Total scam...

This dude was blowing up my phone all day, leaving no voice mail. I finally picked it up and after a long pause, a man who sounded like Apu on The Simpsons said, "Yes, I am calling from Windows about the problems you are having with your security settings. Please sit down in front of your computer and I will walk you through fixing the problem..."

Without missing a beat I said, "I don't own a personal computer..."

And he hung up.

I kept one of them on the phone for nearly two hours by acting really, really, really dumb.

I finally told him I had a Mac. I'm assuming what followed was swearing in some Indian language. Then he said I had wasted his time and I would have to pay. I told him to stop by and collect some curry.

A friend of mine had one going by saying she could not find the ANY key.

Hit ANY key.

Which key? I don't see an ANY key.

Yes, any key, just hit it.

But how if I can't find it?

Not a special key, any key.

The special key or the any key? I'm confused.

etc.

There's a pretty good version of this on YouTube--dude keeps 'em going for a while; favorite line is when the scammer says "What do you see on front of your monitor?" and he says "My cup of coffee". Throughout, he calls the dude "ma'am"; finally he managers to get transferred to a "supervisor", who figures out that he's being messed with and calls the guy an asshole.

Write down everything they tell you to do. But DO NOT DO IT.

At some point they will ask you what you see. You say something like "a bunch of circles bouncing around" and the guy will have no clue.

If you do something obvious they will catch on, but if you act befuddled they will go on and on. It is the only way to deal with them, they will take you off the list as a retarded timewaster.