You gotta travel 6 miles down the road to Signal Hill Memorial Cemetery. Stand in line at the rusted sign which reads "Louise Miller Basl." Piss and take a crap on her grave. If your shit and piss soak her coffin you win a $25 gift card to Giant. Yell Beetlegeuse 3 times to see her body rise and tell jokes.
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Did you REALLY study are IN COLLEGE?

Because, I have a six-year-old nephew (no, you may not meet him) who draws better than you! If you can't compete with an artist in the first grade, you'd better start looking for an alternative source of income.

For fuck sake, you make Meade Skelton look like a star!
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