Vinny Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> At my pizza place we have a bowel friendly pizza
> available. Thin crust with mild garlic sauce
> topped with goat cheese, black olives, red pepper
> and sweet onion. It is wonderful for digestion.


Vinny,

Feel free to share, although I worry about sweet onions. They can lead to profoundly pungent odors while on the groan throne.

Do your pizzas have a bowel friendly sticker on the menus?

I have a feeling I'll be biting down on a fan belt soon.

What's the deal with cabbage and gas?

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hard Wiper Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Greetings Brown, I'm a recently new reader and
> > often peruse your prose while I'm on the pot.
> My
> > problem isn't so much my bowels, but the "end
> > game." My taint is like a walnut, and my
> hemroids
> > are like a bushel of acorns. Sometimes I'm
> stuck
> > wiping for at least 20 minutes while my roids
> > fester and ooze. What can I do?
>
>
> Good morning wiper,
>
> I hope your bowels continue to process well, but
> that's not a happy ending, like you'd get in many
> countries of Asia.
>
> Roids are a persistent pain in the ass. Witch
> hazel, Tucks pads sadly are often the only method
> to bring some relief. Yet the strain and pain is
> debilitating.
>
> Anyone have any ideas, because it would be nice to
> see our brothers in bowel step up and provide
> assistance

Question for HW....are they oozing due to the wiping? Or due to evacuating your bowels? If the former, I may have a technique that could help.

I suppose it's a chicken/egg question. I don't feel clean unless I can get a good wipe. Sometimes I get a knuckle deep in and twist just to make sure. I'll be ok for a while, even after a shower, then alas I'll get the swamp ass followed by an itching sensation of a thousand fleas attempting to invade my bunghole. Any new techniques are welcome!

Miscavage, my guess is our bowels aren't made for digesting cabbage easily. Probably other species can consume it but alas humans and that are a no no.

Deadly I'm definitely also interested in what you've discovered

Hard wiper, feeling clean can be IBS related to. Do you use excessive toilet paper, or find shit later on in the day?

I have found that lion meat is delicious if it is prepared properly. It is easily digested as well and best served with rice a roni.

Big game hunter doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have found that lion meat is delicious if it is
> prepared properly. It is easily digested as well
> and best served with rice a roni.


The bad news for you is Cecil the Lion fell in my groan throne. You just ate feces. Congrats

My toilet paper usage is probably average.
If the bunghole itch becomes unbearable, I'll excuse myself from work and go for a quick wipe. It's usually a slightly brown tinged mix of belly jelly, crud, and sweat. If I feel the need for exploratory measures, I'll get a couple knuckles in and do a hook/sweep. This often yields bits of undigested bone or tiny balls of toilet paper. I wish someone would invent a portable bidet so that I can clean my bungring on a regular basis.

My toilet paper usage is near zero. My butt never gets sore from wiping, I never have any stains in my underwear, and my nether regions are always completely free from any "balls of toilet paper", or anything except possibly sweat -- clean sweat.

The secret? It's easy and almost anyone can do it if you have a private bathroom. After dumping, shake your hips on the seat to free any dangling or hanging fecal remnants. If necessary, wipe once with toilet paper using a pinching technique. Then hop up onto the sink, taking care not to slide or allow any contaminated anal areas to touch the edges. Sit in the basin facing away from the tap. Hold your shirttail up with your teeth. Turn on a stream of water and use one hand to rub gently and clean your crevice and anus. Feel free to insert a finger in the anal orifice to remove any crumbs that could be farted out. Then jump back down and wash your hands, paying particular attention to the cuticles and under your nails. Your rear end will air dry during this time. Pull your pants up and leave feeling clean and refreshed.

HW and BO,

Sink user mentioned part of my technique (the pinch). After dropping all the kids off at the pool, here's a suggestion (for what it's worth):

1) Place TP directly over starfish and hold for a few seconds, then use the pinch technique to remove fecal matter. Repeat a second time if necessary (e.g., plenty 'o shit on the TP from the first effort).

2) Place TP on taint and wipe back to starfish. Use aforementioned "pinch" upon arrival.

3) Place TP on opposite side of starfish from taint, and wipe back to starfish/pinch.

4) Removal of "smearage" on either side of starfish: place TP on taint and wipe toward and around starfish on both sides. Imagine your starfish as a broken-down vehicle in the middle lane of a three lane highway, and the TP as cars veering around to the left and right.

After step #4 the TP should be fairly "clean". Don't know if this will help with your walnut taint and acorn starfish HW, but the cleanliness might help with the itch. Since I don't suffer from the same litany of maladies of most of the regular (sorry about the pun) posters here do, I'll be interested to hear if it helps or not.

These are all good, will check in soon after dropping in depth charges.

You guys should get a toto washlet. You sit on the seat and your ass goes through a touch free car wash like procedure. You can choose different cycles and repeat them if needed with the remote control. The optional heated seat is nice in the winter.

I use the sink also, or time my dumps immediately before showering. Rubbing your skin with pieces of dry paper will never get it completely clean.

The toto washlet sounds like a good option for some of the sufferers here.

ASW, I do that as well (dump pre-shower).

If you build it they will come.

Great info guys, and I feel as if our bowels and minds have been opened in productive ways.

I'm not so sure a out the sink thing, but who am I to judge.

Its great seeing people share what's going on with their bowels, and discussing this in such a frank manner.

One day I hope we can openly talk about rectum opening around the breakfast tabke, but one brown step at a time.

I'm ordering a new toilet mirror, that will allow me to view my rectum in real time, and help me with the psychological trauma of overestimating the sizes of my various defecations.

My bowels do hurt tonight. While basketball sized, at least it wasn't a family sedan

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I've been tied to the
groanin' throne.
Tied to the
groanin' throne, tied to the
groanin' throne.
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'

Jhonny Bravo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
> Like I've been tied to the
> groanin' throne.
> Tied to the
> groanin' throne, tied to the
> groanin' throne.
> Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'


That about sums it up

Toilets in 2015 need to be like recliners

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jhonny Bravo Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
> > Like I've been tied to the
> > groanin' throne.
> > Tied to the
> > groanin' throne, tied to the
> > groanin' throne.
> > Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
>
>
> That about sums it up
>
> Toilets in 2015 need to be like recliners


And in the year 2015 you'll do the appropriate action, which is to schedule an appointment with a board certified GI.

I saw a question about cabbage in one of these write ups, and the answer is a simple one. It all comes down to enzymes

I just dropped anon dick through my brown eye.

Nothing left but a pile of arrogance.

Here I sit in clouds of vapor
Someone stole the toilet paper.
How much longer must I linger
Before I’m forced to use my finger?


The night was dark, the sky was blue,
Around the corner the poop wagon flew.
Shots were fired, a scream was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd.

I cry and I scream
I wince and I pucker
Somebody get me a spoon
So I can dig out this fucker

rhyme time Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Here I sit in clouds of vapor
> Someone stole the toilet paper.
> How much longer must I linger
> Before I’m forced to use my finger?
>
>
> The night was dark, the sky was blue,
> Around the corner the poop wagon flew.
> Shots were fired, a scream was heard,
> A man was killed by a flying turd.
>
> I cry and I scream
> I wince and I pucker
> Somebody get me a spoon
> So I can dig out this fucker

Very funny and a morale booster to the brown!

These are the times of clogged toilets, and once again a rude plumber, who will ream my wallet for cash. He's lucky to have good bowels, a secure job, and doesn't need to sneer at me. I can't stand that, and I wonder if he spends time with anon dick.

Our bowels betraying us does lead to pain. In our bodies, in our hearts, and in our finances.

My latest dump was very fluffy and smelled sickeningly sweet. Wiping was a chore, it was like soft peanut butter. No matter how much I wiped, it took forever to get clean. As much as I wanted to practice the pinch technique, I had to go to full scrub mode.

Hard Wiper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My latest dump was very fluffy and smelled
> sickeningly sweet. Wiping was a chore, it was like
> soft peanut butter. No matter how much I wiped, it
> took forever to get clean. As much as I wanted to
> practice the pinch technique, I had to go to full
> scrub mode.


Any vultures or insects flopping or dead on the floor?

Cleaning your rectum, I would recommend a mirror. It helps me with my rare messy ones, as usually I birth basketballs

the Hygiene Refresher is sweet!
Attachments:

Now that's an interesting device.

It seems to have none of the sausage fingers my doc has

Looks like a hand-held bidet. Could probably make one yourself out of a squeeze bottle.

Another option...baby wipes(?). Might be more soothing (looking at you HW and your walnuts and acorns).

Deadly, good points, pardon the brown pun.

How's your Bombay doors? I wish you #4 #2's

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Deadly, good points, pardon the brown pun.
>
> How's your Bombay doors? I wish you #4 #2's

Doors are doing well today; how about yourself? I had a #5 (#5 1/2 maybe?) a few days ago, but it's been all #4s of late.

Have a bowel beautiful weekend!

A vendor took me out to lunch at the olive garden today. My bowels do not like the olive garden. Salad with bread sticks and spaghetti with meatballs. I had to go home sick at 1 pm. The food was great but now I am a prisoner of the guest bath in my basement. My wife wont let me use the facilities upstairs, it smells that bad. The ordeal made me think of this thread. Can I get a brown brother ID card and spy ring now?

Deadly combo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Deadly, good points, pardon the brown pun.
> >
> > How's your Bombay doors? I wish you #4 #2's
>
> Doors are doing well today; how about yourself? I
> had a #5 (#5 1/2 maybe?) a few days ago, but it's
> been all #4s of late.
>
> Have a bowel beautiful weekend!


Here's to your bowels producing the crap of our dreams. A #4 #2. Perfect!

county worker Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A vendor took me out to lunch at the olive garden
> today. My bowels do not like the olive garden.
> Salad with bread sticks and spaghetti with
> meatballs. I had to go home sick at 1 pm. The food
> was great but now I am a prisoner of the guest
> bath in my basement. My wife wont let me use the
> facilities upstairs, it smells that bad. The
> ordeal made me think of this thread. Can I get a
> brown brother ID card and spy ring now?


The county needs to pay more than they are, if you have to go to a very non bowel friendly Olive Garden. My sympathies as Olive Garden means "large painful moon rock dropping shits" in Italian.

Welcome to the brother of bowel. Here is your brown card. You are one of us, with our castor oil, horrible aromas, groan throne screams of agony, and huge craps that deft physics.

Feel free to share your bowels here.

Has anyone tried the bowel pacemaker yet? I have heard good things about it.

http://www.livescience.com/14970-pacemaker-device-cure-bowel-control-problems.html
Attachments:

5 am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Has anyone tried the bowel pacemaker yet? I have
> heard good things about it.
>
> http://www.livescience.com/14970-pacemaker-device-
> cure-bowel-control-problems.html


Mr 5 am guy,

Thank you so much. My "doctor" hasn't let me known about such a device, because I guess this would ruin his chance to sodomize me with his sausage fingers and class ring.

That is incredible. Great article thank you for sharing!

Just like in the movie Dreamcatcher, the animals are running away fast from my bathroom. They know the dealio

I just dropped a load this morning that made me feel like the huge breakfast I ate at Cracker Barrel yesterday was the starship Voyager and Captain Janeway had just piloted it through a worm hole. An hour later a couple dozen shuttlecraft emerged as well.
Attachments:

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Just like in the movie Dreamcatcher, the animals
> are running away fast from my bathroom. They know
> the dealio


Your stick is old.

hole pic video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRJUvIgQtak

county worker Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A vendor took me out to lunch at the olive garden
> today. My bowels do not like the olive garden.
> Salad with bread sticks and spaghetti with
> meatballs. I had to go home sick at 1 pm. The food
> was great but now I am a prisoner of the guest
> bath in my basement. My wife wont let me use the
> facilities upstairs, it smells that bad. The
> ordeal made me think of this thread. Can I get a
> brown brother ID card and spy ring now?


What kind of cheap-ass vendor would take a customer to a nasty place like that? It's basically a glorified McDonalds. Olive Gardens areu usually found in remote isolated shitty little towns and crossroads. The only reason any of them exist in Fairfax County is thanks to people recently moving here from places that don't have real restaurants and looking for something familiar.

shitty chain restaurants Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> county worker Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > A vendor took me out to lunch at the olive
> garden
> > today. My bowels do not like the olive garden.
> > Salad with bread sticks and spaghetti with
> > meatballs. I had to go home sick at 1 pm. The
> food
> > was great but now I am a prisoner of the guest
> > bath in my basement. My wife wont let me use
> the
> > facilities upstairs, it smells that bad. The
> > ordeal made me think of this thread. Can I get
> a
> > brown brother ID card and spy ring now?
>
>
> What kind of cheap-ass vendor would take a
> customer to a nasty place like that? It's
> basically a glorified McDonalds. Olive Gardens
> areu usually found in remote isolated shitty
> little towns and crossroads. The only reason any
> of them exist in Fairfax County is thanks to
> people recently moving here from places that don't
> have real restaurants and looking for something
> familiar.


It was a fire extinguisher sales and inspection vendor.

county worker Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> shitty chain restaurants Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > county worker Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > A vendor took me out to lunch at the olive
> > garden
> > > today. My bowels do not like the olive
> garden.
> > > Salad with bread sticks and spaghetti with
> > > meatballs. I had to go home sick at 1 pm. The
> > food
> > > was great but now I am a prisoner of the
> guest
> > > bath in my basement. My wife wont let me use
> > the
> > > facilities upstairs, it smells that bad. The
> > > ordeal made me think of this thread. Can I
> get
> > a
> > > brown brother ID card and spy ring now?
> >
> >
> > What kind of cheap-ass vendor would take a
> > customer to a nasty place like that? It's
> > basically a glorified McDonalds. Olive Gardens
> > areu usually found in remote isolated shitty
> > little towns and crossroads. The only reason
> any
> > of them exist in Fairfax County is thanks to
> > people recently moving here from places that
> don't
> > have real restaurants and looking for something
> > familiar.
>
>
> It was a fire extinguisher sales and inspection
> vendor.

Ok that figures then. Not a big-ticket item and somewhat blue-collar. Even so, there are plenty of decent inexpensive non-chain restaurants around. The vendor should have scouted the area and checked yelp before the meeting.

To be fair, and while Olive Garden is far from bowel friendly, there are worst places to eat.

Soon I'll post a list of chains your bowels want you to avoid.

Also there's a coupon in the Sunday paper for Butterfly bowel leakage products.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> To be fair, and while Olive Garden is far from
> bowel friendly, there are worst places to eat.
>
> Soon I'll post a list of chains your bowels want
> you to avoid.
>
> Also there's a coupon in the Sunday paper for
> Butterfly bowel leakage products.


User name Brown Onion,

Please be considerate enough to first recommend such OTC products, only after being seen and given the green light from a GI.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> To be fair, and while Olive Garden is far from
> bowel friendly, there are worst places to eat.
>
> Soon I'll post a list of chains your bowels want
> you to avoid.
>
> Also there's a coupon in the Sunday paper for
> Butterfly bowel leakage products.


I will be looking forward to that list. A few posts back someone mentioned Cracker barrel. I am betting that CB is in the top 5. I made the mistake of having a big breakfast there just prior to a 3 hour flight. That was a very bad choice and I think that Delta still has me on their "no fly" list.

Oh yes Dive Bomber. Cracker Barrel is not bowel friendly.

Flying scares the shit out of me for that reason. The Griswolds getting stuck trying to obtain the mile high club is okay, but basketball sized shits, screaming, moaning, toenails in the fuselage doesn't sound good.

How are your bowels today, and if you feel comfortable, I'd be interested in learning about your brown flight on Delta

I will get to the restaurants soon, but first after summoning the afternoon with castor oil, I must describe my corporate dinner with my sister Matilda. She is my sister of course, has terrible bowels also, but luckily for her she was somehow able to hold it together the night her company threw its annual banquet.

The tables had those beautiful white table cloths, the folded cloth napkins, and the silverware arranged at perfect angles. I had to wear my best suit, a red tie that spoke of my corporate surroundings, even if I was just Matilda's guest. It was kind of nice meeting her coworkers at the time, most of them were fairly pleasant, although they left no doubt who sponsored the party.

It was impossible to ignore the h'our derves and other foods, and sooner rather than later, the ice cream out. This pushed my already clenched down starfish into convulsions, and I had to high tail it away from the table, leaving guests in a quandry.

I threw my pants down, and took the longest turd I've ever released. This one did seem to be a partial mold of my 33 feet of intestines, but the smell was hideous. I wasn't aware the fan had broken down, and heard people making rude comments. Even my underwear was dirty, and I had to use the toilet water, and toilet paper to clean up the stains that were bound to smell.

It seemed the coast was clear, so I made a beeline for it out of the stall, when Matilda's boss just happened to be checking on his tie in the mirror. He gasped in horror as the aroma hit him like an avalanche, and I think his nose hairs burned off. It wasn't intended, but he looked at me, frowned, and walked out of that bathroom.

I must have sat there for hours, but finally made it to the table, crossing my legs so the stench wouldn't ruin it for guests at my table. Just my luck they had a dancing competition, which I would have enjoyed, but I had to feign illness to get out of there early. Matilda was pretty upset, but later on she was kind enough to forgive me, although I almost pinched another loaf in her luxury SUV.

That is a well written story, brown onion. This is how I picture you in the restroom.
Attachments:

Dive Bomber,

Different #2's but the same face.

-
Attachments:

I lost my bowels in a car accident 16 years ago. I have a bag and its not really too bad. They have all these charcoal infused filters you can put on your bag and I have a little fan and tube device at work that blows my bag smell out the window.
I hate to admit this but I drilled a hole in the floorboard of my truck and I just stick the tube through the hole and let it flow when im on a long trip. When I go to the car wash I always pay extra for the under-carriage wash, lol!
I feel for you guys with IBS but I have not taken a dump in 16 years and I can eat damn near anything. The bag is hard on your love life though but I met a nice girl who also has a bag.

That's fascinating, and while I urge people to avoid anal sex like the plague,that must be the only drawback.

Yet I'm glad you met a lady with a bag instead of bowels too. That's quite romantic, is there a colostomy dating site?

Ok a restaurant to avoid is the Cracker Barrel.

They are convenient to highways, sell rocking chairs and assorted trinkets, and have quite a following with those on the road.

It's a trap. They stay busy, but you can bet after every chicken fried steak with sawdust gravy, is a patron screaming in pain on a groan throne.

No joke, this meal with the Mac and cheese, can fire up my bowels fast. If not at the restaurant, it's always the next exit, and these are often areas where midwives are far and few between.

My advice is simple, and that's to avoid any Cracker Barrel. Yes their food is better than some taste wise, yet just keep those 33 feet of intestines on your mind.

Onion, Do you think that Bob Evans is in the same category as Cracker barrel? I would think maybe BE is a little less dangerous than CB but they are pretty close. The only places I can think of that would be worse than those two are Taco bell and chipotle.


ostomy man, As a public service could you give us a general description of your truck? I would hate to be behind you on the interstate.

Brown Onion Wrote:
- is there a
> colostomy dating site?


I checked on that one Onion and sure enough there is!

http://www.ostodate.com/

Selections seem shitty Dive, but thank you for teaching me something new today.

I wonder if an IBS one is around.

Bob Evans is a lot more bowel friendly than Cracker Barrel. Although I was disappointed with my bowel related discussion with a manager once.

I guarantee you he looks at his rectum with a mirror too, as he refused to even consider labeling entrees as bowel friendly. A asshole completely

Anyone ever try the mac-n-cheese at Bob Evans? I love it and get two biscuits on the side. Compared to the other meals they serve it is somewhat bowel friendly.

5 am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anyone ever try the mac-n-cheese at Bob Evans? I
> love it and get two biscuits on the side. Compared
> to the other meals they serve it is somewhat bowel
> friendly.


Oh my goodness! My bowels scream on that

Ok Frank Gifford bust from Canton is back.Kathie Lee screamed in my groanthrone.

Bob Evans gave me frequent erupting fountain shits for 2 days after I ate there. Fuck that place and the many parasites that crawl their food prep surfaces.

foodstuff flea dining Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Bob Evans gave me frequent erupting fountain shits
> for 2 days after I ate there. Fuck that place and
> the many parasites that crawl their food prep
> surfaces.


That's surprising. Bob Evans for their price range seem to be fairly clean. Or until I hit the shitter, as the brown bowl is definitely going to happen.

Today's bad bowel choice is Waffle House. Pancake batter, grease, and potatoes are the culinary equivalent of the space shuttle Challenger.

The seals around your o rings will go for throttle up, and burst into unspeakable pain. Even those with gold plated bowels can hurt here.

I forgot who it was, but someone posted that Chipotle was not bowel friendly. Compared to some fast food chains, and against its competitors Baja Fresh and Quesa, it's not a bad option.

This is not an optimal choice, as obviously your 33 feet of intestines would appreciate something easier to digest, but for the starfish there's oNE selection Togo with.

Go with the bowl,no beans, chicken, and a little bit of tomatoes with lettuce.

Their organic non gmo approach is appreciated.

Don't do the steak or pork. Your ass will defriend you on Facebook

Waffle house shits always come out the same way they go in...Smothered, covered, chunked, diced, capped and topped.

Berts chili is pure butthole acid.

the poopologist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Waffle house shits always come out the same way
> they go in...Smothered, covered, chunked, diced,
> capped and topped.
>
> Berts chili is pure butthole acid.


If I wrote a book, the Waffle House would get anally reamed

Hi brown brothers!

I worked late tonight and am having a few Sam Addams and a double whopper with cheese for dinner. I am pushing the brown envelope. I pray I do not get a paper cut.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi brown brothers!
>
> I worked late tonight and am having a few Sam
> Addams and a double whopper with cheese for
> dinner. I am pushing the brown envelope. I pray I
> do not get a paper cut.


This brother in bowel is praying repeatedly.

Yet I must ask, premium beers with that ?

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dive bomber Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Hi brown brothers!
> >
> > I worked late tonight and am having a few Sam
> > Addams and a double whopper with cheese for
> > dinner. I am pushing the brown envelope. I pray
> I
> > do not get a paper cut.
>
>
> This brother in bowel is praying repeatedly.
>
> Yet I must ask, premium beers with that ?


I guess a Miller high life would have been a more appropriate choice with that meal. Sam and 11 friends were already living in my fridge. I think my bowels can process this.

(prayers accepted)

Thank you dive and I hope you and your bowels aren't something out of the wailing wall this morning

If rotted oysters smell is something you like, feel free to visit my house

Brown, What do you think about Denny's? I once had a bad experence with a grand slam.
The grand slam slamed into my bowels and cleared all the bases. I have tried the club sandwich at lunch before with no ill effects. It seems to me that ihop and denny's are about equal on the bowel destruction scale, would you agree with that?

Dive,

Those are safer than some,as long as the fried foods are avoided.

If not your bowels will have a giant cat scratching at your starfish.

Last night: Two helpings of spaghetti with sausage and meatballs and salad washed down with 6 Bud Light tallboys. I was hoping for a good fiber infused log train, but I must have used too much ranch dressing so I got thehot peanut butter dispenser again. However, in my recent shopping trip I invested in a pack of medicated wipes. Hopefully they will deflate the holiday nut gift basket I've been sitting on.

Hard wiper,

I'm sorry your bowels are in such a state.

I'm praying for your starfish

I am home alone tonight as my wife is on a business trip. I am frying a couple chicken thighs and steaming some rice. I wonder how this deviation from my regular diet will affect me. Love me some home fried chicken though.

How are your bowels Brown?

Dive Bomber,

It smells so good and looks so appetizing. Just like some strange ass with the wife out, this is deep deep trouble.

Don't do it is my avoid no matter the temptation. Or if you do hide it well.

Good morning all! I just had to let everyone know that I just cut loose with a big ole number 4. I am not sure why I had to tell yall that but what the heck.

Congrats Mr 5 am,

Part of my bowels are jealous but I commend you for a phenomenal crap. Congrats!

pictures or it never happened.....

popo743 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> pictures or it never happened.....


I agree pictures would be nice. In fact I'd like to frame a divine #4 #2 on the wall next to my Bristol Stool Guides.

Medicare for adult undergarments is a pain. It's bad enough being incontinent, but the delays for supplies is getting old!

I think the two fried chicken thighs just exited my system. It was quite the experience and I had to do the walk of shame after exiting the stall. My boss and the copier repair guy gave me a fucked up look as I was washing my hands. Probably will have to return to the stall for a starfish mop up in about an hour.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think the two fried chicken thighs just exited
> my system. It was quite the experience and I had
> to do the walk of shame after exiting the stall.
> My boss and the copier repair guy gave me a fucked
> up look as I was washing my hands. Probably will
> have to return to the stall for a starfish mop up
> in about an hour.


User name Dive Bomber,

Your write up is immature, and reminds me of what a preschooler is capable of.

You need to think about what's best for others, not you as these write ups are selfish.

Anon Doc. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dive bomber Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I think the two fried chicken thighs just
> exited
> > my system. It was quite the experience and I
> had
> > to do the walk of shame after exiting the
> stall.
> > My boss and the copier repair guy gave me a
> fucked
> > up look as I was washing my hands. Probably
> will
> > have to return to the stall for a starfish mop
> up
> > in about an hour.
>
>
> User name Dive Bomber,
>
> Your write up is immature, and reminds me of what
> a preschooler is capable of.
>
> You need to think about what's best for others,
> not you as these write ups are selfish.


Thanks for your input doc. It is true that I am not a well educated man like you are. I bet you have a gated driveway and several luxury cars as well as live in help. It is very nice of you to take time to give advice to us little people.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc. Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > dive bomber Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > I think the two fried chicken thighs just
> > exited
> > > my system. It was quite the experience and I
> > had
> > > to do the walk of shame after exiting the
> > stall.
> > > My boss and the copier repair guy gave me a
> > fucked
> > > up look as I was washing my hands. Probably
> > will
> > > have to return to the stall for a starfish
> mop
> > up
> > > in about an hour.
> >
> >
> > User name Dive Bomber,
> >
> > Your write up is immature, and reminds me of
> what
> > a preschooler is capable of.
> >
> > You need to think about what's best for others,
> > not you as these write ups are selfish.
>
>
> Thanks for your input doc. It is true that I am
> not a well educated man like you are. I bet you
> have a gated driveway and several luxury cars as
> well as live in help. It is very nice of you to
> take time to give advice to us little people.

User name Dive Bomber,

For you to insinuate that I entered the medical profession, for such luxuries is slanderous in my opinion.

Instead of acting like a spoiled brat, it would be in your best interest to visit a board certified GI and psychiatrist.

Whatever to this doctor or imposter.

I feel for you folks. A bit of Metamucil clears me out but probably wouldn't help you the same. I'm sorry about that.

Dive Bomber,

If it makes you feel better, anon dick just passed through my lower intestine. Such an arrogant ass, and it should please his sodomizing colleague, that my rear end will be on the torture table tomorrow

Thank you Miscavage. Yes Metamucil is good for some, glad to hear it helps your bowels.

Well, I think a rectal collapse just happened.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well, I think a rectal collapse just happened.


.......this
http://whiplash.net/bandas/rectalcollapse.html

? ? ?

Get this treatment and stop posting in all unrelated threads:

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-33868839

If you continue to post bowel related material everywhere on FFU it means you also have a sexual infatuation with shit. Seek additional help for that.

Sincerely,

Doc Brown

The long brown path leads on!

Dr. Brown Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Get this treatment and stop posting in all
> unrelated threads:
>
> http://www.bbc.com/news/health-33868839
>
> If you continue to post bowel related material
> everywhere on FFU it means you also have a sexual
> infatuation with shit. Seek additional help for
> that.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Doc Brown

Sincerely,

Your bowels say fuck you. IBS and all of the witch hazel are not some sort of sick sexual perversion.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> popo743 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > pictures or it never happened.....
>
>
> I agree pictures would be nice. In fact I'd like
> to frame a divine #4 #2 on the wall next to my
> Bristol Stool Guides.


here then:

http://www.xtube.com/watch.php?v=SZBhk-G198-#.Vcx7Ia0SZNt

enjoy

I'm not sure why bowel problems end up on a porn site.

After reviewing my rectum in the mirror, midwives have been called out.

Wish me luck.

>
> User name Dive Bomber,
>
> For you to insinuate that I entered the medical
> profession, for such luxuries is slanderous in my
> opinion.
>
> Instead of acting like a spoiled brat, it would be
> in your best interest to visit a board certified
> GI and psychiatrist.


It sure as shit wasn't because of your grammar.

"...medical profession, for such ..."

No comma, dumb ass! But maybe for you, 'coma' would be better? I know it would be for us here!

Supporter thank you for always being a bowel buddy.

I have a crime scene in my bathroom, going to have to tip the midwives

Brothers on brow, I'm happy to report that after only a few days, my rectal exit is becoming less angry. The medicated wipes and suppositories before bed time are returning my bunghole to its natural state, rather than a bushel of nuts and berries. My next shopping list will have Metamucil wafers at the #1 spot.

Every January I spend about a week at a remote, rustic cabin in the mountains. No phone, no lights, no motor car, not a single luxury. Like Robinson Ctusoe. It's primitive as can be.
Well I guess there is one luxury and that is the outhouse. Taking a dump at 3 am in single digit temperatures in darkness about 80 yards away from the cabin can be considered a luxury I suppose.
Can you imagine the hardship of IBS victims in the days of old when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented?
Attachments:

Hard Wiper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brothers on brow, I'm happy to report that after
> only a few days, my rectal exit is becoming less
> angry. The medicated wipes and suppositories
> before bed time are returning my bunghole to its
> natural state, rather than a bushel of nuts and
> berries. My next shopping list will have Metamucil
> wafers at the #1 spot.


Glad to hear this wiper!

May your fish find relief.

If you wouldn't mind could you share what products you used?