I used to work at a grocery store for this huge dickhead white guilt liberal who claimed he was tolerant but hated pretty much everyone. I think he was a closeted psychopath or at least sociopath but that's another story. So he used to give me shit all of the time so I fucked with his store. I used to poke holes in the vacuum sealed coffee, poke pinholes in the milk cartons, throw shit on the ceiling, and just straight fuck with the food so the customers yelled at him. I found out years later that the woman who was a surrogate carrying his child because his wife's eggs shriveled up while she put off childbearing too long had a miscarriage after a bad car wreck. I don't think I laughed so hard in years.

This is the One you want..

I have a conviction on my record. Will anyone ever hire me?

Smell my finger.