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Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: I Just Waved To Him And Smiled ()
Date: November 17, 2014 04:09PM

There was quite a sight of some dickhead in a red Jeep today on 66 making a fool of himself yelling and cursing. He should be careful as you never know when acting like that if the guy in the other car is a bit crazier and may have a gun. Given that it was me he was yelling at, I'm not crazier but do have a 9mm in the console with 17 rounds in it. Fortunately, unlike him, I was having good day. The guy was some old white-haired coot, in a blue jacket. If he hadn't run off so fast, I'd have a photo to post here. His boyfriend would be really upset if his bad temper got him hurt as he is driving home for a game of hide the sausage.

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: anonimnyy Rossii ()
Date: November 17, 2014 04:26PM

Most Jeep drivers are complete faggots, look at me im so cool in my POS wrangler.

The most off roading they see is a gravel parking lot.

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: Fixed Float ()
Date: November 17, 2014 04:46PM

Was it a Wrangler or a Grand Cherokee?

I often find the drivers of the Wranglers to be overcompensating douchebags and the drivers of the newer Grand Cherokees to be leasing posers and wannabes.

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: RunsLikeATop ()
Date: November 17, 2014 05:04PM

I'm critical staff at work and have to go in come Hell or high water so I need 4WD. My Cherokee has 200,000 miles and still going strong. I'm also a hunter so off roading is normal for me. When this one gives out I'll buy another one in a flash. Eat your hearts out. Just because somebody acts like an ass in traffic doesn't mean it's because they drive a Jeep.

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: I Just Waved To Him And Smiled ()
Date: November 17, 2014 05:05PM

It was a GC. Kinda old for a poseur. He was more of a geezer.

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: Jeep.Fags. ()
Date: November 17, 2014 09:01PM

You should've given him the faggoty Jeep Wave!


Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: jeep douches ()
Date: November 17, 2014 09:45PM

There's no greater place in the world to see people flip the seasonal switch than in DC. We don't have the harshest winters or the worst summers, but we do have the most devoted fans to the subtle weather changes we do get. The only problem is that we go a little overboard.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I was once the kind of person I’m going to describe below, so don’t get all whiney. This hurts me as much as it’s going to hurt some of you.

My wife sent me a text today reading, “the nice weather welcomes people to roll their windows down and express themselves musically - ps. the dishes aren’t going to wash themselves.” The dish thing isn’t our topic here, but it’s bullshit because I leave them in the sink all the time and somehow they get back into the cabinets without my help. Sometimes it takes a few days, but it happens.

My wife does have a point – the weather gets nice and people roll down their windows and decide whatever they’re listening to is what you should be listening to as well. You learn about people this way. As we noted on Sunday afternoon in Clarendon (where way too many dudes were running with their shirts off and it was barely 70) white males between 25 and 32 driving BMWs like to blast rap as if what Jay-Z says is directly speaking to their soul. Of course, it may not have been Jay-Z, but I wouldn’t know because I stopped listening to rap in the seventh grade (like all of you should have).

By far the worst offenders were the douche bags in Jeeps. Not just any Jeep, we’re talking the Jeep Wranglers that have exploded in popularity since they now offer more amenities than the traditional no heater, no air conditioner and single speaker AM stereo system from back in the day. The tops are easier to remove and replace so they make good winter (4wd) and summer (top down) vehicles – hence the popularity here.

Now, I’m not down on Jeep owners. I had a Jeep for years when I moved up here. My family and I are huge Jeep people who modify them to crawl around on rocks and generally rip shit up. I love me some Jeep. However, I can’t speak for other Jeep owners – they can be assholes and this nice weather has them popping up everywhere.

First of all, anyone who has ridden in a Jeep with the top down knows that it gets pretty cool with the wind rushing through the open cockpit. When it’s 70 outside, it’s 60-65 degrees in the Jeep when it’s on the move. You look a little silly sitting in your jeep in shorts and a tank top with goose bumps all over your arms. People don’t wish to be you, or to ride with you when it’s the cold out. They wish you had worn a jacket or kept your top up because it’s obviously not warm enough for Barbie Beach Jeep weather. Riding around in 30 degree weather with the top off and a parka on = badass. Riding around in 65 degree weather with the top off in flops and shorts = dumbass.

Second, know how to properly roll your top back if you have a soft top. Nothing looks worse than a mess of faux canvas awkwardly bunched up and sticking up too high behind the rear seat. It’s made to nicely fold back into place so that it appears nice and neat. You look like an idiot when you don’t know how to use your Jeep. Also, it’s a commitment to run with your top down, so don’t be a pansy and pack what you took off in the back seat in case it rains. You’ll look more like an idiot trying to put your top back on in front of crowd than you will simply sliding your seat forward or carrying some towels. Worst case – pull into a parking garage or under a bridge. Most importantly – watch the weather forecast. Don’t take your top off it’s going to rain for the next three days.

Third, be aware that the entire world can hear what you are saying or listening to because you fail to adjust your volume when you stop at a light. I learned this the hard way – many times over. Things get pretty loud in a Jeep with not top on it even at only speeds of 20 MPH. You tend to speak louder to compensate if you have friends with you and are likely to turn up the radio as well. When you come to a stop at stoplight, it often doesn’t register to you that your voice, or your radio volume, is still cranked up to a level you can comfortably hear while moving. This can be quite embarrassing.

True story – many times over… So whenever I was out cruising around in my Jeep sans doors and top I’d have the radio up pretty loud. Oh, and since even with my soft top on it was pretty noisy and I’m a douche by nature, I had a pretty good sound system installed. For some reason “Little Red Corvette” by Prince (like I had to tell you how sang that) would come on whenever I was somewhere with lots of stoplights (Wilson Blvd, Constitution, Connecticut come to mind). As my wife will tell you (while rolling her eyes), I love “Little Red Corvette.” However, I didn’t really want the world to know that without really knowing me first. I theorize that my addiction to Prince is somehow more palatable if I get to explain why a guy like me loves a midget like that.

As you can imagine, on more than one occasion (try 20) I slowed to a stop at a light next to a car full of hotties (who writes “hotties?” I *am* a douche) and blaring at concert level was:

“But it was Saturday night I guess that makes it all right And you say, "Baby, have you got enough gas?" Oh yeah.”

Or worse, for those of you intimately familiar with the song and its non-radio version:

“Girl, you got an ass like I never seen, And the ride... I say the ride is so smooth, You must be a limousine!”

There is no way to recover from that. The girls are giggling and the only thing I could ever think to do was turn down volume and say to them “holy shit! My girlfriend must have fallen out – you wanna take her place?” I shit you not – this never worked once… not even close. I know, I’m as surprised as you are.

The other situation was talking too loud with top down and having some chick’s body builder Ninja Navy Seal boyfriend reach into the back of your Jeep and start whacking your buddy with his cinderblock like fist because he announced to the world exactly why he would spank her and for how long he intended to do it. You can crank up “Little Red Corvette” as loud as you want, but it won’t stop some meathead with elbow muscles from raging on your friend with a daddy fetish.

Your own rage at other drivers can also be heard by everyone if you’re not paying attention. Most of the time when you scream at the idiot who cut you off, your windows are up. Nobody can hear you; they can only see you essentially mouthing words. As far as you are concerned, and they’re concerned, you’re saying the most awesomely humiliating thing about them and their driving skills, or lack thereof, ever said. Nobody really knows because nobody can actually hear what you are saying and you’re so mad, you’re not sure what you even said (but you know it was good).

The reality in an open to Jeep is that you pull up to that asshole who cut you off and say “YOU F*CKING SON OF SHIT BURGER ASSHOLE FACE!” All of sudden people waiting to cross the street are pointing and saying “did that guy with Prince blaring on the stereo just call that guy’s mom a shit burger asshole face?” It is then that you know that you have achieved nothing – possibly in your entire life.

So that’s Jeep douche bags, that’s what I have for you. Don’t keep on doing what you’re doing for the sake of your virginity that we all know you likely still have.

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: ^^^ ()
Date: November 17, 2014 10:16PM

Cool story bro. Who's blog did you pull that from?

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: brad kanus ()
Date: November 18, 2014 05:00AM

^^^ Wrote:
> Cool story bro. Who's blog did you pull that from


Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: brad kanus ()
Date: November 18, 2014 05:01AM

Re: Red Jeep on 66
Posted by: Sonny Drysdale ()
Date: November 18, 2014 05:48AM

I'm only amazed the asshole who copy and pasted that shit actually took the time to read it first.

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