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Fairfax Underground
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
tdef223
()
Date: March 30, 2014 09:38AM
Duh duh duh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A medical Question Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > What exactly are bowels? Is this your ass hole,
> > intestine, colon?
>
>
> According to Google its your colon.
i sold mine on ebay
-------------------------------------------------------
> A medical Question Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > What exactly are bowels? Is this your ass hole,
> > intestine, colon?
>
>
> According to Google its your colon.
i sold mine on ebay
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: March 30, 2014 10:53AM
I wish I could upgrade my bowels to a better set, as if mine were on eBay they would not fetch many offers.
On a plus note, I have discovered squash, thanks to a nurse at the hospital.
Eliminations stink beyond belief, but it does break things down more comfortably.
On a plus note, I have discovered squash, thanks to a nurse at the hospital.
Eliminations stink beyond belief, but it does break things down more comfortably.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
iamgoing
()
Date: March 30, 2014 11:15AM
convention Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I want to invite everyone following this thread to
> the second annual convention of bowel sufferers on
> May 3, 2014 at the fecal impaction convention
> center.
>
> There will be workshops on position and clean up.
>
>
> Refreshments of Metamucil and Prune Juice will be
> provided
>
> Music will be provided by The Brown Notes and The
> Skid Marks
>
> Over 500 port a pottys will be set up in the arena
> area for your enjoyment.
>
> door prizes are provided by Charmin and Depends
>
> Bring the family
>
> Use the password : stinky pants for $10 off
> admission
who is the keynote speaker and what is his topic ?
-------------------------------------------------------
> I want to invite everyone following this thread to
> the second annual convention of bowel sufferers on
> May 3, 2014 at the fecal impaction convention
> center.
>
> There will be workshops on position and clean up.
>
>
> Refreshments of Metamucil and Prune Juice will be
> provided
>
> Music will be provided by The Brown Notes and The
> Skid Marks
>
> Over 500 port a pottys will be set up in the arena
> area for your enjoyment.
>
> door prizes are provided by Charmin and Depends
>
> Bring the family
>
> Use the password : stinky pants for $10 off
> admission
who is the keynote speaker and what is his topic ?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Chris Whore
()
Date: March 30, 2014 01:15PM
I will be the guest speaker!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Sales Wtop
()
Date: March 30, 2014 01:32PM
Chris Whore Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I will be the guest speaker!
Chris Whore ha ha. How many companies does he advertise for? I must hear at least five on a regular basis, everything from heart scans to gutters.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I will be the guest speaker!
Chris Whore ha ha. How many companies does he advertise for? I must hear at least five on a regular basis, everything from heart scans to gutters.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: March 31, 2014 08:17AM
That was like dumping the HMS Titanic through my 31 feet of interior plumbing.
My body is going to need some TLC, along with perhaps a bath of tomato juice.
With that in mind did Captain Smith and bowel related issues, keep him from doing his job on that ill fated voyage from South Hampton?
I only ask, because by the time those in the crows nest spotted that frozen pile of shit, the ship was doomed. Bulk heads can only do so much
Many people kissed their bowels goodbye on that Terrible Night
My body is going to need some TLC, along with perhaps a bath of tomato juice.
With that in mind did Captain Smith and bowel related issues, keep him from doing his job on that ill fated voyage from South Hampton?
I only ask, because by the time those in the crows nest spotted that frozen pile of shit, the ship was doomed. Bulk heads can only do so much
Many people kissed their bowels goodbye on that Terrible Night
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: March 31, 2014 12:15PM
The only problem with bowel movements such as that one, where there's no bleeding, is the crap that sticks around. A few hours later in your nether regions, caked in there is crap.
It can lead to brown streaks if you wear tightie whities.
That smell can permeate. I'm glad this is rare, because poor Gordo seems to deal with this later on surprise on a regular basis.
It can lead to brown streaks if you wear tightie whities.
That smell can permeate. I'm glad this is rare, because poor Gordo seems to deal with this later on surprise on a regular basis.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Mr Brown Underwear
()
Date: March 31, 2014 12:32PM
Brown streak? Big deal! Try sitting in shit filled Depends!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: March 31, 2014 03:25PM
Mr Brown I feel sorry for your plight, but remember we are supposed to be Bowel Buddies, all under the brown banner.
Baseball is back, and I made a mistake with food choices during the Nats opener. My rugrat grandchildren made me purchase them some peanuts and crackerjack, most of which turned brown on my back.
I didn't make it past the sixth inning, now to put these bowels on ice, and call the bullpen.
Baseball is back, and I made a mistake with food choices during the Nats opener. My rugrat grandchildren made me purchase them some peanuts and crackerjack, most of which turned brown on my back.
I didn't make it past the sixth inning, now to put these bowels on ice, and call the bullpen.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 01, 2014 07:58AM
Well I guess the GM ignition switch problems are like my bowels
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: April 01, 2014 10:43AM
Had my first accident in the new place. Lunch time of course. The diarrhea just happened so quickly. I felt bad. Yet my boss said its okay. She had the janitors clean up my cubicle and I was free to go home. It's so nice to have this support.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 01, 2014 11:26AM
Gordo it sounds as if you've landed at a bowel friendly place. Your boss is one of the very few, kind enough with a golden heart, to overlook the brown and see shades of optimism.
Today has been productive. I'm currently working on a syllabus for "Bowels 101". My plan is to teach classes about different bowel related conditions. Places of venue will include community centers, places of worship, and perhaps retirement communities.
I've been doing research, and while tiresome, if it helps one person understand or remedy a bowel related issue, my brown stripes shall be earned.
Today has been productive. I'm currently working on a syllabus for "Bowels 101". My plan is to teach classes about different bowel related conditions. Places of venue will include community centers, places of worship, and perhaps retirement communities.
I've been doing research, and while tiresome, if it helps one person understand or remedy a bowel related issue, my brown stripes shall be earned.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: April 01, 2014 01:19PM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordo it sounds as if you've landed at a bowel
> friendly place. Your boss is one of the very few,
> kind enough with a golden heart, to overlook the
> brown and see shades of optimism.
>
> Today has been productive. I'm currently working
> on a syllabus for "Bowels 101". My plan is to
> teach classes about different bowel related
> conditions. Places of venue will include community
> centers, places of worship, and perhaps retirement
> communities.
>
> I've been doing research, and while tiresome, if
> it helps one person understand or remedy a bowel
> related issue, my brown stripes shall be earned.
That along with you immature write ups, will be a disservice to those with IBS/Ulcerative Colitis , and to the researchers at John Hopkins and Purdue University.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordo it sounds as if you've landed at a bowel
> friendly place. Your boss is one of the very few,
> kind enough with a golden heart, to overlook the
> brown and see shades of optimism.
>
> Today has been productive. I'm currently working
> on a syllabus for "Bowels 101". My plan is to
> teach classes about different bowel related
> conditions. Places of venue will include community
> centers, places of worship, and perhaps retirement
> communities.
>
> I've been doing research, and while tiresome, if
> it helps one person understand or remedy a bowel
> related issue, my brown stripes shall be earned.
That along with you immature write ups, will be a disservice to those with IBS/Ulcerative Colitis , and to the researchers at John Hopkins and Purdue University.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: April 01, 2014 06:38PM
Not one of my more epic droppings, yesterdays discharge was nontheless formidible.
Whenever a day or two passes without an elimination, its certain that a massive logjam is in the works.
By day three, the pressure is building, it seems Jonah himself is loitering in my colon.
However, after four days without even a whisper from my anus, the whale himself seemed to have changed his address to the rural route that is my lower intestines.
The refrences to the Holy Book are no co-incincidence, this was a dump of biblical proportions.
To be sure, this particular bowel movement caused me to gnash my teeth and tear my clothes, in true Old Testement style agony and suffering.
Although agnostic, I found myself muttering prayers of thanks after Noah's Ark landed in my toilet water.
Is it time for a religious conversion for the sake of my rectum?
Islam is not even a consideration, those followers seem to be especially anal retentive.
I wonder if the Buddhists could assist in achieving Ano-Recto Nirvana?
Are the Hindus known for passive resistance for their bowels too?
I must read the teachings on Confucious. Surely one as wise as he would have addressed this vital human condition of the rectum.
Whenever a day or two passes without an elimination, its certain that a massive logjam is in the works.
By day three, the pressure is building, it seems Jonah himself is loitering in my colon.
However, after four days without even a whisper from my anus, the whale himself seemed to have changed his address to the rural route that is my lower intestines.
The refrences to the Holy Book are no co-incincidence, this was a dump of biblical proportions.
To be sure, this particular bowel movement caused me to gnash my teeth and tear my clothes, in true Old Testement style agony and suffering.
Although agnostic, I found myself muttering prayers of thanks after Noah's Ark landed in my toilet water.
Is it time for a religious conversion for the sake of my rectum?
Islam is not even a consideration, those followers seem to be especially anal retentive.
I wonder if the Buddhists could assist in achieving Ano-Recto Nirvana?
Are the Hindus known for passive resistance for their bowels too?
I must read the teachings on Confucious. Surely one as wise as he would have addressed this vital human condition of the rectum.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 02, 2014 07:20AM
I'm so sorry you went through such horrors. Those other religions are great, but I think the Catholic Church is our answer. Their dogmatic approach to suffering, along with when the Pope drops a load making it a "holy shit" strikes me as an excellent starting point. Buddhist monks probably have IBS, but I think the Cardinals and Bishops, that age group, would be more knowledgeable about bowel problems. One can only guess what the Vatican Library has on its shelves.
As for natural disasters, the earthquake in Chile was not my doing.
I just wanted to clear the air, no matter how stench filled it is.
As for natural disasters, the earthquake in Chile was not my doing.
I just wanted to clear the air, no matter how stench filled it is.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
convention
()
Date: April 02, 2014 08:29AM
iamgoing Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> convention Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I want to invite everyone following this thread
> to
> > the second annual convention of bowel sufferers
> on
> > May 3, 2014 at the fecal impaction convention
> > center.
> >
> > There will be workshops on position and clean
> up.
> >
> >
> > Refreshments of Metamucil and Prune Juice will
> be
> > provided
> >
> > Music will be provided by The Brown Notes and
> The
> > Skid Marks
> >
> > Over 500 port a pottys will be set up in the
> arena
> > area for your enjoyment.
> >
> > door prizes are provided by Charmin and Depends
> >
> > Bring the family
> >
> > Use the password : stinky pants for $10 off
> > admission
>
>
> who is the keynote speaker and what is his topic ?
the speaker will be the one and only diaperman. We are all so excited
Attachments:
-------------------------------------------------------
> convention Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I want to invite everyone following this thread
> to
> > the second annual convention of bowel sufferers
> on
> > May 3, 2014 at the fecal impaction convention
> > center.
> >
> > There will be workshops on position and clean
> up.
> >
> >
> > Refreshments of Metamucil and Prune Juice will
> be
> > provided
> >
> > Music will be provided by The Brown Notes and
> The
> > Skid Marks
> >
> > Over 500 port a pottys will be set up in the
> arena
> > area for your enjoyment.
> >
> > door prizes are provided by Charmin and Depends
> >
> > Bring the family
> >
> > Use the password : stinky pants for $10 off
> > admission
>
>
> who is the keynote speaker and what is his topic ?
the speaker will be the one and only diaperman. We are all so excited
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 02, 2014 09:41AM
You sir are an asshole. Do you think this man appreciates uncomfortable undergarments? Do you think the teddy bear appreciates odors sticking to its exterior?
For the record I would love to have a Bowel Bonanza. I bet we could easily fill up Nats Park, or at the very least the Verizon Center. It would be great to have so many bowel buddies under one roof, and brown banners from the rafters.
I'm off to unload what might just be a Nimitz class aircraft carrier. Wish me a safe voyage on the groan throne.
For the record I would love to have a Bowel Bonanza. I bet we could easily fill up Nats Park, or at the very least the Verizon Center. It would be great to have so many bowel buddies under one roof, and brown banners from the rafters.
I'm off to unload what might just be a Nimitz class aircraft carrier. Wish me a safe voyage on the groan throne.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 02, 2014 11:31AM
Hath no fury like a woman scorned. I'd like to add a caveat to that famous phrase, with already irritated bowels being pushed to the breaking point.
To my colon, my intestines, and rectum I truly am sorry. If I need to send a card and flowers, consider it done.
If that journalist who witnessed the Hindenburg was reporting from my toilet bowl, I have no doubt he'd be yelling "oh the humanity!," with tears falling down his cheeks.
It's time for the first aid kit, some witch hazel, and a bottle of aspirin.
To my colon, my intestines, and rectum I truly am sorry. If I need to send a card and flowers, consider it done.
If that journalist who witnessed the Hindenburg was reporting from my toilet bowl, I have no doubt he'd be yelling "oh the humanity!," with tears falling down his cheeks.
It's time for the first aid kit, some witch hazel, and a bottle of aspirin.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 02, 2014 03:43PM
I guess it might be time. You want to avoid the ass doctor so badly.
Yet for those of us with below decks problems, you have to see them, even though they are complete assholes.
Cold demeanor. Yes. Cold gloves. Yep. My appointment is tomorrow, and I expect to be probed like the poor bastard in the movie "Fire in the Sky". Maybe even worse, because the aliens in that movie didn't talk to him, although they did jam that needle in his eye socket.
Perhaps this is my way of "prepping." I don't like it how the doctor jams his finger in my ass, and asks "how are you doing?" How do you think I feel, while that twinkie finger roots around for truffles?
"Just relax" doesn't help either. I'd rather hear, "this will be a minute."
Yet for those of us with below decks problems, you have to see them, even though they are complete assholes.
Cold demeanor. Yes. Cold gloves. Yep. My appointment is tomorrow, and I expect to be probed like the poor bastard in the movie "Fire in the Sky". Maybe even worse, because the aliens in that movie didn't talk to him, although they did jam that needle in his eye socket.
Perhaps this is my way of "prepping." I don't like it how the doctor jams his finger in my ass, and asks "how are you doing?" How do you think I feel, while that twinkie finger roots around for truffles?
"Just relax" doesn't help either. I'd rather hear, "this will be a minute."
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: April 02, 2014 04:33PM
My doctor always says "unclench your schphinkter" but thats easier said than done.
Look, the natural reaction to having an object trying to break in the back door is to tighten up.
Is modern medicine really so sure that all the probing is good for the rectum?
It may be time to give up on my doc. 10 years of digital and instrument invasion, and taking a shit is still traumatic.
I'm starting to think that Dr. Sousa sticking a trombone up my ass every 6 months could be doing more harm than good.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2014 04:34PM by BEH.
Look, the natural reaction to having an object trying to break in the back door is to tighten up.
Is modern medicine really so sure that all the probing is good for the rectum?
It may be time to give up on my doc. 10 years of digital and instrument invasion, and taking a shit is still traumatic.
I'm starting to think that Dr. Sousa sticking a trombone up my ass every 6 months could be doing more harm than good.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2014 04:34PM by BEH.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 03, 2014 07:48AM
Wish me luck, its off to the dungeon.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: April 03, 2014 08:44AM
What a good change. I called my boss at work to explain what happens, and she said no worries about staying home. At my old job there would have been insults. This is so much better. They care.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
gyioopppppp
()
Date: April 03, 2014 10:19AM
So sick of these lies. Ibs. It's not real
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
mkl8888
()
Date: April 03, 2014 10:37AM
Shit sucks.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 03, 2014 12:22PM
At least Gordo has good news.
I can't say I have suffered as much, but let's say my doctors appointment, was like stepping out of a cattle car to be observed by Mengele.
There is nothing worse, sitting in that prison like waiting area with the sneering office manager chewing gum obnoxiously and staring at you. The doors open with the unsympathetic nurse, who calls your name like you are a DMV number.
What bothers me most though, is answering questions about the Washington Redskins chances, while the doctors Twinkie fingers are going through my rectum as if he was executing a search warrant.
Great that the Skins signed Desean Jackson, but could you please leave my asshole alone? Now whistling while walking.
I can't say I have suffered as much, but let's say my doctors appointment, was like stepping out of a cattle car to be observed by Mengele.
There is nothing worse, sitting in that prison like waiting area with the sneering office manager chewing gum obnoxiously and staring at you. The doors open with the unsympathetic nurse, who calls your name like you are a DMV number.
What bothers me most though, is answering questions about the Washington Redskins chances, while the doctors Twinkie fingers are going through my rectum as if he was executing a search warrant.
Great that the Skins signed Desean Jackson, but could you please leave my asshole alone? Now whistling while walking.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Tough One
()
Date: April 03, 2014 05:50PM
Pardon the pun, but this thread "has gone deep."
I am laughing with you, and realize my day at work today was actually alright.
I am laughing with you, and realize my day at work today was actually alright.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: April 03, 2014 05:57PM
Tough One Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Pardon the pun, but this thread "has gone deep."
>
> I am laughing with you, and realize my day at work
> today was actually alright.
Toughy, always nice to have one of the good ones contributing to this vital thread.
Unlike the entire health care system treating us like ugly stepchildren, you seem to have the sensitivity required to commiserate with the rectally wretched among us here.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Pardon the pun, but this thread "has gone deep."
>
> I am laughing with you, and realize my day at work
> today was actually alright.
Toughy, always nice to have one of the good ones contributing to this vital thread.
Unlike the entire health care system treating us like ugly stepchildren, you seem to have the sensitivity required to commiserate with the rectally wretched among us here.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Tough One
()
Date: April 03, 2014 06:04PM
BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tough One Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Pardon the pun, but this thread "has gone
> deep."
> >
> > I am laughing with you, and realize my day at
> work
> > today was actually alright.
>
>
> Toughy, always nice to have one of the good ones
> contributing to this vital thread.
>
> Unlike the entire health care system treating us
> like ugly stepchildren, you seem to have the
> sensitivity required to commiserate with the
> rectally wretched among us here.
It isn't a thing, as I've suffered from other medical problems, but thank God thank God thank God, not this. I give you men much applause, and is there some sort of foundation that works with this "type of shit"?
You guys have given me a new perspective. Seriously. No more bitching about little things anymore.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tough One Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Pardon the pun, but this thread "has gone
> deep."
> >
> > I am laughing with you, and realize my day at
> work
> > today was actually alright.
>
>
> Toughy, always nice to have one of the good ones
> contributing to this vital thread.
>
> Unlike the entire health care system treating us
> like ugly stepchildren, you seem to have the
> sensitivity required to commiserate with the
> rectally wretched among us here.
It isn't a thing, as I've suffered from other medical problems, but thank God thank God thank God, not this. I give you men much applause, and is there some sort of foundation that works with this "type of shit"?
You guys have given me a new perspective. Seriously. No more bitching about little things anymore.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 04, 2014 06:52AM
Tough your positive thoughts are appreciated this morning. Thank you for being a bowel buddy.
I'm trying to be 10% as positive as you are, but after that doctor appointment I feel violated.
I think the mountain man in Deliverance treated the fat guy with more respect, and even Zed on Marcellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction was the proverbial walk around the park. What bothers me is the doctors icy demeanor and trying to make small talk about the Redskins, with his thick finger in my ass.
It's going to be a morning. I feel like a cheap date without flowers.
I'm trying to be 10% as positive as you are, but after that doctor appointment I feel violated.
I think the mountain man in Deliverance treated the fat guy with more respect, and even Zed on Marcellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction was the proverbial walk around the park. What bothers me is the doctors icy demeanor and trying to make small talk about the Redskins, with his thick finger in my ass.
It's going to be a morning. I feel like a cheap date without flowers.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 04, 2014 09:55AM
A bit better, with some tea, and my sore arse in the air. It feels like that doctor abused my plumbing.
It's my hope that my bowels will heal prior to a defecation, because I don't think my intestines and already hurting starfish are ready to drop a twelve pointer yuletide log.
This shit hurts, and while I hope for the best, time will tell if I cry out like a wounded animal.
It's my hope that my bowels will heal prior to a defecation, because I don't think my intestines and already hurting starfish are ready to drop a twelve pointer yuletide log.
This shit hurts, and while I hope for the best, time will tell if I cry out like a wounded animal.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
J Yoon 5
()
Date: April 04, 2014 11:36AM
Have you tried my Asian food technique yet? Other then raw fish, foods from Asia are best for digesting.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 04, 2014 02:24PM
J Yoon 5 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have you tried my Asian food technique yet? Other
> then raw fish, foods from Asia are best for
> digesting.
I'm not trying to stereotype, but in China you can buy someones kidneys. Are bowels available on the brown market?
As for Asian foods, I don't think they'd help.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have you tried my Asian food technique yet? Other
> then raw fish, foods from Asia are best for
> digesting.
I'm not trying to stereotype, but in China you can buy someones kidneys. Are bowels available on the brown market?
As for Asian foods, I don't think they'd help.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Black Undies
()
Date: April 05, 2014 06:26AM
Eat shit!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 05, 2014 07:34AM
This lack of sympathy on the groan throne.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 05, 2014 02:19PM
That was disconcerting.
Upon dropping a shit of epic proportions, I discovered a Chinese Naval vessel and sonar buoys.
My rear end already in pain, this is insult to injury.
You think its not going to be that bad, yet my butt cheeks now quiver.
Upon dropping a shit of epic proportions, I discovered a Chinese Naval vessel and sonar buoys.
My rear end already in pain, this is insult to injury.
You think its not going to be that bad, yet my butt cheeks now quiver.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: April 06, 2014 02:08PM
What is it about these Sunday morning bowel movements?
If my ass was Catholic, I'd figure that it made its confession on Friday and attempted to purge its impure soul first thing on the dawn of the weekly high holy day.
Problem is, there is no devine intervention when it comes to the actual evacuation. There is no such thing as the immaculte elimination.
Even the walls of Jerico came tumbling down with less pain and effort.
If you consider the sounds coming from the bathroom, and the size of the eventually purged stool, you'd agree that it should be considered a wailing wall.
If my ass was Catholic, I'd figure that it made its confession on Friday and attempted to purge its impure soul first thing on the dawn of the weekly high holy day.
Problem is, there is no devine intervention when it comes to the actual evacuation. There is no such thing as the immaculte elimination.
Even the walls of Jerico came tumbling down with less pain and effort.
If you consider the sounds coming from the bathroom, and the size of the eventually purged stool, you'd agree that it should be considered a wailing wall.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
supporter
()
Date: April 11, 2014 09:31PM
Where are you guys????
I know SOMEONE has to have had an epic experience!!!
I miss Anon Dick ... I mean Anon Doc. I took his advice, though. She said I do have mental issues, so I threw a potted plant at her, left my payment of 'chocolate pudding' in her chair and ran out in tears!!!
I can't WAIT to see her next week!!!
I know SOMEONE has to have had an epic experience!!!
I miss Anon Dick ... I mean Anon Doc. I took his advice, though. She said I do have mental issues, so I threw a potted plant at her, left my payment of 'chocolate pudding' in her chair and ran out in tears!!!
I can't WAIT to see her next week!!!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: April 13, 2014 11:55AM
That sounds like what we do in my home country of Slovakia.
We throw potted plants but add electrical items to them. I hope your bowels are okay, still have not sold the Yar
We throw potted plants but add electrical items to them. I hope your bowels are okay, still have not sold the Yar
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
supporter
()
Date: April 13, 2014 06:02PM
Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That sounds like what we do in my home country of
> Slovakia.
>
> We throw potted plants but add electrical items to
> them. I hope your bowels are okay, still have not
> sold the Yar
Hmmm....electrical items attached to potted plants while they're drinking some water??? Try that. lol
Hang in there with your 'yar.' Advertise in more 'legitimate' sites, though. What were you think posting it here? lol It won't be easy but don't give up.
I doubt people will be buying cars with their 'new' health insurance premiums, which will double (if not triple) Jan 2015. Um, don't get me started on health care! lol
J
-------------------------------------------------------
> That sounds like what we do in my home country of
> Slovakia.
>
> We throw potted plants but add electrical items to
> them. I hope your bowels are okay, still have not
> sold the Yar
Hmmm....electrical items attached to potted plants while they're drinking some water??? Try that. lol
Hang in there with your 'yar.' Advertise in more 'legitimate' sites, though. What were you think posting it here? lol It won't be easy but don't give up.
I doubt people will be buying cars with their 'new' health insurance premiums, which will double (if not triple) Jan 2015. Um, don't get me started on health care! lol
J
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 16, 2014 10:54AM
I'm sorry that I have been unable to post, due to some family issues, that could be attributed to my rear end.
One of my sons will not allow my grandchildren, to stay alone with me anymore. They are going to a psychiatrist, because I admit my bowels betrayed them also. It hurts. The physical pain of laboring over a basketball birth traumatized them. The screams were of course expected, but I'm sorry their young ears were exposed to what sounded like a trapped animal.
The smell too, my hobbling afterwards, I understand caused issues also. Yet I don't appreciate my son putting on the facebook thing, about my woes and tears of angst delivering a large bowel related nightmare.
One of my sons will not allow my grandchildren, to stay alone with me anymore. They are going to a psychiatrist, because I admit my bowels betrayed them also. It hurts. The physical pain of laboring over a basketball birth traumatized them. The screams were of course expected, but I'm sorry their young ears were exposed to what sounded like a trapped animal.
The smell too, my hobbling afterwards, I understand caused issues also. Yet I don't appreciate my son putting on the facebook thing, about my woes and tears of angst delivering a large bowel related nightmare.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
supporter
()
Date: April 16, 2014 09:50PM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm sorry that I have been unable to post, due to
> some family issues, that could be attributed to my
> rear end.
>
> One of my sons will not allow my grandchildren, to
> stay alone with me anymore. They are going to a
> psychiatrist, because I admit my bowels betrayed
> them also. It hurts. The physical pain of laboring
> over a basketball birth traumatized them. The
> screams were of course expected, but I'm sorry
> their young ears were exposed to what sounded like
> a trapped animal.
>
> The smell too, my hobbling afterwards, I
> understand caused issues also. Yet I don't
> appreciate my son putting on the facebook thing,
> about my woes and tears of angst delivering a
> large bowel related nightmare.
OK, are you serious?????? You're children won't allow you to see your grandchildren?? Dude, I've had my mother FART in my face when we're walking up stairs.
I swear with you guys I can never tell if you're serious or not! lol
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm sorry that I have been unable to post, due to
> some family issues, that could be attributed to my
> rear end.
>
> One of my sons will not allow my grandchildren, to
> stay alone with me anymore. They are going to a
> psychiatrist, because I admit my bowels betrayed
> them also. It hurts. The physical pain of laboring
> over a basketball birth traumatized them. The
> screams were of course expected, but I'm sorry
> their young ears were exposed to what sounded like
> a trapped animal.
>
> The smell too, my hobbling afterwards, I
> understand caused issues also. Yet I don't
> appreciate my son putting on the facebook thing,
> about my woes and tears of angst delivering a
> large bowel related nightmare.
OK, are you serious?????? You're children won't allow you to see your grandchildren?? Dude, I've had my mother FART in my face when we're walking up stairs.
I swear with you guys I can never tell if you're serious or not! lol
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: April 17, 2014 04:17AM
Supporter, there is nothing more serious than the consequences of IBS.
It is almost impossible to function as a normal family.
We are consumed by the function of our own bowels, and this disrupts our domestications.
How many soccer goals have I missed because I was squeezing one out in the Porta potty? How often have I had to beg off attending parties, gatherings, celebrations and events because I was totally immersed in my anal misery?
What Bloomy reported is fairly common among IBS sufferers. Everyone eventually turns against us. We can't help the geysers of hot brown boiling liquid that cascades unexpectedly, or the countless hours of porcelin isolation trying to pass an impossibly huge stool.
Our doctors, friends, co-workers and family members all turn against us sooner or later. The anally challenged are isolated and shunned.
It is almost impossible to function as a normal family.
We are consumed by the function of our own bowels, and this disrupts our domestications.
How many soccer goals have I missed because I was squeezing one out in the Porta potty? How often have I had to beg off attending parties, gatherings, celebrations and events because I was totally immersed in my anal misery?
What Bloomy reported is fairly common among IBS sufferers. Everyone eventually turns against us. We can't help the geysers of hot brown boiling liquid that cascades unexpectedly, or the countless hours of porcelin isolation trying to pass an impossibly huge stool.
Our doctors, friends, co-workers and family members all turn against us sooner or later. The anally challenged are isolated and shunned.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 18, 2014 12:35PM
My goodness I felt as if in addition to flight 370, some remnants of that Korean ferry fell from my nether regions. There was mud and blood, along with a preponderance of tears flowing down my upper set of cheeks. Massive amounts of toilet paper was used, and I worried my poor butthole would need a tourniquet.
What BEH has written is true supporter. I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, and have since installed cable television in there. No joke I've watched entire ballgames in there, just got to make sure there are no brown streaks on the scorecard.
It is frustrating to have the rug rats banging on the door, and I'm sick of their complaints about odors. I did not force them to eat breakfast or grilled cheese sandwiches next to the bathroom door.
My ass is a royal pain, and sadly indifference is the best we get.
What BEH has written is true supporter. I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, and have since installed cable television in there. No joke I've watched entire ballgames in there, just got to make sure there are no brown streaks on the scorecard.
It is frustrating to have the rug rats banging on the door, and I'm sick of their complaints about odors. I did not force them to eat breakfast or grilled cheese sandwiches next to the bathroom door.
My ass is a royal pain, and sadly indifference is the best we get.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Black Undies
()
Date: April 18, 2014 03:38PM
Stinky bitches.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: April 19, 2014 08:31AM
Thank you supporter I feel better. The Yaris was sold I now have a Ford Fiesta. It's a nice carl and the dealer gave me a free tank of gas. With this car I upgraded the seats to leather, because I think the cloth seats cause accidents and pain.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
supporter
()
Date: April 19, 2014 08:25PM
Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you supporter I feel better. The Yaris was
> sold I now have a Ford Fiesta. It's a nice carl
> and the dealer gave me a free tank of gas. With
> this car I upgraded the seats to leather, because
> I think the cloth seats cause accidents and pain.
Yeah! Congrats, Gordo.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you supporter I feel better. The Yaris was
> sold I now have a Ford Fiesta. It's a nice carl
> and the dealer gave me a free tank of gas. With
> this car I upgraded the seats to leather, because
> I think the cloth seats cause accidents and pain.
Yeah! Congrats, Gordo.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: April 20, 2014 08:19AM
Gordon,
Any doctor worth his weight in gold would congratulate you, but would also caution you not to substitute items for physical and psychological well being. It's up to you, but have you visited a GI and psychiatrist yet?
These are good first steps, especially on the job front, but you have to face reality before healing commences.
Any doctor worth his weight in gold would congratulate you, but would also caution you not to substitute items for physical and psychological well being. It's up to you, but have you visited a GI and psychiatrist yet?
These are good first steps, especially on the job front, but you have to face reality before healing commences.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 22, 2014 02:34PM
Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordon,
>
> Any doctor worth his weight in gold would
> congratulate you, but would also caution you not
> to substitute items for physical and psychological
> well being. It's up to you, but have you visited a
> GI and psychiatrist yet?
>
> These are good first steps, especially on the job
> front, but you have to face reality before healing
> commences.
I hope you face explosive diarrhea, or passing volleyballs out of your ass.
Gordo is happy about something, can you let the man have some fun in the sun without your rude comments.
Wonder why no one absolutely no one likes you?
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordon,
>
> Any doctor worth his weight in gold would
> congratulate you, but would also caution you not
> to substitute items for physical and psychological
> well being. It's up to you, but have you visited a
> GI and psychiatrist yet?
>
> These are good first steps, especially on the job
> front, but you have to face reality before healing
> commences.
I hope you face explosive diarrhea, or passing volleyballs out of your ass.
Gordo is happy about something, can you let the man have some fun in the sun without your rude comments.
Wonder why no one absolutely no one likes you?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 23, 2014 07:01AM
Those foods are NOT bowel friendly, especially that cake, that would result in catapulting a shit of aircraft carrier proportions.
This thread serves a purpose, as 10% of Americans have bowel problems. Perhaps you are in denial, but one day that Constitution of yours will betray you. Its like an act of adultery, although brown in color.
I think 370 has been found. No underwater submersibles are needed, just a CAT scan.
This thread serves a purpose, as 10% of Americans have bowel problems. Perhaps you are in denial, but one day that Constitution of yours will betray you. Its like an act of adultery, although brown in color.
I think 370 has been found. No underwater submersibles are needed, just a CAT scan.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: April 23, 2014 08:05AM
I am feeling abused by what you native born Americans call photo bombing. This has helped me. I'm not alone. That others go with these problems is a good relief. Are you sure you are not one of my former abusive co workers?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 23, 2014 11:53AM
Gordo you are among friends, for the most part here. Brothers in bowel, the Brown Brigade.
I agree with you, whether regular folks or Dr. Stinky Finger, we are much like the untouchable caste in India.
It's sad but true. Our families, co-workers, and so many others turn their noses at us. Yet we fight on.
Right now I feel like a fifty pound bag of cement is in my belly.
This one is going to be harsh.
I agree with you, whether regular folks or Dr. Stinky Finger, we are much like the untouchable caste in India.
It's sad but true. Our families, co-workers, and so many others turn their noses at us. Yet we fight on.
Right now I feel like a fifty pound bag of cement is in my belly.
This one is going to be harsh.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gagafan
()
Date: April 23, 2014 02:56PM
Cabbage lmao
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 24, 2014 03:37PM
Cabbage, are you mad sir?
Unless you want Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the same time, that's not really a good food for ones bowels.
Emperor Hirohito would roll in his grave, if this idea was put into action.
Unless you want Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the same time, that's not really a good food for ones bowels.
Emperor Hirohito would roll in his grave, if this idea was put into action.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 29, 2014 11:15AM
I'm out of the hospital. Where is everyone else at? Have their bowels somehow miraculously been cured, or is everyone else under the cold and sadistic treatment of physicians, nurses, and blood sucking phlebotomists?
I had to do "in house" cleaning. It was not pretty. Let's just say it was something like "Little Shop of Horrors".
Every conceivable piece of medicinal equipment was employed, and to the layperson, it would be both a more brown and stinky versio of the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
It's good to be at home, and some of these prescriptions have awful side effects.
I had to do "in house" cleaning. It was not pretty. Let's just say it was something like "Little Shop of Horrors".
Every conceivable piece of medicinal equipment was employed, and to the layperson, it would be both a more brown and stinky versio of the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
It's good to be at home, and some of these prescriptions have awful side effects.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Black Undies
()
Date: April 29, 2014 12:49PM
Shit!!! Fuck you!!!!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: April 29, 2014 06:34PM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm out of the hospital. Where is everyone else
> at? Have their bowels somehow miraculously been
> cured, or is everyone else under the cold and
> sadistic treatment of physicians, nurses, and
> blood sucking phlebotomists?
>
> I had to do "in house" cleaning. It was not
> pretty. Let's just say it was something like
> "Little Shop of Horrors".
>
> Every conceivable piece of medicinal equipment was
> employed, and to the layperson, it would be both a
> more brown and stinky versio of the original
> Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
>
> It's good to be at home, and some of these
> prescriptions have awful side effects.
Bloomy, your news is distressing, but I can tell you, I've been there done that, and I've got the brown stained T shirt.
For all the spotlights, laser beams, Louisville Slugger sized cameras, tubes, probes, fingers, thumbs, hands and fists I've had up my ass for the past twenty years, all I have to show is a swollen colon and a perchant to pass impossibly and preposterously sized bowel movements.
Hang in there, Bloomsy, you've got friends here.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm out of the hospital. Where is everyone else
> at? Have their bowels somehow miraculously been
> cured, or is everyone else under the cold and
> sadistic treatment of physicians, nurses, and
> blood sucking phlebotomists?
>
> I had to do "in house" cleaning. It was not
> pretty. Let's just say it was something like
> "Little Shop of Horrors".
>
> Every conceivable piece of medicinal equipment was
> employed, and to the layperson, it would be both a
> more brown and stinky versio of the original
> Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
>
> It's good to be at home, and some of these
> prescriptions have awful side effects.
Bloomy, your news is distressing, but I can tell you, I've been there done that, and I've got the brown stained T shirt.
For all the spotlights, laser beams, Louisville Slugger sized cameras, tubes, probes, fingers, thumbs, hands and fists I've had up my ass for the past twenty years, all I have to show is a swollen colon and a perchant to pass impossibly and preposterously sized bowel movements.
Hang in there, Bloomsy, you've got friends here.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 30, 2014 07:38AM
Appreciated BEH. You are not kidding, because I feel as if I've been sodomized by the medical community this past week.
Today is a follow up appointment, and as you know, its a "Fire in the Sky" alien body check in many regards.
Even animals used to test cosmetics, are treated with more respect. The white shirts of nurses and a doctor with perversions, its going to be a rough one today.
Today is a follow up appointment, and as you know, its a "Fire in the Sky" alien body check in many regards.
Even animals used to test cosmetics, are treated with more respect. The white shirts of nurses and a doctor with perversions, its going to be a rough one today.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: April 30, 2014 10:53AM
To those crying about the failed "inhumane" execution in Oklahoma, 43 minutes really is not that big of a deal.
Trade that for shots that need "falling rocks" warning signs.
As usual the cold prison like experience at the doctor was what I expected.
Forms to fill out, uncomfortable chairs, sociopathic receptionist.
The doctor of course was ice cold, and shoved just about every conceivable apparatus up my rectum. I feel violated, and he's going to regret asking for a stool sample. Here's your basketball. Get that in that small cup moron.
Trade that for shots that need "falling rocks" warning signs.
As usual the cold prison like experience at the doctor was what I expected.
Forms to fill out, uncomfortable chairs, sociopathic receptionist.
The doctor of course was ice cold, and shoved just about every conceivable apparatus up my rectum. I feel violated, and he's going to regret asking for a stool sample. Here's your basketball. Get that in that small cup moron.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Mr Brown Underwear
()
Date: April 30, 2014 01:09PM
OK so you had a bad day? Sorry to hear that!
You could be incontinent! How about wearing Depends? Diapers aren't just for babies. I would trade my problem for yours in no time. Quit whining!
You could be incontinent! How about wearing Depends? Diapers aren't just for babies. I would trade my problem for yours in no time. Quit whining!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
vre33w
()
Date: May 01, 2014 06:30AM
.
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 01, 2014 10:24AM
Mr Brown, in the name of unity amongst the bowel trodden I am sorry, but we have bad plumbing in common.
We need to wave the brown banner unified, and stick together.
Now to drop off the 777 everyone is looking for.
We need to wave the brown banner unified, and stick together.
Now to drop off the 777 everyone is looking for.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 02, 2014 07:02AM
If my colon could talk, I believe it would say God save the queen.
Her tiara went through my lower and upper intestines, and the amount of blood would make Dracula excited.
My rear end is going to need ice, witch hazel, and a lot of TLC.
Her tiara went through my lower and upper intestines, and the amount of blood would make Dracula excited.
My rear end is going to need ice, witch hazel, and a lot of TLC.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: May 02, 2014 10:03AM
America is not like Slovakia. There if you take your car to be cleaned often you get a discount. Here they charge extra. $150 for steam cleaning my new Fiesta is too much. This cost is not needed now.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onionw
()
Date: May 02, 2014 03:08PM
Gordo! Glad you are here and even our cars get no respect.
In Slovakia, are the foods more bowel friendly?
Be back later, got to drop off something much larger then a compact car.
In Slovakia, are the foods more bowel friendly?
Be back later, got to drop off something much larger then a compact car.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Bowel Shakerd
()
Date: May 02, 2014 03:47PM
I'm not gay. Think of it as a public service.
Here is my fist. It will dislodge all of it
Here is my fist. It will dislodge all of it
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 02, 2014 05:04PM
Bowel Shakerd Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm not gay. Think of it as a public service.
>
> Here is my fist. It will dislodge all of it
There are no quick fixes when it comes to IBS, my friend.
Believe me, in the name of modern medicine, I've had various protologists entire arms immersed in my lower digestive system, and there was no collapse of the flood gates to be had.
I doubt if your well meaning fist would have much effect on my jaded schphinkter.
As I type this, I'm reminded that my bowels haven't moved yet this week, and I can feel the construction of an ancient city going on in my colon.
Rome wasn't built in a day, and this massive log jam won't be unlodged without a lot of blood sweat and tears.
And yes, it will take more than a balled hand to cure chronic constipation of such an epic porportion.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm not gay. Think of it as a public service.
>
> Here is my fist. It will dislodge all of it
There are no quick fixes when it comes to IBS, my friend.
Believe me, in the name of modern medicine, I've had various protologists entire arms immersed in my lower digestive system, and there was no collapse of the flood gates to be had.
I doubt if your well meaning fist would have much effect on my jaded schphinkter.
As I type this, I'm reminded that my bowels haven't moved yet this week, and I can feel the construction of an ancient city going on in my colon.
Rome wasn't built in a day, and this massive log jam won't be unlodged without a lot of blood sweat and tears.
And yes, it will take more than a balled hand to cure chronic constipation of such an epic porportion.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 03, 2014 09:25AM
Beh you have my best wishes from the bottom of my bowels. I hope you do not require a midwife or IV line of castor oil.
I agree with you on the fist nonsense. It's further humiliation, and considering the sadistic doctors with big rings, fingers, and watches , this would not help.
I'm thankful for this morning. It was a rare as a Hope Diamond#4.
For once I didn't sound like Stevie Nicks singing 'Silent Night' or the victim of a terrible crime.
I agree with you on the fist nonsense. It's further humiliation, and considering the sadistic doctors with big rings, fingers, and watches , this would not help.
I'm thankful for this morning. It was a rare as a Hope Diamond#4.
For once I didn't sound like Stevie Nicks singing 'Silent Night' or the victim of a terrible crime.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 04, 2014 09:47AM
Don't go in my bathroom. Just don't.
I half expected emergency services to respond, as I cried aloud scarred and wounded for life, and the aroma.
You could light one hundred Yankee candles in there, and the flame would go out. The dead cockroaches and mosquitos are a visual reminder of the rectal based horrors.
It's time to rest this asshole. Obviously its not a high performing unit, but some cooling off time would help.
I half expected emergency services to respond, as I cried aloud scarred and wounded for life, and the aroma.
You could light one hundred Yankee candles in there, and the flame would go out. The dead cockroaches and mosquitos are a visual reminder of the rectal based horrors.
It's time to rest this asshole. Obviously its not a high performing unit, but some cooling off time would help.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 04, 2014 11:44AM
Bloomy, here are some steps you can take to relieve anal discomfort quickly.
Keep the area clean. It’s important to keep the anus clean of any fecal matter, but avoid using soaps that can further irritate sensitive skin. Warm water can work wonders. Try taking a sitz bath, sitting in a shallow tub of warm water for 15 minutes several times a day when the anus is irritated.
Allow the area to air-dry or gently dab with a clean towel rather than rubbing.
Apply a cream or ointment that creates a protective barrier. Protecting your sensitive, sore skin from exposure to feces with a cream barrier can ease anal discomfort and itch.
Sprinkle it with powder. Apply a little dusting of cornstarch or unmedicated talcum powder to the area to keep it comfortable.
Let the air in. Moisture can further irritate the thin skin of the anal area. Wearing loose-fitting clothing and cotton underwear can allow air to circulate, which can be soothing.
Don't wipe with dry toilet tissue. Instead, try a moist towelette that slides along the skin and doesn’t pull at it. Make sure it doesn't contain alcohol, which is drying and can further aggravate skin.
Soothe with a numbing agent. Rubbing in a cream or ointment that contains witch hazel can numb sore hemorrhoids and relieve anal discomfort, while hydrocortisone creams can alleviate anal itch. However, check with your doctor before using these types of creams.
Taking a stool softener can make bowel movements easier to pass while anal fissures and hemorrhoids heal.
Apply an ice pack. Not only will this reduce anal discomfort, it will also help to alleviate the painful swelling of hemorrhoids.
Take a pain reliever. Using an over-the-counter pain-relieving medication, like ibuprofen (Advil) or acetaminophen (Tylenol), can help manage anal discomfort and pain.
Keep the area clean. It’s important to keep the anus clean of any fecal matter, but avoid using soaps that can further irritate sensitive skin. Warm water can work wonders. Try taking a sitz bath, sitting in a shallow tub of warm water for 15 minutes several times a day when the anus is irritated.
Allow the area to air-dry or gently dab with a clean towel rather than rubbing.
Apply a cream or ointment that creates a protective barrier. Protecting your sensitive, sore skin from exposure to feces with a cream barrier can ease anal discomfort and itch.
Sprinkle it with powder. Apply a little dusting of cornstarch or unmedicated talcum powder to the area to keep it comfortable.
Let the air in. Moisture can further irritate the thin skin of the anal area. Wearing loose-fitting clothing and cotton underwear can allow air to circulate, which can be soothing.
Don't wipe with dry toilet tissue. Instead, try a moist towelette that slides along the skin and doesn’t pull at it. Make sure it doesn't contain alcohol, which is drying and can further aggravate skin.
Soothe with a numbing agent. Rubbing in a cream or ointment that contains witch hazel can numb sore hemorrhoids and relieve anal discomfort, while hydrocortisone creams can alleviate anal itch. However, check with your doctor before using these types of creams.
Taking a stool softener can make bowel movements easier to pass while anal fissures and hemorrhoids heal.
Apply an ice pack. Not only will this reduce anal discomfort, it will also help to alleviate the painful swelling of hemorrhoids.
Take a pain reliever. Using an over-the-counter pain-relieving medication, like ibuprofen (Advil) or acetaminophen (Tylenol), can help manage anal discomfort and pain.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 04, 2014 02:07PM
Beh thanks as this one left my derriere in drastic amounts of pain.
It's going to take time fumigating the scene of the crime.
Out of curiousity, is there a place that sells both moist and flushable wipes?
It's going to take time fumigating the scene of the crime.
Out of curiousity, is there a place that sells both moist and flushable wipes?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 04, 2014 06:30PM
Bloomz, Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths are my personal favorite.
When you wash with Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths, you will experience a more confident clean.
Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths feature SafeFlush Technology, so they not only offer you a confident clean but also start to break down immediately after flushing.
When you wash with Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths, you will experience a more confident clean.
Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths feature SafeFlush Technology, so they not only offer you a confident clean but also start to break down immediately after flushing.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Shitstained7864$
()
Date: May 05, 2014 10:25AM
Eat this fuckers fuck you all
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 06, 2014 01:35PM
Oh I wish mine were like that. A true #4 #2. That's the ideal right there.
This morning I shit out Joe Biden, who mentioned something about every convenience store having a person with an Indian accent working there.
India is known for its cuisine, but those of us whom have quivering bowels, that would be a poor choice.
Now hoping my elimination could be like that. If there was a bowel related publication, that would be the centerfold.
This morning I shit out Joe Biden, who mentioned something about every convenience store having a person with an Indian accent working there.
India is known for its cuisine, but those of us whom have quivering bowels, that would be a poor choice.
Now hoping my elimination could be like that. If there was a bowel related publication, that would be the centerfold.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 06, 2014 06:08PM
Oh, I just got goosebumps looking at that turd. I can only imagine the feeling of the effortlessness of that slick log sliding out.
I used to be hopeful that someday taking a dump like the one pictured, on a daily basis.
A refreshing pause instead of anal Armageddon. Relief instead of rectocide.
I'll bet the guy who dropped that gorgeous elimination doesn't spend money on numbing agents, ass napkins, novocaine suppositories or Anti-inflammatory cream.
He's also never cried in vain frustration of the tortures of nature and the indifference and hostility of man.
He'll never hear the taunting words of "advice" thinly veiling hostile ridicule from the public, friends, family, or even his own health provider.
But there are no miracles.
All the lettuce, fisting, or lighted probes won't change that.
I used to be hopeful that someday taking a dump like the one pictured, on a daily basis.
A refreshing pause instead of anal Armageddon. Relief instead of rectocide.
I'll bet the guy who dropped that gorgeous elimination doesn't spend money on numbing agents, ass napkins, novocaine suppositories or Anti-inflammatory cream.
He's also never cried in vain frustration of the tortures of nature and the indifference and hostility of man.
He'll never hear the taunting words of "advice" thinly veiling hostile ridicule from the public, friends, family, or even his own health provider.
But there are no miracles.
All the lettuce, fisting, or lighted probes won't change that.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: May 07, 2014 10:06AM
Fisting, lettuce, and probes shows your level of immaturity.
I am grateful you are not one of my patients.
I am grateful you are not one of my patients.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 07, 2014 12:37PM
Fuck you doctor, take that scope and fuck yourself.
My rear end just dropped what might have been, enough napalm to wipe out all of Vietnam. Lyndon Johnson would be proud. Walter Cronkite, not so much.
I think the most honest man in America had bowel issues.
My rear end just dropped what might have been, enough napalm to wipe out all of Vietnam. Lyndon Johnson would be proud. Walter Cronkite, not so much.
I think the most honest man in America had bowel issues.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorskyp
()
Date: May 07, 2014 01:41PM
I ate three tomatoes last night, and just keep on having to crap. My coworkers who used to be nice are making snide comments abusing me. I cannot help it. Do they not understand how painful this is?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Supporter
()
Date: May 07, 2014 08:15PM
Onion,
Wasn't it you that said for me to be nice to Doc? Now do you realize what an arrogant, self-important, judgmental person he is? lol
Let's all be thankful he isn't one of you'alls doctor!
Wasn't it you that said for me to be nice to Doc? Now do you realize what an arrogant, self-important, judgmental person he is? lol
Let's all be thankful he isn't one of you'alls doctor!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 08, 2014 08:42AM
Support, thanks as I have a love/hate view of Anon Doc. Some of his advice has been decent, yet he very well could have or is my Roto rooter. He has a shitty job, so he should be given a bit of understanding, but I don't like what he said to Beh. Plus he's been mean to Gordo.
Maybe my reaction was too strong, but the creature being brewed right now, is something out of a horror movie. I hope your bowels are okay.
Maybe my reaction was too strong, but the creature being brewed right now, is something out of a horror movie. I hope your bowels are okay.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 08, 2014 04:49PM
Supporter, thanks for chiming in. Looks like we found the one sympathetic person in the whole world. You're appreciated.
Bloomy, hostility comes with the territory when you've got IBS.
My Ano Recto guy is no Albert Schwietzer, but you're right Bloomz Man, count your blessing Anon Doc isn't your insurance mandated rectum reviewer.
Bloomy, hostility comes with the territory when you've got IBS.
My Ano Recto guy is no Albert Schwietzer, but you're right Bloomz Man, count your blessing Anon Doc isn't your insurance mandated rectum reviewer.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 09, 2014 12:47PM
The navy claims the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier was retired, but I must disagree.
Simply put a gallon of castor oil would have been a placebo.
Passing the part that held the bridge and anchors, the bulkheads I believe was a very painful process.
The good news is I got promoted to rear admiral.
Simply put a gallon of castor oil would have been a placebo.
Passing the part that held the bridge and anchors, the bulkheads I believe was a very painful process.
The good news is I got promoted to rear admiral.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: May 10, 2014 11:16AM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The navy claims the USS Enterprise aircraft
> carrier was retired, but I must disagree.
>
> Simply put a gallon of castor oil would have been
> a placebo.
>
> Passing the part that held the bridge and anchors,
> the bulkheads I believe was a very painful
> process.
>
> The good news is I got promoted to rear admiral.
You are not a good advocate for patients with intestinal related health concerns. Your write ups hurt decent people like Gordon, along with millions of Americans. You should think before you type.
-------------------------------------------------------
> The navy claims the USS Enterprise aircraft
> carrier was retired, but I must disagree.
>
> Simply put a gallon of castor oil would have been
> a placebo.
>
> Passing the part that held the bridge and anchors,
> the bulkheads I believe was a very painful
> process.
>
> The good news is I got promoted to rear admiral.
You are not a good advocate for patients with intestinal related health concerns. Your write ups hurt decent people like Gordon, along with millions of Americans. You should think before you type.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 11, 2014 09:27AM
Doctor, and you call yourself an advocate by jamming your fingers/ various apparatus up my ass.
Have you been in contact with the Cleveland Browns, or have started a turn the White House brown for IBS awareness? I bet the answer is nope.
Have you been in contact with the Cleveland Browns, or have started a turn the White House brown for IBS awareness? I bet the answer is nope.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 12, 2014 01:52AM
I'm thinking Anon Doc has lost his license to practice.
A real working doctor has no time to harass victims of disease.
His arrogance and bitterness give him away.
A real working doctor has no time to harass victims of disease.
His arrogance and bitterness give him away.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 12, 2014 08:14AM
you could be right he does seem to be angry.
Then again I'm sure with his personality, plus that stinky finger he is not popu.lar at parties
Now off to drop off a load
Then again I'm sure with his personality, plus that stinky finger he is not popu.lar at parties
Now off to drop off a load
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 12, 2014 03:06PM
It was a false alarm earlier. That's what I wish people would comprehend. That is the false positives of this condition.
Bowel betrayal. I made a most dreadful mistake, by combining Tippy Tacos enchilada dinner, with those frozen food Smuckers peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
That was messy, large, and a stinky heap.
Bowel betrayal. I made a most dreadful mistake, by combining Tippy Tacos enchilada dinner, with those frozen food Smuckers peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
That was messy, large, and a stinky heap.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Supporter
()
Date: May 12, 2014 07:51PM
Blooming Onion---seriously! Anon Doc is right! How DARE you?!?!?!
I think someone should check on Gordo, cuz he might be hurt and crying because you've been so insensitive!!! He might be bleeding! Call INOVA in Fairfax! They have REAL doctors there!!!
*Taking you over my knee and spanking you!*
hehehe j/k! I couldn't help Anon Doc's ludicrous comment. I think he needs an enema cuz he's so anal.
I think someone should check on Gordo, cuz he might be hurt and crying because you've been so insensitive!!! He might be bleeding! Call INOVA in Fairfax! They have REAL doctors there!!!
*Taking you over my knee and spanking you!*
hehehe j/k! I couldn't help Anon Doc's ludicrous comment. I think he needs an enema cuz he's so anal.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Supporter
()
Date: May 12, 2014 07:53PM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
"...Bowel betrayal. I made a most dreadful mistake,
> by combining Tippy Tacos enchilada dinner, with
> those frozen food Smuckers peanut butter and jelly
> sandwiches..."
Um, ok, dude. You get no sympathy from me on that horrendous eating choice you made! You should know better!
*Taking you over my knee and spanking you.*
Um...sorry, my mind is in the gutter. lol
-------------------------------------------------------
"...Bowel betrayal. I made a most dreadful mistake,
> by combining Tippy Tacos enchilada dinner, with
> those frozen food Smuckers peanut butter and jelly
> sandwiches..."
Um, ok, dude. You get no sympathy from me on that horrendous eating choice you made! You should know better!
*Taking you over my knee and spanking you.*
Um...sorry, my mind is in the gutter. lol
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 13, 2014 08:22AM
Supporter like you I'm concerned about Gordo. He and his bowels, let's hope he has not imploded. Th at hot air balloon accident reminds me of our friend.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 13, 2014 08:25AM
You might not want to put me on your knee and splat me. I cannot be held liable for any brown contents under pressure making a surprise appearance.
That was a bad decision on my part. Still contending with brown leftovers that have caked over.
That was a bad decision on my part. Still contending with brown leftovers that have caked over.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Supporter
()
Date: May 13, 2014 08:57AM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You might not want to put me on your knee and
> splat me. I cannot be held liable for any brown
> contents under pressure making a surprise
> appearance.
>
Eeeewwwwww! OK! Learned my lesson to shut the heck up! local
Yep, poor Gordo. As if he doesn't have enough crap at work. Just as the world turns, the bum still burns.
Carry on, soldiers!
-------------------------------------------------------
> You might not want to put me on your knee and
> splat me. I cannot be held liable for any brown
> contents under pressure making a surprise
> appearance.
>
Eeeewwwwww! OK! Learned my lesson to shut the heck up! local
Yep, poor Gordo. As if he doesn't have enough crap at work. Just as the world turns, the bum still burns.
Carry on, soldiers!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Black Undies
()
Date: May 13, 2014 09:48AM
Bunch Of Leaky Shitty Fucks
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 14, 2014 11:30AM
I'm not sure about being a good soldier.
If only our 31 feet of intestines had taste buds too.
Here's to ice packs and witch hazel.
If only our 31 feet of intestines had taste buds too.
Here's to ice packs and witch hazel.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 16, 2014 10:24AM
After dropping that one, I'm embarrassed to see my neighbors again.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: May 17, 2014 07:47AM
I am frustrated. This morning my stomach started hurting, but not badly. At route 50 and 29 I crashed my Fiesta after explosive diarrhea. The seats are a mess and the tow truck driver put on rubber gloves. I'm embarrassed and tired of this.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 18, 2014 07:41AM
My God, Gordorsky, this is awful news. Are you ok?
I am shamed by you, for feeling so sorry for my own anal agony.
At least severe chronic constipation does not result in the uncontrolable , unpredictable and unstopable fecal explosions that you experience.
As a brother in brown, I join your hand (after being washed of course) in solidarity for a solid bowel movement.
I am shamed by you, for feeling so sorry for my own anal agony.
At least severe chronic constipation does not result in the uncontrolable , unpredictable and unstopable fecal explosions that you experience.
As a brother in brown, I join your hand (after being washed of course) in solidarity for a solid bowel movement.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 18, 2014 07:44AM
Gordo, glad to hear from you, and sorry about that experience. Remember you are not alone.
Yesterday I gave birth to a log of epic proportions. Seriously I would have appreciated an epidural.
I thrashed around, heaving and hollering.
Now to have the grandkids over, and hoping there won't be a sequel.
Yesterday I gave birth to a log of epic proportions. Seriously I would have appreciated an epidural.
I thrashed around, heaving and hollering.
Now to have the grandkids over, and hoping there won't be a sequel.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: May 21, 2014 12:02PM
Another hospital visit with minimal physical damage. That is surprising considering I had to basically shit out a basketball through a garden hose.
As usual the medical staff was indifferent to my needs, and a day at home is good. Glad to be back after days of probes and blood tests.
As usual the medical staff was indifferent to my needs, and a day at home is good. Glad to be back after days of probes and blood tests.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: May 23, 2014 06:39PM
I was having a nice dinner at Noodles and Company. Bad mistake as I shit my pants. Their manager didn't need to yell at me. He should apologize.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: May 23, 2014 08:32PM
Processed wheat products, Godorsky!
Oh, the gluten!
Sorry to scold, but you should know better!
Oh, the gluten!
Sorry to scold, but you should know better!