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Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
IKEA Announces New Malm Line of Disposable Adult Diapers
Posted by:
Depends Malm
()
Date: November 26, 2018 11:27AM
PRESS RELEASE
Depends Malm
Malm@grace.com
703-555-1212
IKEA ANNOUNCES NEW MALM LINE OF DISPOSABLE ADULT DIAPERS
In the wake of the extraordinary success of its MALM line of bespoke home furnishings, IKEA is proud to announce its new MALM line of adult diapers. Endorsed by Fr. Bob Malm himself, the line will revolutionize the adult diaper industry.
“We came up with the idea after I passed out one Black.....errr, I mean Good Friday,” said Malm.” “I’d contracted a parasitic intestinal infection, which usually is associated with consuming undercooked seafood or sexual contact. Anyway, I was at the pulpit proclaiming, ‘Jesus is Truth,’ when suddenly it happened, and I was on the floor. Next thing I know, my friends from the ambulance service were carting me off. They were super nice—they even gave me a frequent flier card!”
Featuring a comfort fit waist to accommodate a variety of waist sizes, the MALM line of diapers also features a concealed weapon pocket, allowing users to carry a semi-automatic handgun with ease.
“You’ve heard the expression, ‘Don’t get caught with your pants down. Well, no stinking terrorist is going to get me. I’ve got my Glock and my single-button wireless transmitter at the ready, just in case,” said Malm. “In addition, my diapers feature extra padding on the hips and rear, perfect for Powder Puff Football with the Rector.”
Proceeds go to the Chill Grace initiative, designed to get the HVAC back on at Grace Episcopal Church, located along Sugarland Road.
“And don’t forget: If you see something, say something!,” added Malm, as he left for a round of golf on the luxurious Jesus is Truth Center’s Arnold Palmer-designed golf course.
Attachments:
Depends Malm
Malm@grace.com
703-555-1212
IKEA ANNOUNCES NEW MALM LINE OF DISPOSABLE ADULT DIAPERS
In the wake of the extraordinary success of its MALM line of bespoke home furnishings, IKEA is proud to announce its new MALM line of adult diapers. Endorsed by Fr. Bob Malm himself, the line will revolutionize the adult diaper industry.
“We came up with the idea after I passed out one Black.....errr, I mean Good Friday,” said Malm.” “I’d contracted a parasitic intestinal infection, which usually is associated with consuming undercooked seafood or sexual contact. Anyway, I was at the pulpit proclaiming, ‘Jesus is Truth,’ when suddenly it happened, and I was on the floor. Next thing I know, my friends from the ambulance service were carting me off. They were super nice—they even gave me a frequent flier card!”
Featuring a comfort fit waist to accommodate a variety of waist sizes, the MALM line of diapers also features a concealed weapon pocket, allowing users to carry a semi-automatic handgun with ease.
“You’ve heard the expression, ‘Don’t get caught with your pants down. Well, no stinking terrorist is going to get me. I’ve got my Glock and my single-button wireless transmitter at the ready, just in case,” said Malm. “In addition, my diapers feature extra padding on the hips and rear, perfect for Powder Puff Football with the Rector.”
Proceeds go to the Chill Grace initiative, designed to get the HVAC back on at Grace Episcopal Church, located along Sugarland Road.
“And don’t forget: If you see something, say something!,” added Malm, as he left for a round of golf on the luxurious Jesus is Truth Center’s Arnold Palmer-designed golf course.
Attachments: