
> country.


+1