My coworkers continually steal lunches and snack food from my workplace's communal kitchen. What's the best way to get these a-holes back? Habanero sauce? Laxative? Bitrex?

are they stealing your lunch? if they are stealing your soda (make sure it's clearly labeled with "'s soda -- do not steal"), use a needle to replace the contents it with antifreeze. after a nice trip to the ER to get their stomach pumped, they wont be stealing food anymore.


"the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."

This used to happen to me at one of my first jobs. Sometimes we'd chip in for a pizza and keep the leftovers in the fridge- and sure enough some idiot would steal it. So one time I lifted up the cheese and hid a layer of aluminum foil underneath it. Someone ended up stealing it. That didn't stop the the theft, but I always thought it was funny that someone probably bit into that. And at my last job, someone used to steal my creamer. So I dumped almost a full shaker of salt in it. The next day one of my co-workers came up to me and said that he "borrowed" some of my creamer and something was really wrong with it. He was a nice guy so I didn't bust his balls, nor did I admit to tampering with it. After that, no one took my creamer.

Gravis Wrote:
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> are they stealing your lunch? if they are
> stealing your soda (make sure it's clearly labeled
> with "'s soda -- do not steal"), use a needle to
> replace the contents it with antifreeze. after a
> nice trip to the ER to get their stomach pumped,
> they wont be stealing food anymore.


And you will be in jail.

WashingToneLocian Wrote:
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> And you will be in jail.


what would be the charge?


"the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."

Gravis Wrote:
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> WashingToneLocian Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > And you will be in jail.
>
>
> what would be the charge?


Malicious wounding. Attempted murder.

Just because someone is taking your food doesn't give you the right to try and kill them.

I am strongly leaning toward the Bitrex route. The stuff is safe to eat and intolerably bitter, even in really small quantities.

Leave raw chicken sitting out for a day or two, and then brush the juices onto your target food. Even if the thief doesn't get salmonella, it's bound to give them some sort of gastrointestinal distress. Bitrex sounds funny, but I'm not sure where you'd get it.

WashingToneLocian Wrote:
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> Gravis Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > WashingToneLocian Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > And you will be in jail.
> >
> >
> > what would be the charge?
>
>
> Malicious wounding. Attempted murder.
>
> Just because someone is taking your food doesn't
> give you the right to try and kill them.


The scarey thing is....Gravis threatens violence for far less offences then theft. He is truly the scariest person on here.

I got a portable fridge for my office, problem solved.

Vince(1) Wrote:
>>>> He is truly the scariest person on here.size>
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pgens Wrote:
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> I got a portable fridge for my office, problem
> solved.

That's the problem; I *have* to keep any food in this common kithen area. I work in a scientific research lab, and we cannot legally keep food in the office/bench areas.

Eastsider Wrote:
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> pgens Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I got a portable fridge for my office, problem
> > solved.
>
> That's the problem; I *have* to keep any food in
> this common kithen area. I work in a scientific
> research lab, and we cannot legally keep food in
> the office/bench areas.

I thought you guys had easy access to Anthrax. Just use some of that.

"Suggestions for revenge?"


Just ring: three-six-two-four-three-six. I believe this individual leads a life of crime.

WashingToneLocian Wrote:
>>> Just ring: three-six-two-four-three-six. I believe this individual leads a life of crime.

haha

Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT

]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/14/2012 10:14PM by Alias.

Eastsider Wrote:
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> That's the problem; I *have* to keep any food in
> this common kithen area. I work in a scientific
> research lab, and we cannot legally keep food in
> the office/bench areas.

Can you get a lockable lunchbox? If so, stick it in the fridge. Maybe a miniature toolbox would work. Get a little master lock and be done with it. Just the presence of an obviously secured lunchbox would send a message to the thieves that the office knows what they are doing. Even if they continue to steal, they won't be stealing YOUR stuff.

TheMeeper Wrote:
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> Vince(1) Wrote:
> >>>> He is truly the scariest person on here.


LOL! zing of the day!

---

WashingToneLocian Wrote:
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> Gravis Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > WashingToneLocian Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > And you will be in jail.
> >
> >
> > what would be the charge?
>
>
> Malicious wounding. Attempted murder.

after a gulp, they would realize it's not soda and when they start feeling really ill, they will go to the ER. btw, if a sign says do not climb fence and the fence is electrified, the fence owner is not charged with malicious wounding.


> Just because someone is taking your food doesn't
> give you the right to try and kill them.

you assume the worst.


"the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/23/2008 01:18PM by Gravis.

I used to take a candy bar (Snickers) to work every day for after lunch.
Someone kept stealing it from my jacket which was hung in a closet. Very few
of the other employees could speak or read English. One day I left a box
of laxative mints instead. The next day, three of the women complained
about being sick with diahrea all night. I never said a word and the
candy stopped disappearing.

Also, I had a friend in college who told me a good story. The fridge in
his frat house was usually stocked with beer. A female student used to
sneak in when nobody was around and drink her fill. One day they left
two beers in the fridge for her. They had been emptied of beer and they
took a whiz into the bottles. She never came by again.

Paybacks are fun.

Try baking some chocolate ex-lax into a batch of brownies. It wouldn't take long to figure out who the culprit is after he steals your snack.

Krispy Kreme - the perfectly legal way to poison a co-worker. Moo!

Introduce them to this website?

> The scarey thing is....Gravis threatens violence
> for far less offences then theft. He is truly the
> scariest person on here.

I know you are trying to insult him, but the rest of us find that to be part of his charm...

The word you're looking for is soft drink. Not soda. Soda is something you bake with.


Silly.

Sign them up for the Meade Skeleton Greatest Hits of the Month club

SRE Wrote: Bump
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> Sign them up for the Meade Skeleton Greatest Hits
> of the Month club
Attachments:

Post pictures of their wives getting pounded by BBC on the lunchroom wall.
Attachments: