Off-Topic :
Fairfax Underground
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
It would behoove you, to accept that the general population, is not going to be sympathetic. While discussing health related issues is fine, there are more acceptable places for write ups of this nature on the web.
Everyone is talking about the angelic white snow, but in my quarters its brown.
So glad to see some fine stools here though. I don't have my reading glasses on, but those appear to be exceptional eliminations. I hope you all are safe today, its time to once again hit the head.
My day has been pure agony. I think we should have a fujita scale for abdominal pains. This ones an F5, and would make Helen Hunt scream, this is far worse than the movie tornado.
Whatever is brewing, I don't think I'm wrong about this, is going to be a brown gelatin and mucous covered monster.
I'm not sure if anything's going to help this late in the game. Sweat production has increased, and my stomach is mush.
Trent Dilfer Wrote:
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> Priobiotics are a cure take Align
Stupid commentary such as this, is why I look forward to retirement.
Probiotics, at least numerous studies, show the potential to ward off unhealthy bacterias. Yet notice potential. Until more work is done by NIH and universities its far too early to make such assertions.
Do I recommend them? It's up to each patient, because while I don't see any harm because the FDA considers them safe, they are not a cure.
Write ups like this frustrate physicians and those who suffer from IBS. Such blanket statements are not helpful.
That snow has been shoveled. I'm exhausted and hope for no abdominal surprises.
It's amazing how the word shit can be used for snow and shoveling. My neighbors said they were tired as shit. My response was simple, imagine how my bowels feel. I'm tired of this shit was another term used, but snow is pretty, doesn't stink, and goes away.
I'm pooped. Here's to a day free of bowel issues.
It's good to see our normally shitty doctor on our side for once.
WP, probiotics for those of us with IBS, would do zilch.
While it may have not been an Everest, it was certainly Kilimanjaro in size, and the splash in the bowl was not too much unlike the explosive collapse of
Krakatoa.
Exhausted from pain and fear, I made an ass napkin from Preperation H medicated towellettes, and am currently recovering in bed , awaiting the next immoveable object to form in my colon.
I will light a candle for your lower posterior exterior, albeit with my ass facing away from any fire related materials.
Your tale of woe has a silver lining. I'm going to check with churches in regards to support. Many congregations have an annual "blessing of the animals,"so a "blessing of the bowels" should be quite normal by comparison.
Most members of said congregations are older, so they are keenly aware of our plight. As soon as I find such a place I will post it here, because our bowels need spiritual intervention.
aq221 Wrote:
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> i just had a wonderful dump this morning. no
> strain everything just flowed perfect and feel
> very empty. no much for cleanup either
>
> today will be yet another wonderful day
AQ, so glad to hear, and while sympathetic to beh, I join you today in a delightful defecation. There wasn't the usual half roll of toilet paper needed, it truly was a #4 #2.
My hope is sanitation workers will admire my work of art, sponsored by a ton of fiber.
IBS-tards Wrote:
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> > and Pork N Beans
>
> What kind of complete IBS-tard would eat pork and
> beans!!!
Repeat what Pope Francis said, "who am I to judge?"
If you have A rated bowels I extend my well intended congrats, but for those of us who have to bite on fanbelts when shitting, you find what works.
I'm frustrated. It's not my bowels this time, as the foods I ate were agreeable.
Rather its the canned responses I'm getting from the Cleveland Browns. My guess is they don't want to do it. They don't want to support those with IBS, nor do they want their brown flag used as a symbol.
They are a shitty team, so maybe its time to find another battle flag.
A awful morning. I'm tired. Last night I drove by Freddys and could not resist the smell of burgers cooking. It was stupid. To have A burger and ice cream, I couldn't go to work today. My diarrhea has been not stopping. Don't know what to do to stop it but won't eat that again. It was my fault.
A campfire for IBS. Let's see no smores but bland foods. We are capable of that at home, where we find a mixture of relief and misery.
I don't like to crap anywhere except my toilet. Years ago many joked that Mario Cuomo never went far from NY, because he didn't want to sleep in a bed other than his own. I feel the same way about my groan throne.
It's an industrial strength commode, so obviously its not going to win environmental accolades. I need that strong gallon guzzling flush, because getting my loads through the hole requires effort.
I hope everyones afternoon is okay, my abdominal area is telling me tonight might not go as planned. Going to have something to bite on, along with warning my neighbors to avoid calling the authorities regardless of the screaming.
Blooming Onion Wrote:
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> That's very on topic, and I'm impressed by your
> having the courage, the werewithal to try it
> again.
Repeated my meals from over the holidays (baconator for lunch, with KFC original recipe for dinner) this past Saturday, but (butt?) to no avail. Two subsequent movements of my bowels were of a rather ordinary, albeit still fetid, aroma. My mind races with questions such as whether my beverage of choice for each meal was the culprit, or some other unknown environmental factor was the cause of the prior ungodly stench.
Dc just the idea of combining those foods makes my bowels scream.
I'm glad yours appear to be made of Teflon.
As for the aroma, combining those fast foods, the bacteria and mucous produced from artificial sources, that's why your bathroom has a biohazard sign on it.
vre33w Wrote:
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> birds use the same brown starfish for taking a dmp
> and reproduction but yet its taboo for me to do
> anal
>
> double standards
I'm not sure IBS and anal sex have anything in common except for feces.
To each their own, but bowels are sensitive parts of our anatomy.
vre33w Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> birds use the same brown starfish for taking a dmp
> and reproduction but yet its taboo for me to do
> anal
>
> double standards
I was correct, only a matter of time before these write ups deteriorated to this level.
Anal sex, whether male or female is unhealthy and can lead to numerous diseases and potential prolapse.
Mr Brown Underwear Wrote:
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> I sit here in shit filled depends, is that good
> enough for you asshole? If diets worked I wouldnt
> be wearing adult diapers. Fuck you asshole!
Michelle Obama is to be admired, because she had the courage, to stand up to the corrupt food industry. Her work has led to tighter food restrictions, that will not only help your bowels but other areas.
Think about it, our nation has an obesity epidemic. For those with IBS, I'm willing to bet those with this are fatter than those who don't have it.
When you eat sugar, fattening foods, and laboratory designed items, IBS and other health issues will appear
Thank you Mrs Obama, for showing us the road to health and nutrition.
I'm going to describe last night, so diet sense and anyone against the brown, will fully comprehend the pains my bowels have been pushed to. You should at least emphasize with this, because as chances would have it, one of your family members or friends contend with bowel issues.
Last night I was sitting in my living room, watching the Olympics, and eating cardboard tasting yet "safe" snacks. It felt good, and I was happy rooting for the athletes. All of a sudden my abdominal area seemed to hold a anvil that weighed thousands of pounds. Sweat came out of all my pores, and I literally faced extreme g forces just getting off of my couch.
Almost crawling to my bathroom, I grabbed hold of the groan throne, and hoisted myself upon it. The pain was immense, as the midwife reminded me to breathe between contractions. My screaming got so loud, that the twenty amigos who live next door thought it was an ICE raid or civil war like what happened in El Salvador years ago.
I cried out like a wounded animal. Doctors and a crash cart were brought in to give me fluids, as I toiled for hours. For all of this pain my hole was left a gaping mess, and looked like a garage bay that you see when your car is repaired. The combination of blood and mucous took hours to stop. If people didn't know better, one would think it was a crime scene.
That Bemis industrial strength toilet earned its stripes. I'm thinking about sending their employees and the clean up crew from servapro a thank you note. I might have someone bake cookies for my neighbors, as they have to see Biohazard teams in the neighborhood. My rear end can't take much more of these basketball sized shits.
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm going to describe last night, so diet sense
> and anyone against the brown, will fully
> comprehend the pains my bowels have been pushed
> to. You should at least emphasize with this,
> because as chances would have it, one of your
> family members or friends contend with bowel
> issues.
>
> Last night I was sitting in my living room,
> watching the Olympics, and eating cardboard
> tasting yet "safe" snacks. It felt good, and I was
> happy rooting for the athletes. All of a sudden my
> abdominal area seemed to hold a anvil that weighed
> thousands of pounds. Sweat came out of all my
> pores, and I literally faced extreme g forces just
> getting off of my couch.
>
> Almost crawling to my bathroom, I grabbed hold of
> the groan throne, and hoisted myself upon it. The
> pain was immense, as the midwife reminded me to
> breathe between contractions. My screaming got so
> loud, that the twenty amigos who live next door
> thought it was an ICE raid or civil war like what
> happened in El Salvador years ago.
>
> I cried out like a wounded animal. Doctors and a
> crash cart were brought in to give me fluids, as I
> toiled for hours. For all of this pain my hole was
> left a gaping mess, and looked like a garage bay
> that you see when your car is repaired. The
> combination of blood and mucous took hours to
> stop. If people didn't know better, one would
> think it was a crime scene.
>
> That Bemis industrial strength toilet earned its
> stripes. I'm thinking about sending their
> employees and the clean up crew from servapro a
> thank you note. I might have someone bake cookies
> for my neighbors, as they have to see Biohazard
> teams in the neighborhood. My rear end can't take
> much more of these basketball sized shits.
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> After that, perhaps the team could use my
> defecations for basketballs.
>
> I'm not sure how well they bounce, but the stench
> alone would keep their opponents away from the
> ball.
my dump just a few moments ago was like peanut butter, even sort of tasted like it
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm going to describe last night, so diet sense
> and anyone against the brown, will fully
> comprehend the pains my bowels have been pushed
> to. You should at least emphasize with this,
> because as chances would have it, one of your
> family members or friends contend with bowel
> issues.
>
> Last night I was sitting in my living room,
> watching the Olympics, and eating cardboard
> tasting yet "safe" snacks. It felt good, and I was
> happy rooting for the athletes. All of a sudden my
> abdominal area seemed to hold a anvil that weighed
> thousands of pounds. Sweat came out of all my
> pores, and I literally faced extreme g forces just
> getting off of my couch.
>
> Almost crawling to my bathroom, I grabbed hold of
> the groan throne, and hoisted myself upon it. The
> pain was immense, as the midwife reminded me to
> breathe between contractions. My screaming got so
> loud, that the twenty amigos who live next door
> thought it was an ICE raid or civil war like what
> happened in El Salvador years ago.
>
> I cried out like a wounded animal. Doctors and a
> crash cart were brought in to give me fluids, as I
> toiled for hours. For all of this pain my hole was
> left a gaping mess, and looked like a garage bay
> that you see when your car is repaired. The
> combination of blood and mucous took hours to
> stop. If people didn't know better, one would
> think it was a crime scene.
>
> That Bemis industrial strength toilet earned its
> stripes. I'm thinking about sending their
> employees and the clean up crew from servapro a
> thank you note. I might have someone bake cookies
> for my neighbors, as they have to see Biohazard
> teams in the neighborhood. My rear end can't take
> much more of these basketball sized shits.
What? You called an ambalance? And then a plumbing company? I think you're full of shit.
I have called an ambulance before, but that was for a fecal impaction. I don't think the paramedics enjoyed the view or the ride, but they signed up for that shit.
You are taking this event literally, the language employed was to provide imagery of what my struggle down below is about.
My hero, if you had followed her advice, you most likely would not have suffered. The First Lady is the best American, and her Let's Move Campaign and recipe plans are brilliant. I wake up every morning happy for what her program is doing, cutting weight and eliminating unhealthy diets.
People that eat fast food or fattening items, I'm not surprised you have bowel problems like this.
For more information on Mrs. Obama's diet plan, Whitehouse.gov
Diet Sense Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My hero, if you had followed her advice, you most
> likely would not have suffered. The First Lady is
> the best American, and her Let's Move Campaign and
> recipe plans are brilliant. I wake up every
> morning happy for what her program is doing,
> cutting weight and eliminating unhealthy diets.
>
> People that eat fast food or fattening items, I'm
> not surprised you have bowel problems like this.
>
> For more information on Mrs. Obama's diet plan,
> Whitehouse.gov
So you love FLOTUS, fantastic. Yet our digestive issues aren't cookie cutter fixed.
My insides feel like an accordion, as feces is certainly pressing down, for its inevitable proof of gravity.
The 31 feet of intestines are being severely tested. My concern is that I don't need a crash cart for this upcoming bowel movement. Here's to hoping stomach acids and mucous are up for this shit.
I'm worrying which isn't good if you have IBS. Let this brown matter pass and with less than expected pain.
Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The work place is full of harassment once again.
> My desk was smeared with peanut butter. It's time
> for HR
People, Gordo has come here for support, so let's not give him any shit. We must get behind him.
Last night I had another rude awakening. Apparently I had a placenta after that garantulan.Shit that I had the other day.
The after birth wasn't as painful, but the stench, that's not going away anytime soon. There was some slight bleeding too, and I'm grateful for Tucks pads this morning.
Today I plan on my day off, of eating nothing but squas and colon cleaners. The goal is to take a dump, but a less painful more mushy deposit.
BEH, that should provide assistance to your asshole. I do hope you'll switch to plain water in lieu of coffee.
That will increase intestinal mucous, lubricant for your bowels.
Maybe lighting a fine smelling Yankee candle and playing soothing music of Bach in your bathroom, will increase the odds in your favor. If not turn it up so loud, that the neighbors you have will not be presented with screams associated with water boarding.
I admit, sometimes it is fun to mix certain foods and wait for a memorable discharge.
However, some of us have to be very careful.
Me, too many solid protiens will start up the concrete factory in the colon.
My schphinkter will ammass a logjam of biblical porportions if I'm not careful.
What I eat can make the difference between snapping off my fingernails in the bathroom walls or enjoying the view of a vegetable packed, kaleidoscopic , easy to pass turd.
I will admit to a unique experience the other day though. For whatever reason, I was lazy, and made the mistake of eating an entire box of Smucker's P+J frozen sandwiches.
About eight hours of brewing time, led to a dump of elephant proportions. While I don't suffer like some here appear to, it did take considerable effort to launch that one off.
This is why IBS is so frustrating. The pain is bad enough, but its unpredictable nature reared its ugly head.
I was just about to start the car, head into work, when it struck. My stomach felt as if an anvil was sitting in it.
Sure enough I dropped a shit the size of an air craft carrier. The USS Browncap has been deployed, although I sit at home with a Epsom salt bath planned.
Unreal that I have to go through so much shit. To make an appointment with my asshole doctor who is one I have to speak to his asshole scheduling assistant.
They are getting me in later today, but its a pain in the ass to deal with them.
After that huge brown matter splashdown, and the pain, I want to make sure the tunnel wall wasn't damaged.
I thank you for your support. This has not been easy. You are right about foods. These should not be eaten. The problem is I want them. My workplace is a disaster. Now the Mr Poopy Pants signs are back. I also have a date this week. I have no idea what to tell her. We are out for dinner and I'm scared. A lot of time around women I get gassy too when they are gorgeous. Now to get the car steam cleaned and hoping for the best.
Gordo...I really thought this thread was a joke, and to be honest I'm still really not sure. lol
Look, since you can't win with your fucking co-workers, you need to 'get back at them.' I realize it's NO joking matter, really, I do. But seriously, those assholes need to be put in their places!
I don't know what kind of sense of humor you have (again, IBS is NOT funny), but how about putting a sign on your cubicle like...
"Beware! Nuclear radiation alert! STAY OUT!"
"Thank you for your contributions. All items will be donated to ...."
If you beat them at their game first, maybe they'll back off. Of course, I know the importance of going to HR and there are 'rules' in every company. But if they see it no longer bothers you, they might leave you alone.
There's always the chance of it backfiring, but it's worth a shot.
Re: your date ... Can you take something to control the gas so you don't at least fart on your date?
I mean yes, as a single woman I can understand your anxiety. If I were the woman, it would be one date for me if it was 'that bad.' But I would hope that he'd be a good enough guy that, if he explained, I might understand. (If he was a complete freaking jerk off then I wouldn't). By the 2nd date, there's nothing more romantic than giving each other Dutch ovens in bed to out beat the other! lol
But on a side note --- I was on a cruise with my Mom and we'd just come from an excursion and were in a gift shop corner. She warned me she was about to fart cuz she wouldn't make it to the cabin. So I stepped away and heard it. I was surprised the ship didn't capsize. As the air was trying to clear, a couple walked into the little space...and I will leave their reaction to your imagination!!
Anyway, off topic, but Mom has always been ... "Honey is sweeter than vinegar."
I sit here inspired, Gordo should take note. Supporter I enjoyed your commentary very much, and your intelligence is profound. Thank you for being a "bowel buddy," as I sit here with a sore rear end I'm grateful.
Are you single by any chance, because Gordo has had shitty luck to put it mildly. If his date doesn't work out, is there a possibility?
Thank you for your breath of fresh air among this stench. I just got the finger and more then bargained for at the GI's office. In honor of Harold Ramis passing today, there's a excellent chance I'm going to produce a "Slimer" the next go around on the groan throne.
I was prescribed electrolytes that make Gatorade look like water. My doctor wants to increase mucous production. Hoping this works.
I think I caught it!!! I had two small bowls of Life cereal, 20 minutes later in bathroom and several hemmoroids later went to bed with a fever.
I shouldn't have mentioned my mother! lol
Bro's problem is nuts ... and stress. Guaranteed if his shitty assed daughters get rude or stresses him out he gets an attack, and has also spent a few nights in hospital.
But give me Life cereal and I redecorate the bathroom while I ... well, you know.
Are you matchmaker, BO? lol I said that not to be 'out there' but to make a point. Women can be BITCHES!!! Just wanted him to know that some women would understand.
Forgot....Onion, if you're taking electrolytes instead of Gatorade, doesn't that just mean you don't drink enough water???
The GI doc sounds like he just put a band aid on your bum or something. That really must be frustrating.
You'd figure DC would be known for excellent GIs .... hell, we have excellent heart surgeons so why not. (Controlling my ever-so wanted political opinion but keeping mouth shut)
BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I admit, sometimes it is fun to mix certain foods
> and wait for a memorable discharge.
>
> However, some of us have to be very careful.
>
> Me, too many solid protiens will start up the
> concrete factory in the colon.
> My schphinkter will ammass a logjam of biblical
> porportions if I'm not careful.
>
> What I eat can make the difference between
> snapping off my fingernails in the bathroom walls
> or enjoying the view of a vegetable packed,
> kaleidoscopic , easy to pass turd.
Fun to mix certain foods?!
BEH has just revealed himself as the fraud that she is. You expirement with food that you know will fuck up your ass and then come cry about it. What a fucking tard tard. You eat like a fat slob, then bitch cause you can't control what you eat.
Most of these annon posts sound susupiciously similar to BEH's handriting too! Hahahahaha it's all BLEH!!!
of course we want to eat just like everyone else does. You think a recovering addict doesn't crave their poison constantly?
Heroin, alchohol, even gambling, you see other people having fun, and you think aww, just one drink....or in my case a Wendys Triple..just one bet on one game...or how about a mozerella stick?
In fact, the one exposed here is you. You're just another in a long line who want to destroy the integrety of this thread.
It's ok, Blooming Onion, Gordorsky, and all the unnamed sufferers of this malady all stand behind me in brown solidarity.
We're here for each other, not for your ridicule and insults.
Wow, are you pissed that Slovenia wasn't the Gold Olympic medal champ or something??? lol Seriously?!
I know you're referring to BEH (AND I AM NOT NOT BEH!!! Though I am a woman).
FYI....I get your point about eating foods you shouldn't then come here and bitch about it. I pointed that out too. Personally, some of the descriptions and photos gross me out, but it's worth a laugh at times. However, don't trash someone about it! And I NEVER comment in that regard.
If you are a diabetic do you know how HARD it is NOT to eat foods you CAN'T because of your sugar levels? It is very, VERY difficult. If 'we' want to then literally suffer the consequences, then so be it. Others can read it or skip over it.
Keep your damned mouth shut!
OK, I feel better!
Have a good night and ... "May the odds forever be in your favor!"
BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Mr. Supporter, you've raised a significant point.
> There doesn't seem to be many decent GI's in the
> DC area, but the problem goes further than that...............
BEH: I'm Ms. Supporter! lol
Honestly, with the rise in colon cancer I'm really surprised there aren't more specialists re: the bum area. I know it's not IBS, but I wonder if it's related somehow. Mom's father had colon cancer, so who knows if Mom got it from him.
I appreciate your support, Supporter, and just for the record, I'm a male, the heckler from before was attempting humiliation by referring to me as a female.
Which goes to show where his mind is, he torments suffering people and seems to have a low opinion of women.
Be vigilent in your screening, especially considering your family history
I understand perhaps the better known hospitals in the Baltimore area have a higher level of ano-recto care, so 'm going to explore that possibilty .
I suggest you consider a similar plan, I wouldn't let these local hacks approach you with a scope, they're more like tin miners that real doctors.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2014 08:06PM by BEH.
Nah, BEH. He didn't bother me in the least. I was more pissed he went at you. I'll have to learn to keep my mouth shut next time. lol
Yes, Johns Hopkins is a good choice. See if they have any trials going on now.
Oh, my tummy troubles are nothing like y'all are going through, I assure you. It's not daily and it boils down to what I eat ... dairy, fiber ... in excess.
Honestly, BEH, I'm surprised at the level of seriousness on the topic, especially here. I'm sure there are others who don't think this is real (I was/am???) one of them.
But hey, I can relate to a degree, and especially Gordo cuz I had a co-worker that actually farted while I was showing her something on the computer. She apologized but I said nothing. If I had it would have shown a level of immaturity on my part.....thus the a-hole co-workers Gordo is dealing with. God, I'd hate to work there!!!
Supporter, its an honor having you as a bowel buddy, we need more people like you. It's just another part of our anatomy, and people don't mock those who have cardiac issues or persistent migraines.
I've seen everything from Human Centipede debauchery, to exceptional conversations about diet tips and support here. For the most part the brown team is pushing forward, whilst the naysayers are starting to at least show us respect.
Gordo has been through much anguish. As if not dealing with IBS D isn't horrifying itself, what his coworkers do is shitty to say the least. Thank you for having his back, as we are all in this together.
Everyone has bowels, that 31 feet of intestines, and each of us passes gas quite often. 10% of us have IBS.
You should be happy that your stomach is not churning like a Maytag washing machine, with the bored repairman up your ass.
I've had some success with the Metamucil fiber bars. Each one has 5 mg of this, so its roughly 35% of your daily recommended intake.
My last elimination was a joy. Has anyone else had a dark #4 #2 surrounded by a lighter shade of brown wrapped around parts of it? If not full recommend, and minimal wiping was required.
Supporter and Blooming Onion, others I'm sorry if I forget. Thank you. It means a lot. My date is Thursday night. I'm not sure how to tell her. Just take one step at a time. My Yaris got steam cleaned. Also human resources is going to find this person. It's harassment in the work place.I just want to do my work and that's ir.
Gordo, why don't you take her out a few times to let her get to know you before you tell her? If she likes you, she will understand. If not, she's not for you and move on.
You are doing nothing but stressing yourself out.
Do you have a noise-activated camera you can hide on your desk? Hide it somewhere?? Or 'stalk them'....hide somewhere they can't see you and wait them out. There must be a certain time of day they leave stuff?
Someone else MUST know who's doing it?? You know they are bragging to someone. Who are their friends? Would HR be able to question them?
Make some brownies with TONS of laxative in them, leave them on your desk. When a piece is missing RIGHT as you get a gift, and a coworker spends an hour in the bathroom then you have your culprit!!
OK, I wouldn't do it, but hey! It's a thought. lol
I am so happy to state unequivocally, that I will be retiring from my practice next year.
These write-ups are both a disservice to doctors, researchers, and various educational institutions, along with patients whom suffer from an array of bowel related conditions.
Medically speaking, I think you all should seek psychiatric assistance.
anon-Doc....you have done us all a huge favor. Thank you for retiring.
I just have to say, I really hope you don't go into either psychiatry or Gastronology (spelling?) because honestly, you have been utterly and completely unsupportive and taunting your 'holier than thou' attitude the entire thread.
Yes, stress is a trigger for IBS and other lower GI issues, but your preaching of those that suffer seek counseling just shows your lack of skills as a doctor.
And the fact that you even BOTHER to come back here and gives us your BS thoughts is proof that maybe YOU need some counseling as well?