I was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic as usual at around 8am today; the difference was that I was drinking a protein energy shake. I knew it was a mistake as soon as the diarrhea hit in short, hot spurts. It flooded my underwear and trousers, and I was soon sitting in a small pond of it in my seat. I had to sit in that foulness until I could get off at the next exit to turn around and go home to shower and get Febreze.

When I go to Tippys Taco for lunch, I try to make it home, but sometimes I can’t make it home and I have to stop and release the runny brown stuff on the curb on Lee Hwy.

I had a pretty bland meal last night, no spices or anything. But as soon as the Rachel Maddow show came on, I started shitting globs of diarrhea. Also, why would anyone name a boy Rachel?

I drive a beater to work every day. Years ago, I drilled a hole in the floor under the seat and ran an old vacuum cleaner tube up through the seat. There's a flap for normal use. I can open the flap and attach the hose and shove it up my ass and just shit away. I found that if I'm driving too fast that it bounces up underneath my car. If I stay around 30mph or slower it just hits the road and the undercarriage stays pretty clean.

It only works with diarrhea though. Everything else just clogs up in there and then I have to wash it out with my neighbor's hose after dark when I get home.

^^^This is a genius idea. I used to use the larger Gatorade bottles because the had wide holes, but diarrhea would splash everywhere including my hand. I will have to try this out.

It's time for a majorly SERIOUS dump. You know the kind I mean. The kind that just bubbles & brews in your gut & doubles you over. Then you feel the push & you know it's time. You jump up out of your seat & dash to the stairs undoing your pants as you hurry along.

Of course your belt & zipper are suddenly balky but by the time you make it to the door, they finally come undone. You're hobbling over to the toilet and now your underwear is getting stuck in your pants & it's pushing harder on your clenched asshole. Finally, your pants drop & luckily the seat's down but you can resist no more. As your butt descends to the seat, the crappy torpedoes violently from your bunghole and splashes loudly into the commode.

Your ass is totally soaked as it this on the seat.

Then comes the next wave. It torpedoes just as violently from your bunghole as the first. The water splashes on your ass and through the gap between the seat and the commode and goes all over the floor. Then they come. Those toilet bowl cracking farts that are so loud and smell so bad you know you're going to wake up tomorrow and find a Summons to Court on your door for Creating a Public Nuisance.

Barely able to maintain consciousness, you lift yourself off the commode and survey the melted, steaming and soaked wreckage of what was once a perfectly serviceable toilet. You did the toilet paper, wipe as best as you can then stagger into the shower.

Welp......gotta GO!!!!! IT'S a comin it's acomin it's a pushin it's a forcein!!!!!!

^^^^auto correct sucks deliciously deviant dead donkey dicks

Do you remember when the Metro trains had toilets on them? Me neither, but that didn’t stop me from taking a dump on one in 1987 on the way back from RFK for the Redskins / Steelers preseasons game.

I absolutely adore this thread. Take care of your bowels peeps!

For those of us who served our country, you can relate. Military toilets are more functional than clean. I served the United States by working in the Arby’s on Beauregard Street and we would put Horsey Sauce on everything. It would mess with our bowels - luckily the cleaners were done 30 min before the store opened and we would have lovely clean toilets to empty our colons into.

So basically the shitters were fucked before we even opened the doors, and hand washing was 50/50.

Move to San Fran if you cannot control your lower intestines. When the mood strikes just drop your pants and shit on the street or sidewalk. Its legal there.

^^^This sounds like heaven.

Oh what an error. The Arby's Beef n Cheddar was in the car since lunch yesterday. I'm thinking: it's still good... it was below freezing most of the night...24 hours? Yeah the samwich had been mostly frigerated. And the bong hits I'd done on the way out the door had left me with a fuck case of the munchies. At lunch, I scared the B&C DOWN.

Two hours later on 66, inching toward Chantilly, me stomach began making noise. It sounded like trouble to me. Just in case, I grabbed a flat rubber floor mat and put it between me and the car seat.

OMG just in time!

When the wave of diarrhea hit, I had to pull off the road. The first series of darts were loud long and wet.

Suddenly, my guts Belcher forth violent torrents of the worst smelling liquid shit. It speed from my ads with such force, when it hit the rubber floor mat, it was somehow channeled up onto the drivers side window! The streams of shit were pooling on the floor of the car, but the torrents kept coming.

The stench was so bad I rolled from the car into the drive lane as I hurled chunks. A candy-striper behind me pulled over to help, but fainted as she drew closer. I gathered myself together and drove to a car wash where I tipped them, like, ten bucks.

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San Francisco? How about Falls Church last year.
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shitting where you like Wrote:
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> San Francisco? How about Falls Church last year.

It's what we wish for in this lovely tiny enclave of NOVA.