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Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: ITRADE ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:29PM

Thumbing through the Vienna police blotter, we come up with this gem:

Assault Case 09-3891
Solar Planet Tanning Salon
122 Maple Avenue, West
May 1 11:55 a.m.
An employee reported that she had been assaulted by a customer using a phone. The
customer was unhappy with her spray- on tan
. The phone was thrown at the victim,
striking her in the head.
The warrant obtainment process was explained to the victim.


-------------------

What a terrible world we live in.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Johnny Walker ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:33PM

Well I hope they catch this villain before they cause more suffering.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: MrMephisto ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:40PM

This doesn't surprise me, though. First you play on the beach as a kid, next thing you're sunbathing in your backyard, and before you know it, it's all tanning beds and spray-on tans. When is the government finally going to step in and criminalize this horrible lifestyle that causes so much pain to the people around them?

I think we'll see a lot more of these types of crimes unless tanning is outlawed soon.

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: GMU Hokie ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:41PM

Must have been one of the crazed displaced from Midgetville.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: ITRADE ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:44PM

Maybe we need to ban the cell phones instead. Cell phones kill, people don't.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Furfur ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:45PM

Spray on tans make people look like oompa loompas.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful." - Anton Lavey

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Johnny Walker ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:45PM

MrMephisto Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This doesn't surprise me, though. First you play
> on the beach as a kid, next thing you're
> sunbathing in your backyard, and before you know
> it, it's all tanning beds and spray-on tans. When
> is the government finally going to step in and
> criminalize this horrible lifestyle that causes so
> much pain to the people around them?
>
> I think we'll see a lot more of these types of
> crimes unless tanning is outlawed soon.

When tanning is criminalized, only criminals will have tans.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: MrMephisto ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:46PM

ITRADE Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Maybe we need to ban the cell phones instead.
> Cell phones kill, people don't.

That's a good point. None of this would have happened if the government had restricted access to cell phones to the military and police.

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: ITRADE ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:48PM

Concur. The police need to go around and confiscate all phones. They're dangerous, the Constitution does not explicitly provide for them, and the only people that know how to use them properly are members of the guv'm,nt.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: ITRADE ()
Date: June 15, 2009 04:49PM


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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: FoolSmacker ()
Date: June 15, 2009 05:06PM

GMU Hokie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Must have been one of the crazed displaced from
> Midgetville.

Furfur Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Spray on tans make people look like oompa loompas.

I don't know what to say to that.
Attachments:
orange_fail_jpg.jpg

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Furfur ()
Date: June 15, 2009 05:10PM

This is the typical customer of spray on tans:



.
Attachments:
Douchebag.png

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Furfur ()
Date: June 15, 2009 05:11PM

MrMephisto Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ITRADE Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Maybe we need to ban the cell phones instead.
> > Cell phones kill, people don't.
>
> That's a good point. None of this would have
> happened if the government had restricted access
> to cell phones to the military and police.



Did you know, and I'm not going to provide the source, that a person with a cell phone and a spray on tan is 22 times more likely to kill a family member?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful." - Anton Lavey

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Mofo ()
Date: June 15, 2009 05:42PM

Did you ever read about the cop in West Virginia who charged someone with assault for farting on them?

Here's the article w/ mugshot

A man in West Virginia was charged with battery after he farted, then fanned the gas toward a police officer. He was arrested for battery, but that charge has been dropped

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26877682/wid/7468326/6.a10984/6.a10984/6.b10984/5??cm=WaterCooler-SC



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2009 05:42PM by Mofo.

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: graymoose1 ()
Date: June 15, 2009 09:16PM

Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Furfur ()
Date: June 15, 2009 05:11PM


MrMephisto Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ITRADE Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Maybe we need to ban the cell phones instead.
> > Cell phones kill, people don't.
>
> That's a good point. None of this would have
> happened if the government had restricted access
> to cell phones to the military and police.



Did you know, and I'm not going to provide the source, that a person with a cell phone and a spray on tan is 22 times more likely to kill a family member?





If someone breaks into my house or hurts a member of my family, I WILL get my blackberry and my can of spray on tan and Iwill mean business

---------------------------------------------------
W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: Gravis ()
Date: June 15, 2009 11:18PM

Furfur Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Spray on tans make people look like oompa loompas.


the first generation of the product did but the technology has vastly improved. it's not perfect but it will fool you.


ITRADE Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Maybe we need to ban the cell phones instead.
> Cell phones kill, people don't.


YES!


Furfur Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did you know, and I'm not going to provide the
> source, that a person with a cell phone and a
> spray on tan is 22 times more likely to kill a
> family member?


it also rapes children!


"the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."095042938540

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Re: Massive crime in Vienna
Posted by: inkahootz ()
Date: June 15, 2009 11:29PM

ITRADE Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> http://www.1halloween.net/images/cosoompa.jpg


Hey, it's Bob and his little boyfriends playing drunk dress up in the playroom!
Attachments:
cosoompa.jpg

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