my 15 year old daughter used to be a good kid before she started high school. Now she ending her freshman year and i got a call from the police Sunday saying Kim was caught at a underage drinking party. she been drinking, this not the 1st time she did once, was she came home so drunk that she wet the bed what can i do to help my daughter

Make sure she stays in school and learns proper grammar!

1:36 a.m. Do you know where she is? Try keeping an eye on her for a change
and spend some time at home. Engage in family activities and if you object
to the company she's keeping kick them out of her life altogether. Take control
of your environment. Where did she get the money and transportation? What kind of an example are you setting? Were you out of town for the weekend getting shitfaced while this was going on? Look in the mirror and TAKE CONTROL!

whats her phone # again?

She is going to drink, unless you ground her for the rest of high school, which then she would probably hate you forever. I started drinking on weekends mainly in my junior year and I'm currently going to be a junior at a highly regarded college. The best thing you can do is continue to love her and engage in family activities. If she continues to drink, don't give her a car untill she has proven that she won't drink and drive. Most likely, she doesn't drink to the point that she passes out, and you just got to trust her and do what u can to talk to her about drinking. Good luck.

Savannah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> my 15 year old daughter used to be a good kid
> before she started high school. Now she ending her
> freshman year and i got a call from the police
> Sunday saying Kim was caught at a underage
> drinking party. she been drinking, this not the
> 1st time she did once, was she came home so drunk
> that she wet the bed what can i do to help my
> daughter

Consider taking her to a homeless shelter to volunteer. Maybe seeing how one's life can change abruptly will wake her up. Also, involve her in sports/exercise. I know when I'm active/healthy, I tend not to want to pollute my body with bad shit.

SomeIdeas Wrote:
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I know when I'm active/healthy,
> I tend not to want to pollute my body with bad
> shit.

LOL!

People of all ages need to find their own "rock bottom" before they can re-establish their lives. It is possible your daughter is just experimenting and she'll come out of the phase... one report of your kid at a party doesn't make them a "druggie" or a teen alcoholic. We all did it, she just got caught. But all you can do is give advice and establish ground rules in the house.

If the incident repeats, certainly never give her the keys to any vehicle until she can buy her own car. If you do let her drive, invest in a ~$100 breathalyser (not a cheapo $15 POS, get an Alcohawk unit) and test her when she gets home at night if you suspect shenanigans. It isn't any violation of privacy if it is your car being the potential killing machine. Enforce a curfew, make her earn privileges.

Take the girl who got high/drunk and got herself and her friends killed on the mixing bowl one year ago this coming Monday. The poor father swore up and down her daughter no longer drank or used drugs and threatened to sue VDOT over bad signage. Alas the results were all too predictable... alcohol in the car, and drugs and alcohol in the driver.

The volunteer work is a good idea. I'd refine the idea further and volunteer at homes for single mothers.

The ideas here are likely helpful but the poster needs to get some professional help. Lest anyone think this is an overreaction - well, one just never knows. Better to control this kind of behavior now - maybe most suburban kids grow out of it - but you sure wouldn't want this to be the start of highly dysfunctional behavior and substance abuse that destroys a life (and others around her).

your kidding right? A 15 year old sharing a sixer down by the creek? OMG the horror.
Congratulations... you have a normal daughter. What do you think she'll be getting into in college? Get that liver primed. Build up some tolerance. What do you think happens to girls who can't handle their booze by the time they reach college? Lets just say at my old my frat house, they were the ones always doing the walk of shame in the morning. You can't keep em interested in lollipops and bubblegum forever.

70chip Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> your kidding right? A 15 year old sharing a sixer
> down by the creek? OMG the horror.
> Congratulations... you have a normal daughter.
> What do you think she'll be getting into in
> college? Get that liver primed. Build up some
> tolerance. What do you think happens to girls who
> can't handle their booze by the time they reach
> college? Lets just say at my old my frat house,
> they were the ones always doing the walk of shame
> in the morning. You can't keep em interested in
> lollipops and bubblegum forever.



Wow ... awesome advice.. Let's see if you do the same with your daugther

Dad2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 1:36 a.m. Do you know where she is? Try keeping an
> eye on her for a change
> and spend some time at home. Engage in family
> activities and if you object
> to the company she's keeping kick them out of her
> life altogether. Take control
> of your environment. Where did she get the money
> and transportation? What kind of an example are
> you setting? Were you out of town for the weekend
> getting shitfaced while this was going on? Look in
> the mirror and TAKE CONTROL!


i somewhat agree. the bottom line is that you need be a parent and stop sitting on the sidelines.


"the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2008 02:27PM by Gravis.

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Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2012 02:56AM by Alias.

Sounds like she's a high school student. It happens, The fact that she drinks alcohol does not change her as a person. If she was a good person before, she'll stay a good person.

Another idea…..since, for many teenagers…its just plain luck if they survive multiple poor choices involving alcohol…driving etc.

Suggest monitoring her computer activity. You will find out about the party before it happens. Invest in some keystroke/screen capture software and proceed in stealth mode. She is only a kid and has few, if any, privacy rights in your home. Realize this will drive the “Vince(1)’s crazy…..but, ACLU should not get between a parent and their child in their homes.

Kids unsupervised reckless use of Facebook ..most popular...is now being used against them in a variety of ways. But, if you monitor the computer, you can learn who is supplying your 15 year old with alcohol or determine if she is stealing it out of your garage fridge. On Facebook the kids…because they’re kids….blurt out everything.

Often, kids name the person supplying alcohol or drugs….somehow, they think if they have a private Facebook account, the info is private…..wrong and naive. The kids open up each others accounts at party’s and everyone shares the info, pictures, and very personal info about each other.

Good luck.

Trust her, lovee her, Respect her, Understand her, and be willing to realize that drinking with her friends is normal, and the best thing you can do is to let her go out. One of the things I remember from my Dad was:"son, I can't stop you from drinking, and I don't want you to stop hanging with your friends, so if you ever drink, call me, I don't care what time it is, just don't drink and drive, I don't care if it's 4am." He was right, after that I didn't drink and drive again, I use to call my sister or him at 2 am, and me and my sister didn't get along that good back then but they would pick me up, no questions or yelling involved.

Savannah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>what can i do to help my
> daughter


Coming to an online Forum and asking for advice from anonymous strangers, who are mostly 20-something drug addicts, is the first step...

70chip Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> your kidding right? A 15 year old sharing a sixer
> down by the creek? OMG the horror.
> Congratulations... you have a normal daughter.
> What do you think she'll be getting into in
> college? Get that liver primed. Build up some
> tolerance. What do you think happens to girls who
> can't handle their booze by the time they reach
> college? Lets just say at my old my frat house,
> they were the ones always doing the walk of shame
> in the morning. You can't keep em interested in
> lollipops and bubblegum forever.

What about parents supplying booze and kegs for even freshman and sophomore parties? Open bars and elaborate food for high school parties.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/26/AR2006072601291_5.html

No easy answer other than I'm not going to spend my money hosting open bars and food spreads plus changing sheets and supplying towels and condoms. Cleaning up crud on the floor from who knows what "couple." What happens to parents-chaperones here that host or supply? Any arrests?

I heard about a birthday party with a victoria secret theme. the girls modeled the fashions - coed- and the parents set up a pole dance area.

Good article on hooking up. Some stupid kid at a TJ like school said herpes is worse than aids. They all think they'll be magic.

http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/the_mating_habits_of_the_suburban_high_school_teenager/

that's better than drinking and driving..they would've done that at someone else's house anyways