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Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: BioHazard ()
Date: March 08, 2013 06:19PM

I refuse to crap in public restrooms at gas stations, 7-11's, etc. and have a real American Pie phobia. I've driven hours sweating, grunting, and praying to God in pain - just so I can make it home to my nice clean toilet that hasn't been crapped on or pissed on by a bunch of toilet terrorists from the ghetto.

I figured out a new tactic. Find a nice hotel or a very upscale restaurant nearby and bingo, you can crap in cleanly peace because they always clean their toilets really well, have good TP, nice soap, and good paper towels. Talk about finding a comfort zone for bathroom emergencies.

Any other folks got good ideas along this line of thought?
Attachments:
you-Got-This-Bro.jpg

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: The wave ()
Date: March 08, 2013 06:22PM

I got over that phobia when I ended up shitting my pants. I thought I could make it home. I was wrong.
Now a days, I will shit anywhere, as long as it's not in my pants.
I have shit in the woods vs using some public toilets. I feel your pain.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Bookworm ()
Date: March 08, 2013 06:27PM

Barnes & Nobel, Best Buy, Target and (suprise) Home Depot make great emergency drop zones. Say no to Walmart or fast food joints.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: itchy ()
Date: March 08, 2013 06:29PM

Learn to shit in the woods. The world is my toilet.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Simple... ()
Date: March 08, 2013 06:45PM

Why not just use the paper thingies that they usually have to cover the seat?

I don't think that women have this phobia as much as men since we use the bathroom more often and we can't stand up to pee. You have to be pragmatic. But it helps not to think about where that seat has been when you're using it.

The worst are the women who bring little Johnnie into the stall and he misfires. Yech...

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: No Joke ()
Date: March 08, 2013 06:53PM

The ass gaskets " paper thingies " used to cover the toilets don't help when someone before you has taken an explosive shit and sprayed the entire bowl, then proceeded to pissed on and around the seat.
I have found wegmans to have the cleanest and actually nice comfortable place with plenty of room to take an emergency shit.
This is a serious topic, The shit phobia is real.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Vexxxed ()
Date: March 08, 2013 07:43PM

No Joke Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The ass gaskets " paper thingies " used to cover
> the toilets don't help when someone before you has
> taken an explosive shit and sprayed the entire
> bowl, then proceeded to pissed on and around the
> seat.
> I have found wegmans to have the cleanest and
> actually nice comfortable place with plenty of
> room to take an emergency shit.
> This is a serious topic, The shit phobia is real.
Attachments:
05JVJ0SvckWPCAec3Jrsdw2.jpg

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Abelard ()
Date: March 08, 2013 07:52PM

>Learn to shit in the woods. The world is my toilet.
Here here. I spend a good bit of time in a part of the world with toilets so filthy they'd make 7-11 look like the Bellagio. I got used to crapping in the veldt and now rather relish it. Nice views, absorptive soils, active scavenger guild - you haven't lived till you've pooed in Africa.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: MoreInfo ()
Date: March 08, 2013 09:10PM

Poop in the woods..........bring TP!!!
Attachments:
Picture 3.png

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: back to nature ()
Date: March 08, 2013 10:24PM

I love taking a shit in the woods. It's a hell of a lot cleaner than the bathrooms at my office.
Some mother fucker blows out the Porcelain every day at that place. either by spraying the bowl and underneath of the seat with shit or clogging the toilet. I swear one guy shits cement, clogs it every other day.
It's real nice to have to use the toilet and open a door to a brown mess overflowing onto the floor. I say the hell with it,
I take a walk, grab a smoke and shit in the woods.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Holy Crap! ()
Date: March 08, 2013 10:59PM

Jesus...what do you guys do in there? Explosive shit...WTF??!

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Fair Oaks Mall Emergency ()
Date: March 08, 2013 11:53PM

I think it would be worthwhile for us to share emergency clean bathroom stops in and around Fairfax.

For Fair Oaks Mall - the Marriott Hotel has a couple of clean granite just off the lobby bathrooms that are cleaned on the hour. Very sanitary and just a hop skip and a lump from the main mall where the bathrooms are covered in fecal goo.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Tysons II ()
Date: March 08, 2013 11:55PM

The clean bathroom bailout at Tysons II is the Ritz.
Glamorous and clean shitting facilities.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: friskydingo ()
Date: March 09, 2013 12:00AM

I guess you could poop in the trashcan?

Ive pissed in BWU's trash before cuz the line was toooo long and I had to go baaaad.

 

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Gross people ()
Date: March 09, 2013 12:12AM

Holy Crap! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jesus...what do you guys do in there? Explosive
> shit...WTF??!


It's true! some dude takes an explosive shit at the office. How else do you get shit sprayed all over the inside of the bowl and under the seat? sometimes on it!!
It's almost like he has 300 PSI on the asshole before it blows.
I will bet the fucker does not wash his hands after.
I hate using public toilets.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Fartist ()
Date: March 09, 2013 12:16AM

You don't paint art on a crappy canvas and a trash can - gimme a break.
I've had to shit in the woods and had the good taste to find a moss covered log with perfect elevation to defile the forest.

Frisky - you have no class when it comes to relieving your ass.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: walmart has an app for that ()
Date: March 09, 2013 06:29AM

the luggable loo has got your back. Even better if you drive a van. With the van and the loo I can shit all clean and private in any parking lot anywhere! I keep some wag bag kits on hand to line the loo and seal the waste up air tight.
Attachments:
loo.jpg
wag.jpg

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: contra ()
Date: March 09, 2013 09:23AM

good enough for Top Gear, good enough for you
Attachments:
problem.jpg

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: squat thrust ()
Date: March 09, 2013 09:35AM

Throw a half-dozen of these in a zip-lock bag, use them on the toilet seat and/or yourself: http://www.costco.com/Kirkland-Signature%E2%84%A2-Baby-Wipes.product.11489346.html

Great for post-restaurant-meal cleanup as well.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: old man in ffx ()
Date: March 09, 2013 10:52AM

Wear these and your worries are over, shit or piss anytime anywhere
Attachments:
depends.jpg

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Been There And Going Back ()
Date: March 09, 2013 11:07AM

Tysons II Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The clean bathroom bailout at Tysons II is the
> Ritz.
> Glamorous and clean shitting facilities.

Plus a bathroom attendant in a tux ready to gently help you
wipe with the finest high-cotton TP available. And he never
comments on the stink! I'm now skid mark free!

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: We are not alone ()
Date: March 09, 2013 03:37PM

I have had to cut loose with a bathroom attendant hanging out in the restroom. I have a massive phobia of shitting in a public restroom, and this guy is just hanging out making sure your cloths are tucked in and handing you a hot towel.
I have no idea why this brave man would do this, or why some cock sucker would make him do this job.
Taking an emergency shit in a public toilet always fucks with my mind. If the woods were near, I would rather shit in the woods than a public toilet.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: no tip sorry ()
Date: March 09, 2013 03:56PM

We are not alone Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have had to cut loose with a bathroom attendant
> hanging out in the restroom. I have a massive
> phobia of shitting in a public restroom, and this
> guy is just hanging out making sure your cloths
> are tucked in and handing you a hot towel.
> I have no idea why this brave man would do this,
> or why some cock sucker would make him do this
> job.
> Taking an emergency shit in a public toilet always
> fucks with my mind. If the woods were near, I
> would rather shit in the woods than a public
> toilet.


Prob the worst job in the world. I dont need someone to watch me piss or hand me a paper towel after I wash my hands. I remember seeing one in Atlantic City and the guy looked miserable. Having to stand in there all day long with the smelly low class folks that hang out in AC.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: okiedoo ()
Date: March 09, 2013 05:38PM

If employees have to shit there, you're okay. The Shoppers Food Warehouse at Sterling Town Center is awful. The Shoppers in Herndon McNair Farms is good.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Phantom Shitter ()
Date: March 09, 2013 06:50PM

Have to shit? Are you in Ballston? I recommend the W Hotel...so clean you'll feel like the first person that's ever taken a shit.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: High Rise Shitter ()
Date: March 09, 2013 07:45PM

High rise elevators are good but you've got to be fast and get off at the next floor as soon as you're done. If someone catches you coming off just look at 'em and smile.

Stairwells are good also.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: High Rise BULL Shitter ()
Date: March 09, 2013 08:11PM

High Rise Shitter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> High rise elevators are good but you've got to be
> fast and get off at the next floor as soon as
> you're done. If someone catches you coming off
> just look at 'em and smile.
>
> Stairwells are good also.

Yup...'cause there's NEVER any cameras on high rise elevators that might identify a wannabe phantom shitter...

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: some guy ()
Date: March 09, 2013 09:00PM

True story:

I was at the Shark Club in C'Ville years ago when I got the urge. No way I could shit there though, too nasty. We head out back to my friend's place and it was too long a ride...I was going to lose it. He pulls into the McD's on 29 and I rush in. The lady tasked with cleaning the crappers was just finishing up, so I rushed past her, pulling my pants down and slamming the stall door in one fell swoop. The bathroom door hadn't settled against the jamb before I plastered the back of the toilet with whatever was rumbling inside. I wiped, washed up and was out the door in less than a minute.

I'll never forget the look on the cleaning lady's face as I told her "Sorry about that!" on my way out the door.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Good Story ()
Date: March 09, 2013 09:33PM

some guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> True story:
>
> I'll never forget the look on the cleaning lady's
> face as I told her "Sorry about that!" on my way
> out the door.

Even more important to this story... Was she a Spic?
If so, it's ok, they're used to it where they come from.
Their whole country smells like that.

R.I.P. Carlos Hernandez, who's rotting corpse now
smells worse than that stall you speak of.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Habeeb Patel ()
Date: March 09, 2013 10:46PM

> If so, it's ok, they're used to it where they come
> from.
> Their whole country smells like that.
>
> R.I.P. Carlos Hernandez, who's rotting corpse now
> smells worse than that stall you speak of.


I believe it is India you speak of. wrong color of brown people you racist pig.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: MoreInfo ()
Date: March 09, 2013 10:51PM


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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Abelard ()
Date: March 10, 2013 12:09AM

Another vote for Wegmans, and if use the one on the second floor above the food court (where they sell prepared meals and people go to eat them), you'll almost always find it empty. And clean.

True story: I once dumped in a dunny built into the wall of a castle in Germany, just a wooden seat over a hole that dropped a good 100 feet into (what used to be) the moat. Story was that it hadn't been cleaned in 900 years. I've certainly smelled worse - it was like shitting into a bottomless pit. God knows what was down there.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: could you? ()
Date: March 10, 2013 09:37AM

If it was a severe emergency could you use this shitter? Any port in a storm I suppose. I think I would rather crap my pants.
Attachments:
toilet.gif

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: constapated ()
Date: March 10, 2013 09:47AM

could you? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If it was a severe emergency could you use this
> shitter? Any port in a storm I suppose. I think I
> would rather crap my pants.


should be put on ratemypoo for votes

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: itchy ()
Date: March 10, 2013 09:56AM

could you? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If it was a severe emergency could you use this
> shitter? Any port in a storm I suppose. I think I
> would rather crap my pants.

If I walked into a restroom like that I'd probably go into the manager's office, take a shit on his/her desk and then proceed to smash their face in it.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: Lord & Master ()
Date: March 10, 2013 10:32AM

Habeeb Patel Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I believe it is India you speak of. wrong color of
> brown people you racist pig.

Brown people are brown people - all piles of shit!
On your knees before your noble white masters, you turds!
Be thankful that we've at least tried to civilize you
and remember that everything good has come from white
progress, science and cultures.

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Re: Emergency Tactics - When You Refuse to Crap in Dirty Public Toilets
Posted by: White Progress ()
Date: March 10, 2013 10:36AM

Smallpox!

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