The plan after we ban guns
Date: December 02, 2019 01:36PM
I wanted to thank Virginians for voting to end gun ownership. After we pass the laws to ban all guns and mark any law-abiding gun owner as a felon for possessing an "assault" rifle or pistol, we have some other nifty laws we will pass.
Our plan to implement by June 2020:
It will be a felony to talk bad about any public figure. At least 51% of the people chose this person to be your leader. You will be required to respect that person. Any violation of the law online, in newspapers, tweets, or other resources will be punished by a minimum $25K fine and a minimum 1 year in state prison.
It will be a misdemeanor to offend anyone. We understand it is difficult to determine what is offensive but that's just the way it is. So we recommend that you don't post, tweet, publish, make hand gestures, or anything else towards anyone. This is punishable by a $500 fine first offense, $1000 second offense, and a felony carrying a minimum 1 year in prison for a third offense. You will be held until we feel we need to get around to a trial, though we already know you are guilty. No bail will be granted.
It will be a misdemeanor to protest. You have no reason to protest. First offense is punishable by a $500 fine, $1000 second offense, and a felony carrying a minimum 1 year in prison for a third offense. If you violate this new law, protest and and are caught blocking traffic, you will be guilty immediately of a felony. You will be held until we feel we need to get around to a trial, though we already know you are guilty. No bail will be granted.
We will be coming door to door to inspect your property to make sure you have no items we deem to be against the state. No, we do not need a search warrant. It will be enacted into new law.
We will also abolish state of VA voting. It is no longer necessary. We are certain that you have chosen the right people for the job. We will choose internally who will be our successor.
We understand that 99% of you may not like the new laws we will implement. Tough shit. WE have YOUR guns. Our local, county, and state forces are on alert and will use lethal force if necessary. Please stay in your homes unless you need to go to work or go shopping. Pay your state, local, sales, and personal property taxes as normal because, well, we like your money.
We thank you for your cooperation.