John Kerry
Posted by:
Oldfuddyduddy
()
Date: December 04, 2016 04:33PM
I got a call today from a friend at the White House today with some inside skinny that you won’t see in the media. It seems that John Kerry is a pretty nice guy after all! He was moved to tears by the poor South Korean Olympian and the medal brouhaha and decided to take care of it himself. He took some of his old Viet Nam medals and personally delivered them to the South Korean Embassy in Washington, thinking, hell, a medal is a medal. Unfortunately, when he got there the Embassy was closed so he just threw them over the fence.
There was another news item about Kerry. It seems that two of his wounds for which he was awarded the Purple Heart were self-inflicted. In both cases he threw grenades into Vietnamese sampans but the dumb-ass forgot to duck, receiving rice blow-back. He tried to get another one for the rice blow-back in his underwear when he got some tainted Crème de Menthe, but the battle-hardened corpsmen turned him down.Since the wounds were so minor, (you or I wouldn’t have even deigned to use a Band Aid) his Purple Hearts are being recalled an he will be awarded with two replacement Purple Booboo's.
In other news, Le Duc Tho, the North Vietnamese luminary, wrote in his soon-to-be-published memoirs that he he personally knew the Viet Cong fighter Kerry supposedly shot, thereby gaining the Silver Star. The VC was not shot at all. What happened was that Kerry chased the badly wounded guy down a path, dropped him with a vicious swish-kick. ( a stunning and yet moving ballet-type kick only taught only at Queen’s Martial Arts and Track Academy, although it has been rumored to also be taught at Mrs. O’Flannery's Finishing School for Girls. John, could have learned it at either location as he attended both.) Once so incapacitated, John fired off a few rounds of 7.62 mm from his M16A1 into the air, ( a pretty good feat since that weapon chambers 5.56 mm ammo), shucked his bandolero of 40 mm grenades (why his photo’s show him wearing those when the grenade launcher for that weapon is a 20 mm type, another feat worthy of recognition), then shucked his pants and attempted to poke the poor guy to death. Death by Booga Booga!!! What a hard-core case!!! Hoo-Ahh! Or whatever the Navy equivalent is! Swab- Hah? But I digress. Of course, in the stress of battle, Kerry’s recollection of the incident quite understandably morphed into a knife-fight followed by Knife-Paper-Scissors and he quite deservedly was awarded a medallion. He should be awarded another…the Bronze Also Ran.