I remember when I created an Ashley Madison account. It was in 2011 and there was marital strife at home. It was a period of stress and constant fighting mixed with some jealousy. Looking back it was a normal down cycle in a relationship. At the time it seemed like the end of the world, but it wasn't. If you are married, you know what I'm talking about.

I created the account under the influence of a lot of different emotions. Anger, insecurity, curiosity, fear that my wife might be on it (crazy one), and out of the desire to explore a fantasy safely from behind a computer screen and in the privacy of my home.

It was at a time where every pop-up ad from a porn site pushed the site. It was in the news, and Howard Stern talked about it all the time - I believe he still does. As I guy I asked my self the question, "You mean there is a site out there that is the Facebook for horny wives where they post their fantasies and desire to get laid?"

I was curious to see that world, and temptation got the best of me. Apparently it got the best of 36 million people.

I never had an affair using Ashley Madison. If the idea of cheating or opening an account like this counts, then yes I did. I never uploaded a profile photo, or any private photos. I never IM'd with anyone. I never replied to a message. I created a profile, ticked a bunch of boxes, bought some credits, and explored the site. I quickly realized how lame the whole thing was and stopped. I was ashamed of my self for opening an account in the first place, for wasting money, and being so stupid for being tempted. I own that mistake and it is 100% on me.

I'm not alone. The overwhelming majority of accounts (something well above 90% according to one analysis I read) didn't have photos, message history, IM history, or were fake. One database guy ran a query that showed it at 98% when you add in the people that didn't spend in any money as well. That's less than a million of the 36 million accounts.

At the time, I realized my mistake, my stupidity, and was grateful that I didn't do something worse to jeopardize my marriage - like meeting someone and actually having sex or having an on-line relationship. I was also grateful that I got the opportunity to learn my mistake in private which made me a better husband and more grateful for what I do have in my loving relationship.

I disagree with Cary's opinion on whether to moderate this or not. From reading his commentary, it sounds like he is conflicted too. Whether I was on the list or not, I still believe people deserve more privacy than what they are getting here. I believe that accusing every person who ever opened an account as a cheater and publicly shaming them like this is wrong. Yes the data is out there and nothing will change that, but you don't have to support making it easy to destroy people's privacy.

The beauty of the Internet is that it lets you explore a virtual world in anonymity that you couldn't or wouldn't do physically. The person who posted the list here and the others who post the data just want to watch the world burn. I don't believe that is free speech, and I don't believe that should be protected. People deserve better than that.

I don't think this post will change Cary's mind – I hope it does. I also hope people don't sue him as I think this site does provide a public service. I know it won't change the hater's minds in this forum. Infidelity is a terrible thing, Ashley Madison probably didn't need to exist, and their anger in some cases is probably personally justified and based on terrible experiences.

I'm not sure why I wrote this post. I needed to get this off my chest I guess. I also hope it gives some peace to a lot of the people who were publicly shamed on this site. We are not bad people and we don't deserve to be shamed this way. I have a whole new appreciation and empathy for the celebrities whose private photos were hacked and released for the whole world to gawk at during the Fappening. Nobody deserves this type of invasion of privacy.

Marriage eventually becomes repetitive.
Working a government job/desk job gets boring after a while.
You simply wanted to experience some excitement in your life again.

I can dig it.

No need to hang your head down in shame.

I don't think anyone here deserves this treatment. I confess I laughed just because it's this week's low hanging fruit. I don't have to face the consequences of Ashley Madison but I know I would be highly embarrassed if some of my actions here were to be made public.

But that said, the sheer volume of names begs some comments and it's easy to get the names. How they were organized is beyond my skills.
It's probably small consolation, but your marriage is pretty small potatoes compared to those who have screwed up their job situation. That's a lot of work down the drain.
Finally, there is no anonymity on the internet, never was and never will be. All you can do is not make it worth someone's while to expose you.

its called being married, you signed up for it...loser

Not on the list but I sympathize Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Marriage eventually becomes repetitive.

HE chose it


> Working a government job/desk job gets boring
> after a while.

HE chose it


> You simply wanted to experience some excitement in
> your life again.

That is a lame excuse for Adultery, which is against the law.
More excitement = a hobby, sports, travel etc...


> I can dig it.


Because you are a pathetic fuck yourself.






> No need to hang your head down in shame.

me, just hand yourself!

TL;DR

no1curr

You made your bed, now lie in it, shitdick.

I bet the vast majority of these people are just like the OP. Boredom or discord led to idle curiosity - and that's where it ended. I feel sorry for anyone on this list who's privacy was violated in this manner. It was unconscionable to publish this list in the first place, and it is irresponsible to allow it to be reproduced.

I really don't get the level of vitriol on here to people on the list. FFXU users are not the sorts of people who you'd expect to take the high moral ground.

A question for the OP: If you'd signed up and checked things out, and some attractive married woman with a killer body emailed you and wanted to hook up, what would you have done then?

Your argument is sort of like saying, yes, I was thinking about robbing the jewelry store, I broke in, and then I realized it was very crappy jewelry and there was so little of it. So I left. So no harm, no foul, right?

Well, not really.

It's been reported that the majority of the female profiles on AM were actually guys. Scammers, guys trying to pimp out their sex workers, and weirdos.

So basically you paid money to never hook up, and then got your privacy put on the internet.

lol, I'd be pissed too

Yep: http://gizmodo.com/almost-none-of-the-women-in-the-ashley-madison-database-1725558944 (and many other pages)

If you had an AM account, you need to check into rehab.
Just do it. Do it today.

jerrijoe Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A question for the OP: If you'd signed up and
> checked things out, and some attractive married
> woman with a killer body emailed you and wanted to
> hook up, what would you have done then?
>
> Your argument is sort of like saying, yes, I was
> thinking about robbing the jewelry store, I broke
> in, and then I realized it was very crappy jewelry
> and there was so little of it. So I left. So no
> harm, no foul, right?
>
> Well, not really.

Exactly. You didn't get your dick wet, but it wasn't because you chose not to, it was because you got scammed into thinking you would get pussy but there was none there. You probably fucked somebody from a bar instead, that isn't coming back to bite you right now.

Go fuck yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4an5bT-vY8

You guys all sound like a bunch of fat, really unhappy, middle-aged guys, who's wives have left them. Except for the guy who actually went to AM and tried to do something about his situation.

I have never read such condemning bull-crap in all my life. The people that condemn others like this are just full of regret, hatred and bile. When you have been married as long as some of us have (25 years), then you can condemn----but not before. The attitudes reflected here embody a naivete about relationships in general, a total lack of respect concerning privacy issues, and a completed lack of sensitivity the impact that these revelations will have on millions of people, the VAST majority of which DIDN'T GET LAID.

There's no smoking gun here. MOST people joined, quickly realized it was a scam, and then got off the site. The shows over. . . .

LET IT GO!!!

Fembot1234 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You guys all sound like a bunch of fat, really
> unhappy, middle-aged guys, who's wives have left
> them.

You are projecting way too much here.


> Except for the guy who actually went to AM
> and tried to do something about his situation.

Trying to categorize AM as some sort of solution to his situation is juvenile.



> I have never read such condemning bull-crap in all
> my life. The people that condemn others like this
> are just full of regret, hatred and bile.

Again, way to much projecting here - really obvious.



> When
> you have been married as long as some of us have
> (25 years), then you can condemn----but not
> before.

Wrong. Being faithful in a relationship is learned around 7th grade, it does not take a normal person to be married 25 years to learn this basic human principle.


> The attitudes reflected here embody a
> naivete about relationships in general

Wrong. Read above.


> a total
> lack of respect concerning privacy issues

Wrong. You can not turn the moral needle away from what was really disrespectful.


> and a
> completed lack of sensitivity the impact that
> these revelations will have on millions of people

The only ones at fault for the impact are those who attempted to cheat on their wives.


> the VAST majority of which DIDN'T GET LAID.

Not our fault they are suckers with weak characters.



> There's no smoking gun here. MOST people joined,
> quickly realized it was a scam, and then got off
> the site.

Read above.

> The shows over. . . .

Not even close to over.


> LET IT GO!!!

Not going to happen, we have to make sure that the "impact that these revelations will have on millions of people" never happens again.

I'm sorry that you joined an underground sex club and paid money in order to cheat on your spouse and STILL couldn't get laid because the whole thing was a scam.

Maybe try a women's prison next time????

I'm sticking to my original comments. There are all sort of dynamics involved in being married (in general) but also being married, for a long, long time that people who have not been married cannot begin to comprehend. Not to over-simplify things too much, but generally, I've found that people who take the moral high ground are generally the one's who have either not been married at all, are unhappy, or had relationships that didn't work out.

What happens in a marriage is between the two people within that union, and nobody else's business. Period. End of story. It's a private matter between two people. Infidelity only becomes fodder for the daily headlines when you're a person of some importance.

I don't expect anyone here to agree with me. I just cannot believe how unsophisticated, naive, and immature about relationships some people can be. Yes, I know that 'being faithful' is something learned relatively early in life. But I don't believe we are going to make the world a better place by exposing people for 'moral misdemeanors,' for the benefit of some people's smug self-satisfaction and gloating. It serves no purpose. People will continue to have affairs, and people will continue to try to find happiness and comfort wherever they can---when relationships aren't working out. There is no shame in trying to find happiness and fulfillment with another, if you go about it respectfully and discretely, b/c your spouse cannot have sex due to an illness, or other problem. By holding on and being faithful, we make ourselves miserable. We tell ourselves we're doing the right thing, but all we experience is unhappiness and all we have is contempt for the spouse who cannot fulfill our needs.

There can be a multiplicity of relationship dynamics which could cause someone to stray outside of their union. And everyone of those reasons is VALID. To tell someone that they need to stay in a relationship that is not working for them is to invalidate their needs, and make them feel less than human. . . The vast majority of people who seek clandestine relationships outside of their union, DO NOT want to hurt their spouse. . . . hence, the need for discretion.

The fallacy that everyone operates under is 'you cannot love more than one person at a time.' That we're all violating a major edict, by loving more than one person. But,the simple truth of the matter is--you can love more than one person at a time, and still be 'faithful.' And it doesn't have to be a big 'drama-fest.'

So have at it. Rip me apart if you want to. I'm not coming back here ever again, so be my guest. Call me every name in the book, and rip my argument to shreds. These websites just confirm all my worst fears about the world; that it's full of petty, immature, judging and insensitive people, who rejoice in other people's downfalls and stumbles, because they have inconsequential lives, themselves.

And speaking of inconsequential lives. . . .

These "hackers?" Probably don't even have hair on their balls, yet. They've had all of their so called 'relationships' over their cell phones. They wouldn't know the first thing about what comprises a 'long-term commitment', in ANY sense of that phrase. And now, THEY get to judge the rest of us?! And everyone is going to jump on the end of that bandwagon? And social media just drives the public's unnatural curiosity about other people's lives, and prurient interest in what happens in other people's bedrooms. . .

This world is F--ed up!!!

I'm sorry that you joined an underground sex club and paid money in order to cheat on your spouse and STILL couldn't get laid because the whole thing was a scam.

Maybe try a women's prison next time????

" These websites just confirm all my worst fears about the world; that it's full of petty, immature, judging and insensitive people, who rejoice in other people's downfalls and stumbles"

Don't go there. This site allows anonymous postings and has long since been a mass stomping ground of trolls who say the sickest meanest shit possible high-fiving themselves for the lolz, it is a competition here.

The majority of people in the world are decent folks not out to do each other in.

anondgffd Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> " These websites just confirm all my worst fears
> about the world; that it's full of petty,
> immature, judging and insensitive people, who
> rejoice in other people's downfalls and stumbles"
>
> Don't go there. This site allows anonymous
> postings and has long since been a mass stomping
> ground of trolls who say the sickest meanest shit
> possible high-fiving themselves for the lolz, it
> is a competition here.
>
> The majority of people in the world are decent
> folks not out to do each other in.


Why do they have to give a speech before they leave? Just go and sin no more.

Hello AM losers ...oh misspelled..AM users!

Don't lie you never had sex with women on AM. You just signed up to check things out?!?!

I have met MANY of you N. VA, MD, and DC!!!

I was one of a few women on AM who wanted to just have sex - yes, I am happily married but my disfunctional husband couldn't fullfill my needs physically.
I get on AM, I get tons of messages and pictures - wanting to meet me.
I can post my lovers pic but I won't. They are discreet relationships and respect my partners.

Just admit what you did.

Deal with it.

My name was not leaked because I never used my credit card on that site.

YOU ALL punched 16 digits from your plastic to sign up, and wishing and hoping you can get lucky behind your wives, don't you?

I am still on AM. If you still want the game, come and join me. ;)

You are lying and you know.
Your motive is just to keep this story alive.
You are just a vengeful person.
You derive pleasure in other people misfortune.
Stay happy because you did help destroy a lot of families.