DATELINE ALEXANDRIA VA — Today, Episcopal priest Bob Malm announced completion of the Great Wall of Malm. Designed to keep out terrorists, drug dealers, and human traffickers, the slatted steel fence covers Graceland’s entire western border.

“Trump’s a chump,” said Malm. “He couldn’t do it, but I could. People want MY wall. Concrete, steel slats...who cares? We finally have a great, great beautiful wall. I’m telling you, you’ll be amazed.”

Sugarland Attorney General Jeff Chiow added, “This is an important step towards solving the humanitarian crisis on the border. Our border patrol agents finally have the tools they need.”

“Tool!?! WTF...oh, I thought you were talking about me,” responded Malm.

Stay tuned to WFXU as we continue to cover this breaking story.
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