Everyone's on edge because of the government shutdown.... why not tell some jokes to lighten the mood a bit.

Jokes of all kinds are welcome here.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing





You already told her twice

Wut do 10,000 battered wives have in common?





They just WON'T listen.

funniest joke ever:
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An American In Jamaica...
A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis.

The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".

ok here ya go
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Kid goes to a lumer yard to apply for a Summer job, his first job ever.

Foreman tells him-
"The shift is 5am to 8pm, seven days a week."

"No overtime is paid."

"You will expected to be able to lift at least 100 lbs of bricks."

"Lunch is 10 minutes. you will not be paid"

"If the labor foreman thinks you are slacking, you are docked a days pay"

Jesus Fucking Christ the kid thinks to himself, this sucks. Then he asks the foreman

"Sir, are there ANY benefits??"

"Yes" the foreman replies, "..every day but Wednesday you go put your dick in that barrel over there up to 5 times daily and get a blowjob".

THe kid thinks this is sounding better but has to ask-
"Why not Wednesday".

"Because Wednesday is YOUR day in the barrel, son".
"

idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2013 10:38PM by WingNut.

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Was that joke inspired by true events there, Winger?

Truth 4U Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Was that joke inspired by true events there,
> Winger?

Yes, I was the labor foreman and we ran quite a profitable operation.
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Keep your day job there, Sen. Cruz fanboy.

Jesus walks into a hotel with three stakes and a hammer and says,

"Can you put me up for the night ?"

1 ups. Jesus jokes FTW.