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I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: tired mom. ()
Date: December 07, 2011 06:56AM

I am a single mom of a disabled child. I do EVERYTHING on my own (no welfare or nothing!) I make 35k so after taxes and insurance, I take home 2k/month. Rent is 1000 for this 1 bedroom apartment-and I still fear for my safety here. Daycare is another 400/mo for SACC (I am on that long waiting list for childcare assistance here in Fairfax county, and the rental housing program list too-have been for the past 2 YEARS.). Gas and insurance for my paid-for hoopty- another 300/mo. There is hardly any food in here (enough for another week at best). I make too much to qualify for food stamps. I make too much to qualify for energy assistance. I make too much to qualify for anything.

Child support? I am owed 21k as of today. I keep calling the division of child support, but I get put into my caseworkers voicemail. I have even gone to visit in person, and my caseworker is never there. THe father doesnt work anyways and has been unemployed for 2 years but it doesn't affect him- he collects food stamps and lives with his parents. So he sits around and plays xbox all day while I go to work. I wouldn't want to send him there anyway, the house is roach infested and the family is CRAZY- I don't want my kid around all that drama.

The last time I went out to eat was back in September when my BFF took me to fridays. EVery single night I am at home with my kid. I never go out. I invite people to come over but they never do- probably because I dont have a big screen TV and xbox live and all that like they do (can't afford it). Can't even afford a night sitter for a few hours so I can get away. My parents can't watch him either they both work 2 jobs to keep their own home afloat. I have tons of financial aid pending, but since I dropped out back in 2004 to take care of my child, now that I'm trying to go back they say I can't get my aid because of the 67% rule/attemped credits (I did formally withdraw, and they still say I failed? WTF?) so if i want to go back to nova i will have to pony up a good 1400 out of pocket to cover my first semester BEFORE they will allow me to continue to collect.

I am about to say fuck this shit and go on welfare. I haven't even bothered to go after SSI for my kid, I hear it is a 6 month process and even then I might get declined and even if i do get it its only 600/mo....what is that going to pay for in fairfax county???

Thanks for listening. I am not really expecting any advice, but if you have some post it.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Kingstowne ()
Date: December 07, 2011 07:07AM

Hope it works out for you. About all I can say. Im also pretty sure you can sic the state on Dad. Maybe they'll give him a choice of getting a job or going to jail.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Curmudgeon ()
Date: December 07, 2011 07:10AM

Single moms have the hardest job in the world. Keep trying and make sure you do go out once in awhile. Both of you will benefit from your sanity.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: richnow ()
Date: December 07, 2011 07:28AM

my mom went through pretty much the same thing although with 3 kids, then a 4th came along. Two jobs most of the time. On and off public assistance for many years. Eventually, 13 years after her divorce from husband no.1, she did remarry. keep your chin up is all I can advise.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Location, Location ()
Date: December 07, 2011 07:43AM

Honest question here. Why stay in Fairfax? If I was barely getting by here I would be constantly looking for a job in an area with a lower cost of living. I know jobs aren't plentiful elsewhere, but some industries are better than others. I mean if you make 40k here paying 1k a month, you could probably move, take a small pay cut, and pay 750 for the same place. End up with a couple hundred extra in your pocket every month.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Perhaps... ()
Date: December 07, 2011 07:44AM

You should have thought of all this before you brought a child into the world? I don't feel sorry for you- you are an adult and you made the choices that got you here. I do feel sorry for him/her.
Why don't you get a different place to live with a roommate or move somewhere farther west of here where the cost of living is more reasonable.
I know you may not WANT to do any of these things, but it ain't about you anymore

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Wertul ()
Date: December 07, 2011 07:46AM

Nil Desperandum.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Dr. Phil ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:09AM

Fairfax Underground is a good place to come for a sympathetic ear. Thank you for posting here.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: tired mom ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:18AM

I knew there would be a few "shouldn't have had the kid" posts- but he is here so there is nothing I can do to change that. Mea Culpa. I am accepting responsibliity. The other option would have been abortion- and some of you would have jumped on me for that...so no matter what I do I am wrong in someone's eyes. At least I was strong enough to take on the challenge. I am in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM blaming the kid for anything. He is the only bright spot in my life. He makes me laugh daily. I love him to death. He will be taken care of by me no matter how I do it. That will NEVER change.

Things wer GREAT the first 2 years (I was making 50k on a different gov't contract) but it has gone downhill since then. The contract I am on now ends in Feburary--so looks like I will be out of a job again soon anyways....

I stay in Fairfax because this is where the jobs are. My family is all down in VA beach- and we know how that area is in regards to jobs.

I tried moving out to fredericksburg for awhile- but after paying 800/mo for the apartment then adding another 400/mo on gas for the commute, I might as well stay here and pay 1000. I have been offered other jobs in fredericksburg and other points south/west, but they all pay in the range of 10-12/hr...and that will put me in a worse situation. I notice even the apartments way out in culpepper and gainesville and such STILL want 800+ a month...but the jobs all pay 10/hour....same predictament. I could move to SE DC and get a cheap 700/mo apartment and commute via metro- but I'd be ducking bullets daily. Trust me, I am on job boards and apartment websites and craigslist every day looking for options. Financially, I can either get the cheaper rent out west or down south, but the gas for the commute negates the savings.

Any other advice/comments welcome. You can save the moral speech, please read my first paragraph again.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Location ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:26AM

I meant out of this area entirely. Not just going to Fredericksburg and commuting. You are right, it doesn't help anything to do that. What do you do for work? Unless it is specific to government, I think you might be surprised what you can earn in other parts of the country. Not saying you will find a job tomorrow, but you can find an area to look in where your money goes further.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Dr. Phil ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:27AM

Even though we're strangers, we're all here for you at Fairfax Underground. I have a couple of ideas that might help, but first I need you to post a recent photo of yourself.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Perhaps... ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:27AM

I am not really the person who should be preaching morals, I was just saying . It sounds like you are reasonably responsible , or at least you are trying to be. It also sounds like, for whatever reason, you picked a real loser to have the baby with.
I am assuming that you are pretty young and that this has stopped your education, which is a bummer. While the job market in Virginia Beac may not be stellar, your lack of a degree puts you in a very poor position for anything that will make a great deal of money in an area this competitive.
Why don't you just move back to Virginia Beach and move home? I know that sucks, but you can save on rent at least. Also, let's face it, you are making 35k- you can make that working retail at a place that will provide you with benefits.
You've definitely dug yourself a hole and there is no shame in acting in your child's benefit and accepting the charity of your family- if they will give it.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: tired mom ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:27AM

And to address the roommates- I tried that 2 years ago and got burned HARD. Left me with a 2k back rent judgment which is still on my credit report. I have tried putting a few posts on craigslist for roommates, but the moment I say I have a disabled child, all of a sudden they can't take me (or claim they dont have enough room for him too, only me). Or they want to charge me 800/mo for a basement, no private bathroom, no kitchen just a microwave/fridge- if I'm lucky. I'll pay the extra 200 and keep this apartmnent...

I'd move back with my parents- but my aunt, uncle, and their 3 kids are there already. They are unemployed. They do help my parents with food and the light bill/cable but other than that they are all struggling.

The child support- they cant get blood from a turnip. He refuses to work. Every time we have been to court, the judge just ordered a TINY purge (like 2k!) and he'd manage to scramble that up, they'd dismiss the case, then he goes right back to not paying. I can't file contempt for 90 days. Then another 90 days pass while I wait on the court date, Then he asks for a continuance to find time to get a lawyer or whatever, so then its ANOTHER 90 days. Then they set the purge (last time the purge was only 1k!), he pays it, then we sit another year with no payments. Court is NOT WORKING. If the judge would just order like a 10k purge, then he WOULD be locked up. I assume he gets the purge money from his sister (who is working).

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Perhaps ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:35AM

Well, sounds like your parents need to show your extended family the door and let their own child back in.
Your knowledge of the system is very impressive. It seems a shame that someone who is so bright has allowed herself (sorry) to get into this position. Hey, public assistance may be where it's at for you.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: you are idiots ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:40AM

You are getting some really really horrible advice here from people who probably shouldn't be throwing stones in their nasty little glass houses. The reality is, you should be able to expect help from other human beings, family or not. The idea (from Hillary) that it takes a village is correct. In most other places you could get help from empathetic others, not here tho- what you get here, no matter who you are or what you do is these morons who do nothing but look for blame and shake a finger at you. That not only isn't helpful but it is ironic. This really is a horrible place to live and raise children or seek humanity from anyone. If it is possible to move to a smaller more normal place I would...I don't think it is getting better here anytime soon.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: tired mom ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:41AM

Perhaps... Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am not really the person who should be preaching
> morals, I was just saying . It sounds like you are
> reasonably responsible , or at least you are
> trying to be. It also sounds like, for whatever
> reason, you picked a real loser to have the baby
> with.
> I am assuming that you are pretty young and that
> this has stopped your education, which is a
> bummer. While the job market in Virginia Beac may
> not be stellar, your lack of a degree puts you in
> a very poor position for anything that will make a
> great deal of money in an area this competitive.
> Why don't you just move back to Virginia Beach and
> move home? I know that sucks, but you can save on
> rent at least. Also, let's face it, you are making
> 35k- you can make that working retail at a place
> that will provide you with benefits.
> You've definitely dug yourself a hole and there is
> no shame in acting in your child's benefit and
> accepting the charity of your family- if they will
> give it.


I have given a hard look at places down south- North Carolina, even Florida came up in my search- but of course without a job first, it will be hard to get an apartment. Cost of living is really low further down south- but so are the wages. I am in IT/Call Center/admin. work so I am sure I can get a job anywhere- I do have a strong resume and references, just no degree (as mentioned above). I can take online courses as soon as I get some aid!

And yes, as it goes he was not a loser when I met him (we met at work!) but the moment he found out I was preggo- and our child was going to have a disability, he just gave up. Stopped working and ran. It took me awhile to find him just to get him served with the support. HE is comfy with his parents with not a care in the world leaving me alone. He even has a new girlfriend I hear. i dont care honestly. I just want him to help me out. I begged and pleaded, even agreed to lower the support to just $200/mo as long as he would pay on time, but he wouldn't even do that- so I just have up. (it was set to 500/mo since he was making about 18/hr at the time I got preggo).

Of course, with all the therapies and treatments, I had to drop out of school for awhile to pay full time and attention to that. Now that I want back in, I can't because of that 67% rule so I must pay before I can get back in. I even asked about tutition assistance here at my job- its the kind you pay first then they reimburse you so its no help to me.

I have no shame in working, and would GLADLY take on a 2nd retail job- but then I hit that babysitting roadblock again. Night sitters cost around 150-250 a WEEK- the average night job pays around 8-10/hr...

I know FFU is not a place for serious life advice LOL....but I lurk alot and love your humor...and no I will not post a pic Dr. Phil LOL. Nice try :)

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: tired mom ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:54AM

Wanted to add- I know to count my blessings. At least I have a job (for now....) and an apartment to go home to, and a hoopty- even though it's now leaking water through the windshield I learned this morning on the way to work so my front passenger seat is soaked now. At least I am parked in a garage (while at work)....I'll just throw a tarp on the car tonight, I know it's supposed to snow...

I know I am better off than most, and I dont want to throw it all away. It's just frustrating being stuck in this spot. I barely make enough to live, but I need help, but I can't get it because I make too much. I'm definately the 99%.

I don't want to quit and go live in section 8 and live around hoodrats. I want to be here, in Fairfax County where there is plenty of opprtunity- and my son is getting THE BEST help at his school now and LOVES his teachers and fellow classmates, and I would hate to drag him out of that after we have gotten so far....because mommy can't afford it. THIS is what depresses me. THIS is what makes me cry. I dont want to have to tell my son we are moving and stick him in a completely new situation- I know it takes him MONTHS to adjust and he will have outbursts and such....which would jepordize whatever new job I have with taking so much time off work (and shorting my paycheck)!

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: aaaaaaa ()
Date: December 07, 2011 11:09AM

Sorry to hear about your situation, kudos to you for your great attitude and trying to make things better. What I would do:

1) Start applying for whatever gov't. assistance you can, right now. Even though it might take 6 months or more for things to kick in, get it going now. If your son is disabled, he may be eligible for Social Security benefits for life. Get the process started, no matter how long it might take to get that first support check. Look into everything.

2) Contact The Women's Center in Vienna, and Legal Services of Northern Virginia. Both will be able to help in your financial situation, and in getting you legal assistance to enforce your child support rights. Legal Services may be able to get you an attorney to put some pressure on the deadbeat dad and DCSE. You have to get out of the immediate rut so you can start building for a better tomorrow.

3) Make a plan for the future with some interim goals. As an example, I will get this amount of temporary assistance, which will allow me to start working part time, which will allow me to apply for financial aid and enroll in classes, etc. Or whatever your preferred longer term plan is. You can apply for school either part time or full time, and apply for aid simultaneously. You will be given aid according to your needs and your enrollment status -- you do not have to enroll and pay first in order to qualify for aid. Call a local college or university's financial aid office and ask them to help. I got through college on financial aid, I never could have made it without it. You can too.

4) Join a local church and pray, and seek out assistance from the church. Many churches, particularly larger ones, have TONS of resources available without any red tape -- job assistance, food, clothing, scholarships, support groups, housing, etc.

5) To the extent you can, surround yourself with positive people that are succeeding in life and can help. Don't hang around loses who will keep you from moving forward, hang around people you admire. Start envisioning yourself with the life you imagine -- solid education, good stable job with pay and benefits, child getting all the care and attention he needs, and so on. Envision it, and do things to make it happen.

6) Keep that positive attitude, it will serve you well.

7) Ask for a raise at work, seek a promotion, seek a higher paying job elsewhere, whatever you can to bring in some extra $ without having to take a second job and time away from your son. I would not recommend taking more than 40 hrs of work per week, it's important that you stay available in your son's life. You might have a skill you could put to work that does not take too much time that you could do on the side. Selling stuff that you know about on ebay, for example, where you can turn a decent profit because of your knowledge.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Highlander ()
Date: December 07, 2011 11:16AM

First, get the hell out of this area. Unless you are planning on putting an "ez" or "iqua" on the end of your last name, you aren't going to get any assistance.

Move further south....get a high school chick looking to make a couple of bucks to do your babysitting. Save up enough money for a good lawyer and go after the sperm donor and get your money.

Get involved with a church like aaaaaa suggested. They will help as much as possible...just remember where it came from and do what you can for the church when its time.

Best of luck to you.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: prayers to you ()
Date: December 07, 2011 11:19AM

This too shall pass....

Hopefully things get better for you. Draw strength from your child and try to live day by day.

I will say a prayer for you.

If you were one of my neighbors, I would be glad to give you a hand.

You need to ask for help from friends and family. Even one night out to a movie would do you some good.

Also, reach out to foodbanks fr help with groceries.

This time of year, people are generous and would love to help people like you.

Take care and hang on.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: hanginthere ()
Date: December 07, 2011 11:26AM

So you clear $2k a month. You make too much for assistance but you aren't making ends meet. It sounds like your rent is too high for your income. You can either move, increase your income, or find a new man. It sounds like you don't want to move so let's focus on increasing your income and/or finding a man. To increase your income, the obvious solution is getting a college degree. Maybe work toward becoming a teacher. I know fairfax county teachers and they start at about $50k or so. It's also a great job for single moms because your schedule will be the same as your sons and you can bring him to whatever school in the county you work at as long as you are a ffx resident. There are also student loan forgiveness programs for teachers if you qualify. There is no reason why you can't get a student loan to pay for your tuition and expenses. I got one and the loan amount provided also included some money for living expenses so I had money left over after paying for tuition and books. Student loan debt typically has very low interest rates and flexible payback terms. Look into online courses through reputable universities so you can tackle schoolwork after junior goes to bed. It's not easy but it's possible if you work hard. Another option to increase income may be to work from home in the evenings. Telemarketing, spamming people, etc.

Throughout all this you need to try and date and find a partner to help raise your son and give you some lovin. I'm sure a friend or relative can watch your son while you go out on a date every know and then. I don't know what you look like but if you aren't overweight there's gotta be a successful guy out there for you. If you are overweight I suggest losing weight and work on getting a smoking hot body. And make sure you are good and adventurous in bed. Don't be a prude - no guy wants to be married to a woman that isn't a freak in bed.

That's all I got. Hope this was helpful. Good luck and stay off welfare.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: aaaaaaaa ()
Date: December 07, 2011 12:26PM

hanginthere Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So you clear $2k a month. You make too much for
> assistance but you aren't making ends meet. It
> sounds like your rent is too high for your income.
> You can either move, increase your income, or
> find a new man. It sounds like you don't want to
> move so let's focus on increasing your income
> and/or finding a man. To increase your income,
> the obvious solution is getting a college degree.
> Maybe work toward becoming a teacher. I know
> fairfax county teachers and they start at about
> $50k or so. It's also a great job for single moms
> because your schedule will be the same as your
> sons and you can bring him to whatever school in
> the county you work at as long as you are a ffx
> resident. There are also student loan forgiveness
> programs for teachers if you qualify. There is no
> reason why you can't get a student loan to pay for
> your tuition and expenses. I got one and the loan
> amount provided also included some money for
> living expenses so I had money left over after
> paying for tuition and books. Student loan debt
> typically has very low interest rates and flexible
> payback terms. Look into online courses through
> reputable universities so you can tackle
> schoolwork after junior goes to bed. It's not
> easy but it's possible if you work hard. Another
> option to increase income may be to work from home
> in the evenings. Telemarketing, spamming people,
> etc.
>
> Throughout all this you need to try and date and
> find a partner to help raise your son and give you
> some lovin. I'm sure a friend or relative can
> watch your son while you go out on a date every
> know and then. I don't know what you look like
> but if you aren't overweight there's gotta be a
> successful guy out there for you. If you are
> overweight I suggest losing weight and work on
> getting a smoking hot body. And make sure you are
> good and adventurous in bed. Don't be a prude -
> no guy wants to be married to a woman that isn't a
> freak in bed.
>
> That's all I got. Hope this was helpful. Good
> luck and stay off welfare.

+1. Good advice above.

Although I'm not really in favor of the 'stay off welfare' generalization. We use the word 'welfare' in a negative way, but those programs exist for a reason FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT ABUSE THEM. It f*ing sucks that some people abuse them, but there is nothing bad about utilizing them where a legitimate need exists. It's like insurance -- we all pay into it, and you make a claim if it's needed. So Tired Mom, don't be afraid to make those calls and get assistance where it's needed, that's what it's there for. There is no loss of self worth in getting help. Instead of saying "stay off" I would just say "Don't get used to it."

And also, getting assistance is not necessarily "welfare." For example, I've paid into unemployment and social security my whole life, I don't feel it would be "welfare" to claim benefits if/when needed, or to get other assistance for my children if they are in need.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Mr. Compassionate ()
Date: December 07, 2011 12:28PM

Bet you wish you went a head and terminated that pregnancy, don't 'cha?

That $300 could have saved you a lot of expense and frustration.

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CRYING POOR...IS AN EXCUSE FOR PEOPLE TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU
Posted by: STOP CRYING POOR ()
Date: December 07, 2011 12:33PM

Take care of yourself, family and children with where you are at, what you have and with what you got rather than whining about it.

NO ONE ELSE CAN DO any of that for you but yourself.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: No One ()
Date: December 07, 2011 03:53PM

You actually sounds like a really nice person going through a difficult time. Keep your chin up and I am sure your situation will improve. I for one wish you the best of luck in the future.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: You Can Do It! ()
Date: December 07, 2011 04:04PM

You sound like an amazing and strong woman! You can and will make it. Please be careful about getting roommates. With all the crazies out there, you don't want to subject your children to nefarious characters. Get involved with a church. They will look out for you. Stay positive. Be grateful you are a woman with children in America as opposed to some third world country or in the Middle East! You and your kids have each other and you are their role model. It's great you are reaching out for moral support because it shows you haven't given up. You can do it!

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Santa Helper ()
Date: December 07, 2011 05:30PM

Fairfax, this poster sounds like a legitimate mother in need of help. She is in a tough spot and could use some help. In the CHRISTMAS spirit, ( I know that is not PC) let's band together to help her. I have read many posts on this site that complain about the government's lack of support. She does not want government support, rather, she wants to provide for herself and her child. If there is anyone out there that can come up with a way for FFXU readers to provide some sort of support, please post it. (I am not very good at comming up with anonymous ways of providing support) please post it. I am willing to contribute.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Location ()
Date: December 07, 2011 05:55PM

South might not be the answer. I grew up in Upstate NY. It is hardly a paradise, and the economy isn't exactly awesome, but you might find some call centers up there. I know when I call Verizon Fios down here, the call center is in my old hometown.

I only mention it because a house in many parts of Upstate NY goes for $70k. It is no luxury home, but it would be a decent house in a neighborhood where you could sleep at night. Public schools are pretty good, and assistance programs (if you wanted to go that route) are more generous than any southern state. The snow sucks, but you get used to it.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: tired mom. ()
Date: December 07, 2011 05:56PM

Thank you ALL for your positive comments and advice. I am not currently a member of a church, but I will highly consider joining one- I do believe in God but have never been a religious person- well since I have nothing but time on my hands here at home LOL.

Thanks to those offering to help me directly, but there are others out there that need it more- please donate to toys for tots, salvation army, your local women's shelter, etc....I may be flat broke but at least I have a home/car/job which is WAY more than most...they DEFINATELY need the help, I'm just going through a little rough patch here but I'll make it out ok. Mentally this morning I was super stressed which prompted me to make this post, but after reading your comments I do feel better and see a light at the end of the tunnel!

I did call NOVA again today and they made me an appointment to talk to a financial aid counselor on saturday, so I am going to that and hopefully they can help me fill out the appeal paperwork so hopefully I can be back in class no later than feburary!

It's not cost effective for me to move right now- I'd have to pay a 2 month lease break plus first/last/security on a new place- where would I come up with all that money at once? LOL.

I also found some info on respite care so at least one weekend a month I can get someone to watch my son so I can have a break. I will contact them tomorrow to make an appointment!

I also started the application for SSI for my son online, didn't know I could do that online! So that is in the works too....

I think I will be ok now....all thats left is to find a decent night sitter so I can get out at least once or twice a month to have some me time for a few hours- I think that is the crux of my frustration...I get NO help in caring for my son and never get a break, not even to go to the grocery store alone and linger in barnes and noble over a coffee for an hour or two to de-stress...and all day in the office all I hear about is how much fun my coworkers had going to the club...out to eat at a new restaurant...to the new art exhibit in town....and all I do is stay home- guess I was getting a bit stir-crazy! They also have SO's that are there to give them a break whenever they need one and help with bills.... they don't know how lucky they are....

So overall, I'll be ok. I just need to chin up and keep moving forward. Sitting here crying will help me feel better for a moment, but I need to act if I want my situation to get better...and I took some great steps today! Thanks all for the ideas and motivation!

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Ralph Pootawn ()
Date: December 07, 2011 06:07PM

dat spelling and grammar
Attachments:
Dat_ass.jpg

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: wnrsm ()
Date: December 07, 2011 07:39PM

I grew up living hand-to-mouth. When things were the worst, we were able to get by with help from random strangers. There's a camaraderie among people in that kind of a bind.

I was working an IT manager job and saw a coworker that was upset after getting off the phone. Her car was in the shop for a transmission and she was stuck without it for a week - and she was screwed. I remembered how much I appreciated the help when I was stuck and let her use my car for a week - it was summer and I rode my motorcycle to work daily anyway.

Perhaps you can get some relief with "play dates" for your son. If he is going to school with similarly disabled kids, I'm sure that someone there can trade a few nights. Besides, it is better for BOTH of you to get a break. Playing with mom every night gets old no matter how good of a mother you are.

As far as not having an xbox live and a big screen TV - whatever. I own a Wii and my two young boys played with a cardboard box for three hours last weekend. A game system and TV is the lazy bastard's method of child entertainment.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Fairfax Casanova ()
Date: December 07, 2011 08:52PM

tired mom. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am a single mom of a disabled child. I do
> EVERYTHING on my own (no welfare or nothing!) I
> make 35k so after taxes and insurance, I take home
> 2k/month. Rent is 1000 for this 1 bedroom
> apartment-and I still fear for my safety here.
> Daycare is another 400/mo for SACC (I am on that
> long waiting list for childcare assistance here in
> Fairfax county, and the rental housing program
> list too-have been for the past 2 YEARS.). Gas and
> insurance for my paid-for hoopty- another 300/mo.
> There is hardly any food in here (enough for
> another week at best). I make too much to qualify
> for food stamps. I make too much to qualify for
> energy assistance. I make too much to qualify for
> anything.
>
> Child support? I am owed 21k as of today. I keep
> calling the division of child support, but I get
> put into my caseworkers voicemail. I have even
> gone to visit in person, and my caseworker is
> never there. THe father doesnt work anyways and
> has been unemployed for 2 years but it doesn't
> affect him- he collects food stamps and lives with
> his parents. So he sits around and plays xbox all
> day while I go to work. I wouldn't want to send
> him there anyway, the house is roach infested and
> the family is CRAZY- I don't want my kid around
> all that drama.
>
> The last time I went out to eat was back in
> September when my BFF took me to fridays. EVery
> single night I am at home with my kid. I never go
> out. I invite people to come over but they never
> do- probably because I dont have a big screen TV
> and xbox live and all that like they do (can't
> afford it). Can't even afford a night sitter for a
> few hours so I can get away. My parents can't
> watch him either they both work 2 jobs to keep
> their own home afloat. I have tons of financial
> aid pending, but since I dropped out back in 2004
> to take care of my child, now that I'm trying to
> go back they say I can't get my aid because of the
> 67% rule/attemped credits (I did formally
> withdraw, and they still say I failed? WTF?) so if
> i want to go back to nova i will have to pony up a
> good 1400 out of pocket to cover my first semester
> BEFORE they will allow me to continue to collect.
>
> I am about to say fuck this shit and go on
> welfare. I haven't even bothered to go after SSI
> for my kid, I hear it is a 6 month process and
> even then I might get declined and even if i do
> get it its only 600/mo....what is that going to
> pay for in fairfax county???
>
> Thanks for listening. I am not really expecting
> any advice, but if you have some post it.

Dear Tired Mom,

I read your tale from start to finish, and all I could think of was..."Wow, here's a woman who's responsible and hard working." Then I found myself fantasizing about your shapely form and thought what it would be like to lay naked next to you in your shitty one bedroom apartment. Sharing a small dollar store bowl of Mac & Cheese. Followed by an afternoon of dirty lovemaking on your 70's style tiled floor. You know...The one where all the cockroaches fuck when you're not looking. So if you're looking for something fun to do on Friday night, leave me a message here. I'll give your kid a roll of shiny new quarters and a DVD of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. For a classy girl like you, how about a fuck and a hotdog, Whatta ya say?

PS: I am enclosing a picture of me. I hope you will look at it with your heart instead of your eyes. LOL
Attachments:
0200906251751092392.jpg

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Possible Help ()
Date: December 07, 2011 11:54PM

Call this number: 703-222-0880. Ask For Norma, though others there might be able to help also. They know churches that offer night-out childcare, and where to look for other services. As a working mom who needs services, you are a great candidate. Feel free to post here whether they can do anything useful for you.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Eric Cantor ()
Date: December 08, 2011 02:12AM

You're an idiot for getting pregnant:

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: December 08, 2011 02:13AM

Eric Cantor Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You're an idiot for getting pregnant:



+1

Low income people have no right to reproduce.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Plus One ()
Date: December 08, 2011 06:50AM

Eric Cantor Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You're an idiot for getting pregnant:


As Obama said, A child is a punishment for irresponsible behavior.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: You Can Do It! ()
Date: December 08, 2011 07:30AM

You are an impressive lady! You can do it. I'll be pulling for you. Please ignore the nasty comments others have posted here. Fairfax Underground has more than its share of misogynistic trolls. Stay positive.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Warhawk ()
Date: December 08, 2011 07:49AM

I'd like to say that there is no shame in applying for assistance. The fact that you don't want to means that you have pride. That alone means you deserve some help. It was designed to be a temporary measure to help hard working people get to a starting point. Start the process now. The longer you wait, the longer it will be before anything can happen.

These ghetto fabulous lazy motherfuckers who don't think twice about doing nothing, popping out babies as fast as they can spread their legs and mooching off the taxpayers dime need to be kicked to the curb and the assistance be given to people like you. Those people make me sick.

As for you lazy baby daddy - he'll have to find work sooner or later. Keep track of every dime he's given you in comparison to what he's supposed to give and go after his ass when he finds work. They'll garnish his wages.

__________________________________
That's not a ladybug, that's a cannapiller.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: hmm ()
Date: December 08, 2011 10:06AM

Perhaps post your resume here and maybe it could lead to a better paying job? I'm betting there are a lot of people on this site who could maybe forward your resume and it could lead to something better.

No photo for Dr Phil? Ahhhh. :)

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: GetAJob ()
Date: December 08, 2011 10:24AM

Poor children have no roles models! She's a lazy ass!

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Dumbass ()
Date: December 08, 2011 11:30AM

GetAJob Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Poor children have no roles models! She's a lazy
> ass!


Apparently neither did you when it comes to grammar. "Roles models"

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: chicken tikka masala ()
Date: December 08, 2011 11:49AM

If the OP's story is legit, then my heart really goes out to you. You have a very tough life and I admire you for putting your child's needs first. Not to be harsh, but who is paying for your internet connection? Do you have a cell phone with an unlimited data plan? Do you have cable or satellite TV with all extended services? Big screen TV? You've already declared that you drive a paid-for hooptie, do not dine out and have very little food in your apt., but if you have certain things that you are currently financing or have paid for that are "wants" rather than "needs", you may need to re-assess your budget and standard of living for the benefit of your child. Oh, and really go after that deadbeat dad. You need to channel your resourcefulness into aggression to deal with losers like that.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Mofo ()
Date: December 08, 2011 12:06PM

Apply for welfare. You need it and are doing your best. Sorry your situation is not better but there's nothing wrong with asking for help if you truly need it, that's what it's there for.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Obama#1fan ()
Date: December 09, 2011 01:41PM

Just hang in there. Obama will fix everybody's world in 2012!

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: booger ()
Date: December 09, 2011 02:59PM

how old are you?

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: here4u ()
Date: December 10, 2011 06:27PM

Fairfax Casanova,

I really hope that somebody close to you dies very soon. I am hoping for it. I want you to feel so much pain that you will wish you were dead. Maybe your dad will have a heart attack or your wife/girlfriend will get in a deadly car accident. As long as you are suffereing emotionally thats all that matters.

Tired Mom,
Please ignore the comments posted by the human garbage on this site. There is alot of scum out there. I feel for ya. I agree that there is nothing wrong asking for welfare if you truly need it. You don't see the illegal immigrants hesitating to ask for it. Your positive attitude is the most important thing.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: donut lover ()
Date: December 10, 2011 07:53PM

Since your child is disabled, you may be qualified for respite care which would give you a much needed break. I also agree with looking into becoming active in a church community--you will get some support and help (spiritual, emotional and practical support) and will you will also have the opportunity to give back to them, too. Bigger churches have activities and other services that can help you. I know McLean Bible church has a respite program for parents with disabled children. So, get involved, get some help and support and also give back a bit.

You need to look into applying at your local food pantry. I dont know where you live, but they are organized by location. Or go to a main one that serves everywhere--like Food For Others in Merrifield, near the post office. If you post your location, I can tell you which food pantry is in your area. This will give you an extra cushion and can help you quite a bit.

Good luck. Stay focused, dont let the trolls get you down, find the blessings in your life (things could be worse).

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Jizz master 11 ()
Date: December 10, 2011 10:30PM

i use to have kids untill i gave them syphilis and child protective services took them away but overall it was a good experience

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: also a donut lover ()
Date: December 10, 2011 10:38PM

donut lover Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> --you will
> get some support and help (spiritual, emotional
> and practical support)


Spiritual and emotional support IS practical support.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Date: December 10, 2011 10:39PM

this thread needs pics....

-----------------------------------------------

"...your suffering will be legendary even in Hell!"

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Rev McProffett ()
Date: December 11, 2011 10:24AM

I'll pray for you. Done. Check the "good deed" box for the week!

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Priapus ()
Date: December 11, 2011 10:42AM

Backpage and Craigslist are full of ladies who need assistance

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: 3rd world mom ()
Date: December 11, 2011 11:12AM

Sounds like you are living the good life. Do you always have heat, shelter and clean water? That must be awesome.
Attachments:
poor mom.jpg

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Fairfax Casanova ()
Date: December 11, 2011 11:20AM

here4u Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Fairfax Casanova,
>
> I really hope that somebody close to you dies very
> soon. I am hoping for it. I want you to feel so
> much pain that you will wish you were dead. Maybe
> your dad will have a heart attack or your
> wife/girlfriend will get in a deadly car
> accident. As long as you are suffereing
> emotionally thats all that matters.
>
> Tired Mom,
> Please ignore the comments posted by the human
> garbage on this site. There is alot of scum out
> there. I feel for ya. I agree that there is
> nothing wrong asking for welfare if you truly need
> it. You don't see the illegal immigrants
> hesitating to ask for it. Your positive attitude
> is the most important thing.

Jealous much here4u?

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: here4u ()
Date: December 11, 2011 11:51PM

No, Just don't like arrogant smart asses who have no heart, love, or compassion for other human beings. If you have nothing constructive to say keep your mouth shut.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: oh yeh..... ()
Date: December 12, 2011 09:20AM

Tired mom and Fairfax Cassanova, ass to ass.......oh yeh

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Lori B ()
Date: February 12, 2012 02:57PM

Point of information: Teacher salaries are posted on the fcps.edu website. You only start at $50,000 or so if you go in with a Masters degree plus 30 additional graduate credits - that they are willing to concede (i.e. a Masters with 18 additional credits in chemical engineering plus 24 credits in teaching is not considered 30 additional credits by the county - required classes for your career change don't count). If you have less than that you are starting at $40-45k. Point two, as a single woman with no child, I can only afford my rent in this area because I have a good friend who lives here as well and we share an apartment. A teacher salary alone in this area does not meet rent, gas, electric, commuting costs, and student loan needs (this is after nine years in the system) but it does increase your debt since you are required to take classes to keep your license but there is no tuition reimbursement or reduction. This means that teaching is not a good career for a single parent in this area to make ends meet (I can't do it without a child and working a part time job in addition to teaching).

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Jim Greek ()
Date: February 12, 2012 03:33PM

Did you ever think of not spreading your legs until you were married to the man whom you wanted to spend the rest of your life?
Is the baby's father white? This is typical behavior from niggers but there are some white pieces of trash out there too who will do the same thing.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: SingleMomsAreSluts ()
Date: February 12, 2012 06:42PM

If you can't afford a baby, keep your legs closed you slut.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Two Feet In The Grave ()
Date: February 12, 2012 06:51PM

A few other suggestions:

Whatever your child's disability is, contact the organization/association representing that issue--both the national organization and the local chapter. They may be able to give you some advice. I have personal experience with that. Definitely do that.

One piece of advice offered to caregivers is to take care of yourself first. Otherwise, there's no way to take care of someone else. (That applies to caregivers of children, spouses, siblings, and parents.) You need to maintain your health and your sanity. Yes, you may well feel some guilt in doing so, but in the long run you have to.

Regarding your housing situation: Craigslist is a dangerous, dangerous place. Not because you'll end up with an ax murderer in the next room, but because lots of folks there (Fairfax Underground denizens excluded, of course) are just plain flakey. There are some creative real estate techniques you could consider. I'm not here hawking them (and, no, it's not the 3 am infomercial approach). But some legit local real estate investors could give you some guidance. I'd look into a sandwich lease-option (where you lease-option a property from an owner and then lease-option it--with a larger up-front option fee and a spread on the lease payments) to someone else. Or just a lease-option on a property and then (though it's a gamble) bringing in a few roommates. You might find that your net cost would be zero, or you'd even come out ahead. Yes, it's possible, and takes little or no up-front money. But you'd need help doing that.

As for baby sitters: Is there someone you could alternate with? Once a week, for instance, you'd sit for her kid (as well as your own), and once a week she'd care for your kid while you got some breathing space in?

The suggestion to seek help or guidance from your church (or whatever) is very good. I read your response that you don't belong, and you suggested that people consider giving to places like the Salvation Army. Good suggestion. But the Salvation Army will help you, too. Promise.

Good luck.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Aryan_Foster ()
Date: February 12, 2012 09:02PM

OP -

PM me and I'll be happy to take you and your child out to dinner.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: A Concerned Father ()
Date: February 12, 2012 10:02PM

Tired Mom,
I feel for you, its a tough world.
What is top on your wish list? To go to school? Better paying job? Have the baby's father locked up until he becomes a man? A chance to relax once in a while?

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: gil scott heron ()
Date: February 12, 2012 10:17PM

Lori B Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Point of information: Teacher salaries are posted
> on the fcps.edu website. You only start at $50,000
> or so if you go in with a Masters degree plus 30
> additional graduate credits - that they are
> willing to concede (i.e. a Masters with 18
> additional credits in chemical engineering plus 24
> credits in teaching is not considered 30
> additional credits by the county - required
> classes for your career change don't count). If
> you have less than that you are starting at
> $40-45k. Point two, as a single woman with no
> child, I can only afford my rent in this area
> because I have a good friend who lives here as
> well and we share an apartment. A teacher salary
> alone in this area does not meet rent, gas,
> electric, commuting costs, and student loan needs
> (this is after nine years in the system) but it
> does increase your debt since you are required to
> take classes to keep your license but there is no
> tuition reimbursement or reduction. This means
> that teaching is not a good career for a single
> parent in this area to make ends meet (I can't do
> it without a child and working a part time job in
> addition to teaching).

so fuckin true!! stay positive, this area is a bitch. just believe in yourself, try not to let the assholes in this area get the best of you.

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Re: I'm tired of it all.
Posted by: Well wisher ()
Date: February 13, 2012 12:46AM

I'm praying for you, Tired Mom.

Things are bound to get better for you--other than the bad ex, you sound like you have a lot going for you. Hold on to hope, and take one day at a time.

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